Author Topic: Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal  (Read 28427 times)

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal
« on: July 08, 2014, 12:12:09 PM »
So, this is my first post here and if I gave all the details this post would turn into a novel, so I will just hit the highlights for now.  I do hope you'll read along and comment and respond as I think there are some interesting things about my "case" that might be useful or maybe even entertaining to some of you.

Let me start with the basics, I am 54, twice married and twice divorced -- fapping had at least something to do with both divorces, which I will discuss in later posts.  I have now been on my own for the past year and half putting life back together and NoFaP just might be the last piece of that puzzle.  Oddly enough it was a female student who told me of the phenomenon of PIED, which eventually lead me here.

Being raised Catholic my sexuality did not get off to a good start.  Through high school and college I actually had a lot of sex, but never intercourse.  I fapped, of course (but this was pre-computer, much less high speed internet!) and my girlfriends were awesome about providing all the BJs and HJs I could ever want.  Life was pretty good actually.  Then I got married -- to a Catholic girl. 

I had quite a bit of performance anxiety having never had intercourse and unfortunately she had her own sexual issues (including pain during intercourse and difficulty climaxing).  At the time I had no idea how to handle the situation and we struggled with our issues for years.  I took up fapping, first to porn mags, then internet pictures and IRC rooms, eventually porn videos.  Not a happy picture.  Being Catholic we didn't divorce for a long time, but we weren't really married either, we drifted apart and eventually did get divorced.  By the end of the marriage, I was a full fledged internet fapper, using videos and IM video chats all the time.

I met my second wife as my first marriage was winding down and at first things were really good, she had all the libido my first wife lacked.  I still had my bad habits when we first got together and she caught me a few times, but overall regular, fun, real sex reduced my desire to PMO and I got way better.  After some initial ED, things got rolling very nicely and we would have marathon love making sessions.  She even suggested regular porn nights where we would go at it while watching porn, but by that time I was more interested in her than porn so it never became all the regular.  Unfortunately things went downhill (I believe she has untreated bipolar, at the very least she went off her depression meds after 2 years of our marriage), she met up with some guy she found on Facebook and walked out. Sadly she gave as her reason the things I was doing when we first met, which I was no longer doing!  I was actually pretty well recovered when she left.  But I had to move on.

I got things together in the rest of my life (the last two years of our marriage were very stormy) but being alone and horny led me back to fapping on a regular basis. In some ways it was no big deal, maybe once or twice day.  Maybe an hour each time, but I think it still took a toll on me.

After the divorce was final (about six months after she left) I started dating again.  My ED was pretty pronounced.  Some performance anxiety, I am sure, but also PIED.  I told her my "cock was shy" that it was left over Catholicism and such but I was barely able to have intercourse.  Next girlfriend, same thing.  I thought I was just getting old and not that attracted to the second one, so I was still not too worried.

Well, I was worried enough to order up some viagra. Third girlfriend, same thing until the viagra arrived.  I did get good wood with viagra, but had really bad DE, which actually she didn't seem to mind that much.  Although she had to finish me with a HJ or BJ she didn't seem to mind.  Unfortunately she quickly showed signs of being crazier than my second ex so I moved on from there.  A few months went by and then I met Karen, which is actually where things get interesting.

Karen is a wonderful professional woman, sane as can be.  She was trapped in a bad marriage for many years and so does have some issues, but we have discussed them frankly and our stories have some interesting overlap.   Karen wanted to go slow on the sexual side, which is and was fine, but she obviously craved being touched and we spent a lot of time making out.  A lot of time.  I loved it and so did she and slowly our relationship got more sexual.

One night, in the heat of the moment, she decided to give me a HJ, which I thought I was more than ready for, but I was shocked when I never got hard, even though her touch is very good and when I came my dick was all shriveled up.  I knew something was seriously wrong.  Two nights later it was a BJ.  Again, it felt fantastic, but I never got more than 50% hard.  Even though I had not found this site yet, I knew porn was a problem and went NoFaP as of that night.

We finally moved to the bedroom and that's where things got really interesting, at least from the point of view of this site.  Turns out she and I have a huge similarity which became apparent over the next couple of weeks.  Turns out that she too is a fapper of sorts.  Has a box full of vibrators and toys that she keeps under the bed.  She admitted to me that she used them quite often, "give me two minutes and fresh batteries and I can get off" she said.  But she could not get off with me.

Before we tried intercourse, I used my hands and mouth all over her to no avail.  She was clearly turned on, completely drenched down there, said what was doing felt great, but no orgasm.  After a few nights of frustration she asked if I would hold her and kiss her while she used her vibrator.  I agreed and she did reach orgasm.  But she was not happy about it. 

