Time for a change

Ollie

Member
  I thought I'd give this site a try. I'm not a good author but I like the idea of keeping a journal on here. I am 33 years old and have been masterbating to internet porn and porn magazines since I was a teenager. Recently I've found myself depleted of energy and somewhat depressed. My fapping habits have started to be 3 times a day minimum, with some days as many as 5. I know I should quit but every time I'd try to go nofap and go one full day, I'd find myself caving in on day two and binge watching. I have a pretty bad problem I'd say. I am not in a relationship currently and have never been in one in all honesty. I have had some casual sex with different women on occasion and I have been able to still perform sexually with them. Although I will say I did try to rush as I could tell my erection was not going to last. I am starting now and unfortunately I have already fapped 3 times just today and feel like doing it again right now. It is most difficult for me before bed and as soon as I wake up. I hope to report tommorow night I have made it 24 hours and stayed strong. Good luck to everyone with their journey :)
 

RealityCheck

Active Member
Welcome Ollie!  Identifying a problem is a key first step to overcoming it.  I think it's important not to beat yourself up as to what your habits are now - you have the right attitude and took the right action to get on this site and challenge yourself to get outside of your comfort zone and improve yourself.

I'd highly recommend coming up with some specific strategies to distract yourself when you are craving P, and try to identify what it is in your daily life that triggers those cravings.  Good luck to you, and I look forward to hearing about your progress.
 

Ollie

Member
Thank you for advice realitycheck, I need all the help I can get. I see from your posts you are on day 5, congratulations man, I bet it hasn't been easy. Day 5 seems so far away but I am just trying to take this one day at a time.
I made it 24 hours now without viewing porn or jerking off. It wasn't easy because I still woke up with an erection and usually it's the first thing I do when I wake up. It's really hot here and I usually have trouble sleeping. I normally jerk off to help myself fall asleep so I doubt tonight will be easy. I did think of this site and looked forward to being able to record in my journal that I at least got through one day. I've really let this PMO get out of hand, I don't want anything to do with it anymore. I have difficulty with addiction as I am currently wearing an alcohol monitoring bracelet for a DUI I received 2 years ago. I think PMO will be far harder to quit than drinking but I look forward to a future without alcohol or PMO. I dont know how I am going to beat this but I don't say that in a defeated frame of mind. I know I must just take it one day at a time and hopefully it won't seem so difficult. I am hoping to spend more time working out and self improvement to help occupy my mind. I do think this site will help and religiously recording my progress good or bad will be healthy. I have browsed some of the posts on the forum and it seems like a very positive format. I suppose everybody has different issues with PMO but I never spend a ton of time viewing porn, I always use it to achieve ejaculation as fast as I could. If I felt somewhat horny I'd always just pull up one of the sites and try and snap one off in usually 5 or 10 minutes. I am still able to perform with a woman but I think that my body is so used to trying to be done in 5 minutes that it seemed like that would be all the longer I will be able to last. I don't know if the if PMO is causing my fatigue but it seems exhausting trying to ejaculate 5 times a day on a regular basis. i feel like a zombie most of the day anymore. Anyways I am mostly just thinking out loud and if anybody happens to be reading this I wish them well with their recovery :)
 

Ollie

Member
After a close call this morning I am still clean. I have 2.5 days now free of PMO. This morning I had no desire to look at porn but I did want to masterbate to orgasm just from thoughts of real women I know. I don't know if that's cheating but I don't want to get that started and I'm totally committed to doing this right. It is becoming more difficult because it feels like I have a semi erection throughout the day but maybe that is a good thing, maybe the flatline phase will be brutal, maybe I won't even experience it, I don't know but I hope to make it through all of this to find out. I'm not going to worry about that, I am just going to worry about making today a success.
 

RealityCheck

Active Member
Congratulation on making it through 2 and a half days!  I understand about boredom in bed.  Nothing is going to be more entertaining in your mind than thinking of your favorite women doing you're favorite thing.  By the way, I don't think this is a black-or-white type thing.  Other people may disagree, but watching and getting off to porn is worse than getting off to women you know in a fantasy (I'd say depending on the fantasy).  If your goal is the same as mine, I want my reality to be as exciting as possible, which means I can't have it be competing with fantastical situations that can't happen.

