Level 2 - rebooting and making life worthwhile

Hi forum,
it's diesel driver.

I made a new topic for two reasons.
First I masturbated today. I did not look at P but I count days of hardmode, so a reset was necessary. It's no big deal, I made great progress so far, I'm close to being cured. Still I'm longing for a fresh start.

Second I was only focused on my PIED exclusively. I would never work on my professional/ private life much. I want to change that, as I said in my previous journal.
So I started another journal.

After more than one year of rebooting... I finally feel ready to improve the things that really matter, or creating them.

And believe it or not, I feel discouraged for every rebooter here that disappeared and/ or deleted his account. I can only assume that these men gave up.
Never give up! There is so much to be achieved in life. I will show.

Cheers!

It's 8 days since my last relapse. Morning wood came back yesterday but my libido is still gone. I'm very unhappy with my situation. Couldn't imagine I'm still that vulnerable to stimuli.

Anyway, I'm preparing for exams. I need to push myself harder than usually. I noticed when I have zero sex drive my ambitions are gone as well.
In this situation you need to remind yourself that even though you would rather sleep right now, your future self wanted you to work even in times of struggle.

That's all for now.

Cheers!

EDIT: Forgot to mention something. I watched an episode of a famous call in show and the topic was "pornography". Out of the 7 callers 2 talked about being addicted to porn and another caller talked about his brother who is addicted to porn.
They did not mention erection problems but they all admitted that porn was ruining their lives and made relationships impossible. All three addicts never had a girlfriend for more than a few weeks and one of the callers keeps getting fired from his jobs because he has to watch porn in the morning, so he would come late too often.
The host was not surprised. Porn addiction is a well known problem nowadays.

I hardly have anything bad to report, apart from masturbating yesterday. Reset my counter of course.

The difficulty of nofap suddenly increased for me. I have my libido back and it works very differently from porn cravings. I consider it a good sign though it will take some discipline and learning to get back on track. I still desire to reach the goal of one year of nofap, just for myself.

I'm doing fine. I get morning wood everyday, when I see something sexual or realize the possibility of sex I get a chubby, new word I learned from the internet. When I masturbated my erection was perfect and remained for a minute after I was finished. My fantasies are very close to what I had as a young teenager, as far as I can remember.

The rest of my private life seems to go alright. I go to the gym maybe once a week, I would go more often but I need to study for upcoming exams.

I might have someone to get into a relationship with. Nothing I'm sure about yet, girls change their minds about guys very quickly.
I feel tempted to try it out, though I feel very insecure. The last time I made out was 8 months ago and my penis was flaccid most of the time. I'm scared of emberassing myself. I guess many guys here can understand.

That's all for now.
Cheers!

Hi Diesel Driver! Congrats on your progress so far you're doing great man.

I want to ask you a question as you seem as someone who has already gathered a big knowledge about this topic. Will it never be possible for us to masturbate frequently again (like 2-3 times in a week) even if we are cured?

Tyler

TylerDurden08 said:

Hi Diesel Driver! Congrats on your progress so far you're doing great man.

I want to ask you a question as you seem as someone who has already gathered a big knowledge about this topic. Will it never be possible for us to masturbate frequently again (like 2-3 times in a week) even if we are cured?

Tyler

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Hi Tyler,

there are different opinions and experiences on this topic. I don't consider myself cured yet and don't masturbate frequently.
I would say it is possible to masturbate 2-3 times a week (of course not to porn, not with a too firm grip and without edging). In fact if you stay completely abstinent you might have wet dreams at least every second week anyway.

After I masturbated one morning I still got a chubby in the shower, as I do frequently for some time now. While I seemed to still have my basic erectile function my libido decreased a little but this is normal.

Depending on your PIED experiences you will be more careful and more sensitive to your sexuality. If something changes you will feel it clearly and immediately. And react accordingly.

Cheers!

If you look at my counter you will notice I relapsed today.

What can I say. It's hard for me to focus and stay abstinent at the moment. Masturbation is just so easy and the possibility sticks to us 24/7.

I don't have dramatic chaser effects, hangovers or even flatline, so I could masturbate from time to time but inspite of this I'd rather continue nofap. I'm convinced I can recover some more and going hardmode will accellerate the process.
Not only that but having good libido feels great and helps with women. It gives me a bit more assertiveness which I would lack if it wasn't for my sex drive. I hope I can report about having good sex anytime soon. And of course reach better nofap streaks.

Cheers!

