Returner
Member
Hey there guys.
Really sorry for the long post.
As you can see, first journal ever so i may be rusty but i hope i can help you too.
Anyways , why "Returner" ? Let's go way back to when i started watching porn and MO when i was between 12 and 13. It was great of course. I had high speed internet, free P web sites/tubes with different types of pictures, short - medium - long videos to watch and ?do business?. And it was fun, a 12 year old found out about PMO and started doing it every day 1-5 times.
But as time passed ,so did the genre of P passed from amateur straight? lesbians ? lesbians with strapon - shemales . Those ?creatures? with feminine looks , bodies , and a male?s penis (eww). I had a thrill/excitement before I started to MO but ALWAYS horrifying (for me) after I MO to them. ALWAYS. A lot of questions were crossing my mind starting with the question ?Why? and the ending questions were ?When?. When will this all stop ?
This was going for 3-4 years (yeah I know, a LOT).
Then i encountered more problems like PIED (which I believe it is real BTW) with girls I was really horny with but ? there was a problem. Down there. It just didn?t want to go up. After a couple of unsuccessful times I thought I was gay and I was obsessed about it (mind you before everything, I had obsessive compulsive disorder, where now I?m better, not cured but better
) . See how porn can screw your thoughts up ?
Fast forwarding to may 2013. I somehow discovered the ?power? of no fap. I didn?t M for a week I believe and I had the energy to do billion things like reading, learning, exercising , socializing more than I used to. And that was before I knew anything about no fap, the limbic system , the novelty etc. .
Then after the week , I MO and felt horrible.
Then on July 9th 2013, I fapped again and it was my last fap in 2013.
In the first weeks, I was abstaining without any help/support from the internet. Then simply out of curiosity I went on the internet and found a lot of people claiming that there are benefits from no fap that some of them I experienced , and eventually I found YBOP. It was mind blowing for me. I learned a lot of stuff about addiction of any kind , how it works , the withdrawals of all addiction including Porn. It was wow.
Then I found YBR, with a lot of people with different porn problems sharing and helping each other. I found a lot comfort in those stories in which I had something in common with like Gabe who mentally indirectly helped me with the fear of never beating the ED when I was in my 5th month of no PMO. And I abstained long in comparison with many( but that was not my motivation ), where I abstained 230 days. A decent amount for me at that time.
During that time, it was awesome. The best days. Happy, comunicative , strong (physically and mentally), confident, enjoyed girls and everything , enjoyed every detail of my perspective and lots more. Didn?t even think about porn. But as you can see , I talk in past tense .
At the beginning of March I failed. Why ? Stupid decision.
SMALL TRIGGER
Wanted to delete all my porn accounts I had and accidentally saw a porn picture by which I was mesmerized by it. And I let my guard down. Although it was one of the best O in my life, I felt like the old me again. And I dislike him. And then I started the cycle again. Binged , and binged until the end of march.
Tried to end the cycle again and lasted like 27 days or so and relapsed again.
Soo, here I am guys.
I would like to return to my old (no fap) self again. Hope you can support me through the journey I long passed and hopefully surpass it some day.
Of course, I?m here to help others who struggle or who were in a similar situation. So if you have any questions, shoot
Thanks for reading !
Really sorry for the long post.
As you can see, first journal ever so i may be rusty but i hope i can help you too.
Anyways , why "Returner" ? Let's go way back to when i started watching porn and MO when i was between 12 and 13. It was great of course. I had high speed internet, free P web sites/tubes with different types of pictures, short - medium - long videos to watch and ?do business?. And it was fun, a 12 year old found out about PMO and started doing it every day 1-5 times.
But as time passed ,so did the genre of P passed from amateur straight? lesbians ? lesbians with strapon - shemales . Those ?creatures? with feminine looks , bodies , and a male?s penis (eww). I had a thrill/excitement before I started to MO but ALWAYS horrifying (for me) after I MO to them. ALWAYS. A lot of questions were crossing my mind starting with the question ?Why? and the ending questions were ?When?. When will this all stop ?
This was going for 3-4 years (yeah I know, a LOT).
Then i encountered more problems like PIED (which I believe it is real BTW) with girls I was really horny with but ? there was a problem. Down there. It just didn?t want to go up. After a couple of unsuccessful times I thought I was gay and I was obsessed about it (mind you before everything, I had obsessive compulsive disorder, where now I?m better, not cured but better
) . See how porn can screw your thoughts up ?Fast forwarding to may 2013. I somehow discovered the ?power? of no fap. I didn?t M for a week I believe and I had the energy to do billion things like reading, learning, exercising , socializing more than I used to. And that was before I knew anything about no fap, the limbic system , the novelty etc. .
Then after the week , I MO and felt horrible.
Then on July 9th 2013, I fapped again and it was my last fap in 2013.
In the first weeks, I was abstaining without any help/support from the internet. Then simply out of curiosity I went on the internet and found a lot of people claiming that there are benefits from no fap that some of them I experienced , and eventually I found YBOP. It was mind blowing for me. I learned a lot of stuff about addiction of any kind , how it works , the withdrawals of all addiction including Porn. It was wow.
Then I found YBR, with a lot of people with different porn problems sharing and helping each other. I found a lot comfort in those stories in which I had something in common with like Gabe who mentally indirectly helped me with the fear of never beating the ED when I was in my 5th month of no PMO. And I abstained long in comparison with many( but that was not my motivation ), where I abstained 230 days. A decent amount for me at that time.
During that time, it was awesome. The best days. Happy, comunicative , strong (physically and mentally), confident, enjoyed girls and everything
, enjoyed every detail of my perspective and lots more. Didn?t even think about porn. But as you can see , I talk in past tense . At the beginning of March I failed. Why ? Stupid decision.
SMALL TRIGGER
Wanted to delete all my porn accounts I had and accidentally saw a porn picture by which I was mesmerized by it. And I let my guard down. Although it was one of the best O in my life, I felt like the old me again. And I dislike him. And then I started the cycle again. Binged , and binged until the end of march.
Tried to end the cycle again and lasted like 27 days or so and relapsed again.
Soo, here I am guys.
I would like to return to my old (no fap) self again. Hope you can support me through the journey I long passed and hopefully surpass it some day.
Of course, I?m here to help others who struggle or who were in a similar situation. So if you have any questions, shoot
Thanks for reading !