now-man
Member
I am a 54 year old gay man. I think I may have PIED and I?m doing a reboot to find out. I?m actually kind of hoping it?s PIED, and not just the aging process. I?m in excellent shape for my age, and I'm able to get hard erections watching porn, but over the last five years I've had increasing difficulty getting an erection with a sex partner. I would like to have a natural spontaneous erection with a sex partner without thinking about it.
I have a long term partner, we?ve been together 15 years, and we both have sex outside the relationship, as well as with each other. We?ve always had good sexual chemistry. We?ve been long-distance for a number of years, and only see each other once every month or two, sometimes longer. I?ve experienced lack of an erection with my partner and with others.
I learned about YBOP and Reboot Nation recently from an acquaintance, and it got my attention. I started right away by quitting PMO, and have been 36 days PMO free (and also no M or O). I have morning wood some days (which is the same as before), and one night last week kept waking up very hard through most of the night.
I haven?t found it that difficult to not PMO, but I have definitely noticed the impulse to do it. I've notice times when I feel bored, or don?t really want to think about my ?to-do? list or other things I could deal with, and these are times when I would have PMO?d. At first the impulse feeling was more frequent, maybe a bit less often now, but when it comes I feel the strength of the impulse. I?m able to resist it. I?m getting more things done in general, since I have the time available that I would have spent in PMO.
In the beginning I even noticed how I would look forward to a time later in the day, or even the next day on a work trip, where I would have planned to spend some ?quality alone PMO time? and I could feel the emptiness from knowing I wouldn?t be choosing that option. That feeling has mostly subsided.
One thing that has been really helpful, especially late at night, or when I?m on a trip (I travel a lot for work), is reading the YBOP website, and the posts in this forum. I?m very grateful for this community and the courage and kindness of so many of you.
I noticed in one of the forum posts a reference to ?Porn Substitutes? or Psubs, and quickly realized that I had been using these even though I wasn?t PMO?ing. There was a guy from craigslist who had been emailing for a while, trying to hook up. He asked if I was available and I wrote back that I wouldn?t be available for a couple months. He asked me to send a few more photos of myself and I did, and asked him for some too. I checked my email a couple times a day for 3 days before he did send me some photos, and then I looked at them several times a day before I read the reference to Psubs, and realized this was exactly what I was doing. It was a useful reference point, because I made the connection between looking at my hookup email, looking at the photos, and going into the whole mind-set of ?getting off,? feeling my attention yanked to that online world.
I also had scruff and grindr apps on my phone. I didn?t even use them to meet people, I just liked to look at who was ?nearby.? So I removed those apps. I removed the hookup-only email account from my phone. I took the naked selfies off my phone and transferred them into a locked photo file on my computer. I don?t see the naked selfies as ?porn? for me, and I don?t have any impulse to go into that file. So for now that seems to work.
That was a week ago, and I created my profile and started a PMO counter and a Psub counter. Since then I've noticed some more subtle things that could be Psubs, or maybe they?re just ?triggers.' For me, looking at some of the pictures in the newspaper sports pages are like that. Even being naked or seeing myself naked in the mirror gives me a hint of the feeling. That may not be an issue for straight guys. For me, I don?t see it rising to the level of being a Psub, but I can see where it could be a trigger.
So far, nothing has been a trigger that leads me to PMO, but I can feel the ?trigger? of when my attention goes into horniness. I was sitting with a friend who was reading a mainstream gay magazine while I was doing a crossword, and I was like a dog looking over every 10 seconds to see if there were sexy ads and underwear fashion shots, before forcing my attention back to my crossword.
I also signed on and checked my hookup email on my computer yesterday - I?d had a couple drinks and was feeling good and thought ?I?ll just clear out the junk mail that?s accumulated" (oh, and maybe I?m just a little curious to see if anyone has been contacting me to hookup. There was someone who had written a couple days before, I ignored it).
I?ve been sitting here trying to write this in such a way that I don?t have to reset my counter for looking at Psubs, and rereading what I had written I could see it?s just defense and justification, to allow me to continue to have some little ?cheats.? So I deleted the excuses and I?m resetting the Psub counter.
I?ve read some posts where guys have said that casual sex is a relapse, or off-limits for them. I had a five year stretch of monogamy earlier in my relationship, and it did work well for me. I?m not looking for that now, but it may be where I?m headed, I don?t know. What I think I want from this reboot is to have a natural erection with a sex partner, whether it?s my partner or a hookup. If that happens, I think I?ll be fine with no porn and no masturbation. I?d rather be able to have an erection and orgasm with a partner, than masturbate.