Wish you success this time.
you never lose in this game.
you can always start again.

congrats on staying on path to reboot.
never give up

Thanks risingagain2016,

you are right. I can always start again. I have to always start again. The challenge will stay with me forever until I have met it.

I managed to get some alone time that I wanted to use to reflect on nofap. I didn't come very far. No fancy epiphany I coud share. The only thing that will help me is discipline.
I feel horny like a teenager all the time. Anyway that's much better than flatline.

Cheers!

I'm picking up momentum again. Reliable morning wood and penis feels alright, libido rather mediocre but improving. Things look promising.

Right now much frustration.

A girl I was seeing became rather distant and I finally let her go. She didn't message me since then so I can forget about her. What a waste of time and hope.
Anyway, I'm writing finals and have not much time for anything else. My studies seperate me from my hobbies and I'm beginning to feel sick from the lack of sun light and fresh air. Hopefully I can pass my finals and recover from the stress.

Penis health: stable. Urges: managable.

Just checking by to read and comment. I'm a bit stressed and it effects my libido a little bit. Other than that everything is as always.

I masturbated this morning. Woke up with a good erection that remained for a long time. I was staying in bed late as I have nowhere to go to atm. My thoughts got sexual and somehow I remembered a sexual encounter I had totally forgotten. This thought was very tempting and I masturbated.

I should be more careful in the morning. Every lapse I had the last few weeks happened in the morning as the abuse of my morning wood.

I ended a three week streak today. Not too pleased with myself. I had rather mediocre streaks for some time now.

Diesel driver said:

I masturbated this morning. Woke up with a good erection that remained for a long time. I was staying in bed late as I have nowhere to go to atm. My thoughts got sexual and somehow I remembered a sexual encounter I had totally forgotten. This thought was very tempting and I masturbated.

I should be more careful in the morning. Every lapse I had the last few weeks happened in the morning as the abuse of my morning wood.

I ended a three week streak today. Not too pleased with myself. I had rather mediocre streaks for some time now.

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Hey man, good to see you're still up.
Really interesting to read your thoughts and projects on growing up in personal/professional areas. Hope studies and exams are going alright.

Here's my tip to deal with morningwood temptations. Been testing it so far and it's being good.
It involves any activity you enjoy/have to do and your cellphone/an alarm clock.

First of all, set your alarm to the time you have to wake up.
Then, put it away from the bedroom, along with stuff you need to do it.
Suppose you enjoy running, for example: put your running equipment somewhere over the couch, along with the alarm clock over it.
Other smart strategy is to put it on the bathroom, along with the day's clothes, so you can wake up and jump straightaway to the shower.

By the way, I believe this article from YBOP might help you. I saw myself constantly doing these mistakes. Perhaps you can find this tips as helpful as I found.

You can nail it.

Cheers,
L.

Thanks Leir, I read the article a couple of times. These basics are very important and sometimes I get too fixated on my counter. I would do better if I just ignored it.

Being better organized (having my clothes ready in the bathroom) seems to be a step into the right direction. I have to think about the trick with the alarm clock near pleasurable things. Maybe next to my computer?

Anyway, glad to have you back!
Cheers!

I'm not done yet with all of my exams. There are still a few to take next month.

Although I actually should not "waste" my time with anything else than studies my private life is now going better than ever.
I improved my relationship with my family, found a few cool new hobbies and also some good people to motivate me. I'm growing close to a girl. None of those things were forced. Those changes happened on their own.

Also it has been quite a long time since my last beer. Not that I pushed myself not to drink anymore. I just "forgot" about beer.

Same with masturbation. I didn't log in here for the last few days because I wanted to ride that wave of indifference to PMO. To me forgetting about nofap completely vs pushing yourself into it is the holy grail of nofap.
Right now I can honestly say that my life is pretty cool. Luck is on my side and everything becomes clearer.

Cheers!

It's going good.

Not much to tell anymore. I feel confident enough to look for girls now. To "rewire".

I'm not living in a sex and relationship friendly culture. Also my lifestyle is not very social (my choice). It will be kinda tough to find someone. But I did it before.

I fear I will not update my journal anymore unless I have a sexual experience to talk about. This is all that is missing now and maybe I should have managed to do this much earlier.

Anyway. Cheers.

Diesel driver said:

It's going good.

Not much to tell anymore. I feel confident enough to look for girls now. To "rewire".

I'm not living in a sex and relationship friendly culture. Also my lifestyle is not very social (my choice). It will be kinda tough to find someone. But I did it before.

I fear I will not update my journal anymore unless I have a sexual experience to talk about. This is all that is missing now and maybe I should have managed to do this much earlier.

