Author Topic: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"  (Read 12850 times)

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #225 on: August 06, 2017, 01:26:14 PM »
All better! Just one of those weeks. Letting stress get to you reallly hurts  ;D


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #226 on: August 07, 2017, 01:04:04 AM »
This is something journal worthy. I used to email this one girl a couple years ago. It was one of those almost-dated-but-didn't-actually sort of things. I used to send her my poetry. Anyway, my heart was shredded. Some of the details are probably scattered about in random entries on my journal. So, now, fast forward a couple years. A different girl who has nothing to do with the other one wants to email poetry with me. It feels wrong, like, it's enjoyable, don't get me wrong. It just sort of feels....

like I've been through that before. I got hurt last time. Maybe email poetry isn't the way to go. Who knows? Siiighhhhh........ (I actually did sigh that time haha.)

I think all the years of my heart's abuse won't let me actually have love. I had someone tell me, "It's okay for you to love." and that 'I need to tell myself that'. Love has always let me down, with only a couple exceptions.

It seems like such an oxymoron because I always talk about the healing powers of love vs P, and it's true. It's just hard to find that love in people. 

The bottom line is that a lot of the time, I don't believe in myself. I don't have the confidence to put myself out there in that way. I've never needed to, nor have I wanted to. But gosh, do I feel crippled... stagnated.... in need of someone who 'gets' me. lol.

Not to be a downer. I just had to express this somewhere. I really just don't want to grow attached to have my skeleton kicked out of my skin again. 

I'm still p, m and o free. I personally believe it's only because I'm paralyzed that I haven't caved in. As if I have some sort of righteous cause to enforce my goals... and I do, but I sometimes wonder if those reasons are the ones actually keeping me afloat or if it's for some sort of misguided attempt at avoiding narcissism through some good action to offset the self-centeredness that comes with focusing on your junk.  :P ::)

My father is a narcissist; I never want to be like him. Slander doesn't exactly help my case. I'm not trying to smear-campaign him. I'm only bringing all this up because it's one of the reasons why I've grown up with such a harsh view of relationships. I've talked about their divorce, probably a few times, but I don't think I've ever dove into their personality types and quirks. And I don't think I will. Who would want their dirty laundry aired out? (Oh, me I guess, since this is a public forum. lol) Anyway, they're both angry people. I really don't like how that anger transplants itself onto the children of divorce.

Anway, I'm rambling again.

Work hard for love, guys. Keep it up.




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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #227 on: August 09, 2017, 01:56:50 AM »
Im still good! Ive been sort of catching myself slipping lately though. I'm re-wandering the streets where I shouldn't be, getting close to old sites etc. I think I'm done with the computer for tonight. Love yall.


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PeaceOfMind062012

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #228 on: August 10, 2017, 12:59:29 PM »
Hey IAdmitItIHaveAProblem!

I've just read a few of your journal entries and found it really inspiring!

I posted this in my own thread yesterday, but I'll ask you directly: can you suggest any good blocking softwares for PC that are effective and possibly free? Have you used them at all? Have you found them to be effective?

I think I'm going to try hardmode after reading some of your entries. I've also found hardmode to be really helpful and healing.

Keep up the good work!

-Peace
Never stop healing!

Take a look at my PMO Spreadsheet: Click Here

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #229 on: August 10, 2017, 06:32:35 PM »
Hey! Still P free. Hard mode still active.


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #230 on: August 11, 2017, 04:29:47 PM »
Bouncing back from MO is the toughest thing hardest thing! Literally! Just kidding. Hey, you're on a graphic forum, take a joke  ;)

Still good on no P tho!



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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #231 on: August 12, 2017, 07:23:20 PM »
The world is so sick right now.


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #232 on: August 13, 2017, 01:16:29 AM »
Every night is like, why am I even doing this. Every single night. It's tough sometimes. I'm fine, Ill be fine, it's just very lonely. *cue owl hooting and wolf howling amidst the silent chirp of crickets*


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #233 on: August 16, 2017, 12:06:00 AM »
I'm officially in trouble because she HAS MY HEART NOW! I can't stand it! I love it I HATE IT. SIghhhhh

 >:( ;D >:( ;D :'( :-\ ??? ::) ;D

PMO free still!


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