Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet

Gabe Deem

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As a 23 year old loser who played video games all day and fapped all night.

I had full blown ED, could not get an erection to ANYTHING other than hardcore porn compilations. Even as a teenager I could only orgasm once and I needed HOURS to go again. I hadn't had morning wood in years. I dropped out of college. I lost several relationships. I couldn't focus on anything. I had social anxiety, no goals, no purpose.

My life after being porn and masturbation free for over 3 years.

No ED whatsoever, can have an orgasm and sometimes my erection doesn't even go down all the way, I wake up almost every morning with a boner that could be used as a jackhammer to break concrete. Started taking classes again, and working on my personal trainer certification. Gained 10 lbs of muscle and lost some fat. In a loving relationship with a beautiful girl. I can literally sit down and read or study when I need to and enjoy it. Confidence is sky high. No social anxiety, I love being around people and enjoying life and making memories with friends and family. I have reached some goals and made new ones, have dreams I am pursuing....

and my purpose, well, I now have a story to tell in hopes to break the cycle for future generations. The pleasure porn offers is cheap, temporary, and does not sustain you. It only hooks you, numbs you, and takes from you the one thing it promised, pleasure.

Life without porn is true pleasure, life without porn is way better!

Keep trucking guys.
 

Gabe Deem

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Since my reboot, I have made several YouTube vids if you want my full advice and how I have gone over 3 years now of no porn or masturbation and one of the main points is to change your mindset to "porn is not an option anymore".

When I realized that porn made me have a limp noodle, laying in bed with a beautiful girl I loved, feeling no arousal at all, seeing the look on her face as I can't get turned on, the tear swelling up in her eye, because she thinks she's not good enough, was so gut-wrenching and life changing. When I found out my selfish pursuit of pleasure through porn was the cause of my pain and the pain I caused others. I decided that no matter how painful recovery was going to be, I was going to go through it.

I had a change of heart and sex became more about love, and less about lust.

Here are the videos just incase anyone missed them.....

Reboot Advice Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0dDLWGMhUo

Porn Induced ED Explained - My Story:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGGxXHBVDYU

Reboot FAQ - Wet Dreams, Porn Dreams, Morning Wood:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=092UH6e0BWA

The Basics Of Rebooting:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4yx4ouxGbQ

Reboot Challenges - Withdrawal Symptoms From Porn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxtQq0jBncc

Porn Myths: The Truth Behind Addiction And Dysfunction
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CKuSYzwFkQ

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Below are frequently asked questions regarding my reboot, with my answers. Some opinions of mine are subject to change and I will update the posts if I learn new information that would be helpful. Much Love!
 

Gabe Deem

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@gameover
Makes me annoyed knowing I wasted a year worth of rebooting with masturbation and porn relapses.

-Man don't be annoyed, look at it as a lesson learned. Everything you have gone through is now wisdom and insight for future guys going through this. Think about how much stronger you are going to be when you overcome this as a person with patience, discipline, and more heart and courage to go through tuff times.

Dude, when I was recovering back in 2011, there was no knowledge (very little) of younger guys taking longer. The suggestions were saying that 6 to 8 weeks was going to be enough. I felt dead inside, had a girl I was lying to about why I would not have sex with her, extreme anxiety and insomnia, laid in bed crying myself to sleep, always thinking about not being able to recover. After 12 weeks and still no sign of improvement I started freaking out man. I was way past the "extended" time frame for recovery and nothing changed. A calm came over me though, and I realized that life is not all about sex, and that if the brain can change, I will go through recovery for as long as it takes to get there.

Then I started getting morning wood, that was progress. Then I started to be able to get hard fooling around, that was progress. I knew seeing some progress meant that "rebooting" was working. I also knew that I had watched a lot of crazy, disgusting, abusive, messed up porn growing up and that I started watching it young when my brain was more vulnerable to sensitization, so I prepared for the worst. (EDIT: To clarify it does not matter what type of porn you are watching, it is the novelty of Internet porn that keeps dopamine high leading to sensitization. I knew I had deeply conditioned my brain to a screen since I watched porn all through my adolescence.)

I can't really explain what I felt when I first found out my selfish lifestyle of watching porn and pleasing myself in my room, while watching girls getting used and abused on a screen, had caused my sexual dysfunction and heartbreak of so many. It changed me, it created a passion and a desire to do something about it.