Anyway. Cheers.

Click to expand...

Hey man,

It's really awesome to hear that. I'm glad to see that you went from "I'm dealing with PIED" to "I'm ready to rewire".
I'm curious, though. You said things around you will make tough to find someone. How the environment is affecting you?

As for a not very social lifestyle, it can be really good. Having your own space and conditions to focus on yourself can be great, too!
But I'm sure you know this as much as I do.

Really happy to see this progress, man.
I believe in you. You got a woman before, you can have it again.

Cheers,
L.

Hey Leir,

thanks for replying. I sure do enjoy my alone time. Right now all of my hobbies are not social because this way I get the most joy out of it. A social hobby however is always an option/ some of my hobbies can be practiced with partners.

See the problem is where I live people don't date much in general. We don't have a trendy dating app like the US Americans have, like tinder for example. There are of course dating apps but they don't have much traffic.

Also approaching women in real life is a touchy subject. Here everything is about reputation. Even one rejection can seriously limit your prospects on a great social life. Being known for being bad with women is one of the worst things that can happen.

The girls I dated btw all sent strong signals of interest to me so it would almost be inappropriate not to make a move.
I have alright conversation skills and look good however not very in touch with the latest fashion. I have a car. Extremely helpful for attraction but I'm most of the time too humble or too emberassed to mention.

This is how I roll. If everything fails I could still go to a dancing class where men and women are more or less forced to flirt. I would however prefer not to simply because I think dancing is boring. I appreciate your support very much.

Cheers!

Hey man,

Haven't seen you for about a month. Things okay with you?

Keep in touch with us

Cheers,
L.

Guess who's back? 

Wow I made my last post in march. To me it seemed I didn't drop by for a year or so.
It was for the better. Visiting this website again actually reminds me of dark times (and who the hell is this guy in my profile pic??) My life improved much. Yeah I'm still struggling with this and that but I see the light.

I have overcome my porn addiction. I don't even think about watching. I don't even think about not watching. I still have the habit of looking away whenever something sexual is shown in a video or in a TV show. Although right now there is nothing that can trigger me anymore.
Quitting masturbation and fantasizing still requires effort but I'm doing it. I actually deleted my counter. No need to keep counting anymore.

So the real reason I write again is because yesterday I orgasmed inside a woman for the very first time in my life (with condom btw). It is a truly interesting experience for someone who has never done it. And a major milestone for me.
Before I have either required masturbation or oral sex. Sometimes I just would skip orgasming. Confuses some girls and some actually take offense. As if they think that I feel they don't deserve to make me orgasm. But sometimes not orgasming is the better choice for myself because orgasms are a heavy dopamine release and can still cause flatline symptoms for me.

I can have sex. I can get an erection from real women. However...
I can only do sex positions that are easy for me.
While real sex jumpstarts my libido for a few days, I still get hangovers and flatline symptoms.
Too few morning erections (once or twice a week)
I don't try often but I believe I cannot get an erection from touch alone.
I'm still trying to find the balance between viewing women as sex objects or asexual beings.
During sex, especially during foreplay, I get back into voyeur mode and get very passive (this could also be inexperience and not PMO damage)
After orgasming the session is over, nothing can make me hard again.
Though much more confident, I'm still too insecure about my sex drive to start a long term realtionship.

"So, Diesel, what is the next step?"
Abstaining more. From real women, too. I have been doing some good rewiring, lost a great deal of anxiety and nervousness in bed, improved my health, said good bye to porn forever.
But orgasms and even sex is too heavy for me. It's like hitting my head with a frying pan. Leaves me numb, dizzy and weak.

To be honest, I worked hard to be where I am now. But for some people this is actually the point where they get into nofap/ no PMO. "Oh no, I think something is wrong with me. I can only get and stay hard from doggy style. And when I see women I have to imagine them doing doggy style with me. Is this normal? Help"
The typical newbie intro. After one and a half year of rebooting I am finally on the level of the average noob. But I'm proud.

And with these orgasms.. even though they are from real life women.. my reboot will take too long.
I will give myself a well deserved rest. I'm in for doing 90 days again. Then I might try sex again. Not good enough after that? Another 90 days 

Not sure if I start journaling again. It could make sense but the real magic happens for me when I just focus on a hobby or science. You all know the elephant. Don't think about him. Ha, you thought about him!

When I'm done and all points I listed above are no longer true you are definately going to hear about it. Then I will finally make my last entry here on this board which is going to be in the success stories section.

Cheers!