90 days Journal

Yesterday I went off with friends again. While they drunk lots of beers, smoke "Maria Juana", and inhale cocaine, I had a couple beers and no more. Somebody asked me: "Hey buddy, are you a monk?". I said: "something like that".

I arrived home early, and felt completely strong. No kind of urgue appeared. Now I feel ready to start the 90 days journal. As I mentioned in a past post, I have been two months without porn until relapsed last week. Honestly, I must say that it didn't affect me so much. The positive effects of rebooting become stronger than the old brain patterns. My body is changing. I'm not doing too much exercise, but i feel stronger, with more energy the entire day. I'm sleeping well, my skin looks much better. Also, I'm starting to discover a lot of sensationts when I look women in the eyes. I perceive that they are all beautiful and special. A new life is beginning for me.

Thanks for listening.

Sounds good. Keep journaling!

This is my 9 day without PMO. I felt a little bit urgues this morning, but nothing serious. I feel very encouraged. I dreamed with sex last night, and it was a very vivid experience, another sign of brain changes. Also I'm having wood mornings.

Day 11. Today I discovered that porn adiction is related with videogames adiction. How? videogames triggers anxiety and compulsive behavior. I've been adicted to video games since age 15. Five years ago I stopped playing. It was easy, no problem with that. Last week I played again, and felt how anxiety starts growing. I didn't knew that it was because of videogames. So I read and interresting post which stayed: "during reboot you must leave any kind of adictive behavior". I know it sounds funny but for me it is more dangerous to play video games than to be drunk.

After playing for several hours, I felt inexplicable desires for seeing porn. So I saw a little bit, but then I told to myself "what the f... i'm doing?" and stopped. I don't know if seeing five minutes of porn counts as a relapse. I will never play again. By the way, I'm having strong erections during the day, but no more urgues to see porn.

Cheers.

Mblanc...11 days for me too! And I also stopped at a site today and was like..uh oh....Ran out the door and went to the Gym...Keep it up man!

Mblanc92 said:

I saw a little bit, but then I told to myself "what the f... i'm doing?" and stopped. I don't know if seeing five minutes of porn counts as a relapse.
Cheers.

Click to expand...

Some might say that it is a relapse. But to be honest, I'd be more proud of yourself for telling yourself to stop looking at it. Self forgiveness is mega important for any slip-ups.

Bad news, today I relapsed. I couldn't control myself, the urgues were too strong. I feel like shit. I feel tired and overwelmed. I do not want my experience to discourage you. Leaving behind everything bad, I will try to enunciate my conclusions about what happened:

1. Seeing 5 minutes of porn with no fap may not be considered as relapse, but induces a poison idea of "well, thats no problem with a little, just to calm down my urgues, nothing more". From there to relapse there is only one step. Guys, please avoid this at all cost!!!

2. It was not even pleasant. Just when I finished I realized my mistake and that automatically eliminated any feeling of pleasure. The relapse is not the "fap". The relapse is the process of being stimulated by porn material, over and over again, by novelty. Guys, its really important to avoid ANY KIND of artifical sexual stimulation.

3. Besides this site I have no one to talk about this problem. It makes it more difficult, I tend to be very distrustful even with my closest friends.

4. I will take a break from many things to find myself. If anxiety doesn't go, I will visit to a therapist.

Thanks for all guys. Keep going in yours.

Mblanc...Stay strong man. Use this experience as a learning tool to guide you on your next run. You can do this. You made it 11 days...thats awesome. I Highly Recommend seeing a therapist for sure. Be honest and open...also shop around a bit. Find one who is open minded. The woman I go to is into eastern philosophy and is well versed and a huge fan of yourbrainonporn.com Good ones are out there...

I suggest not leaving this community. Keep us posted and begin your journey again. Don't give up

Thanks for your words Andy. It's really important for me. I've been analyzing my porn induced symptoms degree, and they are not as serious as those of some friends of this forum. For example, I never developed erectile disfunction. So, I think I have every chance of winning.

Thank you for the good and very helpful information. It is very interesting. I love all the things you share and see your beautiful creation. Thank you for sharing with everyone.
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