Is it possible to get addicted to girlfriend the same way as porn?

Hello, I'm a new member,

a bit about me, I'm not addicted to porn, I learned everything on here and managed to stop, as I realised the porn was getting more hardcore.

Here is where the problem starts.. I have had a foot fetish and maybe a slight femdom fetish before I started masturbating, that is for certain. I was able to have sexual encounters with past girlfriends, but my first proper relationship we started off with normal vanilla sex but as time went on she learned the things I liked and liked them aswell, so I actually got to play out all my fantasies with her and its been great fun.

Unfortunately 3 years on, I have decided long term that she isn't the right girl I want to be with (please, if you can understand, with arguments and things that have happened I've realised we are great in the bedroom but not compatible long term).

Now I have tried to leave her before but I always have face the same problems that people who are addicted to porn face, its like I'm addicted to the stuff we did because there was also a fair amount of masturbation I did with her. But when I date other girls I just CANNOT get the same level of arousal as I get with my ex. I actually suffer from a bit of ED, my erections arnt as strong and they go, I know its because I'm, just not as aroused. Could this be a comfort issue aswell?

My questions is:

-Am I able to actually get myself to a stage where I can want to have normal sex again with a girl I really like? And how can I? What do I need to do?

I have this issue sometimes where I get real urges thinking about her, problem is even if things were good and we stayed together I wouldn't be helping myself because I will be constantly training my sexual responses to that, meaning in the future if something happened id be stuffed.
But im questioning if I'm able to get aroused with my fetish or atleast having some relation to it, I didn't need the fetish with my ex, but because I we'd done so much stuff that related to my fetish she just gets me aroused without touch. I fear another girl wont do this for me.

Any help of advice will be really appreciated.

Also I may keep adding information that I think is valid

Thanks

Is there anything you get out of sex besides the orgasm?

What do you mean?

I'm sure you'll be able to want to have normal sex again, it's just a matter of re-programming yourself a bit. You say that you were into feet and femdom before you started masturbating, so there must be some particular reason why you have that, which you could try to investigate, looking into what your earliest memory is involving that, both sexually and not sexually.

It's obviously very seductive when you find someone who's into the same kinks as you are, but if you seriously want to try to curb that as an urge, don't think about it any more, don't masturbate over it or anything like that. You'd just be pouring more fuel on the fire.

You might want to look into this as well: http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/sexual-problems/sexual-fetish - These guys do downloadable hypnotherapy sessions which I've found really helpful for some issues (though I haven't listened to this one in particular), but perhaps it might be of use?

Good luck with it.

Hey thanks for the reply, I'll check that out. I have looked at where it all started from, and I know, but knowing doesn't actually make a difference, it doesn't change it

J07 said:

What do you mean?

Click to expand...

I mean what else do you get out of sex besides orgasm?  It seems that sex for you is about your fetish and getting off not about connection to another.  I feel that this is your main issue.

Bibbity said:

J07 said:

What do you mean?

Click to expand...

I mean what else do you get out of sex besides orgasm?  It seems that sex for you is about your fetish and getting off not about connection to another.  I feel that this is your main issue.

Click to expand...

Yeah you might be right.. But how do I focus on this issue??

J07 said:

I have looked at where it all started from, and I know, but knowing doesn't actually make a difference, it doesn't change it

Click to expand...

In m experience, that's not quite true: Awareness is the first step to breaking down a habit. If when you're triggered to be thinking about that particular kink, you know that it's because of a particular reason, it helps to take the glamor and seductiveness away from it. The thought process instead of "this is hot" (for example), might become more "I find this hot because of such and such",  and knowing that disempowers the actual focus of your attention,  and makes you focus more on yourself and your response to it. The actual root of the kink can also be investigated and questioned as well and that can help break it down too. That was my experience anyway.