Hi. I've known for years I'd have to seek help to quit porn, after many, many failed attempts to stop. It's been on my mind for months to try an online forum. I don't have the guts to talk to anyone about it in person, at least not now.
I'm 47, married 18 years, a stay-at-home father to 2 young girls. Been using porn since age 12 or so. Still remember the first time I saw a porn video at a neighbors house, and how my heart stopped. At worst, I could say the following about my addiction:
* It's stopped me from having a successful career, since I wasted so much time during my years of higher education (a long PhD road) and thus came out less engaged, less qualified than others. I never actually got hired in the field in which I was trained.
* It's made my married sex life almost non-existent (once every 2 months maybe?), since it's so hard to get excited. I know that somehow I judge my wife and compare her to women in porn, or to women I see around who more closely resemble them. And during sex I need to imagine porn scenes to stay excited.
* It's stunted my social and emotional growth, since my personality seems to have been partially shaped by the need to guard this shameful secret and prevent it from coming out (God forbid some slip of the tongue!).
* It's generally weakened my focus for things in life, whether family, friends, interests, or hobbies.
I've masturbated all night or all day many times (though not in a long time). I've masturbated in the other room while my younger daughter watches TV (a few weeks ago was the last time). I've looked at porn at work (many years ago), and *may* even have been fired for using a company laptop to do so. I've used weed to heighten the effects of porn. Once in my 20's I accessed porn at my mother's workplace, on one of her colleagues' computers, when she went into her office at a girls' school on a Sunday, and took me with her. My act was discovered the next day when the computer went haywire with pop-ups. There are probably many other instances I just can't recall now. Porn has had a very bad effect on my life. I can hardly be in the house alone without using it.
Strangely, I don't necessarily see anything morally wrong with a lot of what goes on in porn, or even with porn itself. I just know it has not been good for me personally. I need to stop for a long period and see what happens.
As far as this forum, I'm interested in the accountability it offers, and the chance to touch base when needed. OK thanks.
I'm 47, married 18 years, a stay-at-home father to 2 young girls. Been using porn since age 12 or so. Still remember the first time I saw a porn video at a neighbors house, and how my heart stopped. At worst, I could say the following about my addiction:
* It's stopped me from having a successful career, since I wasted so much time during my years of higher education (a long PhD road) and thus came out less engaged, less qualified than others. I never actually got hired in the field in which I was trained.
* It's made my married sex life almost non-existent (once every 2 months maybe?), since it's so hard to get excited. I know that somehow I judge my wife and compare her to women in porn, or to women I see around who more closely resemble them. And during sex I need to imagine porn scenes to stay excited.
* It's stunted my social and emotional growth, since my personality seems to have been partially shaped by the need to guard this shameful secret and prevent it from coming out (God forbid some slip of the tongue!).
* It's generally weakened my focus for things in life, whether family, friends, interests, or hobbies.
I've masturbated all night or all day many times (though not in a long time). I've masturbated in the other room while my younger daughter watches TV (a few weeks ago was the last time). I've looked at porn at work (many years ago), and *may* even have been fired for using a company laptop to do so. I've used weed to heighten the effects of porn. Once in my 20's I accessed porn at my mother's workplace, on one of her colleagues' computers, when she went into her office at a girls' school on a Sunday, and took me with her. My act was discovered the next day when the computer went haywire with pop-ups. There are probably many other instances I just can't recall now. Porn has had a very bad effect on my life. I can hardly be in the house alone without using it.
Strangely, I don't necessarily see anything morally wrong with a lot of what goes on in porn, or even with porn itself. I just know it has not been good for me personally. I need to stop for a long period and see what happens.
As far as this forum, I'm interested in the accountability it offers, and the chance to touch base when needed. OK thanks.