My eyes were opened to the reality of what porn is. It is dehumanizing and desensitizing, and it takes advantage of peoples wounds, turns them into merely sexual objects, with no care for their well being, their soul, their story of how they got to a point in life to where they let guys record doing degrading things to them for guys all around the world to jack off to with their pants around their ankles. Some with a wife sleeping in the other room who crys herself to sleep because she thinks she isn't beautiful enough to keep her husbands attraction, attention, and affection.

Internet porn, is one of the most destructive things for human relationships in all of history. Once I understood that porn will not lead us to the fullness of joy, it was easy to stay away from.

I no longer desired porn, I view it as unhealthy and sex-negative.
 

Gabe Deem

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@CBGuy1991
I do have a question and it is this, is it the constant clicking of 'new' (jumping from one vid to the next) sensitizing the pathways to porn, or the more hardcore and shocking stuff is??

The main thing is the novelty of Internet Porn. The clicking to "new" images/videos keeping dopamine elevated as well as going to the most intense parts. However, the more shocking and surprising something is the more dopamine is released. So it is partly that too.

Sensitization appears to be the main brain change behind porn induced sexual dysfunctions, and why it takes guys who started on internet porn at a young age longer to recover. We know of one guy who developed ED by clicking through thousands of swimsuit model pictures each session. It's not content, its novelty, and continued use of supernormal stimulation like internet porn.

@hollow
please provide us with information about time u took to start feeling damn better .. to have real sex .. to feel completely healed

It took me 6 months to start feeling better and getting some sex drive and motivation back. To have successful sex it took 9 months, and to feel completely healed to where I could get an erection to my hands touch alone with no porn or fantasy, 15 months.
 

Gabe Deem

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@flump
how is it that some people seem to watch porn (even a lot of porn) and still manage to have heathly relationships and bang thier girlfriends? surley every guy has watched thier fair share of porn, so how come some get ED?

-I can only speculate, but there are a few reasons I can think of why some guys can watch porn and still have sex.

1. The age one started watching internet porn. The younger you started on porn the more likely you will have sensitized your brain to get turned on by a screen rather than a partner. If a guy doesn't start on internet porn during adolescence he will not have wired for porn as deeply as someone who did watch internet porn through adolescence. (Note the fact that I said "internet porn" and not just porn or magazines. Having unlimited supply of novel porn is a huge part of the equation, magazines simply can't deliver the same neurochemical punch and therefore not wire the brain as fast or as deep.

2. How frequent and consistent one watches porn. Some guys only watch a few days a week/month. Guys who develop porn induced dysfunctions may have watched it almost every day for years, like me.

3. Past sexual experience. Some guys have had lots of real life sex along with lots of porn use. These guys have wiring for real partners, guys who have only masturbated to porn do not. This was a huge factor I believe in why it took a while for my porn induced ED to develop, because I had a lot of sex through highschool and college. This is scary to me because I might have even taken longer to reboot, and should be encouraging to guys taking a long time with no sexual past. They may just need more time or simply rewire their brain for a real life partner, the brain is always changing so as long as we are alive rewiring is possible!

4. The way a guy watches porn. Some guys watch one video a session and that is it, or go back to a saved video and keep watching that one video, while other guys edge for hours and keeping dopamine high for very long periods of time. Some guys have multiple tabs open at the same time being bombarded with novelty. All 3 groups of guys are wiring their brain to porn on a screen but the edgers and novelty seekers are surely wiring their brain more deeply. I would both edge when I had time to kill, or search for the perfect scene if I was in a rush.

Some guys are on their way to limp noodle town and they do not even know it. They just might not be there yet, or maybe they do not watch as much porn as you would think or that they say they do. There are MANY factors that go into this...

Just my thoughts there is not a solid answer.. hope that helps.
 

Gabe Deem

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@Rocksen
did you really never relapsed? i just did.... cant believe myself after 100 days. will there be a setback?

- Yes, I haven't watched porn since I began rebooting, and I have not masturbated. It will be fine man, just calm down. One relapse will not erase 100 days of progress. You took 100 steps forward and 1 step back. You are still 99 steps farther along recovery than when you started my man. Don't get caught up in "how far did I set myself back" because there is no answer for this. All you need to know is you have been doing great, and you need to dust yourself off and keep trucking.

@The-French
stop of the semen leakage is a sign of recovery ?
I tought it was a sign of "libido" no ?

