Tired of recreating the past, Time to create a better present

I'm a 43 year old man. Ive been addicted to porn as long as I can remember. When I was in grade school I found stacks of magazines hidden in the bush by my school. Other times there were magazines left out on the playground equipment, pages wide open. I assuming that was done for kicks by the older kids. There was also my fathers own collection of porn that he had hidden in his dresser drawers. A dresser that he shared with my mother. I remember going to garage sales with him as a kid. At some point he picked up an old reel to reel projector. With the projector came some old adult movies. My father invited friends over for beers and to watch these movies. We lived in a very small two bedroom house and my room was the only place that could be easily used for screenings. So it was. At some point later when I was around 10 or 11 my father gave me a stack of magazines and told me to be sure my mother never found out. Of course she did and the magazines were thrown out. This began kind of a cycle of finding porn and getting rid of it. It used to be a physical thing, where i have to go to a book store and decide which movie i wanted to rent or magazine i wanted to buy. Does anyone else have experiences like this? Specifically your father giving you porn.
 
I had originally tries to post this on the nofap forum on reddit.  it was auto deleted by the mods.  So i immediately left the forum and started looking for other forums to post on.  After taking a look around I think this forum will suit me much better.
 
I just downloaded an app called sober time.  Its a free app and it tracks progress in chunks of time.  I'll post screen shots, most likely frequently.  I find tracking goals and sharing results motivating.
 
Im still talking to only myself at this point but here goes. I've been trying to quit since i was at least 13 and have not been able to last more than 3 weeks.  Currently I am at just over a day.  Over the last 6 months i have been averaging 3-5 times a day for up to 12 hours a day.  Ive quit this time because my energy levels are so low i cannot get out of bed.I am still going to work at a job i hate , my shifts are short the longest being 5 hours long. i am hoping my energy levels come back after a few more days of abstinence.
 
Keep up the fight EP. I'm on day 13 of no pron for the first time in 42 years. I was introduced to it at the age of 12 by my brother and follow many of the same patterns you mentioned. I am using sobertime to and if you figure out how to post a screen shot let me know. I think it would help reinforce the effort we're all putting in if that could be done.
 
Day 3 for me.  my longest streak since the summer.  I feel miserable, much more miserable then normal at this point.  It used to be that on the third day i'd feel quite an emotional and physical uptick.  Its seems to take about a week for the same results now.  I havent figured out hot to post screenshots yet.  Seems like it is telling y the upload cache is full.


GottaReboot said:
Keep up the fight EP. I'm on day 13 of no pron for the first time in 42 years. I was introduced to it at the age of 12 by my brother and follow many of the same patterns you mentioned. I am using sobertime to and if you figure out how to post a screen shot let me know. I think it would help reinforce the effort we're all putting in if that could be done.
 
About to hit day four. The urges are getting lower and my energy is starting to be a bit more normal. I've never been this exhausted before from use. I'm wondering how much longer it will take to get back on track. I used to bounce back in about 3 days before. By day 6 or 7 I was in very good mental and emotional shape. I'm commmited to doing anything I can to keep from going back. Even if I have to settle for someone I don't want at all I will.
 
EP - You're not just talking to yourself. There are lots of others who are following your journey and are wishing you success, like me.

It's just one day at a time, just get to tomorrow or even to tonight. Once you start to feel better, because almost everyone does, the urges get less and less and you'll figure out how better to manage them.

Keep taking time to read other posts and write your own. I've also had good success with the search here and on nofap to help me with a certain topic.

Cheers.
 
I think based on your journal this may help you.  I know it has helped me in the past.  Its from a book called The Greatest Salesman in the World.  The instructions for the exercise are described in it.  I've heard that focusing on new habits is the key to success.  This is one of the dily habits i am actively developing.


Full text of "og-mandino-scrolls"




From the

GREATEST SALESMAN
IN THE WORLD

by



OG MANDINO




The Scroll Marked I



Today I begin a new life



Today I begin a new life.

Today I shed my old skin, which hath, too long, suffered the bruises of failure and
the wounds of mediocrity.

Today I am born anew and my birthplace is a vineyard where there is fruit for all.

Today I will pluck grapes of wisdom from the tallest and fullest vines in the
vineyard, for these were planted by the wisest of my profession who have come
before me, generation upon generation.

Today I will savor the taste of grapes from these vines and verily I will swallow the
seed of success buried in each and new life will sprout within me.

The career I have chosen is laden with opportunity yet it is fraught with heartbreak
and despair and the bodies of those who have failed, were they piled one atop
another, would cast its shadow down upon all the pyramids of the earth.

Yet I will not fail, as the others, for in my hands I now hold the charts, which will
guide me through perilous waters to shores, which only yesterday seemed but a
dream.

Failure will no longer by my payment for my struggle. Just as nature made no
provision for my body to tolerate pain neither has it made any provision for my life
to suffer failure. Failure, like pain, is alien to my life. In the past I accepted it as I
accepted pain. Now I reject it and I am prepared for wisdom and principles which
will guide me out of the shadows into the sunlight of wealth, position, and happiness
far beyond my most extravagant dreams until even the golden apples in the Garden
of Hesperides will seem no more than my just reward.