We moved on to intercourse, but it was a disaster.  She wanted to use a condom and I could barely get hard enough to put it on.  Maybe a minute inside her and I was so soft the condom was coming off.  We tried a couple of more times with similar results.  In the meantime, she still could only cum with her vibrator, nothing I would do would push her over the edge.

Fortunately, we were talking this whole time.  I remembered what my student said and I started reading this site.  Because our problems seemed similar it was easy for me to admit that I thought that PMO was what was affecting my performance and that I was stopping it.  Even before I started reading here I was already on NoFaP for a week.  She readily agreed to first not to use her vibrator unless we were together and now she says that she doesn't want to use it at all.

Two weeks later, we are making good progress.  Quite frankly we just like being naked together too much to give up sex, so we haven't.  She gives the most amazing BJs and HJs and I get very hard during those.  I have been at times multiply orgasmic with her and when I do get hard she always seems impressed with what is there, which feels great. I have had a couple of nights where no matter how hard she tries, nothing happens down there, but it doesn't seem to matter, we just snuggle naked and hug and kiss and makeout until we are exhausted.  She has now had a couple of very nice vibrator-less orgasms, but we still have times where we try and try and try and she just can't get there.  But she says that the trying feels way better than anything her vibrator ever did.  So for the most part she is happy.

Last night was the best night so far.  When I first got there, we were hugging and kissing clothed in the kitchen and I started to get a nice hard on.  She checked it out with her hand and was very complimentary which made me feel good.  But then she said she wanted to take a shower and I thought, "WTF??? Let's get it on now!" but I didn't say that.    She took her shower and came out with only a towel on.  I was a little disappointed when I didn't get wood at that point.  But we started kissing and once again the blood started flowing down there and this time she didn't need to be asked to check it out.

We moved to the bedroom and she laid down so that her legs were hanging off the edge of the bed, which is a perfect height so I can stand.  I was probably about 90% hard and we had our first real intercourse.  I didn't time it, but it seemed I lasted about 10 minutes with some really hard and nice thrusting.  The smile on her face was worth it all.  I got close to O, but unfortunately I started to think about "what if I can't" which of course meant I couldn't and I lost the erection as well.

But we were both very happy.  We went on to other things, but unfortunately it was a night where she could not O.  But she said she wanted to give me a BJ, which she did and I got super hard, especially as I approached O.  I said I was about ready and she surprised me a bit by climbing on top of me.  She bounced up and down on me for a while, I stayed very hard and came inside her, which she loved.  I started to go soft, but felt I wasn't finished yet so I asked her to continue her BJ, which she did, getting me hard again and giving me one of the biggest and most satisfying Os I have ever had.

I know I have concentrated on the sexual aspect of our relationship, but there is so much more than that, which actually makes the sex that much more satisfying.  Both she and I understand that we are still not fully sexually functional, and we are both looking forward to the day we have full orgasmic intercourse.  In the meantime we keep pleasuring each other in sexual and non-sexual ways and it is one of the best times in my life.

I thank her, of course, but I also thank you guys, the brave pioneers who told your stories so that others like me could understand what is really going on.  I will be posting later how porn warped my thinking, messed up my brain and probably ended my marriage.  But for now I am happy that I have found a kindred soul in her and that love and sex are happening naturally for us.

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Why I am having sex during my reboot
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2014, 03:32:11 PM »
I just wanted to throw this in for anyone that might be reading along.  Normally abstinence is called for during a reboot, and I will say that is probably very good advice.  "Why then am I continuing to have sex?" you might ask.  Good question and I have thought about this and I do have a few answers.

1.  Although I have been using porn over the last 2 years pretty regularly, my pattern of usage is much, much better than it was at my worst.  Just watching straight porn and fapping before sleep.  Not perfect by any means, but not bad for a guy who has no one else in the house most of the time.

2.  The relationship I am in is new and my PMO problem was on the table almost immediately so we can talk about things.  If I feel I need to take a break, I am sure she would understand.

3.  Our sexual relationship is already about much more than just getting to orgasm.  We spend tons of time talking, kissing, snuggling, making out and such.  We both enjoy that time immensely.

4.  Because of number 3, I really don't care how long it takes me to fully recover. I don't think she does either.  We both feel this is beginning of a long term relationship.  If it is then at least we know what we have and we can reboot to each other.  If we break up, then I can go the abstinence route if I feel the need.

5. Because, frankly she wants to have sex too.  For her right now even "dysfunctional" sex (because I do actually care about her and her wants and needs, who cares if my dick works) is way better than what she had.  She would rather get naked and feel good than worry about what doesn't happen for either her or I.  I feel exactly the same way. 