If you find yourself having a hard time getting to Day 7, I would recommend rewarding yourself once in a while by getting off to women who you interact with (and ideally have a shot at getting with).  This can build anticipation for those sexual encounters and make them more exciting.

I had another thought when reading your last post; it will help to change your internal dialogue.  If you tell yourself "I don't know if I can do this, I think this will be more difficult than quitting drinking," chances are, it will.  There is a fallacy that while we can control our actions, our thoughts are these intangible things that just happen to us.  That's not true.  Whenever you have a thought, there is a physical connection being built between neurons.  Your brain is exercising a thought pattern, and it becomes stronger every time you use it.

You may have heard of affirmations.  The purpose is to start building up thought patterns that you know are healthy that will help you.  In your mind (or aloud), how about you say a few times a day, "I got this.  I'm definitely going to get through today. I have no doubt about it."  Your approach to taking one day at a time is a good one.  I also would recommend making milestones for each day, and having rewards for yourself as you hit each milestone.  That way, the further you get, the more you are penalizing yourself for relapsing, so it should get easier and easier.

Keep it up, and I look forward to following along on your progress!
 

ajcoals

Active Member
Ollie said:
It is most difficult for me before bed and as soon as I wake up. I hope to report tommorow night I have made it 24 hours and stayed strong. Good luck to everyone with their journey :)

I have found keeping devices out of my bedroom has been extremely helpful.  I almost never bring or leave my computer in the bedroom and keep my phone away from the bed and/or downstairs has been a useful physical barrier.
Keep at it man!
 

Ollie

Member
Thank you cknfella and realitycheck for your replies. I do believe I need to buy a good alarm clock because like you say cknfella, having a phone at bedside is a good way to slip up. The only good reason I have a phone next to my bedside is for an alarm clock and that is easy to fix. Realitycheck I couldn't agree more about positive thinking. I have researched a lot of successful people because I want to know what makes them tick and positive thinking is a common theme among them. I am 3 days into this now, the temptation is still very strong but so far I've abstained. I am keeping myself busy throughout the day and evening and trying to go to bed just exhausted, it's seemed to have helped. Today I haven't noticed any more or less libido than normal. I work on a ranch and sometimes I'll go 5 days without seeing another person. When I go into town and see the women dressed in their summer clothes it sure gets my attention, it is somewhat of a trigger as I'll want to go home and PMO. I suppose it is unhealthy to avoid human interaction, after all the goal for me is to be normal and perhaps pursue a healthy relationship with a good woman someday. That is something I look forward to in the future but for now I am just going to make sure I avoid PMO for another day. I hope everyone else is winning the battle on here today.
 

Ollie

Member
I'm 4 days in and today is the first physical change I noticed. The pain in my testicles was rather uncomfortable throughout the day. I don't know if that is a good or bad sign but I suppose my body is adjusting to going from releasing multiple times a day to nothing in 4 days. I suspect that it will normalize in a few days. I am curious to see if I flatline at some point, I'm not looking forward to that part. This is probably one of my longest streaks in my adult life of abstaining from PMO, I think a full week will be a record for me!!
 

RealityCheck

Active Member
Congratulations Ollie!  Progress is happiness, and beating your previous record is a true accomplishment.  I'm a couple days ahead of you (woke up today on Day 11), and can say that at least for me, it's not too uncomfortable, and I too have gone the longest since becoming sexually active.  Keep fighting!
 

Ollie

Member
Well I am back to day 1 :( I have no excuses and I'm not going to dwell on it but the wheels came off. All I can do is start over now. I was ok until my testicles started hurting, I knew how good A release would feel at that point. I think the next time I make it to that level and I am sitting idle and the temptation kicks in I need to get up and go for a walk or something. I hope you're hanging tough realitycheck, I have been following your thread and you've got a pretty good streak going. I wished I had some good advice to contribute to your situation but I don't, you're winning the battle right now and that's all that matters I suppose. I think I am going to study addiction and dopamine to get a better understanding of how to beat this.
 