Yes, many guys including myself noticed a stop in semen leakage after a few months of rebooting. Not sure why this happens, but it is a commom sign of improvement. Clearly there is more going on that we don't know yet.


@Rocksen
did you experience premature ejaculation when having sex during your reboot?

Yes, but that is to be expected for the first few times typically. It went away quickly, and is nothing to worry about. Karezza (slow, gentle sex without orgasm) also helped with this tremendously for me personally. Sex became more passionate and less performance based.

@foreveroptimistic
In your videos you said that you just came around to thinking 'that p was no longer an option'. I just would like to ask a few questions how did you do that in one go just on that thought?

I hit rock bottom, and I wanted my penis to work at the time more than anything.

@The-French
How long had you avoided PMO before trying to have sex with a girl ?

A little over 100 days, then I still failed when going for sex.

Your "sexual recovery" was linear (no failure during sex), or not linear (some successfull sex and some failures) ?

It was not linear, once I came out of my flatline at around 6 months, I would go back into flatline after I would have an Orgasm. I had some days where I could get hard very easy followed by days where nothing could get me hard.

@ notfeelingit
- Do you get excited about having sex now? Do you get properly turned on/aroused?

Yes and yes.

- Did you experience changes in your ability to enjoy music during PMO and rebooting?

Yes, very slightly. My ability to enjoy everything increased.

- Are you still noticing improvements of any kind now, or do you think you're fully recovered already?

Nothing noticeable. 
 

Gabe Deem

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@19yearoldvirgin
You said it took you 9 months to have sex and 15 months to get hard by your own touch. This is a bit confusing for me us I thought, you had to be able to get hard by your self before being able to have sex. I thought that's how the recovery process should go. It makes sense that you would be bale to get hard by your own touch before getting hard with a woman?

-Yes I said that because it was true in my case. Other guys do report that they can get an erection to their own touch alone before being able to get an erection for sex. It depends on the person and the biggest factor is probably sexual conditioning, or I should say sexual experience. In my opinion though when you have a naked girl touching you wanting sex that should excite you more than your own hand does softly touching yourself. Because I had some wiring for a real partner my brain was able to get excited enough to give me an erection after 9 months of rebooting, and considering I had never masturbated to touch alone my brain was not yet "recovered" to register that as rewarding/exciting.

I can only speculate about "why" I could get hard for sex before touch alone, I do not know for sure. There is still much more to learn. Hope that helps... I wouldn't worry about it
 

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@hollow
are u for or against trying viagra/cialis for having sex while rebooting/rewiring or not?

I am against trying viagra/cialis if you are a young guy with porn induced ED. Our problem is in the brain, not in the penis.

I used Viagra and Cialis before I realized porn was my problem and early during my reboot, and they did not work. Time away from PMO worked for me, and is what guys with PIED need, not dick pills. My advice is stay away.
 

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@episodeIV
I was wondering if you started seeing certain things right before you were able to have sex again.....what were some of the things you were seeing in months 7-8, if it took you 9 months to get cured...

It was very hard to notice anything. I had no clue I was recovered until the anticipation of sex gave me an erection before I even had my clothes off. Plus, my boner stayed without needing constant stimulation.

Some things I noticed before I was recovered...

1. My morning wood had returned, was getting it regularly.
2. I desired sex. (coming out of my flatline feeling, where I could care less about sex)
3. I felt a physical rush when the opportunity of sex came. I felt "turned on".
4. My porn flashbacks had stopped. During my reboot I would get flashbacks of porn I had watched and would get very anxious and brain foggy. These faded with time.

Everyone is different. The only way to know if you no longer have ED, is when you no longer have ED.
 

Gabe Deem

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@lookingahead
Did your porn addiction cause a severe drop, even a complete death, in your libido?

No. Porn "hijacked" my libido. It re-wired my libido to a screen over time, and also raised the bar of what I needed to feel arousal. I was having real life sex and masturbating to porn, but over time internet porn won my desire over real sex, without me realizing it, because its ability to provide an unlimited amount of stimulation due to its unlimited novelty and shock. I always felt like I had a high libido, but in reality I was just craving my addiction...porn.

So over time I stopped pursuing sex as much and was content with masturbating to porn, then eventually when I would get with a girl it was impossible to become aroused, not because I did not have libido, but because I had been re-wired to a screen, and numbed to normal sexual stimulation.

