bridewell
New Member
Hello all. Here I was thinking I was all alone in this... Im a 34 year old male. Pretty healthy, have two kids and a fianc?. I suffer from extreme anxiety and it very much triggers my need to watch porn. The funny thing is I was actually getting ready to watch porn tonight, but saw this on reddit. A little background. I went through a pretty bad divorce back in 2013. It left me very depressed as after 13 years of marriage my whole life changed in what seemed an instant. Looking back, porn played a big part in my divorce. I would literally do PMO about twice daily for as long as I could remember. It just made me feel better. my days went by a bit easier and I felt it was safer to do that then satisfy my urges with casual sex or anything like that. Well at the end of 2014 I met up with an old high school friend and we hit it off. For the first year, everything seemed fine. We were intimate and I had no issues with keeping an erection, but I still felt the urge to tun to PMO sometimes even right after intercourse with her. But at that time, it still didn't interfere with our intimacy. About a year into our relationship, I remember vividly, we were about to have intercourse and when tried to get erect, nothing happened. it was like a switch was flipped. And I was broken. So after that, I chalked it up to being a one time thing. I was a bit stressed out and we had been fighting that week so I thought it was normal. But it started consistently happening. It freaked me out. about a month of this happening I scheduled an appointment with my doctor. After many tests ran, all test came out good. the test show I'm a healthy man, and that physically there isn't anything wrong. When I tell you, quitting porn has been the single hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I feel like I'm completely alone. I can't tell my friends. My fianc? says she understands, but the feeling of letting her down or not satisfying here is so heartbreaking, but I feel I have no control over it. Even though porn ruined my previous marriage and still causes issues its been hard to quit. But I've decided I want my life back. So I'm here. It feels good to be able to express these feelings with people who know what its like to have this control your life. I feel this is what I needed to make the change. This is my "Day 1" wish me luck guys..