So, we are going to keep having sex. :-)

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Three Weeks May be a Record For Me
« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2014, 11:10:28 AM »
I've never kept track before about how long I stopped either PMO or MO but I am pretty certain three weeks is a record for me since I started fapping back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.  Being raised Catholic I always had the guilts about MO whether or not I was in a relationship.  My past attempts at stopping were usually centered around one of two things, either a religious holiday (I would try to give up MO for Lent or something) or in anticipation of having real sex, I might try and take a few days off.  I was never successful at either one. 

But so far this has been easy for me.  I can't really say that I have overwhelming cravings, I haven't really felt tempted to fire up the tubesites when I get home, I read here and at YBOP.  I do fondle myself a little bit, kind of a dick massage, but only for short periods and nothing like MO, just keeping the blood flowing down there.  But no real desire to start pounding on it.

I am actually not sure why this has been easy so far.  True, I am in a new relationship, but I am not really doing it for her.  I do really, really like and admire Karen, but we have only known each other 2 months so I am not pinning my life on her yet.  And although we have a lot of physical contact we do not have sex anywhere close to every day (I MOed at least once, if not a couple of times a day).  For example, last night we took a walk and made out for maybe 45 minutes.  In the past, making out and then going home would have sent me to fapster land, to work off the frustration.  But not last night.  Came home, read a bit, fell right to sleep and slept really well.  Tonight she and I are going to a baseball game, probably won't get any tonight either.  And I am OK with that.

I probably should put it in a separate post, but I did want to talk about fantasy, for better and worse.

Being an old guy, my fapping started with all fantasy.  Coming across a nudie mag in the 70s as a kid was a pretty rare event and there was only one TV in the house so you couldn't sit in front of it and wank to Charlie's Angels.  So I had fantasies and still do.  But even fantasy can be a two edged sword, I think.

On the one hand, since it is in my head and I can carry it where ever I go fantasy can be useful in getting and keeping things going.  But then again I have this, what might be weird thing -- let me explain.

Before I met Karen, I met a much younger woman (Nicole) in a bar.  We talked quite a bit, I got her number, but it went nowhere.  Sometimes when I am with Karen I imagine that Nicole is going down on me.  Which can be counterproductive because I feel a bit bad about that and that does not help my ED.  But here is the weird part.  I know damn well that if I had hooked up with Nicole, that I would have been imagining someone else (maybe even Karen!) was doing me. 

Why can't I stay present with the one I am with?  Will it get better the longer I don't PMO? Comments?

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Not a Perfect Night, but still fun
« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2014, 10:17:37 AM »
Another evening with Karen.  First a baseball game together and then back to her place.  Without much foreplay, she was just ready to go, we went straight to PIV.  I wasn't as good this time, maybe 80% hard, found my mind wandering quite a bit.  On the good side though, lasted easily 10 minutes PIV, but even though I was no where near climax, still went soft.  She did say that my girth was bigger than ever, so maybe that is something.  When she went to finish me later, it was quite soft until close to climax.  Unfortunately, she was unable to climax although I spent quite a long time pleasuring her. 

She was quite upset by her lack of orgasm and we talked quite a bit after.  I told her about some of the things I have read here and YBOP and suggested maybe that we shouldn't be trying for orgasm (neither one of us) but she did not really respond to the suggestion.  Part of the reason is that in the discussion she said that she told a friend that she is "having the best sex" of her life.  Apparently even with the frustration, being with someone is far superior to being alone.

Actually we both said that.  I did tell her that I stopped PM after she and I started and it has been three weeks since I have self pleasured.  I don't think I was quite as clear that this might be an all time record for me. :-)

I did see quite a bit of progress for her last night.  Normally when things get fully sexual with her, her face goes expressionless and she is as stiff as a board.   It is quite disconcerting actually.  During PIV she was smiling and talking and when I started manually pleasuring her, she was rolling her hips around, laughing and smiling and encouraging me.  As she got more goal oriented (ie, wanted to O) she stiffened up, which is why I think she didn't.  But overall, I think she moved forward.  She also has not self pleasured in any way without me since we started as a couple.  So she is somewhere over three weeks as well.  We have both said that you can't change years and years of doing things one way in a couple of weeks, which is very true.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2014, 10:47:29 AM by OldHornyGuy »

HoosierState

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 80
  • Personal Text
    You've been given a great gift to live without PMO
    • View Profile
Re: Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal
« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2014, 03:02:09 PM »
Awesome posts OHG!  I really enjoyed reading them.  I wonder if it's easier from you because you are having real sex?  Me, I'm single and not in a relationship, so it's abstinence city for me.  It's been easier than I thought it would be, but sometimes very hard.  Not the ignoring porn part, but mostly the ignoring MO part.