Once I gave up porn then I had no libido, because real sex did not register as exciting to me. Sex was always something I have felt a desire for, I just taught my brain that a screen was where to get it, and it took years of conditioning for that to happen.

@Cuadrado
Do i have to avoid sex for an other time (perhaps 3 months more) to reboot better, and to improve my dopamine level. And then rewire....

No, the only thing you need to do is avoid porn. However, avoiding orgasm for a period of time might be beneficial and help you recover faster, but everyone is different. I cannot give you a for sure answer on what you need to do. Hope the best for you.

@filguy81
Did you take anything like meds, supplements, herbal stuff, etc that helped you in your reboot?

No. I just ate a healthy balanced diet and exercised frequently.

For protein I eat eggs, fish, turkey beef, chicken etc.
For carbs I eat brown rice, sweet potatoes, granola etc.
For fat I eat natural peanut butter, avocados, almonds etc.
For my greens I eat celery and spinach leaves.
Nothing special.

my mom gave me this supplement called MaxGXL......Have you or anyone in this forum taken this supplement? I was wondering if it might behelpful in rebooting.

No I do not know anything about it. I do not think it would be helpful in rebooting, because if porn is your problem it is a brain wiring problem and nothing else. You have numbed your brain to pleasure, and wired it to crave porn. We need time away from porn and contact with a real person. We do not "need" supplements, unless porn is not the problem. See a good doctor when in doubt.

@reelpainer
so m I on my way to quit it? If not then what are the suggestions?

I had a hard time understanding your post man. If you are trying to give up porn, you are on your way to recovery. My advice is get busy doing other healthy things like exercise and spending time with friends and family. Watch my "Porn Induced ED Advice Video" for more suggestions. Learn about porn addiction by reading yourbrainonporn.com , read recovery stories, post here for support, and get active with F.A.P. activities... (Fun, Active, Productive). Be patient and relax, there is hope.
 

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@bluediamond
curious as to how often you got spontaneous erections throughout your reboot?

-I think just one, but even that one I do not think was so "spontaneous" but rather me day dreaming about a sexual experience without realizing it. Spontaneous erections are more of a teenage thing than a grown man thing. We develop what I like to call "boner control" as we mature into grown men and our brains fully develop. Spontaneous erections are a good sign if you get them for sure, but if you are not under the age of 20 I wouldn't be concerned if you do not get them. My opinion.

@ro_man
See the thing about your case is that I can bet any amount of money you were good with girls even while addicted to porn. You're a good looking guy (no homo), so I can bet you still had girls wanting you. That's not the case for a lot of us here.

-My ability or inability to get girls to want me is not an important part of my story, other than the fact that I had a limp penis when going for sex with a a very attractive girl who....well, wanted me. The main points of my story are that I became desensitized to normal sexual stimulation, sexually conditioned my brain to only get turned on by shocking and novel porn. After years of over stimulation I lost my drive for life, and motivation to do anything. I quit porn and masturbation and over time regained my sexual function and motivation for life.

Focusing on someone else's situation and ability to get girls will not help you or anyone on this forum and is irrelevant. There are over 4 billion women out their and I assure you many of them would want to be with you if you pursue them and show them you will care for and love them.

If you use this reboot time to improve your life in all areas, health and knowledge being two biggies, as well as develop a view of sexuality that is based on love and not lust. You will have no problem getting a girl to want you.

You only have one life, do the best you can with it.... "worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere" - Van Wilder
 

Gabe Deem

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@19yearoldvirgin
should i retrain my brain to get an erection by my own touch, by lightly touching myself every so often.

I would stay away from this personally. Every now and then to test is fine but I encourage guys to stay away from that too as much as possible. I only tested a few times, spaced out over several months. I did not care about being able to get an erection to my touch, I only cared about getting an erection to a real woman.

So it's up to you, it is your own experiment and recovery. My advice is to only do this when you are testing, and to space "testing" out.

I tested at 1 year and still could not get it up to touch alone. Took me a few more months. However, I could have sex so I did not care if my hand got me going or not at that point.

Interesting note: In the movie Don Jon he could not masturbate without porn, but he could still have sex. This is how I was right before I was fully recovered. So, not being able to masturbate without porn (i.e. to touch alone) is a strong indicator for PIED, but does not always mean you can't get it up for sex.

