Quitting porn and masturbation for life, and never going back.

Retro Gamer

Member
Like many people here, I started using porn at a young age and gradually over the years the use of it has become more frequent and the material more perverse. I wish I realised earlier on in life that this was an addiction but I was oblivious and turned a blind eye on all the problems it was causing me. I believe porn is the root cause of most of my problems, for example: I am hugely overweight, I have terrible acne, I have low self esteem, I am too shy, I have depression, I am lazy, I can't keep a job, I don't have any energy nor motivation to do something useful, I have lost interest in socialising, and the list goes on. I think it is probably all porn related. In my early teens, when I first started using porn, I didn't have any acne and I wasn't overweight. So I often think to myself and wonder how my life would have turned out if I didn't consume so much porn.

My attention span is short (like a kid who ate 10 packs of Skittles) and I would like to be able to concentrate better. If you do some research you will find out that porn actually causes these concentration problems. When I initiate a task or project, it's without motivation but with hindrance and I get bored very quickly. Before becoming a porn addict I had so many interests and hobbies, but over the years as the porn use increased, other interests became suppressed.

I have never suffered with ED, but my love life is still non-existent by my own choice. I feel like I cannot love. Sometimes I feel like my emotions are dulled/deadened. It's a terrible thing to admit, but I look at the body of a woman too much, I put too much emphasis on it. And I don't appreciate her personality and how she is inside unless she's got a nice body, so for this reason I haven't been able to keep a relationship and never really wanted to. My relationships have been disastrous. In honest truth, all I want from girls is sex, and I know that this is wrong and I would really like to change it. I also have a problem with trusting people and I'm usually quite suspicious of them. The thought of a relationship confuses me and I can't decide whether that's what I want. They say that it is too much porn that makes you start viewing women as sex objects and this is exactly what it's done to me.

At the moment I can't commit to anything and anyone, and I don't want to. In previous relationships I found it hard to feel an emotional connection and I was quite self-centered, I was dishonest and egoistic. I cheated and I lied. I know for sure that the real me is not like that, and it is all the pleasure seeking that has made me like this. Porn and the sexualized culture we live in changes us in so many ways that we don't even notice. Addiction and lust makes you live a double life: you are an actor on stage with a mask, but behind the mask is a dark person with dirty habits and a stained soul. This has to change.

It was only a few years ago when I actually decided to try and do something about it and I have tried quitting porn, although my attempts have been spineless and I always give in again. It has always been so hard to quit this thing. And as I've been trying I have also been learning about porn addiction and all the negative effects it causes. I am certain that my life can improve in so many ways if I can beat this addiction and get free from the enslavement of it's chains. Porn is a pollution to your mind and soul. It darkens your morality. It's a disease that slowly degrades your mind bit by bit. Today I have decided to give rebooting another attempt after reading up about the issue. I am motivated to turn my life around, otherwise if not now then probably never. I have read that the older you get and the more years you have been using porn, the harder it gets to quit and the more intense the withdrawal symptoms.

Some of the new steps I am taking this time in order to beat this thing are: I will avoid using social media, because it really does not help. I am going to start exercising regularly and not give up. Start eating healthy and avoid fast food/junk food. I will limit my computer use and instead spend more time outside, work more, do something creative, read or socialise. No gazing at women, no thinking about sex, no fantasising and nothing that can be arousing: all this keeps you addicted and craving more. I love watching movies, but I have noticed that they make recovery a lot harder, so I am going to limit the time I waste watching movies and TV. I am not going to masturbate at all. This is also a bad habit just like any other bad habit. If you want to break free from porn addiction then it's best you don't beat your meat at all, because doing that will reinforce your addiction and make the recovery so much harder.

 
Welcome back, Retro Gamer. I have no doubts that here you're going to find all the support you need until your recovery. Yes, I think there are big chances all the bad things you mentioned are due to pornography addiction. In fact, guys don't realize how PMO is killing them till they quit -- fortunately you've already figured it out. I'm on day 9 and I'm already tasting the benefits of being free from porn. You can get further details by taking a peek at my journal's today's post. Friend, so good you're motivated and ready to fight. Keep going, mate!
 

Dico888

Active Member
Hey Retro Gamer!