Anyhow, if you haven't already - make sure you go to YourBrainOnPorn.com and watch that "TED" video.  There is a lot of insight into the "Coolidge Effect" which is basically a problem for any man who stays with the same woman.  We are wired to be attracted to novel new sex opportunities.  This is from our genes.  This also means basically that we naturally get bored with the one we are with.  This boredom, or being wired for novel new sexploits, turns many a married or committed man into a porn watcher or MO fantasy fapper.  Lol, it's not rare. Its everywhere!  So once you understand that the Coolidge Effect can cause boredom in marriages, you're better equipped to understand it and then look for ways to keep things fresh.  Sounds like your latest gal is really open to trying a lot of things.  I'd say you probably can keep things fresh and interesting.  And she's not batshit crazy like the others.  That sir is a keeper! 

Anyhow, I am rushing this a bit. I own my own business and right now I am shirking work to post here. However, I have such an intense interest in my own no MO/PMO reset that it is a pleasure for me to read and learn from the posts.  Keep them coming!

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Re: Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal
« Reply #5 on: July 10, 2014, 05:26:35 PM »
Hey HS,

I would say that 26 days hardcore mode is pretty damned impressive. 

It is not so much the actual sex that is making it easier, but everything that goes along with it.  Just wonderful to be with someone, who is not bat shit crazy and also likes hang out, dance, kiss alot and get naked together.  Even if that was all I got, porn would certainly not be of interest to me!

I have watched the TED video and have used the "Demise of Guys" in the classes I teach.  Personally, I am not sure of the Coolidge Effect in humans, but here is an alternate explanation of where our sexual behavior might be rooted:
http://www.ted.com/talks/christopher_ryan_are_we_designed_to_be_sexual_omnivores

Interesting theory and something to think about.  Maybe women would want multiple partners more then men if it wasn't socialized out of them! 

Peace and Be Strong!

HoosierState

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 80
  • Personal Text
    You've been given a great gift to live without PMO
    • View Profile
Re: Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal
« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2014, 10:43:04 AM »
Thanks OHG. I'll check out the vid link.  Myself, I'm currently hoping for 30 days, and then will change the counter to 60 days.

Peace and be Strong to you too!

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Another Sweet Night
« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2014, 11:01:34 AM »
Another night, another baseball game.  Minor league teams are great, the games are so cheap!  In this case even free, having gotten some tickets from work.  Karen and my son went tonight with me.  It was really a great time.  Lots of banter and fun.

After taking my son back to his Mom's, Karen and I went back to her place.  Dancing and making out to Frank Sinatra.  Eventually we made it into the bedroom.  She gave me a great BJ, my performance wasn't super but neither of us really cared.  I did feel a bit bad after though, I offered to pleasure her and she declined.  I know she declined because she was afraid she would not orgasm.  We snuggled naked for quite a while and we talked almost exclusively about our respective SD (sexual dysfunctions).

I did say to her, and this is true, I am sure that when my ED resolves itself, she will be a bit cruel when she says something like, "It's great, but I never really minded before."  I know my lack of hardness bothers me much more than it bothers her.  On the other hand, she really does want to orgasm with me.  "Just twice a week would be great," she said.  I know it will be more than that, but not at all sure how long it will take to get there, I have never been in this kind of situation before!

She did say one other thing that gives me more than enough motivation, "It just takes my breath away when you enter me" when we start PIV.  I wish I could get hard at the drop of a hat like in the old days!

Looking forward to a great weekend!

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
A wonderful Weekend
« Reply #8 on: July 14, 2014, 06:56:17 PM »
So it was another great weekend with Karen although sexually things remained pretty much status quo.  She was unable to climax with me and did use her vibrator after I pleasured her and she climaxed with the aid of that, she said it was the best orgasm of her life with all the build up, but frankly I am still frustrated by my lack ability to break through with her.  To be honest, I have "trained" a couple of women (including my second wife) how to have amazing orgasms, but now I am completely at a loss.  But I am not making to much of that as she really doesn't seem to mind.  The frank truth is that even without climaxes she cannot get enough of me (and me of her). 

She has said over and over again that she values our "naked bed time" more than anything.  And I feel the same.  Although we have not set out to do it (and she definitely wants to orgasm and wants me to to orgasm) we seem to have fallen into a nice karezza zone.  Even on nights like last night where we only had time to make out for maybe 45 minutes and then I had to go home, when I get home I have no desire to fap or PMO.  Not in the slightest.  Which is a totally brand new sensation for me.

