DEPRESSED AND DISCOURAGED

I have just been in a kinda perpetual depression or discouraged mode. I dont really have any drive to do things that i need to do, i guess this is as a result of the porn and masturbating. But really not that i watch and do this daily. what i discovered lately is that its only when i have quarell with my wife that i am drawn to porn. over the years she has used a lot of abusive words to me and i feel somehow i have been emotionally abused by her. the sad part is that i dont talk to anybody about it, atleast not in the sense that i wanted a solution or atleast to clear my heavy heart. I just keep everything inside and allow myself to get bugged down and so i just get up and do the very basic stuff i needed to do to pass each day.

Well please dont let me bore you with my boring marriage so far. But please i dont want you to experience this too. If you really love your girlfreind please take care of her and make sure you always always have heart to heart talk and really open up to her now and let her know the things you dont like and let her know the things that hurt you and when you fight always always talk it through and really analyse what went wrong and how to avoid it next time.

And again if really theres another lady you think you really wanted, please you are free , go for her now. I have been married for 5 yrs now and i sometimes think of atleast 1 other lady that i could have married if not that my parents warned me that they did not want me to marry someone from another tribe and even when this lady told me point blank that she wanted to go out with me and after she has told me how much she really cared about me, all these when we were in school. i ignored her though i really liked her at the time. today we are still friends and she is married but i am sure she still thinks about me and here i am not happy with my marriage.

Again am talking long stories. Am sorry but well back to porn, i just watched it a few mins ago and masturbated, wifey is not at home i am at home with my kids but they are sleeping, she travelled but before today maybe i did it once last week.  and maybe before then it was like 4weeks ago. but maybe another reason is because i have not been praying and reading bible daily. You see i know some things that if i do the actively daily i will totally overcome this evil demon, but i somehow just ignore this things and let the flesh take over. i pray God will continue to have mercy on me. and help me. am posting this in the main page maybe i need some counsel or atleast some words of comfort from diff people. thank you.

MAybe you are reading this and you are christian and committed born again christian, wel dont give up like me, am still holding on, somewhere i read that God will always forgive us its just that we may never grow past this stage, so if you want to keep "repeating this class" continue to give in to the flesh but if you feel you are really more than a conqueror then lets stand up and do a way with this evil beast, we have the power.

Hope to get some counselling here, or if you have or know of a good website, please send me the link or send me a pm. thank you.

Many of us are in this journey and i feel something that can help us is too really think and decide what is the actual cause for us to relapase. What is the actual reason that made us look at porn. For me that reason has sort of revolved over the years, initially it was pure temptation or curiosity, then later my excuse was depression and sadness or discouragement, then later it was lack of money, and much later when i have consiously taken in all these areasons and also when i have told myself many times that porn is bad and evil and masturbation too, some may decide to argue that but whether you argue it or not, PORN AND MASTURBATION ARE EVIL AND THEY ARE DEMONIC FROM THE PIT OF HELL. Anyways back to my reasons, much more recently i see that i go to porn anytime my wife abuses me emotionally, i seem to let down my guard and just decided to go watch porn and masturbate, not that i was tempted not that i could not say no or control myself but i just ignore all red lights and deleiberately consciously go for porn.

Now my point is this, identify the root cos of this evil demonic habit and remove it.  having an accountability partner could work if we are determined about it, having internet filters could work if you can get someone to install  a blocker on your fone and system so that you dont have the password to unlock it, we just have to find a way to overcome this beast.

I am married with 2kids, just yesterday i was watching prn and masturbated with kids sleeping beside me at the sitting room. I feel this is just so bad, as it is i kinda watch porn anytime now not necesarily when i am alone or late in the night. Well the irony of it is that i feel i have more control over it now though.

This post is getting long, let me stop here. I AM NOT GIVING UP.

Its 20 days now that i have watched porn nor masturbated. I think the major reason why i have been able to stay away is because i am in good relationship with my wife, no quarrels. and we have sex atleast twice in a week. And i try to pray almost daily and read bible daily too, atleast since the beginning of this week.

Though yesterday when i was checking an app on my fone some twerking ads poped up and it just occured to me its been long i watched anything like this and i feel, the temptation may want to come again to go watch more. But i have said no. I overcame the temptation yesterday. i pray i continue to overcome. i need to make love to my wife tonight so the temptation can finally go away atleast again for now.

Weld,

weldee said:

Its 20 days now that i have watched porn nor masturbated. I think the major reason why i have been able to stay away is because i am in good relationship with my wife, no quarrels. and we have sex atleast twice in a week.

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weldee said:

Though yesterday when i was checking an app on my fone some twerking ads poped up and it just occured to me its been long i watched anything like this and i feel, the temptation may want to come again to go watch more. But i have said no. I overcame the temptation yesterday. i pray i continue to overcome. i need to make love to my wife tonight so the temptation can finally go away atleast again for now.

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Please be careful. I have found that if I rely on my wife to remove my anxiety and temptation with sex, them I am destine to fail. I needed to make the decision to stay away despite the intensity or frequency of sex. Its to easy to be going along and as soon as you and your wife have a conflict, you return to pmo to spite her. As if to say, "well, I am doing all this work here and you aren't supporting me. Screw it. I know how to make myself feel better."