Seems you have a big plan on how to treat this addiction. It looks good! Especially exercising really helps, at least it helped me a LOT. I didn't work out for about 12 days now and I just feel it. Feel less motivated, feeling down a bit and sometimes feeling weak. Need to get back on that horse!

Ohyea, I know the baseless depressions and mood swings, but (as you might know yourself) you are not curing anything with PMO. You are simply feeding it, making it stronger the next time your brain wants dopamine. I understand that PMO and fat/sugar is your consolation for the depression, but try to be stronger! From what I've read and my own experience, the first 7 days your brain throws everything at you to get it's shot of PMO. Go for 7 days first, see how you feel then and then go for another 7. That's how I did it, going for 90 right away seems too far away.

More down-periods will come, but at least you can now take some preparations for it. Did you read some articles on www.yourbrainonporn.com? Good preparation is half the battle :)
Also reading some success stories on here and/or journals can really boost your motivation, because that's what people need.. motivation.

Retro Gamer said:
So I often think to myself and wonder how my life would have turned out if I didn't consume so much porn.

Don't we all ;) just don't overthink it too much.

Anyways, I wish you the best with your journey!

P.S: Keep exercising man! It's a natural anti-depressant and on long-term the rewards are godly!
 

Retro Gamer

Member
Thanks for your comment and support. In my case, quitting the habbit is actually easy for me for the first 28 days and I can go on without problems. And then after those first 4 weeks- proper severe withdrawal symptoms!  :(

But like you said, exercise helps a lot, and regular exercise is the new thing that I'm doing different this time. I think I'll start frequenting the gym. Also I'm improving my nutrition. Care to share your exercise routine?
 

vigilantwarrior

Active Member
Just to quickly comment, I wouldn't say there's anything spineless about managing to go even a month at a time and then struggle again. (If I make it a month I'm a dam hero haha. But I know everybody has it different) The trick is maintaining, and for 95% of people, that's the challenge. So that's why you're here, ya know?

It sounds like a lot of good goals. Based on what I've experienced maybe don't try to shoot too high that it's hard to achieve all of them, but it sounds like each goal is there for a reason so go for it and we'll support you.

Do you cook? Is healthy food easy to keep up with?
I love that you said "and don't give up" for the exercise routine. It really changes the game, but I notice the 2nd to 3rd week or so of the routine is the hardest, but man it's nice not feeling as much like a slobth (slob sloth).

Anyways, I've talked too much. This is your journal and I look forward to what more you have to share :D

 

Retro Gamer

Member
3 days without porn or masturbation

This time I am actually properly taking action at beating this thing. I have a feeling this attempt will be the final one. I am armed with the right knowledge, methods and tools in order to beat my lust. For the last two days I haven't watched any television at all, because it is full of triggers. I am not going to use social media anymore and I will do my best to steer clear of any websites that might contain triggers. It's very hard though, because sexual triggers are literally everywhere - for example: I was checking my emails this morning and on the top of the screen there was an ad for some clothes store and on the picture 2 sexy girls in bikinis. The old adage goes: 'Out of sight, out of mind', and I have found this to be very true. Of course fantasies will appear even without looking, but if you continue to guard your eyes, your fantasies and sexual thoughts will quiet down and be less frequent. When sexual thoughts appear it is important to quickly stop that chain of thought and avert onto something else.

I have got myself a gym membership. I'm very excited about that and determined to get healthy. Until the other day, I hadn't used the gym since my school days. I was very nervous at first because I thought people would look at me funny, but it wasn't like that at all. The place was full of people of all shapes and sizes and there was quite a few old people too. In my worries I thought I would be walking into a place full of cool, pumped-up dudes who would laugh at me, but that was just silly thinking. I will definitely make a regular habit of working out, because after my workout I felt great and my thoughts were very positive and optimistic. I have changed my diet completely and I really miss the tasty stuff I love to eat. I feel rather exhausted and always hungry, but apparently this is good for you. It feels right.

When I am out of the house I am doing everything I can to keep my eyes under control. It's very hard, especially in this hot summer heat when most of the women are wearing very little clothes. These days I either look down on the floor when I walk, or up above people's heads. I have learned from my previous attempts that if you look at women (whether it be on the streets, on a billboard, magazines, internet, wherever...) then it will only bring on urges to use porn along with feelings of loneliness and depression. You start thinking to yourself: "Oh, I feel so incompetent and lame. Why does everyone else have a girlfriend and I don't. Everyone is having a good time, enjoying life and sex, but my life has given me nothing." - But don't think like that! This is destructive thinking and it will only make your situation worse. If you think depressive thoughts, you will go downward into a spiral of negative thinking which in itself will become a habit.

