Trapped in my own life

Ken L

New Member
Ever since I can remember I've been watching porn and masturbating.  I was definitely at it before I could shoot my load and always viewed this as some sort of badge of honour.  I would beat off everywhere as a young lad.  I think my first porn video was probably round about the age of 12 I guess.

I remember showing my cock to girls in primary school in exchange for a look at their 'fannys' as I used to put it.  I didn't see anything wrong with it, just kids being kids, one girl even let me touch hers.  Crazy to think about it now as I/we are not mature enough to understand that kind of behaviour at such an early age.

Throughout my teen years during the 90's I was pulling away to thought of girls at school.  One night I even listed my top 10 girls and imagined them each coming over to my shagging caravan for some action.  No word of a lie, 10 times I chocked it that night!!

I began a collection of magazines and porn dvds in my 20's and as technology changed I found high speed porn around the time I turned 28.

High speed porn was quite literally the adult equivalent of a kid in a candy shop!!  Every single genre, sub genre, was available at the click of a button.  Scenes that I'd never even dreamt of, seriously, anything goes when it comes to making porn these days.  I'm 36 now, which means I've been using high speed porn for a solid 8 years, probably using it daily, sometimes twice a day, sometimes more!

So that's a brief description of my experience with porn, and I'm guessing it's a common story ringing true with most people reading it?...  It wasn't until recently that I contemplated that porn may be ruining my life though.  Who would think that something so harmless could have that much power over us?

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 30.  I've been living with it now for 6 years.  I'm generally ok, I wouldn't say I'm depression free, but I'm better than I was.  My depression started after breaking up with a girl.  I was about a year into a relationship, it was going well, I wasn't in love yet but happily plodding on with it.  One day I was driving and out of nowhere a wave of anxiety hit me, my whole body felt like it had been consumed by a blanket of fear.  My legs started burning, I felt sick and frail.  I couldn't shake off the feelings I was going through, it was honestly the worst thing that I'd ever experienced.  I didn't want to end things with her but I knew I had to.  For 4 days I lived with crippling fear and panic, let me tell you guys having a thought, a feeling like that that you can't shake is torture! 
Finally she figured it out and on the morning of her birthday she asked me if I wanted to break up with her, I couldn't lie any longer and we broke up there and then.  On her birthday.
Mercifully the panic receded which was such a relief but in its place came the depression.  For weeks I would wake up just to go back to sleep.  I'd cry, I'd isolate myself from my friends and at one point I even allowed myself to question reality, considering that the world was not real at all. 
Like I said, I'm much better now but once you know the lows that you can reach it's very hard to forget them and in all honesty I'm scared of ever getting to that point again.

Since that relationship I've dated 4 girls, all of them great.  One over a period of 3 years, the others for a few months.  But, like the one I detailed, I've ended each of them.  I have a pattern, I somehow let a thought in my head, and once it's there I can't shake it.  Thoughts like, don't get too close to her, you need your space, hopefully you can develop feelings for her by this time next week, don't give her too much because you'll only end up hurting her....Can anyone relate to this?  I sabotage every chance I get.

Maybe I have commitment phobia, my parents split up when I was 16 and I've had girls break up with me in my early 20's which I guess has had an affect.

Anyways, back to porn.  The girls in porn are absolutely stunning, I think we can all agree on that.  Whether you prefer blondes, brunette, redheads...you can have whatever you want.  You can search for any type of porn you want to, and skip to whatever scene gets you off.

I'm starting to realise that porn is ruining my life.  My councillor asked me a while ago why I didn't turn to drink or drugs when I was at my lowest point, and it's only now that I'm realising that my addiction is porn.  The women of porn have replaced the women of the real world.  The are glorified and willing to do whatever you want, but they aren't real.  I've turned down sex before....actual sex with a real woman just so I can go beat off on my ipad!  Anyone else hearing me?  I'm pretty much at the point of flatline, I want to find a woman to have a relationship with but my libido is at an all time low.  I've forgotten how to talk to women, scared and nervous about being near women and feel much safer when I'm behind closed doors at home.
I'm currently questioning if I'm turning gay, it's something that I've obsessed over as each relationship I've had in the past 6 years has ended, and I have unanswered questions swirling around in my head.  I can appreciate a good looking man but can't imagine getting physical with one.  I still find women attractive but I have no real urge to jump on one.  Can anyone else relate to this?  Every day I wake up and ask the questions, will I feel better today?  Will my libido come back?  Will I still question my sexuality?  Can I get through the day without allowing doubt and anxiety to ruin it?

I'm trying to quit porn for good, I managed a 47 day stint which I broke a few weeks ago.  No porn and no masturbating.  It's tough and after relapsing I jumped straight back into porn but I need to stay determined if I'm ever going to be happy.

I need to feel emotions again, I need my love of real women and my sex drive back. I'm just worried that I'm too far down the line and that I'll be alone for the rest of my days living in purgatory not knowing one way or another who I am or what life could be.

Can anyone offer any advice?


 
Hey Ken. I massively relate to your story. Please see my thread- just started today. For the first time I really have a want to do this for myself. I think you are in the same boat as me. The massive difference getting off porn can make to your life is real. I think by stopping the cycle of immediate dopamine release will make everything better, give us self-esteem, improve our self worth and stamp on depression and anxiety. Forming a relationship based on trust and being open I reckon may help you- focus on the relationships you already have and build closeness with people. Don't worry about your libido it will come with time, don't focus on your anxieties about getting too close be open and honest about your difficulties with that and I think in that you will girls appreciate your honesty.
 

Ken L

New Member
Hey buddy.  Thanks for the reply.  I've had a read of your story and you're right, all the things you've listed I can relate to.  I didn't mention it in my original blog but I too was sexually abused as a child, very similar circumstances to you.  I think that kick started my obsession with my member, sort of giving me licence to play with it whenever I wanted too, regardless where I was or who was around.

I hope I can control my anxieties, I'm still questioning the whole gay thing...I've noticed that letting a little thought in my head can have massive repercussions.  If it's not something I'm comfortable with, i.e. potentially being gay... it scares the hell out of me, it's not something that I can easily talk openly about so I'll let the thought manifest and give it more attention than it deserves.  I'm probably not turning gay as I still find women attractive but the thought is constantly niggling at me.  I think I need to talk at through with a councillor.

There is this one girl who's pretty cool, I'm tempted to ask her out...my instant worry though is that I'll be wasting her time as like always I'll get bored or not develop real feelings for her and end up hurting both her and me.

Anyways, this is turning into an essay.  Good to know someone is listening though.

Cheers buddy.

 

Ken L

New Member
Checking in for my own good.  Still have the worry, masturbated last night to the thought of an ex, no porn, just imagination.  I guess it's better than using porn but I know it's not good enough.
Currently considering selling my house and heading out on an adventure to 'find myself'
Life's currently very dull.  I rarely see my friends, have no satisfaction at work, I'm not blessed with a close family and I probably spend too much time in my own head.

I'm very stagnated in everything I do, I don't feel any growth in any aspect.  I'm existing rather than living.  I'm not saying I'm suicidal, but I do often wonder how much longer things will remain this way and if I'll be ok.
 
Hey dud. Just checked in after a couple of days. If you can jump in and sell your house and go on an adventure I reckon that would be a great opportunity to get your self-esteem back, meet new people and realise you are fine just as you are. In order to keep away from porn I suppose we need to have other good things in our lives to help us on our journey.
 
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