I am approaching a month NoFaP which I am pretty sure is a record for me.  Physically I am still nowhere near where I want to be, to be sure things are getting better.  For a guy with noticeable ED, I sure get a lot of compliments about how hard I get.  Which is nice, but I still have a long way to go.  Still can't say I've had a 100% erection and a spontaneous one still has not happened, although I will say that blood definitely flows when we are kissing and making out now, so that is a positive sign.

Things remain pretty easy for me, and I am looking forward to putting a month under my belt, as it were. :-)

HoosierState

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 80
  • Personal Text
    You've been given a great gift to live without PMO
    • View Profile
Re: Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal
« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2014, 09:48:04 PM »
Great post!  Very encouraging to learn your experience with your woman.  You're getting results quicker than I would have imagined and that is awesome to know.  My next relationship is really going to intrigue me, in the sense that I'll won't get short circuited by PMO and MO. 

Hey OHG, only 3 days 'till your at 30!   Keep up the good work!

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
A Glorious Night
« Reply #10 on: July 15, 2014, 03:02:21 PM »
Looking at the titles of my updates, is there any question of why things are going fairly easy for me?  I am so lucky to have Karen in my life, she is certainly a main reason that I am able to do what I am doing.  The fact that we have similar sexual issues has turned out to be a boon.

So last night before our naked bed time, I suggested the soft entry technique from the karezza philosophy.  She was game to try it, but unfortunately we could not find a position where we could keep soft me inside her and also be able to kiss each other.  But it was nice, and I really was soft.  Completely. 

We moved around for a bit and soon she was on top of me, I was still pretty soft.  We stayed that way for maybe 10 minutes or so.  I will say if you want your woman wet, try this technique.  She was completely drenched, and it really was the consistency of lube.  It felt great.  But I guess she got bored with the no direction kind of sex, and asked me to go down on her.  I readily agreed and at that point got my first real hard on of the night.  Not wanting to miss an opportunity, I told her to put me inside her again, which she did.

For the next 20 minutes it was PIV time as she rode me and put me up wet.  It was amazing.  I stayed very hard the whole time.  I wasn't confident enough to to truly change positions, but she was able to slightly change her on top position several times.  This went on for what seemed like forever.  I was still a bit in the "orgasm free" thinking so was not trying to O inside her.  I think what made it best was that I was totally in the moment, just looking at her and feeling the sensations, not the slightest hint of fantasy in my my mind.  She had a really good time, but also did not O.

She asked me to go down on her, which I did for a very long time, but she still did not O, which disappointed us both a bit, but I still saw progress there.  Before I started I said I was going to do things soft and slow and she admitted after that she didn't think it would actually do anything for her or go anywhere.  But during our loving time she said she preferred it gentle because it allowed her to "savor the pleasure."  When she got close to O, she tried to bear down and make it happen, which we agreed later probably is what stopped it from happening.  Oh well, tonight is another night. :-)

I do feel more activity down there even when I am not with Karen.  Seeing a nice looking woman in the grocery story doesn't give me a full raging boner, but I can definitely feel the blood pulsing in that direction.  So, things are moving in the right way.   It was almost a month ago that Karen gave me the HJ where I never even got close to hard, even during O.  We talked about that last night and she admitted that she thought it was very weird at the time, but didn't say anything.  From that to 20 minutes of PIV is pretty amazing progress -- without any chemical stimulus whatsoever.
« Last Edit: July 15, 2014, 03:45:09 PM by OldHornyGuy »

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
A Note to HS
« Reply #11 on: July 15, 2014, 03:17:49 PM »
I cannot even imagine doing this hardcore mode, you are my hero. :-)  I also cannot imagine what it would be like to from cold turkey to a real woman, I am guessing, pretty much amazing. :-)

Not from experience but from thinking about it, I would suggest two things.  First, don't get tempted to see if things are "working" with a a little MO, that strikes me as a way to relapse and we don't want that.  The other thing I would say (and YMMV) that when you are ready make sure the relationship comes first.

Trying things out on a one night stand seems to open the door to the possibility of "failure" and again, relapse.  But easing into a relationship with a woman who will understand whatever happens (because you already have a connection outside the bedroom) seems to me to be a better way to go.  Even if it doesn't go perfectly, you and her can still find plenty of fun things to do.

I will say this, I have been pretty afraid of sexual relationships over the past year.  Not only do I have my ED fears, I also have a pretty bad case of psoriasis (last doc I saw said it was the worst he had ever seen.)  You try to pick up women knowing you have a skin disease and ED! :-)

But I have to say that no one I have been with has beat me up over either issue.  As Karen and I were getting to the point of being sexual, I told Karen only somewhat jokingly that I have leprosy (all my scaly skin was covered at that point).  She didn't skip a beat and said, "It's OK, doesn't bother me."  We have also been able to talk quite freely about my ED problem and it's source and what I am doing about it, which really helps my confidence.