The depression we experience when breaking a bad habbit or addiction is baseless. It is only the addicted part of your brain which is telling you this, and it is lying to you, it is trying to trick you into doing something to clear it up like you have been doing for so many years with porn, or fat and sugary food or whatever else releases feel good chemicals. For many people, porn gives a quick and readily available high, which in fact is a low because later it will bring on the associated problems that we all know. And it wastes vital creative energy which you could use on something useful.

Many, like me in the past, will fool themselves into thinking that it is only normal and natural for a guy to look at women. And you might fall back into porn use after worrying that you might lose some of your manliness due to the 'use it or lose it' myth. 'Use it or lose it' is true in other contexts but it is not true in masturbation. There is research which proves that nothing really happens if a man stays abstinent for long periods of time, there is no significant reduction in testosterone (only temporary spikes and drops), there is no reduction or loss in anything. You will only gain benefits if you can get past the withdrawal symptoms.

Modern society bombards us with constant shit, and then we start believing that we can't live without it and if we are not like them or we don't have this or that, whatever it is, then we are not normal. And this causes people to fall into a negative, depressive state because they want to be happy too. But happiness is down to you and the way you think, it's not what the T.V. and pop music is telling you. Being grateful and happy with one's lot in life is probably one of the most important and useful ways to beat any negative behavioural habits. No matter what problems you might have in life, in reality they are not really problems at all. There are people in this world who are experiencing real suffering, here's some examples: Children losing their parents in worn torn countries, Starving and homeless, People being forced into slavery, People losing senses or body parts due to serious illness or accident, People suffering with serious disability or deformity... So is there really any reason to sulk away just because you're not down the beach surfing with the cool kids, or because your girlfriend broke up with you, or because you got turned down by someone, or you are overweight, single, too tall, too short, too skinny or whatever - those are not reasons to be depressed. I have learned that pornography will make anything bad so much worse. Our current life situation is a result of the choices we have made in the past and you will always have opportunities to make good or bad choices again. 
 

Retro Gamer

Member
7 days without porn and masturbation

Everthing is going according to plan. I am diligently adhering to the steps and rules I have put upon myself in order to beat my addiction. I am avoiding the internet and television. A lot of my spare time is being spent outdoors, with friends or doing something worthwhile (e.g: exercising). I am not allowing myself to look at any women, anywhere, unless I really need to (at work, etc.). A few withdrawal symptoms are setting in - mood swings, irritation, depression, brain fog, low energy and low motivation - and these can be a bit bothersome to me when I want to concentrate on something. Reminding myself of all the good that I have in life is helping a lot with battling negativity. Gratitude is one of the most important things to keep in mind, it helps ease the withdrawal symptoms. Another reason for these symptoms could be my change in diet. Exercise helps boost your mood. But there are days when I feel extremely low after a good workout. Maybe I am overtraining. 
 

Retro Gamer

Member
10 Days without porn or masturbation
It's day 10 and my addiction is already trying to negotiate with me. A part of me is trying to talk me into it again. Little thoughts are appearing in my head, such as: "What about if I only do it once a week? Surely that's not going to be a problem", "What about if I only use mild, vanilla porn or just lesbians?", "Maybe I should masturbate without porn, it will help ease my nerves and chill me out", etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I am not allowing these thoughts to trick me. Even masturbating without porn is bad, in my opinion. I want to preserve that energy and put it to better use. I block the lustful thoughts and try to forget about them, then I concentrate on something else.

At night time, before going to sleep, images and scenes from porn or from previous sex experiences are appearing in my head and this can be bothersome because if I allow the thoughts to continue it will lead to sexual frustration and stress which eventually causes strong urges that in the end lead to relapse. Any sexual stimulation eventually leads to relapse, whether it's looking at the hot girl on the street or looking at the babe on the billboard, or in a magazine, Facebook, Instagram, TV, etc. Nothing like that will help in any way. Thinking and fantasising are also very bad things to do. And another thing, a lot of us men will put our hand down there to sort him out so he's sitting comfortably or to give him a little squeeze or whatever, but that is another thing to avoid: putting your hand down there. Even this can cause some arousal which will lead to relapse.