EDIT: I suggest staying away from Don Jon or any triggering movie until you feel recovered and in a healthy mental state. I probably would have had an anxiety attack if I watched it during my reboot.
 

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@lastchance 
Can you remember when you started getting morning wood again? Did it come in "waves", or did it stay with you once it came?

It was gradual for me.

First 3 months no morning wood at all
Months 4-9 were mixed with occasional morning wood anywhere from 60% to 100% hard
Months 10 to 14 pretty consistent morning wood (about 3 days a week)100% hard.
Months 15 to present (32 months) regular morning wood 100% hard (4 or 5 days a week). There have been mornings I've laid in bed for hours with a boner that would not go down.

Also, when I first started getting morning wood it would go down as soon as I stood up, over the months it stayed longer and longer. Now I can walk around for a few minutes with a towel hanging on it.

Some things to remember: if you wake up to an alarm. Morning Wood usually happens during REM (rapid eye movement) or shortly after, so if you wake up to an alarm or some other sound you may not have been in REM sleep.

If you get morning wood that is a indication that your penis is fine and the problem is in your brain. Some sexual health practitioners will say that if you can get nocturnal erections than your Erectile Dysfunction is anxiety related because your penis works fine. However that is not true in the case of porn induced ED because they do not know or refuse to acknowledge the physiological changes porn can cause.

Morning wood does not mean that you're cured. It IS a sign your headed in the right direction and your junk is not broken, but rather your brains wired for porn.
 

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@JG55
There may not be an answer to this question. How much rewiring does it take to heal?

There is not an answer for that as everyone is different, just do the best you can and report what happens.

How long after starting did you notice a difference?

After about 6 months I started to see some libido coming back, and could feel some desire and arousal for a real girl.

@Sticky
did you drink / get drunk during your reboot?

Yea a few times. My advice would be to stay away from getting "wasted", but I highly encourage going out and having a good time and enjoying life when the opportunity comes, and drinking here and there is fine.

When you had wet dreams did you wake up the next day feeling... fucking terrible?

Not really, I never noticed much after a wet dream. My dreams in general during my reboot and after became more vivid and "real"... not important just something I noticed.

Any advice on avoiding wet dreams?

I was more likely to have a wet dream if I was sexually excited right before falling asleep. Just something I noticed. But no, wet dreams in my experience were pretty random and are nothing to worry about. It is out of your control and when you have one you are not reinforcing the addiction pathways and behavior. So it's all good if you have one, just wipe off, and enjoy the day.

@lastchance
I would like to ask you about your drive for live/motivation/pleasure in nonsexual things. How long did it take for those things to get normal?

My motivation and drive for life came back around the same time I felt rebooted, maybe a little before at around 8 months. My mind started to clear up and my anxiety went away. As I learned more about the brain and it's ability to change our entire lives I became more confident that I was going to recover. I became very motivated to be proactive about my reboot and start putting energy into other healthy things like learning, sports, relationships, and work.

A huge part of my motivation comes from the realization that probably millions will suffer from this who wouldn't if they simply had the information about the potential negative impact porn can have on them. Seeing people suffer from this is what motivates me the most, because I know exactly how scary, heart breaking, and frustrating it is to be a young man with a dysfunction that could have easily been avoided had I had the right information.
 

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  • @ Que_Curioso
    tell me, in short, what did you do during your reboot to recover so well?

    I did two simple things: [list type=decimal]
  • Avoided all artificial sexual stimulation. See post below for more details of what this looked like for me.
  • Consistently rewired to a real woman

I was constantly around real people during my reboot. I spent countless hours with my girlfriend dancing, kissing, laughing, holding hands, cuddling watching movies, touching, occasionally things got sexual. Remember also, that I had a lot of sexual experiences in my teenage years and up through college. So surely this helped.

I was constantly trying to be as healthy as possible and replace the void in my brain with new healthy pathways. I don't talk about it much, but I also gave up video games and cut back on all forms of entertainment.

Another thing I did on occasion was fast. I went to the woods during my reboot and fasted for a few days and did nothing but read books and drink water. I basically cut off all forms of entertainment and high dopamine releasing activities for a period of time. I really found this to be beneficial. Intermittent fasting has been shown to improve brain function.

ALL my spare time was spent reading and learning about addiction, or reading posts on the forums.

Pretty much everything I did I covered in this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0dDLWGMhUo

I heard that you did 4-3-3 months of abstinence. Did you relapse? How much did you spread out your orgasms (after you stopped abstaining, of course) to avoid flatline?

