Introduction

    Hello all, I am twenty years old and have been exposed to porn for about 13 years, all through my own unfortunate discovery. When I was seven I searched the anatomy of the opposite sex out of pure curiosity, nothing specific even, simply a search for people with no clothing(Looking to avoid triggers for people, so forgive me if my wording seems roundabout). This of course led to the place where most roads led on the internet in 2007, aggressive and impersonal porn. Fortunately, I was young enough that this didn?t manifest any feelings other than increased curiosity as to the actions in the pictures, so I left porn alone for a few years after. I became curious about masturbation about the same time as most young men(ten/eleven) but still didn?t return to porn. It wasn?t until late 2012 that the issue returned. I had just moved with my family, and was meeting new friends. Of these new friends, one particular group?s favorite morning pastime before getting on the bus for school was to watch porn together as comedy. I didn?t participate in this often, but it re-exposed me enough to ignite the same curiosity which I felt the first time. This led to some of the darkest self-imposed periods of my life. I spent hours every day watching it off and on. Sometimes upwards of 8 times a day with self-stimulation. And oftentimes, I would simply watch without stimulation during the periods when I had physically injured myself. This also led to problems outside of the viewing, along with further problems with that group(there was a kid who had likely been abused, who brought that manipulative grooming behavior into the group, really messed us all up quite a bit). I am very thankful to have had as little opportunity to be close to anyone outside the group as I did, because I likely would have used the same kind of tactics he used on others, for a while I was convinced that was the way to seduce(truth or dare, etc). That period of my life ended when I was late fifteen/early sixteen; most of the group moved away, and I got a job. From that point to now I have really set my mind to quitting, and have been successful in scaling back, and being healthier in my choices(going for emotionally charged content, as opposed to the aggressive styles) but I have been unable to quit entirely. The most I have gone without a single kind of content(counting soft content like erotica) is about three weeks. The usual methods have helped me get where I am so far(content blockers, parental controls, working out/sleeping more, etc) so I know I?m on the right track. My next move as far as I can tell is to become active in a community of people like yourselves, I have observed and read pages like it before, but never been an active member, which I suspect has been partly an evasion tactic on my part. So here I am, looking to propose to a young woman I have been dating for three years in the fall, it will be a year-long engagement(she and I have made that a goal to allow transition time for some of our goals) which is enough time to begin setting new habits. I am ready for change, and I appreciate all of your help, as well as the patience of those who read this all the way through.

God bless to some, and best regards to those who prefer,
S.R.