I don't think those things would go so smoothly with some "hot babe" who is looking to get laid.

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Physical Contact
« Reply #12 on: July 15, 2014, 03:39:20 PM »
I was replying to another post when this thought came to me.  Before I met Karen I had been alone for a few months after another dating relationship went sour.  It occurred to me during that time that what I really wanted (at least in the sexual arena) was someone to make out with.

I thought to myself many times, "I can give myself an orgasm anytime, but I can't kiss myself."  Or hug myself, etc.  Which is very true as far as it goes.

What I really see now is that what I want is much more than the empty, soulless orgasms that I was using to dull my pain and get to sleep.  What I really wanted is the joyful, wonderful, uplifting experience that being with another person can be.  Not just sex, of course, but sex is certainly part of the whole experience.  If you are struggling with PMO and are in a relationship, do read the karezza articles.  You may not go that route, but much the philosophy about just enjoying the touch of another person -- without the immediate goal of simply getting to orgasm -- is a tremendous thing.

Oxytocin beats dopamine every time!  Try it for yourself!
« Last Edit: July 15, 2014, 03:47:42 PM by OldHornyGuy »

HoosierState

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 80
  • Personal Text
    You've been given a great gift to live without PMO
    • View Profile
Re: Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal
« Reply #13 on: July 15, 2014, 06:36:02 PM »
great posts - again OHG!

Yeah, I am wondering if I'll just plop over dead by not MO'ing for so long.  Brings back memories of when I tried to stop when I was 14 (the reason I am not sure, maybe I thought stopping would give me bigger muscles, I honestly forget) but I think I lasted about 6 days. 

Anyhow, thanks for the advice on a relationship first.  You are so right. And I am so past just dating for sex. 

So nice to hear about your wonderful woman and that she accepts you ("leprosy" and all, lol).  You got to be thrilled you've got such a special woman who is standing by you. 


OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Another Could Have Been Failure Night
« Reply #14 on: July 16, 2014, 11:48:03 AM »
Had a sleep over night with Karen last night as we both didn't have work this morning.  It was a wonderful night, but realistically it could have been horrible if we were not in a caring relationship.

First, of course, my P refused to cooperate, not much action down there at all.  We did soft entry and I stayed inside her for a long time, a mixture of soft and not so soft.  This may sound weird, but I am not even sure if I came inside her or not.  I think we may have done that for 45 minutes or more. 

She then asked if I would go down on her, I did and was there for a long time, again maybe 45 minutes or more.  Once again, she was unable to orgasm.  Afterwards she cried and I consoled her.  I do have to say, I tried everything and a couple of times thought she was there, but it just did not happen.  We talked for a long time after and she finally fell asleep in my arms.

This morning, she went down on me and for the first time I felt 100% hard.  Didn't last long, but it was good to know I am physically capable of it!  I never even felt that hard when I briefly used viagra. 

After she left, I was looking at my FB feed and there was an article by the local independent newspaper about some guys making amateur porn in our fair city.  Major trigger, amateur is one of my faves.  I did massage a bit while reading, but no fapping.  One of the stories involved a boyfriend and girlfriend being filmed.  He prematurely came, then couldn't get it up, and after taking a long lunch break got it up, but couldn't cum again, so they faked the cumshot (apparently there are recipes for fake cum online according to the article).  All good to know and when I got done reading, I shut down the computer and went and took a shower -- no fapping.

I've come to far to go back and I want to be able to give Karen the best of what I have.

HoosierState

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 80
  • Personal Text
    You've been given a great gift to live without PMO
    • View Profile
Re: Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal
« Reply #15 on: July 16, 2014, 12:40:03 PM »
Good choices.  Nobody said this road to PMO sobriety was going to be without bumps or even a crash.  Glad to hear your making progress in light of the usual distractions.  Carry on!

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
One Month In
« Reply #16 on: July 18, 2014, 12:57:53 PM »
Just a brief post today, between activities today.

You are right HS, I am the luckiest man in the world, and I have told Karen this many times.

We had quite the lovemaking session last night.  I am still not spontaneously hard, but we were able to have several sessions of PIV with her stimulating me to start.  It ended with a massive session with her on top and I had a massive multiple orgasm PIV.  I am still quivering from it.

I had tears of joy, but unfortunately her issues prevented her from fully joining the fun.  I lasted plenty long enough, she still has a psychological block about letting go. We laid in each others arms for a long time and cried and talked.  Actually it was an incredible night.

Real sex, even with its ups and downs is just so much better than fapping!

