I am out

This is my topic where iam gonna write about my experiences about quiting PMO.

First of all, iam already on day 19 w/o O, and day 5 w/o PMO.

No fancy quotes, no super duper motivation, just my experiences. 

Day 19.

few night's ago i started AD (fluoxetine) this, caused nasty insomnia.
In 48h of my life i had slept 6h.
Today i slept 2h.
In morning i had to take my grandma to shopping center, so as a precaution i took Xanax 0.5mg. But it did not helped. In the middle of shopping i was hit by panic attack...I was running like crazy ass dude trying to get somewhere safe. I think its because of AD, and insomnia. It was one of few times that could not handle, a panic attack.
After that i went home, lied in bed for 30min, listen meditation music, and panic attack said, bye bye, see you next time.

At moment feel pretty good, but about 20min ago, i felt like s*&t, despair, dizziness, anxiety, fatigue, you name it..I think its because of that iam writing, this topic, it makes me feel more confident about my future...But i know temporary, all days that left for me be like  roller coasters, up and down, up and down...Damage is done, i have to deal with it, and never look back.

Few advices, which iam trying to live with...

You should understand, you are addict'ed. The rest of your life will be w/o PMO. There is no another way if you wanna feel joy in your life.
If it hard, remember, that you do it not for yourself, you do it for someone else, for people who you love, and who loved you..For instance i do it for my mother. I know she loved me, and all she wanted, that i was happy, feel no pain in daily life, live with joy. I'll do it for her, i see her when i have urge to PMO.

day 20
one small step to no pmo summit.
Tough day, again 3+ anxiety/panic (for me it does not evev matter panic or anxiety) attack. And heart was beating like mad. went to dr. to check is everythink is allright. ecg fine, blood pressure little above normal, blood test normal.
It is crazy when you think, what physical abnormalities could create your brain..First of all,  all your problems is born in your mind, and when think about them, evetually it became so close to really that, you cant event distingvish who is real and who not. .

day 21 day 7
lrts say it was the best after i started AD. had only few panic attacks. which is really really big progress. lets hope soon i will be able to say hasta la vista panic.
I still little bit worried about my heart bps. it is only about 50 to 55 when iam resting. is it normal? also constant fatigue ia killing me, and short of breath, and adrenaline rush, when iam peacefully  lying on my bed. ohhh, and here is my over thinking. I must change that also.

day 22 day 8
pretty smooth day. no major panic attack, just few avarage anxiety episodes. But that dizzynes, and week muscle is killing me. maybe its because of low blood pressure, and pulse rate. sometimes i feel like a vegetable, cant even think stright...all these years my body was victim of my nasty minds, and when those minds starting to lose control, body shows what damage were done..