Hopin4Better
Member
I am starting this blog in hopes that it will help me stay focused on my goal of overcoming at least what I think is PIED.
Background
I recently turned thirty-two (32) years old and suffer from PIED. I started masturbating sometime around the age of 13 or 14. From my first masturbation session, I was hooked. I would masturbate at least 4 or 5 times a day. It was not uncommon for me to masturbate 10 times a day. Even in my younger days (18 and 19), I can remember on some days my penis being so exhausted and soft, however, I would still force an orgasm. I would masturbate to porn or my imagination as often as I could. There were many times where I would masturbate while my penis was soft.
At twenty-two years old I lost my virginity. It was a one-time thing with a random girl. I was able to perform fine. I guess the power of youth helped me overcome any damage I had caused.
After that, I have had very little sexual experiences in my life.
The first red flag was when I was twenty-five (25). A girl tried to give me a BJ and while I initially got hard I eventually went soft. At the time I thought to myself "refrain from masturbation for a couple of weeks and I will be fine". Sexual opportunities weren't exactly knocking on my door so I never did.
A few years later at twenty-eight (28), I got really lucky when two different girls on consecutive nights wanted to have sex with me. Sadly both times I couldn't perform. Soon after I noticed I could no longer get hard in any situation watching porn, fantasizing. No morning wood or nocturnal erections.
Attempts at refraining from PMO.
I don't know exactly why but sometime in the summer of 2016 something inside me thought to myself that I am masturbating way too much and it was time to do something about it. I looked online and found the nofap community.
July 2016 to December 2016.
I would refrain from PMO at most 2 to 3 weeks at a time. If I was lucky I would make it 25 days. If I did relapse I would binge on PMO for days.
January 2017 to Mid March 2017
One of my best streaks ever. I made it about seventy-five days (75). I really did feel some improvements towards the end of the streak. So much so that I decided to test myself and that is when I relapsed.
Mid-March 2017 to Mid-July 2017
Half-hearted streaks some as longs as sixty days. I am not sure the streaks were even that good. On some of the streaks, I would edge mentally and some I would edge to porn. Really the streaks were about refraining from O and P most of the time but not a true abstinence from PMO. I realized that refraining from edging/M is just as, if not more, difficult for me than from refraining from P.
My Last Streak
I made it for 87 days. The first sixty days were the best I have ever had. No P, no edging/M and no O. After sixty (60) days I would, every few days, test myself. I would masturbate to natural situations but never O. I rationalized edging/M by telling myself I needed to do it to measure my progress. In retrospective, I feel that hindered my recovery. Having said that I was still noticing improvements. My nocturnal erections became much stronger. To be honest they felt like the real deal. When I would make out with a girl I would get firm erections. So I decided to try and have sex on day 87.
***Warning***
***Might contain triggers***
I was making out with a girl and I got a solid erection. I went down on her and lost my erection. I got her to give me handjob/BJ, however, it never became fully erect again and we stopped trying.
***Trigger Over***
After that failed attempt I got discouraged and masturbated and O'd to P. It was just the one time and so begins my new streak.
With this daily journal, I hope that it reminds me every day to refrain from edging/M as well the P and O.
Day 1
I woke up this morning and noticed I was semi-erect. I was not as hard as I was during the end of my last streak. It was a little depressing realizing I have lost so much progress and that I have to start from Day 1. I meditated for 40 minutes today in two twenty minute intervals. My penis for the most part feels lifeless. I didn't even touch my penis once. I would give myself an A+ for refraining from PMO for today.
Background
I recently turned thirty-two (32) years old and suffer from PIED. I started masturbating sometime around the age of 13 or 14. From my first masturbation session, I was hooked. I would masturbate at least 4 or 5 times a day. It was not uncommon for me to masturbate 10 times a day. Even in my younger days (18 and 19), I can remember on some days my penis being so exhausted and soft, however, I would still force an orgasm. I would masturbate to porn or my imagination as often as I could. There were many times where I would masturbate while my penis was soft.
At twenty-two years old I lost my virginity. It was a one-time thing with a random girl. I was able to perform fine. I guess the power of youth helped me overcome any damage I had caused.
After that, I have had very little sexual experiences in my life.
The first red flag was when I was twenty-five (25). A girl tried to give me a BJ and while I initially got hard I eventually went soft. At the time I thought to myself "refrain from masturbation for a couple of weeks and I will be fine". Sexual opportunities weren't exactly knocking on my door so I never did.
A few years later at twenty-eight (28), I got really lucky when two different girls on consecutive nights wanted to have sex with me. Sadly both times I couldn't perform. Soon after I noticed I could no longer get hard in any situation watching porn, fantasizing. No morning wood or nocturnal erections.
Attempts at refraining from PMO.
I don't know exactly why but sometime in the summer of 2016 something inside me thought to myself that I am masturbating way too much and it was time to do something about it. I looked online and found the nofap community.
July 2016 to December 2016.
I would refrain from PMO at most 2 to 3 weeks at a time. If I was lucky I would make it 25 days. If I did relapse I would binge on PMO for days.
January 2017 to Mid March 2017
One of my best streaks ever. I made it about seventy-five days (75). I really did feel some improvements towards the end of the streak. So much so that I decided to test myself and that is when I relapsed.
Mid-March 2017 to Mid-July 2017
Half-hearted streaks some as longs as sixty days. I am not sure the streaks were even that good. On some of the streaks, I would edge mentally and some I would edge to porn. Really the streaks were about refraining from O and P most of the time but not a true abstinence from PMO. I realized that refraining from edging/M is just as, if not more, difficult for me than from refraining from P.
My Last Streak
I made it for 87 days. The first sixty days were the best I have ever had. No P, no edging/M and no O. After sixty (60) days I would, every few days, test myself. I would masturbate to natural situations but never O. I rationalized edging/M by telling myself I needed to do it to measure my progress. In retrospective, I feel that hindered my recovery. Having said that I was still noticing improvements. My nocturnal erections became much stronger. To be honest they felt like the real deal. When I would make out with a girl I would get firm erections. So I decided to try and have sex on day 87.
***Warning***
***Might contain triggers***
I was making out with a girl and I got a solid erection. I went down on her and lost my erection. I got her to give me handjob/BJ, however, it never became fully erect again and we stopped trying.
***Trigger Over***
After that failed attempt I got discouraged and masturbated and O'd to P. It was just the one time and so begins my new streak.
With this daily journal, I hope that it reminds me every day to refrain from edging/M as well the P and O.
Day 1
I woke up this morning and noticed I was semi-erect. I was not as hard as I was during the end of my last streak. It was a little depressing realizing I have lost so much progress and that I have to start from Day 1. I meditated for 40 minutes today in two twenty minute intervals. My penis for the most part feels lifeless. I didn't even touch my penis once. I would give myself an A+ for refraining from PMO for today.