I know it's early, but I'm discouraged

57yrold

57yrold

Active Member
I'm 40 days no PMO.

While I'm proud of myself for this achievement, I'm not seeing any benefits at all.  Not really even seeing any changes.

I realize that it's still early.  I know Gabe took six months, so 40 days is nothing, but I'd like to at least see something.

No wet dreams, no morning wood, no erection when my wife and I fool around.  Zero.

The only thing that's different is that I'm super attracted to my wife.  I can't keep my hands off her and we kiss, cuddle, and fool around often.  I love her so much!

NO PMO though.  Even when we're messing around.  Neither one of us touches my penis.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

THANKS!
 
R

Reboot_Dude

Active Member
The response to all these types of questions is to just keep going. Even if you fail and relapse, just get back to it. There is no other answer, you will eventually see progress.
 
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sleepking69

Member
I have two things to say.

First, you said this:
The only thing that's different is that I'm super attracted to my wife.
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Is that not a significant benefit that you should be appreciative of? This improvement is evidence that you're on the right path, there seems to be no reason to believe that this improvement will halt.

Second, I seriously hope you don't take offense to this, but I feel like this needs to be said:

Calm down. I've seen a bunch of your posts on this website, and so many of them are complaints about lack of progress, doubts, etc. This journey is tough man, look at all the other journals describing 6 month, 12 month, 2 year long journeys! Impatience serves absolutely no purpose. Just trust the process, be thankful for what you have, and keep pushing forward.

Good luck, and lmk if you have anything to say.
 
57yrold

57yrold

Active Member
sleepking69 said:
Calm down.
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While I appreciate your comments, I have to disagree with you that I've complained, etc.

I think the one thing that I've been consistent on is my resolve.  I will never look at porn again, period.

And I won't MO until one of two things happens:

1.  My ED and DE are gone

or...

2.  I die


So although I do wish I were further along the reboot path, I feel like I'm doing OK.  I think it's natural to be discouraged, after all, you yourself said this journey is tough.

Regardless, I'm going to stick with the program.  If it takes 90 days, or 90 months, I'll stick with the program.
 
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elephantricity

Active Member
I havent noticed any complaining from you 57. Anyways, I wonder if any of the more seasoned no PMOers know whats the longest its taken someone to rewire their brain? Without relapse also.. no going 6 months, relapsing, then going another 6 months to equal a year. Every story ive heard, the longest seems to be a year and a half.

Honestly this isnt to long when you consider hard drug addiction. It took me around 5 years of clean time from opiates to start to feel the full spectrum of emotions again. I didnt really date during that time either. I have to think drug addiction and porn addiction live in the same parts of the brain. Although a hit of an opiate wity release MUCH more endorphins than a hit of porn. So perhaps this is why a porn rewire shouldnt take as long as a drug addiction rewire.
 
57yrold

57yrold

Active Member
elephantricity said:
I havent noticed any complaining from you 57. Anyways, I wonder if any of the more seasoned no PMOers know whats the longest its taken someone to rewire their brain? Without relapse also.. no going 6 months, relapsing, then going another 6 months to equal a year. Every story ive heard, the longest seems to be a year and a half.

Honestly this isnt to long when you consider hard drug addiction. It took me around 5 years of clean time from opiates to start to feel the full spectrum of emotions again. I didnt really date during that time either. I have to think drug addiction and porn addiction live in the same parts of the brain. Although a hit of an opiate wity release MUCH more endorphins than a hit of porn. So perhaps this is why a porn rewire shouldnt take as long as a drug addiction rewire.
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Thanks so much for the reply.  I appreciate it!

Sleepingking69 mentioned '6 month, 12 month, 2 year journeys'

I fully expect this to take more than the standard 90 days, but like I said, my resolve is very strong.

I know for a fact I can make it the rest of my life without looking at porn, and I plan on sticking to the program (NO PMO) until my ED/DE are cured.

 
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sleepking69

Member
I'm not trying to be a hater or anything, just let me defend my claim:

"I know it's early, but I'm discouraged"

"I'm quite positive I'll never get an erection again in my lifetime."

"What if I'm going through all this hardmode shit for nothing?  What if I hardmode for 5 years and still can't get an erection?  WTF then?"

"I know I'm going to take more time, and that's OK, but man I feel like crap lately."

"I'm still completely lacking confidence that this process is going to get my erections back."

"But right now I'm really, really down and this really, really sucks. Frustrated as hell..."

"I'm 99.9% positive this isn't going to work.  I'm not going to get my erections back.  I would bet money on this...."

"Right now all I feel is pessimism and frustration."

