Been Struggling for 15 years-Ready for a Fresh Try

I was first exposed to porn when I was 9. From the moment I saw my first image I was hooked. There was never really a time in my life that I was "okay" with watching porn. I felt it was wrong from the start and tried my best to resist the urge to indulge. As the years went on, I quickly realized that porn was not good for me. Starting around age 14 I really began trying to quit with everything I had. It became very clear to me that I had a problem when I was unable to stop despite my best efforts. As the years went by, the depression grew stronger, the emotions got dimmer, and the addiction got deeper. When I was 21 I was on the brink of suicidal thoughts. After a major depressive episode that scared me, I went to see a wholistic medicine psychiatrist. I had my brain scanned and everything. It was crazy to have him point out the addiction right there in the pictures. He put me on a medicine/supplement routine and that helped a lot with the depression. Still, the porn problem never went away. I was able to go 82 days one time, but other than that there has been little success in the last few years. Things did get much better when I met the woman who is now my wife. I went the 82 days right when we started dating. Even after I relapsed, I ended up telling her about my problem and she has been a huge help. She convinced me to start seeing a therapist and that helped for awhile. I really thought things were getting better around the time we got married, but I could never go a substantial amount of time without a relapse. Now we've been married for 9 months and we just found out we're having a baby. I had been doing pretty good before that, but then I relapsed and was too afraid to tell my wife because of the baby. I tried to fix things on my own and it just led to more using. I went about three weeks of having multiple relapses. I finally broke down and told her. She is absolutely devestated. I have hurt her so many times already with this and I don't know how much more she can take. I have to beat this for real this time. I need a fresh start.

Hey man, sorry to hear about your struggle. I would say it's amazing that you would just come clean with your wife. Not many guys have the courage to do it. However, to what extent did you tell your wife about your problem? Did you tell her about starting from an extremely young age? Did you tell her about your suicidal thoughts? I think it's crucial to make her understand that you're a victim here. Show her scientific facts about how similar porn addiction is to drug addiction. Show her everything that you know. Show her that you're not being disloyal to her if you watch porn. Porn has nothing to do with love. Then you wouldn't feel letting her down and guilty as hell. As we all know, guilt only fuels our addiction as guilty people feel worthless and tend to self-sabotage.
Another thing is, do you consider masturbation without porn as a relapse? Now I find masturbation mostly harmless. I know that getting rid of both masturbation and porn would be ideal. However, the top priority here is still porn isn't it? If you find the urges to watch porn too strong, just masturbate without it. You don't need to worry about being addicted to only masturbation because it's not even close to how addictive masturbating to porn is. This way your mental burden would be much less than it is now because you know you have a way out when the cravings get too strong.
Last but not least, what about making a plan to do more housework, make little handcrafts for your wife or give your wife a massage from time to time. Doing things like this can be rewarding for both of you. You are still a responsible husband even if you have some bad habits. That matters the most after all. The better we feel about ourselves, the better we can battle this addiction.
I hope my analysis could help you in some way. If it doesn't fit you, I hope I can at least show you some support. Good luck my friend, we are all in this together!