Post # 1 Here we go...

I discovered this site a little over a week ago.  To say it has been enlightening would be an enormous understatement.  In an effort to not be a novel writer for my first post, I will put what I have to say in bullets.

About me

- I'm 28 years old
- I suffer from GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
- I take Xanax as needed for times when anxiety is out of control
- I try to meditate daily, and have been doing so for nearly a month
- I have pretty significant self esteem / self worth issues
- I am a moderate drinker (only weekends)
- I am a former heavy pot smoker (quit smoking regularly over a year ago, quit completely 3 months ago)
- I work out 4 days a week, and eat a moderately healthy diet (no fast food)
- I've been regularly masturbating to internet porn since I was around 14 or 15
- I lost my virginity when I was 17
- I have experienced ED to varying degrees with every girl I have been with, and it has gotten worse as I have gotten older
- I have "successfully" been with 5 girls
- I have unsuccessfully been with at least 5 others
- One night stands are out of the question because I have to be real comfortable with a girl to have any hope of getting an erection
- It is common for me to struggle to get an erection, finally get one, and ejaculate very prematurely
- The best sex I have ever had (by far) was when I was stoned
- I am a extreme "grower," so although respectable when erect, flaccid state is quite embarrassing (this is a major factor in my insecurity)
- HOCD was a foreign concept to me until I found this site, but I definitely have a little bit of that going on ("Why can't I get it up? I'm not gay am I")
- I definitely had addictive behavior towards porn
- Lately, I could barely achieve an erection until I was just ready to orgasm
- I dabbled with masturbating on webcam in front of strangers (that is tough to admit)
- I convinced myself that it was going to help me overcome my "shyness," but in reality it was just something new that provided a little bit of a rush.  It was very difficult to get it up in that setting (pretty much only guys watching), but I was able to from time to time.
- Due to my porn use and lack of confidence, I had very little drive to actually have sex with women
- My last relationship of three years ended with the last year of the three completely void of intimate interaction (I was PMOing daily)
- I went nearly two years with nothing but porn
- The reason I am here is because I have started dating a girl that I am very much into
- We've successfully had sex twice (one of which was actually respectable), I've been unsuccessful going on 10 times
- I thought that once I "broke the ice" with her (see above), I would be good to go.  Not the case.
- She's reached the end of her rope with being patient with me. 
- After the most recent failure, we talked at length about it.  She feels degraded.  I explained that I have confidence issues, and I think she is going to be understanding for a little while longer. 
- After discovering YBOP, I have been porn and fap free for 10 days
- My most recent failure with the new gf (who I only get to see on weekends btw) included a lengthy and frustrating struggle to get an erection followed by nearly immediate ejaculation upon penetration


Why I'm posting

- I've learned that talking about it is a big help (even with strangers on the internet)
- I would love to get input from others that have gone through, or are going through similar circumstances
- I don't think a trip to the family doctor will help, but maybe I'm wrong there?
- Porn is out of my life, and honestly I don't fee like I even miss it that much.  However, I feel like my most recent premature ejaculation could have been due to the fact that I had not had an orgasm in a week.  I'm not sure I've had an ejaculation with that much "volume."
- I'm all for helping myself get through this, but I need to be able to preform for my new girlfriend soon or I am going to lose her.  I'm considering masturbating a day or two before I see her next (porn free of course) just so I don't feel like I'm going in with a "loaded gun."

Any questions, comments, or thoughts are welcome, and would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks! 
 

dc6

Member
First, welcome. You are among friends. For everything you've gone through, there is at least one guy here that has experienced it and has improved.

Now as for your girlfriend, the toughest part will be focusing on the sex. If you don't feel comfortable enough to explain to her what you're really going through (which i would recommend), you may be able to buy time by just making everything about her for a week. Lots of cuddling, teasing, kissing, oral or manual stimulation, etc. Try to experience her rather than just what's between her legs.

Eventually this girl deserves the truth if you care for her. If she feels degraded, she is likely not buying the confidence issue excuse. Don't think you can throw stuff out there and she'll just take it. It never works out that easily
 
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