HoosierState

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 80
  • Personal Text
    You've been given a great gift to live without PMO
    • View Profile
Re: Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal
« Reply #17 on: July 21, 2014, 11:56:28 AM »
I'd say you're on your way OHG.  Just remember to guard against any relapses into porn.  This could occur when the new routine becomes the normal routine. 

I know you know this, I just wanted to remind you.  Peace!

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Success!
« Reply #18 on: July 22, 2014, 09:56:01 AM »
For her, not me. :-)  She had to work an extra shift, so we were not able to get together until pretty late, but it was clear she was ready to go and for once, so was I.  We started right out with PIV which developed naturally out of us just undressing.  We have developed a nice me on top position where I can stand, it also helps when I am not real hard, I can still keep inside her.  We did that for quite some time, she likes it, but we can't kiss in that position, so we stopped and snuggled for a while.  Then she wanted me to pleasure her.

I went down on her for what seemed like forever, I think my jaw is still a bit sore.  She kept getting close and then not getting over the top and she would start to act like she wanted to quit, but every time she did, I just changed what I was doing and kept going.  Finally she got close again and I just decided to do whatever it took.  The amount of pressure on her g-spot and clit that it took to push her over the edge was actually kind of amazing.  Certainly the equivalent of a deathgrip in us males.  I've never had a woman who wanted so much direct pressure on her clit before.  But it worked.  She had a long satisfying orgasm.  We were both thrilled.

But it turned out that wasn't even the best part!

After she came, we snuggled and talked for quite a while.  Eventually she decided it was my turn and started pleasuring me.  When I got hard (actually it took a while) she climbed on top and started riding me -- hard.  The whole time she is doing that she is saying things like, "You are filling me up completely," and "I've never had anything so big."  Which considering I ain't all that big and a month ago I couldn't get it up with a crane, made me feel super manly. 

Once again I had explosive multiple orgasms inside her, which actually induced her to ride me even harder -- which I did not think possible.  She started looking like she was going to orgasm again, and said she was close.  I was still pretty hard, but she tired out before she could get herself there.  She said she was probably within 10 or 20 strokes of being there.  Which put me over the moon.

Just a month ago I could not get hard enough to even go inside her, much less satisfy her.  She could only get off using a vibrator.  I thought then that it would take maybe 6 months for us to recover enough to have real, orgasmic, PIV sex.  But after only one month of real, no MO sex for both of us the goal is actually in sight.  It could now happen any night.

This is the most amazing feeling I think I have ever had!

Thanks again to all you brave pioneers who described what was going on and showed a path forward!  Only real sex for me from now on!

HoosierState

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 80
  • Personal Text
    You've been given a great gift to live without PMO
    • View Profile
Re: Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal
« Reply #19 on: July 23, 2014, 08:03:14 AM »
Freedom! (in my best Braveheart accent)

What I like best about rebooting is that results seem to come pretty rapidly ...If we just hold out long enough to experience them.

What we did before was "short circuit" any real chance at gaining experience because we deemed porn as an acceptable substitute. And then years pass.  The pixel can be such a liar.  The pixel (and I'll include porn mags, and any porn substitute here) robbed us of our opportunity to freaking LIVE!

OHG you're the man.  More than ever.  Congrats on your new porn free life ...and please remain vigilant,  always!  Porn is like the Greek god Medusa. One look can be all it takes.

Peace!

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Double Success!
« Reply #20 on: July 24, 2014, 10:16:05 AM »
Once again, I am referring to Karen and not myself.  I think in many ways watching her reboot is much more interesting that what I am going through. :-)

So, we were back at it again last night.  I am working on her and she keeps getting close to O, but can't quite get there.  It hurt my ego a little bit, but after a couple of false starts, she gets out a little egg vibrator and together we get to the promised land.  But this time I could tell it was different.  Her previous O's were like, "omg, omg, OMG" dead stop.  This time it was like O.......M........G with her whole body shuddering and quivering, it went on for at least a minute.  When she was done she about collapsed.

After she was done we talked and she said it was like a wave running through her whole body, that she had never felt anything like it, completely different from any orgasm she ever had.  I smiled and told her congratulations on achieving her first "female orgasm."  She looked at me as if I were nuts and I told her that I thought her previous ones were "male" in the sense that it was like almost no build up and then "wham" and then over.  Just like a guy sneaking in some MO. 

As we were talking I noticed that she was sort of absentmindedly touching herself.  I said, "You want to go again?"  Considering that we had just said that her cumming two days in a row was a record, cumming twice in 15 minutes didn't seem possible.

Again my ego was nicked when she reached right away for the vibrator, but sure enough, within 5 minutes, she was in the throes of another orgasm.  Of course now, she's been sexting me all morning, so we may have created a monster. :-)

For me, things were good, but not great.  Had a great time, but didn't get all that hard, wasn't really in the moment as much as I would have liked and like that.  Had pretty strong urges to fap when I got home, but read some YBOP success stories and held off.  Still feel the urge this morning, but I am at work, so should be OK.