"I still have very little confidence this is going to work"

"This is incredibly frustrating.  I'm frustrated that I didn't start with hard mode.  I'm frustrated that I seem to be stuck in this flatline.  I'm frustrated that I'm seeing no improvement what so ever. Just really frustrated."

I only looked at the 10 most recent posts and got all of this shit man. If you still believe you have a good mindset then fine, I'll trust you, but all I'm saying is maybe this process will be easier if you were a bit more patient and trusted the process a bit more. Just trying to give out some tough love, you feel?

But you do you man, good luck in your journey.
 
57yrold

57yrold

Active Member
sleepking69 said:
I'm not trying to be a hater or anything, just let me defend my claim:

"I know it's early, but I'm discouraged"

"I'm quite positive I'll never get an erection again in my lifetime."

"What if I'm going through all this hardmode shit for nothing?  What if I hardmode for 5 years and still can't get an erection?  WTF then?"

"I know I'm going to take more time, and that's OK, but man I feel like crap lately."

"I'm still completely lacking confidence that this process is going to get my erections back."

"But right now I'm really, really down and this really, really sucks. Frustrated as hell..."

"I'm 99.9% positive this isn't going to work.  I'm not going to get my erections back.  I would bet money on this...."

"Right now all I feel is pessimism and frustration."

"I still have very little confidence this is going to work"

"This is incredibly frustrating.  I'm frustrated that I didn't start with hard mode.  I'm frustrated that I seem to be stuck in this flatline.  I'm frustrated that I'm seeing no improvement what so ever. Just really frustrated."

I only looked at the 10 most recent posts and got all of this shit man. If you still believe you have a good mindset then fine, I'll trust you, but all I'm saying is maybe this process will be easier if you were a bit more patient and trusted the process a bit more. Just trying to give out some tough love, you feel?

But you do you man, good luck in your journey.
Click to expand...

You've got too much time on your hands dude.

 
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r_ryan85

Member
hey I want to share some words of encouragement. I

n the last few weeks I've been able to have sex without assistance of anything (pills etc).

I'm on day 122 no porn.

It was about 110 days or so before I could have sex - and it was terrible (on my part).

But it's slowly improving - very slowly.
 
57yrold

57yrold

Active Member
r_ryan85 said:
hey I want to share some words of encouragement. I

n the last few weeks I've been able to have sex without assistance of anything (pills etc).

I'm on day 122 no porn.

It was about 110 days or so before I could have sex - and it was terrible (on my part).

But it's slowly improving - very slowly.
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WOW!  THANK YOU SO MUCH!  That really is incredibly encouraging!

I'm sorry you had a tough time with it, but it's amazing that you made it to 122.  Fantastic!  Congratulations!

Great to hear that things got better.  That makes me feel terrific!  Light at the end of the tunnel!

Congrats again, and thanks so much for the encouraging note!
 
M

malando

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
57yrold said:
sleepking69 said:
I'm not trying to be a hater or anything, just let me defend my claim:

"I know it's early, but I'm discouraged"

"I'm quite positive I'll never get an erection again in my lifetime."

"What if I'm going through all this hardmode shit for nothing?  What if I hardmode for 5 years and still can't get an erection?  WTF then?"

"I know I'm going to take more time, and that's OK, but man I feel like crap lately."

"I'm still completely lacking confidence that this process is going to get my erections back."

"But right now I'm really, really down and this really, really sucks. Frustrated as hell..."

"I'm 99.9% positive this isn't going to work.  I'm not going to get my erections back.  I would bet money on this...."

"Right now all I feel is pessimism and frustration."

"I still have very little confidence this is going to work"

"This is incredibly frustrating.  I'm frustrated that I didn't start with hard mode.  I'm frustrated that I seem to be stuck in this flatline.  I'm frustrated that I'm seeing no improvement what so ever. Just really frustrated."

I only looked at the 10 most recent posts and got all of this shit man. If you still believe you have a good mindset then fine, I'll trust you, but all I'm saying is maybe this process will be easier if you were a bit more patient and trusted the process a bit more. Just trying to give out some tough love, you feel?

But you do you man, good luck in your journey.
Click to expand...

You've got too much time on your hands dude.
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I think Sleepking meant well with what he posted - even if you took it otherwise. I think he was just trying to tell you to keep positive and try to remove these negative statements and defeatist ideas out of your mind as much as possible. It's hard to argue with that. It never helps to feel pessimistic. It will help your recovery if you stay positive and take a longer term view, don't worry about the day to day stuff. This isn't an exact science: everybody is on their own journey and timeline. I wish you (and your wife) great success. :)
 
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