Author Topic: Yes I Can!  (Read 73153 times)

Leon

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #525 on: August 02, 2017, 01:12:52 PM »
Sure miss the counter app.

If you think it helps. Put it back on...

Or what I did for a while was have it only on my page 1 of my journal, but whatever works.

Blessings.
I am a man under grace not law.

Gracie

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #526 on: August 02, 2017, 08:22:02 PM »
Bob!  Sure do miss your posts!  You can do this!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #527 on: August 05, 2017, 10:13:24 AM »
Thanks Gracie, I appreciate your thoughts.

May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #528 on: August 05, 2017, 10:20:57 AM »
Saturday morning and I have a long trip ahead of me. It doesn't help that the reason is the personal health of a loved one. The stress plays havoc on my obsession. 

Being on the road has always presented triggers. Driving by places that I shouldn't go. Thinking of things that take me away from my goal of strength in abstinence, being at peace with myself, and the bond and relationship with my wife. I have so much to accomplish and this behavior gets in the way.

At least I will not be alone with my travels. My wife will be going with me so that takes the "opportunities" away. I inwardly longed to be by myself but that is the kiss of death. It will set my journey back further than the three days of abstinence.

Lots on my mind and this provided a place to vent.

Peace

May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #529 on: August 12, 2017, 01:28:55 PM »
Afternoon folks,

I am currently sitting at 10 days on a return journey to the bright side. I have been here before.

It was a challenge then. It is a challenge now. But, I am writing to profess this road can be traveled more than once. If you don't make it, you begin again. You  continue to work at it until you arrive.

Multiple attempts are not desired. Once and done would be great. However, for whatever reason, I was not able to stay away from the pull of porn. I suspect the reasons are many but that's irrelevant. It doesn't matter how many times one makes this journey; just that you continue until the goal is accomplished.

For folks starting out, realize it can be a challenge. We are all human. We screw up. We can fail in obtaining our desired goals. But, if you persist, you can beat this demon. Never give up. Begin again and learn what caused the detour. Investigate the reasons you didn't make it. Work to correct the pitfalls.

Don't beat yourself up. Learn from your mistakes. Just get back on the horse.

Peace
« Last Edit: August 13, 2017, 02:22:28 PM by bob »
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #530 on: August 13, 2017, 05:59:02 PM »
Good evening folks,

This is a post that I made quite a while ago. I had to search back through my Journal to find it again. I wanted to revisit it as I felt like it provided some understanding on my reasons for working towards of life free of pmo.

Reasons to take on a PMO, MO free life
  • Brings me closer to my wife.
  • Stay in the moment (no need to sneaking away).
  • Sex is more intense.
  • Enjoy my time making love, (no quick, "I have to O").
  • ‚ÄúSure you can use my computer", (No hidden stash).
  • All people deserve respect; Porn is not victim-less.
  • Free porn is not free. No need to line the pockets of people who exploit others.
  • More time available, ("where did the time go"?)
  • Eliminate DE and PIED issues.
  • Waking up with an intense hard on.
  • Pleasant sexual response around attractive females.
  • Increase sense of confidence.
  • Perception that I am more desirable to others.
  • I am in control.
Positive thoughts to all who are working through this process.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

Leon

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #531 on: August 14, 2017, 03:13:17 PM »
Wow! Those are all good reasons, brother- and inspiring, too!

I am a man under grace not law.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #532 on: August 16, 2017, 07:12:58 PM »
Hey folks,

Last weekend, I had a long road trip that would typically been an extreme  challenge. The isolation, places along the road that "draw me in" and time to sit and fantasize, they all contribute to a potential binge. However, that didn't happen. Something I read on RN "clicked" and allowed me to think of things in a different way. Not sure I understand it. I tried to find it again but couldn't. No matter. I traveled for 600 miles and did so without incident.

I started out and I wasn't sure it would be possible.

So...the goal isn't 30, 90, or 120 days free. It is a new lifestyle.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #533 on: August 17, 2017, 10:11:43 PM »
Evening,

Just received my copy of Your Brain on Porn today. While I am well aware of the mission behind RN and the YBOP website, I must say the book was a wonderful read. Yes, I am 3/4 of the way through and I plan to continue, then read again.

The process feels right. I am moving forward.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

Gracie

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #534 on: August 18, 2017, 06:33:35 AM »
Good job, Bob!  I hope you succeed this time, because you know you can do this!  It is time to be the new and improved Bob! Go Bob go!

