I?m gonna try and get through this introduction as quickly as possible. If anyone would like me to elaborate on anything please feel free to ask.
I am 21 years old and I have been addicted to pornography for 10 years.
It started with girls kissing girls on youtube, degenerated further and further pretty quickly. My porn addiction singlehandedly destroyed my life as a teenager, and still has relative control over my life now.
Around the age of 19, after a bad breakup and after my desensitized desires spilled over into non heterosexual porn, I began to have sex with men. Long story short last year I was diagnosed with HIV. I?m undetectable, which means I cannot transmit the virus sexually, but I have to take a fucking pill every day until they come up with better treatment or cure it, which honestly doesn?t see, like such a far off prospect.
The ?willpower? or ?nofap? method has never worked for me. There is only one method that has been even remotely effective for me, and in my case it allowed me to go without porn for a long time; the Easypeasy method from the PMO hackbook. But the problem is that the book doesn?t cover what?s wrong with me; I have singlehandedly given myself the paraphilia known as autogynephilia.
I want to seek therapy, but given that the current medical and scientific status quo is to begin any cisgender man with this debilitating mental disorder an HRT regimen and eventual SRS. I find I cannot get professional help that will be conducive to my well being and my desired outcome, which is to remain the fucking male that I am. Basically I?m between a rock and a hard place. I was doing well for a while, but I just ?relapsed?? bad in the past few days. The book?s advice is simply to read it again, which I?m going to do, but I fear the book simply isn?t going to be enough. I need therapy the likes of which I?m not sure I can get, and I don?t want to have to take any more pills. Sorry if this post is a bit rambling, but I?m desperate.
I am 21 years old and I have been addicted to pornography for 10 years.
It started with girls kissing girls on youtube, degenerated further and further pretty quickly. My porn addiction singlehandedly destroyed my life as a teenager, and still has relative control over my life now.
Around the age of 19, after a bad breakup and after my desensitized desires spilled over into non heterosexual porn, I began to have sex with men. Long story short last year I was diagnosed with HIV. I?m undetectable, which means I cannot transmit the virus sexually, but I have to take a fucking pill every day until they come up with better treatment or cure it, which honestly doesn?t see, like such a far off prospect.
The ?willpower? or ?nofap? method has never worked for me. There is only one method that has been even remotely effective for me, and in my case it allowed me to go without porn for a long time; the Easypeasy method from the PMO hackbook. But the problem is that the book doesn?t cover what?s wrong with me; I have singlehandedly given myself the paraphilia known as autogynephilia.
I want to seek therapy, but given that the current medical and scientific status quo is to begin any cisgender man with this debilitating mental disorder an HRT regimen and eventual SRS. I find I cannot get professional help that will be conducive to my well being and my desired outcome, which is to remain the fucking male that I am. Basically I?m between a rock and a hard place. I was doing well for a while, but I just ?relapsed?? bad in the past few days. The book?s advice is simply to read it again, which I?m going to do, but I fear the book simply isn?t going to be enough. I need therapy the likes of which I?m not sure I can get, and I don?t want to have to take any more pills. Sorry if this post is a bit rambling, but I?m desperate.