Steps to my true self

Hi guys. This is my first diary, welcome everyone. I'm from Russia, 22, 10-years experience in porn
It's been 3 months since the moment I realized, that I'm addicted. Right now I'm trying to explore something new about the addiction everyday, cuz It helps me.

The main problem now is, fetishes. It's about bdsm and such crazy stuff. One interesting thing about It is - I do NOT want It in my REAL life. I want to  quit. I want not to want It.

Tomorrow will be my birthday, I will be 23. All I want for It - new life. Life full of life. Life without porn and fantasies. So my goal right now is to make It without porn and wanking for 3 weeks and see, If the urges weaken. Thank you all guys, wish you all the best.

P.s. It took me 1 hour to pass the captcha while registrating and I did It, I thing this is a good omen

Wassup, guys. Haven't posted for 2 weeks. Now it's my 4th day of nofap (no PMO). Feeling good.

Today was a strange day. I don't feel any real hard urges and fantasies, but everywhere I see referencies. Girls wearing slut clothes, almost porn pictures in random groupes on social networks, even while scrolling a group of a cartoon! That's shit.

Now is 11 p.m., I feel pressure. Maybe, I will go for a night run, but legs are still hurting after yesterday's run. Alright, it's worth it. I want to build a new life without porn and fantasies. New life with new myself.
Thank you all guys, love.

Yeah social media and even youtube feeds can be a mind feild of tempting thumbnails and images. Youve got to really be careful, escpecially now in the early stages. When you encounter one of those things, like a slut wearing revealing clothes, or even an animated image of such, immediately remove yourself form it physically. Get up and walk away. reset your mind then calmy navigate away from it

Thank you Fappy for a reply. I'll try

Now is again the same thing. Have watched a movie Don Jon by Gordon-Levitt. A good one, but there's too much p*rn in it. So, here we go again, 0 days.

Good news - have watched Gabe Deem's last video and got some insights:

1. Let's make a small hell and a small heaven. When It gets dark and I try to sleep, the urges come. For the coming week I will wear a rubber band on my hand. When the fantasies will come - I'll make myself hurt. 1 week without PMO is my goal now.

2. I must focus on what I want to build, not what I want to escape or destroy.

What do I want to build in my life?

1. Small business with my friend. We already have the idea, on tuesday we'll meet & discuss what do we need to do right now.
2. A body I want. I have started running a month ago - and I still do and love It. Also bought myself a jumping rope - it's good stuff.
3. Positive relationship with myself - right now I'm doing some spiritual practics and discover my own fears, doubts, learn to control my thoughts. I desire to accept and love myself totally.

So, to sum up - I'll do 1 week without porn right now. Also will write here everyday for this 1 week.

Thank you guys, all the best

Hi guys, first day went well, but there is also first night coming...

Today I had a great chance to get acquainted with a girl. She was working at a coffee shop, I was with my friend, joking with her while ordering a coffee. The best thing - I saw her eyes, she was watching in mine too. That was awesome. But, as In the past, didn't took her number. Well, at least I'm getting more confident, than I was a year, or even half a year ago.

Tomorrow is also a good day - I am planning to meet with my friend, with whom we are going to start a small business.

A little bit negative thing - right now I'm working on social platform, writing some articles. Last week, they are being extremely unpopular. I have no profit. But trying to continue working and keeping my head up.

Guys, If you want to cheer me up a little, I would be grateful. Thank you for reading and replying, I feel myself a little bit stronger with this forum. Another post of mine will be here tomorrow, at night.

Peace

I understand how you feel, but continue to be positive and start believing in what you can do better.

Thanks a lot, Gambitchco! Wish you everything well too, you can do It.

So, the second day went well. Have slept really bad (I had to eat a sandwich at 1 p.m. to finally fall asleep), woke up early and went to work.

After, I had a meeting with my friend-mentor - a great woman, who helped me very much in the past, and still does so. We were working on my victim mentality. And I think, my p*rn addiction is connected to this.

It was a big and tough day for me, another step to MySelf. Also, today I wrote a list of my new values - I mean, what values do I carry to this world, people and myself. Maybe, It's gonna be a tough night too, cuz I accidentally (really accidentally!) have seen some semi-erotic photos. Right now, I feel some urges.

Alright, gentlemen. Sorry for my English, i'm trying to be understandable.

Hope you all have a great week.

And the last thing for today. Remember: If you relapsed, but you continue to make some steps forward, learn new information everyday and believe in yourself, you didn't gave up. If you are here, on this website, even just thinking (and very little doing) of a new life, you are the Champion.
Much Love

Almost midnight, 3rd day off. 3rd night is coming.

Another good and active day, I had plenty of work, now feel myself tired. But urges are becoming strong. I even doubt If I can go through with them tonight. Don't know how I can stop It, when I start to "want" It :-\

Anyway, guys, even If I relapse, I will try to love and accept MySelf, and get back. Goodnight everyone, stay positive

Relapsed after 4 days. Twice.

Day 1, men. Starting from the bottom.

Some insights I had after my relapse:

1. I need to build a discipline of doing good things daily. Morning: 10 mins of spiritual practices + 1 chapter of nofap book + cold shower. Evening: 20 pages of my book + 20 mins of spiritual practices
2. I need to be comfortable being uncomfortable. When I don't want to do some good stuff - I'm not thinking of It like "oh, I don't want to do It"... well, I may think so, but only while already DOING those things.

Don't know how to end this post. Let's make another step to our true selves. Right now

Haven't been there for almost 2 weeks. Tried to reboot, but relapsed many times. Here's a thought after today's relapse: every relapse is a lesson. A lesson, from which you can gain some experience.

A good thing happened to me: I learned to transform my lust to p*rn into my lust to NOT watch p*rn. It's hard to explain, but it's like my total mindfullness is raising bit by bit.

And one more thought: It would be great to find myself a girl. Don't know If It's right, while being addictive on p*rn, but I want someone with whom I can be truly open and honest and feel support. Don't know. Maybe I'm just too weak right now and want to be a victim who gets attention... anyway, not getting up. Becoming stronger every moment.

Good luck anyone

- Tony