Its a trap and believe me, you don't want to fall for it. Its not worth it.

Stay strong and do this for you.

Peace

Thank you very much for this BOB. You are very right, there has been different situations that made me watch porn which i beleive i have been able to note and know so well ....The most recent one being that each time i quarell with my wife i tend to be more vulnerable.
Yes i have to stand up for me, not for anyone else but most importantly for me first. Thank you once again i wont forget.
23 days now , no PMO. and no relapse.

Weld,

So good to hear. You are doing great!

Peace

Its day 29 now, am still holding on. No Porn thoughts has crossed my mind. Thanks to you bob , now theres a quarell going on with wifey but i wont allow that to push me to porn, am going to settle with her as soon as her anger heat as calmed down. but i aint watching porn...let me add i plan and pray not to ever watch again atleast not deliberately.

Apart  from adjustments within depression treatment, there are other guide  you can take which improves overall sexual health:
? Take dosage antidepressant medicine after pleasing in sex.
? Ask your doctor  about adding a medicines  for sexual dysfunction (for eg Viagra for men).
? Body movement or any form of exercise regularly to improve mood

Talking with your partner about  depression mutually how its  affecting your sexual health . Openly communicating  will automatically resolve the issue, but it can help ease feelings of guilt and worthlessness.

Thank you ANthony, i will try work on that though its been a seemingly tough marriage for me and really having a deep heart to heart talk about different things is not a habit in my marriage. We dont have really great discussions like most couple. sometimes its like we r just partners in teh house and nothing much intimate apart from sex which is maybe once a week or twice.

Well back to my major reason of starting this thread. I have found myself having more power to resist the temption to watch porn. Its been 42 days now that i deliberately went online to search for porn. I pray for God's grace and mercy to help me continue saying  no to porn in whatever form it comes.

Its been 42 days now that i deliberately went online to search for porn.

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Great!
Remember that porn is bad for you as a person too. Deliberately or by accident. It will hurt your self esteem and your relationship with your wife and your children. Beeing without porn may give you the courage to fix your marriage.

Stay strong! You have done great!

Thanks IMAQUITTER......yes you are right porn sure destroys many things especially self espteem. Right now its been a turbulent period in my marriage due to lack of money and a jobless wife, kinda idle, shes not taking it easy with me at all but well am still hanging in there.

So its day 48now. though i see some funny images almost on a daily basis but that striking tempting thot has not crossed my mind. and if or when it comes i pray i have more strength to over come.

I just fixed my major internet subscription and suddenly all the tempting thoughts i have not felt in a long time just came rushing back. I pray for God's strength to be able to hold on. its been close to 60 days that i last watched porn. I pray O God to give me the grace and strength to overcome this temptations.

I got to confess  i actually watched porn some days ago but thankfully i did not spend more than 5-10mins on it and i am so happy the urge or the desire is gradually dissappearing as there was no urge at all to watch more cos the voice was so strong in my head not to watch it....and that period that i watched it i was really down or kinda depressed cos of the challenge i was having with my wife that she had to report me to my parents and even her own parents. i was kinda distraught and also somewhat "scared" that she might actually go to another state and eventually come and pick the kids with her.I was deeply worried and was really concious about how much i needed her and wanted her everyday.

The major issue is that i did not dwell much on porn ...to masturbate did not even cross my mind.but deep down inside i knew if i continued to watch continuosly the urge and the desires will surely come up again....so right now its been more than 60days i masturbated though i watched porn but not up to 10mins in the past 60days. I and wifey are gradually getting over the whole distrust btw us and we are making up again.

Am still pressing on to finally overcome this evil demonic habit. I remembered when i had my first baby i think i stayed off porn for almost 90days so i still have a long way to go so Help me God.

yeah thats the thing about this addiction. It escalates very quickly. Could be 5mins today, 10 tomorrow and the next day... then you say to yourself, oh well i watched it for ten minutes yesterday so one more day isnt going to matter....
and then... FUCK! Its sunken its jizzy claws into you again and back to where you started!
The urges have this cumulative effect, so best eliminate then at first sight.

Thank you for the reply @reformed Fapper. Yes you are right after about 70days of now PMO i finally succumed to the temptation and fell flat on October first. I was feeling idle and i got to be checking old sites that i used to check before and it was a roller coaster of watching porn and masturbating for some days that followed, atleast masturbated like 3 times this week or seprate days. Through ought the previous days or months when i did not watch porn at all i had some things on my mind, i was so down financially and had a lot of problems at home and ofcourse i was also kept busy by some of my personal web design job online. But now some of this challeneges have been solved and i felt a little bit relaxed and  i fell for that old trick again.

Now sometimes i wonder do i really have an addiction? i have heard of pple that masturbated like 5 times daily, some masturbates everyday. But how about pple that do it maybe once in a week or maybe even once in a month or still for some once in 3 months? coupled with this some still have some sexually related diseases or issues cos of this there habit but i dont have any of such issues. i still have great sex with my wife, i have good erection for some minuites before releasing during sex. so it has got me thinking should be so worried that i have a porn or masturbation addiction challenege?

Anyways whatever the case may be, i am setting another not to watch porn again for the next three months. i dont know if i should continue to use this thread or i should open another thread for it. But i know i am a overcomer and i am wining this battle for good.