No I did not relapse. I haven't looked at porn or masturbated in 1217 days. No desire to at all.

Yea I first went over 100 days no P,M or O. I did however have a few wet dreams. At around 6 months I started to feel libido coming back, I then had an orgasm about every 4/5 weeks through oral sex. Months 6 through 8 I failed at vaginal sex, but could get it up for oral. After each of these orgasms I went back into what felt like a deep flatline for a few weeks.

Then around month 9 I no longer had porn-induced ED and could have sex. From that point on (knowing that I didn't want to overstimulate my brain too soon) I spaced my orgasms out anywhere from 2 to 4 weeks for a few more months. I felt improvement for the first 2 years. Although I was fully functional sexually around month 15, I continued to feel improvements in clarity of mind and motivation.[/list]
 

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@ Johnny Rotten
"This leads to a question: how do you, Gabe, avoid porn?"

-Well, there are a few things I did early on in my reboot that helped, and some things I still do to help me avoid porn. But first let me say this. The moment I realized my selfish behavior of pleasing myself with porn caused my ED, and the pain I caused several girls whose hearts and self esteem I crushed, my hearts desires changed and I had the mindset of never watching porn again the rest of my life. From day one of my reboot I have had anger and disgust build up in me when I would think about porn. I was willing to go through hell and suffer my way through recovery because, to be honest I needed to. I was a young man who lacked discipline and self control and every man needs those traits.

*Lessons not learned in blood are easily forgotten* In other words, temporary suffering can be good for you

I hit rock bottom and felt the weight of knowing that porn destroyed my ability to make love. My ability to enjoy a beautiful girls smile was gone. My imagination was gone, I no longer wondered what sex would be like, I thought about what it looked like in the porn I watched. I no longer felt connected during sex, but felt like I was using girls as my personal sex toys. Knowing porn physically changed my brain to be like this was enough reason to never want to watch it again.

But other than my mindset, I did a few things I believe helped early on.

1. I took my laptop out of my room- I did this not because I was afraid I was going to relapse, but because I knew that when you see something associated with your addiction, your brain automatically releases dopamine to motivate you to do said addiction. A study showed cocain addicts brains light up with dopamine when showed pictures of cocain or other pictures they relate to their addiction.

Also, this helped keep me at ease when I went to sleep I would not be tempted to get on the computer and lay in bed for a few hours surfing facebook and waisting good sleep time.

2. I stopped watching TV - No TV except for the occasional family/friend hangout of watching a show or a sports game.

3. Stopped watching R rated movies - unless I knew for sure their would not be any porn scenes in them. Even though I could have handled watching them I did not want my brain to fire up my porn circuits AT ALL during my reboot.

4. Gave up facebook - and all other sites except for YBOP and other educational sites/forums.

5. Stopped reading magazines - I would skim through bodybuilding magazines and sports illustrated and they were filled with sexual ads. I would find myself doing more looking and less reading.

6. Stopped listening to the radio - During my flatline, when I was depressed, and when my anxiety was high, hearing all the songs about sex this, sex that, sex all night long blah blah blah would piss me off and make me sick of how our culture is so over sexualized I had to give it up for a while.

7. Tried to hang around friends and other people as much as possible.

8. Got busy doing other healthy things - I have always been into working out, but I picked up the amount of time I was working out, got a full time job, went back to school, started reading tons of books, playing guitar, and publicly talking about this addiction with people.

9. Got rid of any and all porn that I had - deleted everything off my computer, through away magazines and dvd's etc.

10. Shared my story with others - Talked to my girl about my porn induced ED, my friends, my family. This was very key for me, I know that most guys will not want to do this, I didn't either, but for me I knew it was what I needed to do, and if me sharing my story might save one of my friends or even some stranger from going through the pain I went through, then a little temporary embarrasment on my part is fine with me. Plus, if they laughed at me, I would beat them to a pulp or simply punch them in their throat...just kidding. I do strongly encourage everyone to at least journal here or somewhere and share your story and get/give support. It took me over 6 months before I was willing to talk about it. Wish I would have sooner but at first I was too ashamed.
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Those are just some of the things I did to avoid porn.

Unfortunately staying away from porn in our world today is going to be near impossible, so doing your best is all that matters. As long as you don't intentionally seek out porn you will recover. Nobody should freak out if they are flipping through TV channels and come across 5 seconds of porn, but you might want to get rid of that channel.

