I?m a mess
- Thread starter Nexus974
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Numez
Guest
you can watch something else. like this series https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J55TZ0JaJXY&list=PL38uJEf-kRcaI0d2I9M_IjGWMFkHk8qCCNexus974 said:
Elvis on Velvet
Member
Nexus974 said:
Come here instead, every time you get the urge! Write about it and try to talk yourself out of it. Watch a Noah Church or Gabe Deem video on YT instead. Take a walk, do 10 pushups, eat a healthy snack. I'm trying all this stuff too and it's working pretty well. We have to break the connection in our minds between our triggers (being alone, being bored, being stressed, being drunk) and using porn. I even got desperate the other day and called my mom when I got an urge to use
You can do this!
J
J01
Guest
Wow-talk about something to be thankful for; good timing. Congratulations on the reconnection, and thanks for sharing this good news.
Nexus974
Member
The worst part of this ordeal is discovering just how alone I am. I have no friends. I?m married but my wife isn?t the kind I can lean on. I have siblings but I have never been close to them. I have tried and failed to beat this addiction on my own. Maybe I?m not capable of doing this on my own but I have no support network. I did have one friend I could count on but she?s cut me off. So what to do when you need help with something but have no where to turn...
Great job on your journey thus far! You've accomplished so much!
I hear you on the loneliness issue, it is a huge trigger for me. The best solution is to be a joiner! Example, I like bowling and I'm a model railroader. Joining the local model railroad club or joining a bowling league are two very good options for me to make new friends. For someone to discuss PA, that is obviously more difficult. I have a duck hunting buddy that is a very close friend and I've confided some with him. But truthfully, if someone is not struggling with PA, they tend to not really understand. Some dismiss as not a problem, some look at you like you're a sexual deviant, and others wanna help but don't know what to do or say. IMO, the best option is to find a buddy in this support group or one of the other PIED support groups. In particular, look for a mentor that has gone through the challenges and has some tips on how to overcome! Maybe ask if someone is willing to be your mentor or sounding board? Good luck as you continue on your journey to recovery! Best to you and yours!
I hear you on the loneliness issue, it is a huge trigger for me. The best solution is to be a joiner! Example, I like bowling and I'm a model railroader. Joining the local model railroad club or joining a bowling league are two very good options for me to make new friends. For someone to discuss PA, that is obviously more difficult. I have a duck hunting buddy that is a very close friend and I've confided some with him. But truthfully, if someone is not struggling with PA, they tend to not really understand. Some dismiss as not a problem, some look at you like you're a sexual deviant, and others wanna help but don't know what to do or say. IMO, the best option is to find a buddy in this support group or one of the other PIED support groups. In particular, look for a mentor that has gone through the challenges and has some tips on how to overcome! Maybe ask if someone is willing to be your mentor or sounding board? Good luck as you continue on your journey to recovery! Best to you and yours!
maladaptive daydreamer
Member
Nexus974 said:
IMHO the woman friend in your life might have been a perceived emotional betrayal on your wife's part. There's a lot of insecurities involved when a married person has a friend who is of an apposite gender.
Also porn use has and can destroy relationships. Perhaps even justifiable so, after all this is some form of betrayal of our wife's.
One thing that I understand is that to repair my relationship and get out of my loneliness, my head needs to be screwed on correctly. That is, I now realize that so many issues in my marriage are simply me not having the normal emotional spectrum to be able to relate to the wife. Because porn had numbed all that.
On top of that, because my reward center in the brain is so screwed up, I never noticed all the tiny good things that my wife does everyday. The dopamine is simple just not there.
This is a huge reason why I am doing this. To repair my reward system so I can relate to my wife like a normal emotional person. After this and only after this can the relationship be repaired.
So my words of encouragement are, get free of porn addiction, reboot your mind and emotions and the relationship with your wife and friends can be fixed.
J
J01
Guest
Awesome report! Stay vigilant and keep going.
Hi Nexus,
Well done on getting this far in your reboot, a really impressive achievement!
?The worst part of this ordeal is discovering just how alone I am. I have no friends. I?m married but my wife isn?t the kind I can lean on. I have siblings but I have never been close to them. ?
Just a thought on this. I?m in a slightly similar situation. I do have some friends and family, but none close enough to divulge my PMO to them. As part of my drive to make myself a better more rounded person I have taken up new activities partly with the aim of having more social contact which I think is good in itself even though I?m not looking for an accountability partner there. I think it helps my self esteem and general connectedness with real people. This may help indirectly in my battle with PMO addiction.
So far RN is the only place I can discuss PMO and it seems to be gradually helping.
Have a great Christmas and New Year!
Well done on getting this far in your reboot, a really impressive achievement!
?The worst part of this ordeal is discovering just how alone I am. I have no friends. I?m married but my wife isn?t the kind I can lean on. I have siblings but I have never been close to them. ?
Just a thought on this. I?m in a slightly similar situation. I do have some friends and family, but none close enough to divulge my PMO to them. As part of my drive to make myself a better more rounded person I have taken up new activities partly with the aim of having more social contact which I think is good in itself even though I?m not looking for an accountability partner there. I think it helps my self esteem and general connectedness with real people. This may help indirectly in my battle with PMO addiction.
So far RN is the only place I can discuss PMO and it seems to be gradually helping.
Have a great Christmas and New Year!
Nexus974
Member
coachj said:
The problem is even at 53 I?m not sure where I belong. I?ve been with my wife for 19 years but I?m not sure I want to stay married to her. Her behavior is manipulative and borderline abusive. But we have a teenage daughter who is special needs and will never be independent. Also my wife?s health is failing. She can barely get around and I?m not sure she could get by without me. I?m not a happy man but I gut it out day by day for family.