I'm going to beat this porn addiction once and for all and never look at it again. This is final. Porn is sick and I can see what it is doing to people these days. Faith, spirituality, modesty and morals are dissappearing from people's minds. People are becoming perverse and too immodest. Sex and porn are a part of pop culture. Kids are becoming sexualized at a younger age than before.  They're starting to think that it is normal to act like and dress like the role models they look at on TV and the internet. 'Sexting' and 'nudes' along with vulgar language are now exchanged instead of nice words. Guys are relapsing and beating it to photos on Facebook. Pornography is being watched in schools and in workplaces. Men are gazing at women all day long and sex is constantly on our minds. At house parties I hear about how people are having sex in full view for others to see, or in groups. People talk about sex amongst each other in a casual and open manner, talking about all the little details as well for everyone to hear.

All kinds of abominable fetishes are rampant in the world. There are so many genres of porn these days, and a lot of them are quite extreme and shocking. I see on the news about how 'sex robots' are a thing now, can you believe this? Men are wasting huge money on these robots, or going to sex robot brothels to waste their energy on making love with a freaky robot that looks like a woman. Another perverse and sick thing: virtual reality weddings. There are men in Japan getting married to cartoon characters, and this happens in a proper wedding ceremony with the guy all dressed up yet there is no woman by his side, but she is on his virtual reality goggles. I'd hate to think what their lovemaking looks like when he gets home from the wedding. They've got all that Manga cartoon porn on virtual reality as well now. When we were in school, we played Pokemon. When our kids are going to be in school, they're going to be playing cartoon porn through VR headsets... Polyamorous weddings, where 3 men are getting married to each other, are now happening in some parts of the world... This is wrong. We're all forgetting that it is supposed to be a private and personal matter between a man and his woman. Perverted things are becoming a norm and porn is feeding it.
 

vigilantwarrior

Active Member
Really dig your recognition of the crazy talk that comes up. How have things been going in the past day? I appreciate your willingness to really break down your thoughts. I really enjoy thoughts, and it can be cathartic and helpful for us to express them too. Keep working at it.
 

Retro Gamer

Member
12 Days without porn or masturbation

siphus said:
How have things been going in the past day?

Hi Siphus,
In the past couple of days things are still ok. My new techniques and tools for battling PMO so far are working. Daily study on the subject of addiction and on psychology are helping tremendously. Yesterday I was reading about the dark side of the pornography industry and the terrible things some of the actors go through. It's worth a read (warning: it can be a trigger). I never even knew about all the evil that goes on behind the scenes. And it reminded me about some of the scenes I have seen myself where I was rather shocked and sickened about how the women were treated. But I'm no angel though, after the initial shock I then used to watch all that sick shit and enjoy it, I was overpowered by foolishness and porn was taking my life downhill causing me to become more and more amoral as the years went on. 

I have become good at stopping negative trains of thought that eventually lead to porn use. Stopping triggers, urges and changing my thoughts was hard to do before but on this reboot attempt it's easy. I guess I'm just really sick and fed up of porn. And I'm tired of it controlling my mind. I hate how it makes me have sex constantly in the forefront of my thoughts.

siphus said:
I appreciate your willingness to really break down your thoughts. I really enjoy thoughts, and it can be cathartic and helpful for us to express them too.

Yes, I agree. I read some people's journals and it's interesting to see the familiarity of them and I. This website and these journals really help when trying to quit. I feel like it adds to my motivation and willingness to really beat the addiction. And it's interesting to read about other peoples situations too. Although at the end of the day, we're only human, we are all in a pretty similar position if we are on this site - we are sick and tired of porn, how it enslaves us and the problems it causes.
 
Retro Gamer said:
Although at the end of the day, we're only human, we are all in a pretty similar position if we are on this site - we are sick and tired of porn, how it enslaves us and the problems it causes.

That's what I like too about this site. Sometimes other people's thoughts are presented in such a way, that you realise that you're really disgusted by the effects of porn. It's like other people give you your reasons not to watch porn.
Nice technique and good that it is working for you.