One thing to know is that going through withdrawal and suffering to overcome this addiction is worth it. Early in the reboot process I hated my life, now I am THANKFUL that I went through that so I can relate to those in need of help and support. Stay strong guys and be patient.
 

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@Pride
Is being able to get an erection with light stroking and no fantasy or porn a sign that you're healed in your opinion?

It is a huge sign of improvement if you could not before.

The test is to rule out performance anxiety. If you can't masturbate by yourself without porn, but you can with porn, then it is not performance anxiety, it is porn induced. You are not worried about sexually pleasing your hand, or worried your palm is gonna gossip to your friends palm about how long you lasted during the next high-five.

The test is solid for most guys. Obviously not all as some guys can't even get hard to porn, but if you are a young healthy male, you should be able to get an erection without porn or porn fantasy, bottom line.

And I was thinking that if I can get hard with my own light touching, then I could get hard with a females light touching and continue with sex

I agree with this logic. That's what I tend to think as well. However, It can get tricky if anxiety or sexual conditioning is playing a part. Again, the test is supposed to rule out anxiety, and if you can get it up to porn still, it shows you that your dick works and the problem is in your brain. Nothing else.

If I looked away from the screen my bone would go away in literally under about 5 seconds. I could not get an erection without porn no matter what I thought about or how hard I stroked... not even a semi. If I turned on my favorite type of porn compilation...BAM.. I'd get a boner. Make no mistake about it, I had porn induced ED.

@ubiq
Should I rewire to women both inside and outside of the workplace, or should I just rewire to women outside only.

Rewiring is rewiring it does not matter. My advice is always to pursue a loving partner. I would avoid "using" anyone. With that said, and I am not here to give relationship advice, but I would stay away from girls you work with... unless... you have built up something over a period of time with one individual girl. The mass flirt thing is not wise in the workplace, whether you're in a gym or not.
 

Gabe Deem

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@Lone
Can you describe the shortening of your refractory period in stages throughout your recovery?

Yea, before I rebooted my refractory period was way too long for a normal healthy young guy in his early 20's. I would need hours usually to get another erection. Now, this is not spot on because I usually would purposely space my orgasms out after the 9 month mark because I did not want to "over due it". So an educated guess based on how I felt and what I experienced.

I would guess at 9 months my refractory period was still at least an hour or more. At 12 months it was around 45 minutes. 15 months just a few minutes.

Since your recovery, what is the highest number of orgasms you have had in a day?

3

I hear you mention a lot that you felt you were 100% cured by month 15. Would you say then that you have discontinued to see improvements since month 15? or is there still work being done in your brain you think? if so, what changes have you noticed?

The reason I say 15 months is because that was when I had absolutely no ED and could get hard to touch alone. However, I would say I continued to see improvement in motivation, concentration, and maybe a little memory improvement.

@zrecovery
Literally within the past few weeks, out of no where I can't seem to get a full erection....I was just curious to see exactly how and when you knew you had a problem,  if it was anything similar to this

Well, mine was gradual, slowly getting worse and worse over a few years. Never even noticed it though until I could not get hard at all to a girl. So it sure seemed like it was sudden. I am not sure about your case... depression can certainly play a part. The best thing to do is stay away from porn and masturbation and see what happens. If you can get hard to porn, but can't with just touch alone, then it is porn induced. If you cannot get an erection to porn either then it is wise to go see a doc just to check for other causes. I would still guess it is porn induced, but I cannot be sure.
 

Gabe Deem

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@JB530
1) When you were rebooting, how difficult was it to be in your relationship?

It was EXTREMELY difficult to be in a relationship hiding the reason I was broken/would not sleep with my gf. BUT, after I was completely honest things became so much easier. I suggest being as open and honest as possible with your partner. Also, it is KEY that you show them the science behind porn addiction and how rebooting works. Also, really make sure your partner understands that this is an arousal thing and not an attraction thing. It has nothing to do with what our partners look like and everything to do with how our brains are numbed and re-wired.

Then just hang in there. I know the robot feeling. It took months for this to go away. But keep doing healthy things and going places and try to make the most out of it and be patient. As your brain comes back into balance it will get better, at least in my experience.

It's like I'm expecting her to give up and push me away. She's extremely attractive and men flirt with her daily. Any advice?

