C3nt1p3d3
New Member
day 32/forever (I have made mistakes before this however my improvement are immense so I WONT BE RESETTING THIS COUNTER unless I truly relapse )
I'd like to preface this by saying; first off to me this is about turning my life around more than anything else, because I don't like where I've let it go(motivation issues,P.I.E.D.), it is also my opinion on myself.
I started using porn when I was 14 (I'm 20 now) I slowly got worse until I started to fap everyday since after I finished high school(2015) just to relieve the urge, in hindsight this was extremely unhealthy and bad for my perception on relationships. I haven't even tried to start a relationship in years because I saw the worst in people when I was young and it honestly scared me away from even trying so I got into this bad habit/addiction just to cope with the pain even though I knew in the back of my head that this was bad and wrong but I didn't listen I just continued.
I started this journey when one day I watched a video by amazing atheist(I used to watch his videos) trying to debunk Jordan Peterson on one of his talks about why porn is bad and I might of agreed with TJ except for seeing one message in the sea of useless comments on YouTube giving a link to yourbrainonporn.com so curious me looked through it all and as I read every article on the negative effects that I had started to see in myself(ED),From then on I decided to stop watching or consuming porn entirely because I refuse to let myself be a slave to my own weakness just because I got hurt from my past I wont run from this instead it is the beginning to my new life where I will achieve my goals in life by actually going out and actively trying instead of spending my time playing videogames or fapping.
until the end of last year when I came face to face with the fact that something was wrong with me after failing to complete my games design diploma,this was a big kick because I love what I learnt from that course yet at the end of it I lacked the motivation to finish just 2 assignments.
So I'll tell everyone about my past month,I have been having withdrawal symptoms mainly headaches this isn't really a problem for me since I used to get migraines, brain fog, increased anxiety this also isn't much of a problem because I used to have panic attacks so thankfully I know how to handle this, mood swings, increased pain from past injuries,I've been increasingly tired, I've had lapse's in judgement and looked at porn then stopped myself ,I was also looking at erotic things on the internet without realizing and had been fantasizing as-well, the biggest mistakes would have to have been me edging or masturbating away from porn (MO'd twice without P) just to fulfill my morbid desire of curiosity,yet I kept at it and have been stopping these actions(it seems that subconsciously I have been weening myself off of this addiction).
The positives I've gotten from over the last month where rather large, increased drive, I'm starting to think clearly and precisely again,the desire for real human interaction has begun to return, I've been paying attention (although not necessarily following through with them)to other urges I've had like doing exercise,reading and art(drawing,modelling,digital concept art),and my eyesight has started to improve somewhat(this is probably due to time away from screens).
My personal ways of dealing with my porn addiction have been evolving, from today on I will be going about this far more proactively; by not even touching myself(beside obvious things like taking a piss and hygiene)not fantasizing,not "peeking" at anything porn related and by doing goals like finishing manual license,exercise,art portfolio,job seeking/working(when I do get there),reading socializing ,learning new skills,getting new hobbies and actually attempting to start dating.
Anyways I would like to ask everyone their opinions(I kind of doubt anyone would reply tho).
I have revised this multiple times having noticed typing errors afterward.
I'd like to preface this by saying; first off to me this is about turning my life around more than anything else, because I don't like where I've let it go(motivation issues,P.I.E.D.), it is also my opinion on myself.
I started using porn when I was 14 (I'm 20 now) I slowly got worse until I started to fap everyday since after I finished high school(2015) just to relieve the urge, in hindsight this was extremely unhealthy and bad for my perception on relationships. I haven't even tried to start a relationship in years because I saw the worst in people when I was young and it honestly scared me away from even trying so I got into this bad habit/addiction just to cope with the pain even though I knew in the back of my head that this was bad and wrong but I didn't listen I just continued.
I started this journey when one day I watched a video by amazing atheist(I used to watch his videos) trying to debunk Jordan Peterson on one of his talks about why porn is bad and I might of agreed with TJ except for seeing one message in the sea of useless comments on YouTube giving a link to yourbrainonporn.com so curious me looked through it all and as I read every article on the negative effects that I had started to see in myself(ED),From then on I decided to stop watching or consuming porn entirely because I refuse to let myself be a slave to my own weakness just because I got hurt from my past I wont run from this instead it is the beginning to my new life where I will achieve my goals in life by actually going out and actively trying instead of spending my time playing videogames or fapping.
until the end of last year when I came face to face with the fact that something was wrong with me after failing to complete my games design diploma,this was a big kick because I love what I learnt from that course yet at the end of it I lacked the motivation to finish just 2 assignments.
So I'll tell everyone about my past month,I have been having withdrawal symptoms mainly headaches this isn't really a problem for me since I used to get migraines, brain fog, increased anxiety this also isn't much of a problem because I used to have panic attacks so thankfully I know how to handle this, mood swings, increased pain from past injuries,I've been increasingly tired, I've had lapse's in judgement and looked at porn then stopped myself ,I was also looking at erotic things on the internet without realizing and had been fantasizing as-well, the biggest mistakes would have to have been me edging or masturbating away from porn (MO'd twice without P) just to fulfill my morbid desire of curiosity,yet I kept at it and have been stopping these actions(it seems that subconsciously I have been weening myself off of this addiction).
The positives I've gotten from over the last month where rather large, increased drive, I'm starting to think clearly and precisely again,the desire for real human interaction has begun to return, I've been paying attention (although not necessarily following through with them)to other urges I've had like doing exercise,reading and art(drawing,modelling,digital concept art),and my eyesight has started to improve somewhat(this is probably due to time away from screens).
My personal ways of dealing with my porn addiction have been evolving, from today on I will be going about this far more proactively; by not even touching myself(beside obvious things like taking a piss and hygiene)not fantasizing,not "peeking" at anything porn related and by doing goals like finishing manual license,exercise,art portfolio,job seeking/working(when I do get there),reading socializing ,learning new skills,getting new hobbies and actually attempting to start dating.
Anyways I would like to ask everyone their opinions(I kind of doubt anyone would reply tho).
I have revised this multiple times having noticed typing errors afterward.