Time teaches all things to he who lives forever but I have not the luxury of eternity.
Yet, within my allotted time I must practice the art of patience for nature acts never
in haste. To create the olive, king of all trees, a hundred years is required. An onion




plant is old in nine weeks. I have lived as an onion plant. It has not pleased me. Now
I wouldst become the greatest of olive trees and, in truth, the greatest of salesmen.

And how will this be accomplished? For I have neither the knowledge nor the
experience to achieve greatness and already I have stumbled in ignorance and fallen
into pools of self-pity. The answer is simple. I will commence my journey
unencumbered with either the weight of unnecessary knowledge or the handicap of
meaningless experience. Nature already has supplied me with knowledge and instinct
far greater than any beast in the forest and the value of experience is overrated,
usually by old men who nod wisely and speak stupidly.

In truth, experience teaches thoroughly yet her course of instruction devours men?s
years so the value of her lessons diminishes with the time necessary to acquire her
special wisdom. The end finds it wasted on dead men. Furthermore, experience is
comparable to fashion; an action that proved successful today will be unworkable
and impractical tomorrow.

Only principles endure and these I now possess, for the laws that will lead me to
greatness are contained in the words of these scrolls. What they will teach me is more
to prevent failure than to gain success, for what is success other than a state of mind?
Which two, among a thousand wise men, will define success in the same words; yet
failure is always described in one way. Failure is man?s inability to reach his goals in
life, whatever they may be.

In truth, the only difference between those who have failed and those who have
succeeded lies in the differences of their habits. Good habits are the key to all
success. Bad habits are the unlocked door to failure. Thus, the first law I will obey,
which precedeth all others is - 1 will form good habits and become their slave.

As a child I was slave to my impulses; now I am slave to my habits, as are all grown
men. I have surrendered my free will to the years of accumulated habits and the past
deeds of my life have already marked out a path, which threatens to imprison my
future. My actions are ruled by appetite, passion, prejudice, greed, love, fear,
environment, habit, and the worst of these tyrants is habit. Therefore, if I must be a
slave to habit let me be a slave to good habits. My bad habits must be destroyed and
new furrows prepared for good seed.



I will form good habits and become their slave.




And how will I accomplish this difficult feat? Through these scrolls, it will be done,
for each scroll contains a principle which will drive a bad habit from my life and
replace it with one which will bring me closer to success. For it is another of nature?s
laws that only a habit can subdue another habit. So, in order for these written words
to perform their chosen task, I must discipline myself with the first of my new habits,
which is as follows:

I will read each scroll for thirty days in this prescribed manner, before I proceed to
the next scroll.

First, I will read the words in silence when I arise. Then, I will read the words in
silence after I have partaken of my midday meal. Last, I will read the words again
just before I retire at day?s end, and most important, on this occasion I will read the
words aloud.

On the next day I will repeat this procedure, and I will continue in like manner for
thirty days. Then, I will turn to the next scroll and repeat this procedure for another
thirty days. I will continue in this manner until I have lived with each scroll for thirty
days and my reading has become habit.

And what will be accomplished with this habit? Herein lies the hidden secret of all
man?s accomplishments. As I repeat the words daily they will soon become a part of
my active mind, but more important, they will also seep into my other mind, that
mysterious source which never sleeps, which creates my dreams, and often makes me
act in ways I do not comprehend.

As the words of these scrolls are consumed by my mysterious mind I will begin to
awake, each morning, with a vitality I have never known before. My vigor will
increase, my enthusiasm will rise, my desire to meet the world will overcome every
fear I once knew at sunrise, and I will be happier than I ever believed it possible to be
in this world of strife and sorrow.

Eventually, I will find myself reacting to all situations which confront me as I was
commanded in the scrolls to react, and soon these actions and reactions will become
easy to perform, for any act with practice becomes easy.

Thus a new and good habit is born, for when an act becomes easy through constant
repetition it becomes a pleasure to perform and if it is a pleasure to perform it is
man?s nature to perform it often. When I perform it often it becomes a habit and I
become its slave and since it is a good habit this is my will.


Today I begin a new life.


And I make a solemn oath to myself that nothing will retard my new life?s growth. I
will lose not a day from these readings for that day cannot be retrieved nor can I
substitute another for it. I must not, I will not, break this habit of daily reading from
these scrolls and, in truth, the few moments spent each day on this new habit are but
a small price to pay for the happiness and success that will be mine.

As I read and re-read the words in these scrolls to follow, never will I allow the
brevity of each scroll nor the simplicity of its words to cause me to treat the scroll?s
message lightly. Thousands of grapes are pressed to fill one jar with wine, and the
grapes skin and pulp are tossed to the birds. So it is with these grapes of wisdom
from the ages. Much has been filtered and tossed to the wind. Only the pure truth lies
distilled in the words to come. I will drink as instructed and spill not one drop. And
the seed of success I will swallow.

Today my old skin has become as dust. I will walk tall among men and they will
know me not, for today I am a new man, with a new life.




 
Day 7. Still clean. Very few houghts of porn. Some fantasies about women I know, but nothing overly sexual. More daydreaming about dates and relationships. I've been reading a lot more. Something like 200 pages in the last day or so. My energy levels and mood have returned to normal.
 
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