All the best,
Grandson_of_Thatcher
 

Retro Gamer

Member
14 days without porn or masturbation

Feeling very positive and optimistic today even though the brain fog is still making me feel lethargic, fatigued and a little bit confused at times. I can definitely feel that dopamine deficiency that you get when rebooting. The brain fog can be very heavy, it's a strange feeling, like as if my brain is declining everything and refusing to work with me. Sometimes sadness and depression takes over but it doesn't last as long as I don't let it. When that happens you just need to block out any negative thoughts and concentrate on something else. I'm easily irritated, easily distracted and I can't concentrate very well at the moment so I'm spending a lot of my free time down the gym, or outdoors and with friends. My mood is up and down a lot, it's just basically mood swings. I know it wont last. The addiction does that to you to try to get you to self medicate with porn use.

There are days when I feel so lethargic, I just want to lay on the sofa like a vegetable and not do anything. Although that is one of the worst things you could do because I know it can cause urges. Although strangely, all these symptoms I mentioned are really quite mild on this reboot. I remember on previous reboot attempts I felt about 3 times worse. Maybe because I've had a lot of previous attempts at quitting, it is so much easier this time. Any negative feelings are just temporary and they are a good sign that the recovery process is taking place and day by day my brain is improving while the addiction is disappearing. I just need to ride through it and wait it out.

I have adopted a zero-tolerance mindset. I am not letting my eyes wander freely. I'm even doing a media detox: No TV and no internet (or at least limited at the most minimum, e.g: check emails, read news). I am staying focused on other things. Because it's not just hardcore porn that reinforces the addiction, it can be anything that is sexy and pleasing to the eyes. One flash of a leg can be enough for us guys to instantly think about sex, and that sets in motion the events and thoughts that lead to porn use. We are weak like that. It's built into us. We go crazy about women. If we find her attractive enough, we get a crush or fall in love too quickly, too easily. All our plans and ambitions could easily change if we find a nice girl and without a second thought we will be providing for her and everything we plan and desire will revolve around her. It's important to find the right one. Some women can be worse than venomous snakes and they will use their sexiness and our desire for them, they can use that in a sellfish or conniving manner. I hope that I can overcome this natural sexual drive during the reboot, or at least weaken it (to a healthy extent), then I could use that energy and motivation on other things. I believe that it's a very bad thing to do: wasting semen in vain. It can weaken us physically and mentally.

It's a very tough thing to do, to look away and not allow your eyes to enjoy the beauty of women. A very hard thing to do indeed. But with time and practice it is getting easier, because I know that looking will only make things so much worse. Looking will botch the reboot and make it much harder, with more urges and withdrawal symptoms and it will drag on for a long time. Because I have come to realise that if you gaze at women, the discomfort will be much worse than the discomfort of not looking. Think about it, if you look you start to desire it, and then you feel far away from your goal of rebooting and you will feel bad because you can't have it even though you really desire it. It's ok if you know for sure that you are actually going to walk up to the girl and start chatting to her, with the possibility of getting a date. But if you know that you are not going to do that and you see that she is out of your league or age group or whatever, then it is only going to cause you to feel low, frustrated and crave/urge for something to ease that... Porn. It's highly unlikely that the woman you look at will be the one walking up to you and asking you out: "Hey, I noticed you staring at me. I guess you like me. Here, have my number. Call me." - the chance of that happening is probably 1 out of a million. So if there realistically is the posibility of a potential date and future girlfriend, and you are the man so therefore you will make the first move and start the conversation, then it's ok. But otherwise, I think it's best to focus your eyes on something else. Being calm and patient will pay of eventually.

Good times in life will come and go. But you can't go back in time and you wont reverse aging (at least not yet). So the time we waste on porn we never get back. After everything I've learned about addiction and sexual immorality, the worse thing I could do now is waste my time alone, with a vulgar video on the computer screen, spilling my life force. It really gets me down at times, the fact that I am only realising all this now, and earlier in life I never even believed in porn addiction, I never really gave it a second thought. I laughed at porn addiction like many other people do and did not believe in it. I didn't believe it was harmful. Just like in the olden days people didn't think cigarrettes and cocaine were harmful: doctors prescribed them to you to get better or fix your cough/sore throat. They thought cigarrettes clean your lungs out.