TakeActionNow

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #535 on: August 18, 2017, 07:50:11 PM »
Bob,

Can you list one to three things that are important to you that you can work on to improving, things that you have to study or practice at your on time, things that you can then reapply, like skills or abilities, which you can later assess that improvement has indeed happened?
Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love
Purpose before Person

negativity > depression > ACTION > non-self pity > Goals > growth > STRENGTH > REALITY > Attention > Interests > Challenge > Choice > COURAGE > I LOVE MYSELF > Masculinity > UnBlock > selfheal

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #536 on: September 29, 2017, 07:15:45 AM »
Greetings,

Coming up on 60 days in an extremely long process. And while the number of days is irrelevant, I continue to make progress. I want to remind everyone to never give up. You must learn from your mistakes, your decisions, your actions. You can become a new person. That is what is required.

I don't visit RN as often as I once did but I will check in every once in a while.

I hope all the best for everyone who is present.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

Gracie

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #537 on: September 30, 2017, 06:30:14 AM »
Bob,  keep up the hard work!   You are doing great!

lyon03

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #538 on: September 30, 2017, 05:01:14 PM »
Hey Bob! It's been a long time between drinks brother. Thanks for the update my friend and please keep coming back. Thinking of you. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #539 on: October 10, 2017, 09:18:50 PM »
Thanks folks.

Be struggling lately. Need to realize this is for the long haul. Not some score of points or days. Its a lifestyle change and change has always been difficult.

Peace folks, stay strong.
May 10, 2018 was the end.

lyon03

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #540 on: October 10, 2017, 11:50:21 PM »
Thank you for posting Bob. Questions:

1. How have you been struggling?
2. Where are you currently in your reboot?
3. How are things with your wife/partner?

I'm asking these questions because I found that the more I shared about my state of mind and the state of my recovery, the less shame I felt. And the less shame I felt, the less I wanted to PMO. And brother believe me when I write that I shared EVERYTHING here. I look forward to reading your next update. Be well my friend. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

unchained

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #541 on: January 15, 2018, 09:43:29 AM »
Hey Bob,
Thanks for posting in my journal.  The encouragement is appreciated.  It's also nice to see familiar names after being gone a long while.

I see that you have posted a bit lately but not in your own journal.  How are things going for you?
« Last Edit: January 15, 2018, 11:36:06 AM by unchained »

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #542 on: January 23, 2018, 08:37:41 AM »
Unchained,

Its good to see you as well.

I am progressing; moving forward but I have been taking a break from RN. I found I was spending too much time on my "recovery" and reading about recovery of others. I need to transform into a new individual who works at life, not at the recovery process. I need to stay away from p, pmo, and mo. Being here kept my mind on the negative aspects of what I was trying to avoid.

I want to be clear. This site gave me hope. It allowed me to see that I am not alone. It assure me that a life without this crap was possible. But in the end, I was the one that had to make the change. And the process of always returning to RN seemed to keep me in the "thick of it." For that reason, I am taking a break. I may stop by from time to time but mostly, I will be done.

To be honest, I also became frustrated when I returned and didn't recognize the folks that I knew and had grown to love. When I came back and didn't see those folks, I had know idea if thy had quite, tried to quite and failed; or had just given up. That is why I wanted to touch base with you when I say your post.

Please do not give up. Continue to quit. Even if it takes a long time. Quit, quit, and quit again. Try and find out what is causing the lapse but continue to work at it. You can do this. It is important for you as with others you love.

And maybe that is why I have returned. To let others know that the fight isn't over. I tried numerous times. But this time it needs to be for real. I need to be the man I want to be, the man I was meant to be.

I have continued to stay in contact with a few outside of RN. That is a help. I also continue to go to counseling, though I have reduced that too. I will continue with it but not as much as I was going.
 
Here are the things that I have been doing to transition into the new me.

  • Stopped my counting of days. I could calculate it if I need to. I have it written in a journal but the counting is to get to a goal. My goal is forever.
  • Journal about what i am feeling. It isn't everyday but I do what I can to write when I am feeling particularly vulnerable or positive.
  • I get up early every day and go to the gym. I want this to be my new habit. While it is not easy, I have had success. The other part of success with exercise is that I am starting slow. At 61, I started at 10 min each day with a walk/cool down of 1/2 mile. I have moved up in duration since then and have only missed one day (besides my day of rest. :0).
  • Eating healthy continues to be a work in progress, but this is moving forward too.
  • Staying away from p-subs which are as simple as click bait, instagram searches, anything that triggers a dopamine dump.
  • I work around a LOT of young, attractive females. For this I use a two second rule when encountering skin tight yoga pants, plunging necklines, and general attractive and alluring female bodies. I acknowledge that they are there and that I am attracted, (who wouldn't, I'm not dead) but then turn my attention to something else.
  • Try to devote more productive time to my job,l my wife, and my ability to play. I tend to be a workaholic.
  • Realize that I need to be a social animal and that a solitary existence breeds depression. Depression in turn starts the search process, and dopamine rears its ugly head as a false savior. It's not the answer. Its the problems... so I make sure I don't pass up opportunities to be with my wife and other people.