Ollie

Member
Day 1 is complete, it was pretty easy compared to my previous day 1. I suppose that is a good sign, the more days without PMO the better off I am. I will keep myself busy tonight and keep fighting and look forward to recording making it 2 days tomorrow!!. Hope everyone is winning their battle
 

Ollie

Member
Day two complete, it wasn't as easy as day 1 but I made it!! I hope to hit the weight room hard tonight and go to bed too tired to lay awake for long. I'm hoping the nofap will help me get my energy levels up, I'd sure like to hit some of my targets and goals for weightlifting. So far no real noticeable difference in energy, it seemed like it was getting a little better when I went 4 days last try.
 

Ollie

Member
After failing my first attempts at reboot miserably I am back to get rid of this addiction. I?ve found it difficult to do it no less than three times a day now :( A new year and a fresh start I suppose. After a PMO New Year?s Eve I wanted it to be the last time, so far so good but I?m only 2 days in. Last time I tried I only made it 4 or 5 days and caved when my testicles would start hurting, I was surprised by the discomfort from it. Anyways one day at a time and today is done and tommorow will be a good day, good luck to all!!
 

toph

Active Member
Thats it Ollie, one day at a time. Im at day 3, confident but worried as well. But what are our other options? None!
 

Ollie

Member
I made it 6 days!! Not experiencing the pain and discomfort in my testicles that I expected so that helps. I have seen a pic or two of naked women, I was on autopilot cruising the craigslist casual encounters and realized that could be a strong trigger so I shut that down. The only time I?m really struggling is before I fall asleep and right when I wake up in bed. I?ve been doing lots of manual labor and working out twice a day for different goals I have but it?s helped me be really tired before bed, haha a couple times I even spent the night in my recliner cause I just went out like a light. I don?t know if I could have been able to motivate myself or muster the energy for two a day workouts if I was ejaculating three times a day, it seemed like a masssive drain on the body to do that. Perhaps it is a placebo effect or I really am experiencing an energy boost, I don?t know but I am optimistic about being able to do this.
 

Lord Byron

Active Member
Great journal - keep up the good work!  Every day without PMO is a positive one.  Yes, relapsing can be a drag, however I am convinced that every day we manage contributes positively.  I hope your 6th day has gone really well for you.
 

Ollie

Member
I just thought I?d check in here, I made it a full 7 days!! I never thought I?d be able to get here but it actually wasn?t that bad. Honestly part of that concerns me, every previous attempt at nofap left my testosterone raging after the 2nd or 3rd day, not so much this time. I guess I should embrace my progress and be thankful it wasn?t so bad. I?m not flatlining but it feels as if libido is fading a bit  :-\ I shall persist though as I am committed and I do feel noticeably better in many ways since I quit PMO. Thank you clown loach for your positive words, I hope you?re winning the battle also
 

Ollie

Member
Shits starting to get real tough now, I?ve been horny as hell the past couple days and the pain showed up in my testicles, I did open a porn site on two different occasions but shut it off after about 90 seconds. I am extremely horny and I?m doing my best not to stimulate myself but as horny as I am I noticed I?m only getting about 50% hard, of course if I stimulated myself it might go full on but I don?t want to test it and find out haha it would probably be game over. I believe that?s what some people call edging but I?m not sure. Anyways I?m still working out like a madman and actually started to quit chewing tobacco as part of a different new year resolution, I waited until I got through week of nofap done before I tackled the tobacco, I thought it might be overwhelming to start them both at once. I?m two days tobacco free and honestly I thought that is a piece of cake to stop that compared to nofap/reboot. I?m only two days in the tobacco journey though so that may change but I am proud to say I am free of PMO in 2018 so far. Stay strong everybody!!
 

Ollie

Member
Well I?ve pissed away another year on this worthless habit. It shouldn?t be this hard to quit but I haven?t gotten any better. I?m going to put my mind to it and kick it this year. I?m ready to move on from it and spend my time and energy on better things. Anyways just thought I?d try the journal again.
 
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