I thought what I was doing was normal and healthy. I thought it was good practice and experience which would improve my real sex and I believed it helps the growth and development; however I was gravely mistaken because porn does the opposite to that. Hell at least I know now, and it's better late than never. At least now I'm not going to the grave with my computer, my addiction and porn downloads, along with all the anxiety, isolation, social insecurity, depression and confusion it causes. Well done to anyone who is still fairly young and has already realised that porn is a problem and is doing something to try and give it up. I hope that in the future there will be more control over porn content and access to it. I hope there will be warnings and education on the dangers of it so that future generations of young people wont be affected by it.

 

Retro Gamer

Member
17 Days without porn or masturbation

I've been getting quite bad insomnia lately. Some nights it's no sleep at all, other nights it's between 2 to 4 hours of sleep. A bit of insomnia is normal when rebooting, but when it's a full night of no sleep it can really make your whole day an annoyance. During the late hours, when I'm fatigued and tired yet I can't sleep, a part of me is trying to talk me into PMO. I start remembering how much of a stress relief PMO can be and the relaxing feeling you get, especially before you go to bed. And the sleep quality was good too. As beneficial as it sounds, I am not going to give in because I am done with porn and I will not forget about all the negative effects of it. The negative effects outweigh the stress relief. I choose insomnia, because I know it will not last forever.

Apart from some withdrawal symptoms - 2 of which are the worst right now: brain fog and insomnia - everything else seems to be going great and my enthusiasm is still high. Yesterday I met up with a friend who is a girl and she was dressed in a very sexy manner. She has a man in her life, so there is no chance there. This made me slip up a bit with guarding my eyes. We sat in the park and ate ice-cream. Due to the summertime sun and heat, all the girls seem to be wearing very little. Everywhere I looked there were triggers and this made me feel disconnected and far away from my real goal of beating my porn addiction. After coming home, I had a feeling of loneliness and inadequacy. I decided to log into an old dating account and had a little browse through some of the profiles but I stopped because of all the triggers. I remembered how risky and stupid doing that is. These feelings and situations are a feeding ground for porn addiction. I'm not ready for a relationship yet, so what was the point of searching? It was the addiction. I'm glad I stopped myself. I finished the day with watching a porn addiction documentary and doing more reading on the subject of addiction. And this put me back into the reboot mindframe. I reminded myself that I am still young. There is a time for everything and my time will come, in the meantime I need to be patient and stay composed. I need to eliminate addiction first and then move on to the next goal. Life is about more than just relationships and sex.

After my previous relationship I still don't trust women yet, and they shouldn't trust me, and in addition to that I don't even trust myself. I know how I am and I know if I got into a relationship now I would only be desiring sex from her, and this will only feed the lust and my addiction would remain. When you have an addiction: the more you feed it, the hungrier it gets. And I would not be able to honestly care for her and be close with her on an emotional level. I've been perverted by lustful pleasure seeking for too many years. And it's going to take some rehab time to get back to default settings.

How determined I am to give up this dirty habit is completely down to me. As they say: you fall down numerous times before you reach success. What we are doing here, with our rebooting attempts, is a great opportunity for growth and life experience which could change us in so many positive ways that we don't know about yet. Much can be gained through the toil and torment. As crazy as it sounds, it's possible that this trouble we are dealing with is actually something we are destined for. It could be a part of our life purpose to go through this. One event or situation in your life could have such a big ripple effect - one thing leads to another and that to another, etc. etc. - and the end result could be very positive and beneficial. Therefore I do my best to not allow things to depress me into melancholy and I try not to compare myself to other people, because comparing your life to other people's is a guaranteed way to give yourself depression and gloom. That is why social media is so dangerous. Do you even know about all the research which shows how social media causes mental problems in young people? It's crucial to be joyful and grateful for your life, especially at times like these when we are trying to beat an addiction which causes depression.

