Author Topic: Time to put the pen to paper  (Read 482 times)

CB

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #25 on: January 07, 2019, 03:59:33 AM »
Day 18

Just didn’t sleep that well, know I’m more prone to get urges and relapse when I’m tired. Keeping on pushing..

PE30

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #26 on: January 07, 2019, 04:34:36 PM »
Hey, just reading through your diary. You're making good progress,keep it up. And don't kid yourself that a minor relaxation is a good idea. Don't convince yourself that Insta is fine because it's not porn. Set your mind on better things. And enjoy your real life relationship. Wishing you all the best.
Porn free since 2 February 2018.
Chat room and M/MO free since 28 July 2018.
Fighting on.

changemylife

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #27 on: January 07, 2019, 04:37:51 PM »
Hey, just reading through your diary. You're making good progress,keep it up. And don't kid yourself that a minor relaxation is a good idea. Don't convince yourself that Insta is fine because it's not porn. Set your mind on better things. And enjoy your real life relationship. Wishing you all the best.

That bullshit Instagram, Facebook and other shit like that, are like taking sips from the bottle when you are a recovering alcoholic. Why sabotage yourself. True, you brain is begging for any micro-dose of dopamine, that's when those platforms become interesting. It's like mating season but with a screen hahahaha

Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

CB

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #28 on: January 08, 2019, 12:00:39 PM »
Day 19

Me and me girlfriend had a great chill evening yesterday, just great not doing anything sometimes.
Today has felt a little bit easier to ignore the urges and not wandering off on the internet and looking at pictures of girls.

Thanks guys! Means a lot for the encouragement, we just need to readjust our behavior and not falling for temptation. I remember quitting snus wich is tobacco you put under your lip, it took more than a year for me to quit. And I haven’t used it since.. Just need to keep pushing and working on my psychological thought progression in this as well.
Knowledge about obessive behavior and addiction is a great deal of help. As you guys say, the other voice we have in us trying to convince us stuff is okay.. ”just one more time it’s okay” And ”what if I can’t get rid of this?” I’m sure everyone with addictive personality faces these false thoughts.

changemylife

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #29 on: January 08, 2019, 12:03:43 PM »
Day 19

Me and me girlfriend had a great chill evening yesterday, just great not doing anything sometimes.
Today has felt a little bit easier to ignore the urges and not wandering off on the internet and looking at pictures of girls.

Thanks guys! Means a lot for the encouragement, we just need to readjust our behavior and not falling for temptation. I remember quitting snus wich is tobacco you put under your lip, it took more than a year for me to quit. And I haven’t used it since.. Just need to keep pushing and working on my psychological thought progression in this as well.
Knowledge about obessive behavior and addiction is a great deal of help. As you guys say, the other voice we have in us trying to convince us stuff is okay.. ”just one more time it’s okay” And ”what if I can’t get rid of this?” I’m sure everyone with addictive personality faces these false thoughts.

When hard urges would kick in, I had that voice in my ear telling me: "You can't do this right now. Just relapse this time and next time maybe you get stronger. Maybe now you are not that balanced emotionally and it won't work. Next time maybe it's different". bla bla bla Fuck this! You are never more ready. Better times never come. You have to do it this time if you've started already.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

CB

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #30 on: January 09, 2019, 02:45:09 PM »
Day 20

Yeah, it’s poisonous. The way the mind craves a fix. I think more or less throughout the days I’m in a wrestling match against my addict self. ”one more time, just one time and then I’m good” No can’t do that. That voice has led me down the slope for more than 2 decades.
Keep at it!

CB

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #31 on: January 10, 2019, 11:15:20 AM »
Day 21

Haven’t really reflected much over any withdrawals today. I noticed myself went in on facebook to look around and logged out. Had sex yesterday me and my girlfriend, it felt great. I felt I had a more intense feeling afterwards to look at pmo. But it went away, just keeping on pushing.


CB

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #32 on: January 11, 2019, 08:05:25 AM »
Day 22

Have urges to look and impulses to get on the web and have a peek. Nothing I’ve done.
Still these thoughts ”what if it won’t stop?” and ”I’m maybe not strong enough”
Negative thoughts I won’t give in to.
Have a nice day!

changemylife

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #33 on: January 11, 2019, 08:16:26 AM »
That's exactly what happens. When the urges get strong, the impulses to peek, edge a little bit and any "micro-dosing" for dopamine, become very strong too.

I think everybody has these thoughts: "What if the urges don't go away?" "What if I can't control myself until the end and relapse?" I remember some time ago when I had urges pretty much all day which scared me because how strong could you be and endure them? It's crazy. I want to say: "I wish I've never become a fucking porn addict", but it won't make any difference now.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

CB

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #34 on: January 12, 2019, 06:37:26 AM »
Day 23

Yeah I pretty much constantly gets struck with these type of thoughts when I’m alone or got nothing to do. I’m worried about when my girlfriend is going away on vacation for a couple weeks. That’s when I’ll have to stay really strong.

CB

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #35 on: January 14, 2019, 03:11:16 AM »
Day 25

yesterday I went on to a site and had a look, and stopped myself. But just the thing for me having a look is like failing for me right now. I have to get better at managing my urges and not give in to these things.

CB

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #36 on: January 15, 2019, 04:12:41 AM »
Day 25

Today has been good so far, my anxiety isn’t as high as in the beginning but it’s going up and down.
It’s not as scary to be without pmo anymore. I used to depend on it, and my thoughts is set on never using it again. For the sake of this crazy internet society.. the sexism and how women are portaited in media. One more day to keep strong and push forward. The triggers are everywhere, need to change my thinking habit.

CB

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #37 on: January 16, 2019, 10:38:45 AM »
Day 26

Had some dreams about sexting.
Generally had some urges to look at instagram but stopped myself.
Trying to keep on track.

CB

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #38 on: Today at 03:02:22 PM »
Day 27

Today has been harder since I didn’t sleep so well, the cravings and urges to look at pictures of girls has been more tempting today, but have stopped myself on multiple occasions when I recog ize my thoughts wandering off. Get this restless feeling in my body, got to go to the gym to get all this energy out.

HumbleRich

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Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« Reply #39 on: Today at 06:15:42 PM »
Keep going CB, you are almost over the hurdle.  Keep it up!

Rich