So that is my current life. I am starting slow. But I am on my way. And while I am not always here, I am with you in spirit.

Please don't ever give up. Never stop until you succeed being the person you want to be.

Peace my brother.
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #543 on: March 26, 2018, 08:29:13 PM »
I am continuing on my progress as a new person. Exploring where I need to be and what I need to be doing. Isn't always smooth but the growth continues.

One point I would like to make... 

Get a partner that you can work with you as you move through this process.It may take a while. The first one might not "take." Doesn't matter. Keep trying. Eventually you will find someone that understands. Someone that has been there. Someone that wants to continue moving forward.

It helps.

Peace.
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #544 on: March 31, 2018, 04:21:41 PM »

When I assess my progress, I must recheck my list. Are there areas that I am not following? Are there areas that I think I am following but in reality, I need to adjust? I need to question my actions. I need to reassess, rethink, and refocus.

The goal is not a reboot, The goal is a new life where these items are the norm, not the exception.

This is to be a new life. Not a reboot.

Peace

Here are the things that I have been doing to transition into the new me.

  • Stopped my counting of days. I could calculate it if I need to. I have it written in a journal but the counting is to get to a goal. My goal is forever.
  • Journal about what i am feeling. It isn't everyday but I do what I can to write when I am feeling particularly vulnerable or positive.
  • I get up early every day and go to the gym. I want this to be my new habit. While it is not easy, I have had success. The other part of success with exercise is that I am starting slow. At 61, I started at 10 min each day with a walk/cool down of 1/2 mile. I have moved up in duration since then and have only missed one day (besides my day of rest. :0).
  • Eating healthy continues to be a work in progress, but this is moving forward too.
  • Staying away from p-subs which are as simple as click bait, instagram searches, anything that triggers a dopamine dump.
  • I work around a LOT of young, attractive females. For this I use a two second rule when encountering skin tight yoga pants, plunging necklines, and general attractive and alluring female bodies. I acknowledge that they are there and that I am attracted, (who wouldn't, I'm not dead) but then turn my attention to something else.
  • Try to devote more productive time to my job,l my wife, and my ability to play. I tend to be a workaholic.
  • Realize that I need to be a social animal and that a solitary existence breeds depression. Depression in turn starts the search process, and dopamine rears its ugly head as a false savior. It's not the answer. Its the problems... so I make sure I don't pass up opportunities to be with my wife and other people.

May 10, 2018 was the end.

TakeActionNow

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #545 on: March 31, 2018, 08:27:41 PM »
This is to be a new life. Not a reboot.

Exactly
Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love
Purpose before Person

negativity > depression > ACTION > non-self pity > Goals > growth > STRENGTH > REALITY > Attention > Interests > Challenge > Choice > COURAGE > I LOVE MYSELF > Masculinity > UnBlock > selfheal

JedClampett

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #546 on: April 06, 2018, 11:23:04 PM »
Yes Bob My Goal is Forever Too.  Maximum Healthy Sex.  Maximum Health.  Maximum Life.  It's a wonderful life!!!

But I want my new friends to know that I am on day 3.

Yes I can!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #547 on: April 08, 2018, 09:51:44 AM »
Jed,

Good for you. Make sure you know how important it is that you have made this step. 3 days! That is great. It is a first step but it is an amazing step. Good for you!

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

JedClampett

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #548 on: April 08, 2018, 11:30:33 AM »
Bob:

I am on Day 6 without the P.  The main benefit has been that my productivity rate has gone up.
My apartment is the cleanest it has been since I move in on April 2017.  My work as a writer is
getting done.

I am aware that there are reasons why I started the P and I need to deal with those issues.
You deal with those issues before reality hits.  Things are going good for me now.
I made the decision not to run last night because of a slight injury.

I have been a runner since I was 12 years old.  I've had to make some adjustments and things
went well for a week but I believe I strained my back a bit.  My goal is to play consistent tennis
and run this summer, so I need to go at getting back into shape slowly.

I mention this because it's part of my recovery. 

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #549 on: April 09, 2018, 09:51:54 AM »
Jed,

Keep going. You sound like you are committed to the process and are doing well.

Just remember, if you mess up, it is a blip on the screen of your new life. It doesn't have to be inevitable but sometimes it happens. Just don't let it take hold. Reassess your situation, learn what caused the action, and work to stay away from those types of activities.

I say this to myself too. I slipped this weekend. Not proud but resisting the urge to beat myself up. I have looked at my actions, identified the problem, and am moving forward.

The point is we all need support and even someone who is beginning this journey plays a role in others process.

Peace
« Last Edit: June 11, 2018, 04:32:23 PM by bob »
May 10, 2018 was the end.