When I got into bed and laid down to sleep, I thought about some things that I didn't really think about so deeply before. I Imagined this: I've lived through life, I get old and then drop dead for whatever reason and the thing I see next is a replay of my whole life. How ashamed and silly would I feel if what I saw was how I wasted away most of my precious time from the one life that I had in this body. And what I did was disrespect that life and body by consuming things that are harmful, by just sitting around idle, laying there, not doing much: not working on my self improvement and development, not exploring life and everything it has to offer. But instead watching too many pointless movies, eating toxins, moping around, drinking beer and laughing at dumbass humor, too many hours on games, reading all the gossip on social media, looking through photos of other peoples exaggerated-super-exiting lives, gazing at things that I wish were mine, watching dumb Youtube videos or pictures of funny cats or whatever, and then me doing a little bit of work here and there, without enthusiasm, at dead-end jobs. Pointless dating, or from one stressful relationship to another with women who don't care any less. Failed relationships. And then seeing myself wasting all those hours on vile pornography and all the disgusting scenes with their actors, tits, asses, sounds, positions - and this is the shit I filled my mind with, this is what is stored in my memory. I contaminated my mind with filth Instead of studying, learning, growing, enjoying real happiness and joy. I should have been doing something worthwhile. I should have been making other memories. And what if there really is a higher power - a guiding energy behind everything in the universe, the energy that gives life - and this deity asks me "What have you achieved during your short time on earth?". I would feel like a real dumbass basically and I would regret all that wasted time. No wonder heavy porn users report bad memory and concentration problems, it's because throughout our lives we filled our minds with vanity.

I will not let it come to that. I am ending this lust addiction. After beating destructive habits, real growth and progress can begin.

 

Shanman

Member
Retro Gamer said:
17 Days without porn or masturbation

When I got into bed and laid down to sleep, I thought about some things that I didn't really think about so deeply before. I Imagined this: I've lived through life, I get old and then drop dead for whatever reason and the thing I see next is a replay of my whole life. How ashamed and silly would I feel if what I saw was how I wasted away most of my precious time from the one life that I had in this body. And what I did was disrespect that life and body by consuming things that are harmful, by just sitting around idle, laying there, not doing much: not working on my self improvement and development, not exploring life and everything it has to offer. But instead watching too many pointless movies, eating toxins, moping around, drinking beer and laughing at dumbass humor, too many hours on games, reading all the gossip on social media, looking through photos of other peoples exaggerated-super-exiting lives, gazing at things that I wish were mine, watching dumb Youtube videos or pictures of funny cats or whatever, and then me doing a little bit of work here and there, without enthusiasm, at dead-end jobs. Pointless dating, or from one stressful relationship to another with women who don't care any less. Failed relationships. And then seeing myself wasting all those hours on vile pornography and all the disgusting scenes with their actors, tits, asses, sounds, positions - and this is the shit I filled my mind with, this is what is stored in my memory. I contaminated my mind with filth Instead of studying, learning, growing, enjoying real happiness and joy. I should have been doing something worthwhile. I should have been making other memories. And what if there really is a higher power - a guiding energy behind everything in the universe, the energy that gives life - and this deity asks me "What have you achieved during your short time on earth?". I would feel like a real dumbass basically and I would regret all that wasted time. No wonder heavy porn users report bad memory and concentration problems, it's because throughout our lives we filled our minds with vanity.

I will not let it come to that. I am ending this lust addiction. After beating destructive habits, real growth and progress can begin.

This. If you ask me, having sunk into behavior such as PMO addiction or whatever it is that becomes a wake up call is a real blessing. For me, I had what people would describe as a mental breakdown near the end of high school (though really I suppose in psychiatric terms it was a manic or hypomanic episode). Without that, though, I would never have started questioning what I was doing with my life. That was the beginning of me finding a direction. Quitting PMO is just the next step on my path to liberation or whatever you want to call it. But things like this can really be the foundation of building a great life. If you didn't have this addiction and were otherwise living the life of mediocrity that you described, you might have stayed content with it all. From what I can tell, so many people never get the opportunity that we have here to change our lives for the better and be appreciative of the benefits we gain. In an earlier post you mentioned going to the gym, eating healthy, etc.. as well as limiting social media/tv/movies. Those are all positive changes. And those are all a result of committing to this goal, whether success comes quickly or not.
 

Retro Gamer

Member
19 Days without porn or masturbation

Sunday

Feeling relaxed and my mind is at peace today. The weekend is nearly over and it has been a good one. I have been starving and depriving myself from so much for the last 3 weeks, so this Saturday I treated myself a bit. I had a rest day. I put the diet on hold and I ate more meals than I should have done and the food wasn't really healthy. I relaxed and stayed at home all day without doing any house work, no working out, nothing stressful and laborious. I watched movies, played some games, laid around and did some reading. In the evening I ordered a take-out of sushi, and it was a big set for 3 people, which I ate all to myself in one sitting. That was followed by a cake which I modified by sticking bits of chocolate into it and pouring cream all over it. Then in the end I drank a bottle of wine and then of to bed. Still not sleeping as well as I'd like to though, but nothing serious, just mild insomnia.