Well, you can always pleasure her in other ways. Guys really do not understand how hard being in a relationship is while you're rebooting. Just let her know how you feel, that this is only a season of life and once your recovered you two can experience true intimacy and pleasure. The waiting process will make it that much more worth it. Tell her that. Let her hear you say how much she means to you and that you will never go back to porn because you want intimacy with her and only her no matter how long it takes.

If it helps, show her my videos and give her hope that once your recovered life can be wayyyyy better and it is worth the wait. Emphasize that porn is NOT an option because you only want her.

I know its not easy man, just be honest and caring and continue to be strong and patient.

@ NewNotComer
I am depressed and frustrated. I know you cannot give me a "recovery timetable" but I'd like it if you had to share some stories about your tough moments.

One of the worst parts of my recovery was a panic attack I had while at work about 4 months in to the process. I was extremely stressed, was at work after sleeping a total of 1 hour, my boss had gotten on to me because I wasn't listening to him and couldn't remember the simple instructions for the simple tasks he gave me that day. My emotions piled up and came crashing down as I was holding nuts and bolts in my hand thinking about the fact that my nuts and bolts didn't work. I ran out of the building and into the ally, kicking anything in my way and screaming my lungs out. I eventually fell to the ground, first on my knees and then in the fetal position and simply wept.

That was a tough day.

Also, did you go to a urologist? Thing is, I want to go to one but I am afraid he'll just tell me it's performance anxiety and make me lose money for nothing. I've done the PIED test and I can get erections with porn but not without it, so I figure it probably is PIED.

No I did not, because I knew my dick worked with porn. I went to my doctor and got my blood taken and heart checked. All the results came back fine.

When I started rebooting some months ago, I couldn't get ANY reaction to touch alone. Was it that bad when you started your reboot?

Yes. It was that bad for me before I rebooted. I couldn't get an erection to ANYTHING other than hardcore porn compilations. It actually took me 15 months to be able to get it up solidly to touch alone.
 

Gabe Deem

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@ notfeelingit
Interested to know what your perspective is on rewiring vs abstaining. Do you think rewiring is essential or can you heal just by abstaining?

For some guys abstaining will be all they need. Those guys are likely the guys who did not start on internet porn during adolescence. If you grew up with internet porn, you need to, and maybe have to, REWIRE your sexual response to a real life partner.

The most important brain change with porn-induced sexual dysfunctions appears to be sensitization, (nerve cells that fire together wire together). Rewiring is firing your nerve cells for real people, thus wiring your nerve cells to real people. Rewiring does NOT mean you have to have sex. In fact, finding a loving partner and taking it slow is the best way to rewire in my opinion. Things like, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, or just hanging out enjoying each other are all rewiring you to real people.

We do not know for sure if abstaining only will cure porn-induced ED. This is a new phenomena and no one has gone 5 years no pmo and reported back. Also, we do not know if fantasizing about real partners can help. Just speculation. Some guys say it may have helped, others say they felt it hurt.

My suggestion is to follow the mindset "if it ain't real, no deal" and spend your time re-wiring with a loving partner. 

@ Abraham
Prior to rebooting Did you have an issue with maintaining your erection when you stand up?

Yes, it was very difficult to maintain an erection standing up. No longer an issue at all.

does the penis head inflate during erection and get hard prior to rebooting and after the reboot?

Before rebooting it would not inflate like it should have. After rebooting it is fine. Guys need to understand the the mushroom tip (head of the penis) does not become rock solid. It will always be softer than the rest of the dick. I wouldn't worry about it. If you feel like it is not as engorged with blood as it should be then I suggest seeing a good urologist.

@kirby43776
Just wondering Gabe have spontaneous erections returned as well?

I have had 1 or 2, but not really. Normal healthy guys in their 20's and 30's do not walk around all day with boners. This is a common misconception porn addicts have. Guys develop what I call boner control as you mature and leave your teenage years.

Now, with that said. There have been a few times where I got a boner for what seemed like no reason. But it was probably because I subconsciously thought about something sexual. I become erect in anticipation of sex, and that is all that matters.

@ ireboot
why is it like that, some days you could get it up easily and then followed by the day you coudnt?

I do not know. I could only speculate but I do not know enough to even present a decent theory. It seems as if some guys brains just need a very long time to reboot and come back online so to say. There is still much more to learn.
 
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