My future posts will probably be much more about the other things I need to work on and less about what is going on below the waist.

Stay tuned. :-)

lex5122

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 26
    • View Profile
Re: Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal
« Reply #21 on: July 25, 2014, 07:45:32 AM »
i've had some similar issues with what I believe Is PIED, i was wondering if it was my age, Adderall, drinking (highly & regular) or all the above, I'm hoping to see this improve as others have experienced on this site!  It was something that was plaguing me when I was with my single OW, she was hot and everything I wanted sexually and I was not able to get 100% hard often and or I would lose my firmness inside her, hard to explain to a 20 something......  After learning more and more on this site it is so obvious how I've rewired my mechanics and it is a principle reason for me seeking recovery.

godspeed



OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Just a quick update
« Reply #22 on: July 25, 2014, 04:06:52 PM »
Karen and I were at it last night and in a one night stand it might not have seemed so great, but in a relationship it was pretty good.

I started off with a good erection, but when we started PIV I lost it pretty quick.  I had been working out before, so maybe I was tired and summer heat does nothing for me in the performance department.  But either way, not a stellar night for me.  I turned my attentions on her and once again she reached orgasm with some artificial assistance.  She had tried to just get herself close and let me put her over the top, but it just did not work that way.  Unfortunately she cried after, not wanting to use an assistance. 

On one level I am very understanding of her issue, but on another it frustrates me entirely that I cannot do what pleases her.  It is so weird being on the other side of the coin!  Usually it is me saying things like, "Yes, you turn me on and what you are doing feels great, but well, maybe I am too tired tonight to get hard and cum."

But fortunately, the tears were quickly over as I reassured her that I was in this for the long haul and in the same way when my performance is not perfect it does not bother her, her needing assistance is just part of things right now.  After that we drifted in and out of sleep in each others arms for about two hours before I had to head home. 

Maybe nothing but the last two hours really matter. 

OldHornyGuy

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 167
  • Personal Text
    I'm Horny, but Only Real Sex for Me!
    • View Profile
Non Sexual Update
« Reply #23 on: July 25, 2014, 04:16:36 PM »
I do have a few other things going on that might be worth mentioning. 

Even though I am regularly having good sex, I sort of feel like maybe I am flatlining a bit.  My affect is very dull, not feeling very happy, but not really depressed either.  I do have a few issues, including some possible financial problems that have been weighing on my mind.  I work in education, so the end of summer is a tough time for me, having almost no savings after two divorces.

My motivation to do almost anything is very low.  I am ignoring a huge pile of dishes as I type this.  I also need to mow my lawn and wash my car.  And make some extra money.  And like that. 

Yes, I am not PMOing, but I am also not doing many things that I really need to do!

Thanks for listening!

lex5122

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 26
    • View Profile
Re: Old and Horny, Becoming a Former Fapster -- My Journal
« Reply #24 on: July 26, 2014, 08:06:14 AM »
I couldn't help thinking of my wife in your situation, although very different.  I was struck by how you were able to be so close to your woman and take care of her, and your mutual patience and communication.  It is very intimate and I am hoping to bring some of that to my world.  I'm not sure if anyone else can relate, but my wife is not responsive hardly at all to me sexually.  What I mean by that is all through our 17 years of marriage, i don't think she ever climaxes.  I used to think I was a bad lover.  I had lots of sex before our marriage and it was wild and I felt I was pretty good at it.  My wife was very unlike all my previous "lose" gfs and that was a big part of the attraction.  I just assumed sex would come hot and wild when we were married.  She was brought up in a conservative baptist home and we fooled around before marriage, but we definitely did not do the move in and test for sexual chemistry bit.  So after getting married sex was a big let down for me.  She was willing but it was nothing like my porn educated mind was wanting. 
So fast forward through my disappointments sexually and justification of going outside marriage in numerous ways.  I'm having affairs with woman and they are all climaxing and praising my love making skills and I'm feeling good about myself.  That all ended and now i'm with my wife only, and we're having sex.  It is good sex, but she isn't climaxing still.  And she's ok with that.  I don't think she has ever masturbated nor used a toy solo.  I've brought them into the bed and she was never into them, I've tried oral on her and she doesn't get into that nor me manually stimulating her.  So I'm getting sex when i want it, but what i really want is for this to be a mutual desire and satisfactory connection.  She doesn't think there is anything wrong with her, so she is not open to getting any help for herself, although I think she has some kind of repression sexually going on. 

Has anyone else had any experiences like this or suggestions?