I?m going to see my partner in a week or so, and if we have a chance to have sex I?ll see how things are working. Otherwise I?m not planning to be sexual with anyone else until I?ve had 90 days of no PMO (and no M either).
I?m grateful for the supportive environment here! Thanks guys.
I have a long term partner, we?ve been together 15 years, and we both have sex outside the relationship, as well as with each other. We?ve always had good sexual chemistry. We?ve been long-distance for a number of years, and only see each other once every month or two, sometimes longer. I?ve experienced lack of an erection with my partner and with others.
I learned about YBOP and Reboot Nation recently from an acquaintance, and it got my attention. I started right away by quitting PMO, and have been 36 days PMO free (and also no M or O). I have morning wood some days (which is the same as before), and one night last week kept waking up very hard through most of the night.
I haven?t found it that difficult to not PMO, but I have definitely noticed the impulse to do it. I've notice times when I feel bored, or don?t really want to think about my ?to-do? list or other things I could deal with, and these are times when I would have PMO?d. At first the impulse feeling was more frequent, maybe a bit less often now, but when it comes I feel the strength of the impulse. I?m able to resist it. I?m getting more things done in general, since I have the time available that I would have spent in PMO.
In the beginning I even noticed how I would look forward to a time later in the day, or even the next day on a work trip, where I would have planned to spend some ?quality alone PMO time? and I could feel the emptiness from knowing I wouldn?t be choosing that option. That feeling has mostly subsided.
One thing that has been really helpful, especially late at night, or when I?m on a trip (I travel a lot for work), is reading the YBOP website, and the posts in this forum. I?m very grateful for this community and the courage and kindness of so many of you.
I noticed in one of the forum posts a reference to ?Porn Substitutes? or Psubs, and quickly realized that I had been using these even though I wasn?t PMO?ing. There was a guy from craigslist who had been emailing for a while, trying to hook up. He asked if I was available and I wrote back that I wouldn?t be available for a couple months. He asked me to send a few more photos of myself and I did, and asked him for some too. I checked my email a couple times a day for 3 days before he did send me some photos, and then I looked at them several times a day before I read the reference to Psubs, and realized this was exactly what I was doing. It was a useful reference point, because I made the connection between looking at my hookup email, looking at the photos, and going into the whole mind-set of ?getting off,? feeling my attention yanked to that online world.
I also had scruff and grindr apps on my phone. I didn?t even use them to meet people, I just liked to look at who was ?nearby.? So I removed those apps. I removed the hookup-only email account from my phone. I took the naked selfies off my phone and transferred them into a locked photo file on my computer. I don?t see the naked selfies as ?porn? for me, and I don?t have any impulse to go into that file. So for now that seems to work.
That was a week ago, and I created my profile and started a PMO counter and a Psub counter. Since then I've noticed some more subtle things that could be Psubs, or maybe they?re just ?triggers.' For me, looking at some of the pictures in the newspaper sports pages are like that. Even being naked or seeing myself naked in the mirror gives me a hint of the feeling. That may not be an issue for straight guys. For me, I don?t see it rising to the level of being a Psub, but I can see where it could be a trigger.
So far, nothing has been a trigger that leads me to PMO, but I can feel the ?trigger? of when my attention goes into horniness. I was sitting with a friend who was reading a mainstream gay magazine while I was doing a crossword, and I was like a dog looking over every 10 seconds to see if there were sexy ads and underwear fashion shots, before forcing my attention back to my crossword.
I also signed on and checked my hookup email on my computer yesterday - I?d had a couple drinks and was feeling good and thought ?I?ll just clear out the junk mail that?s accumulated" (oh, and maybe I?m just a little curious to see if anyone has been contacting me to hookup. There was someone who had written a couple days before, I ignored it).
I?ve been sitting here trying to write this in such a way that I don?t have to reset my counter for looking at Psubs, and rereading what I had written I could see it?s just defense and justification, to allow me to continue to have some little ?cheats.? So I deleted the excuses and I?m resetting the Psub counter.
I?ve read some posts where guys have said that casual sex is a relapse, or off-limits for them. I had a five year stretch of monogamy earlier in my relationship, and it did work well for me. I?m not looking for that now, but it may be where I?m headed, I don?t know. What I think I want from this reboot is to have a natural erection with a sex partner, whether it?s my partner or a hookup. If that happens, I think I?ll be fine with no porn and no masturbation. I?d rather be able to have an erection and orgasm with a partner, than masturbate.
I?m going to see my partner in a week or so, and if we have a chance to have sex I?ll see how things are working. Otherwise I?m not planning to be sexual with anyone else until I?ve had 90 days of no PMO (and no M either).
I?m grateful for the supportive environment here! Thanks guys.