It was a much needed break from all the exercise, media detox and rabbit food. In the morning today I hit the gym and worked off some of those calories I put on. At lunchtime I met up with a friend for a bit of fishing. Didn't catch any fish, but caught some sun rays. I'm a little bit sunburnt and fatigued now, so hopefully tonight I will get a good nights sleep, and then tomorrow it's back to work, back to reduced calories and healthy meals, and intense exercising. There were lots of tests of willpower today: many girls in bikinis or short clothes, and I did well not to gaze at them. The first look is on nature, but if you take a second look/keep looking then you're just asking for negative feelings and urges. Doing that will make the reboot take longer.

There were many things this weekend which could have triggered me to desire porn or sex (e.g: lots of love scenes, sexy women and tits in the action movies I watched on Saturday) and I'm rather surprised that none of it brought on any urges/desires. To be honest, my dick feels quite dead at the moment and I haven't even had any morning wood for the last few days. I'm thinking maybe I've got one of those flatlines coming on. I'm only 3 weeks in and the whole reboot process and withdrawal symptoms are happeninng very quickly for me this time. This must be due to all my previous attempts. It feels good, it feels right, like there is some real healing happening now.

I probably wouldn't even get aroused much by porn right now. Just the thought of it makes me feel a bit disgusted. I have wasted too many years on it and I feel bad about that, so I've let go of it and made a sincere agreement with myself and the universe that I will not go back to using it and I will forever continue my steps and techniques to steer clear from porn. It's not worth it. I want my brain to function at it's full potential. I truly believe now that I can succeed in beating this thing and I will, because the main obstacle which makes us fail is not believing we can do it. If we're stressing and obsessing too much - about relapses, porn filters, triggers, counting each day like it has big value and hoping to reach 90 days - then we are setting ourselves up for failure. That is why I don't see each day as something to be proud of. Weeks are a bit more of a considerable progress. Months: even better. But really, this addiction - which is based on lust - is a lifelong struggle.

The whole hype about reaching 90 days is too over rated. When you reach 90 days, it is not over, and you will not suddenly be transformed into a highly intelligent person who doesn't have cravings and urges anymore. I've read many stories of guys who stopped using porn and stayed clean for years, but then something catches them out and they fall back into it. It's a long-long healing process. It's a whole new outlook and life style. As they say: "once an addict, always an addict". So we have to be vigilant always and never forget our techniques and tools for beating this thing. After getting clean, one day in the far future, if I find myself gazing at girls longer than a quick glance or if I find myself looking at porn again, then I could very easily fall back into that trap like many others have. So that's the trick: let go of porn, avoid it always, never look back and truly believe deep in your heart that you will not and you do not want to use it again.

All the negative side effects of porn use are just not worth the small amount of pleasure. I now realise very clearly that porn (or any other addictive thing) just messes up your self-control and tricks your mind. When you have a dependence on something harmful, what you feel like you want and what you think you want is actually in no way the truth to what you really want because it's only the addiction in your brain that has gained that power over you. So for years myself and others have ended up self medicating any negative emotions or problems with our favourite porn which makes us feel good for a temporary moment, and then after those endorphins (and other pleasure chemicals) wear off, the negative emotions and problems come back and put us down and cause urges again; therefore we go and self medicate again. This repeats over and over, and we become trapped in this merry-go-round of negativity - depression, stress, irritability, mood swings, social problems, seclusion, loneliness, fantasies, urges, frustration - which we ease with porn but in the end it just amplifies the problems until they blow up! it becomes unmanageable and we get stuck in a bubble of slavery! I can't go back to that. Porn is pure evil and I can feel it. It's designed to fuck us up and mold us into it's agenda. Not everyone will admit this, but it's truth: porn brings on a bad energy into your life, it contaminates your mind and it brings on all kinds of problems and failures. 

I'm thinking of more steps I could take to tackle boredom and fill up my free time. I might go and find another job, or join some clubs of some kind. I might take up learning a musical instrument or join some kind of art class or whatever. Need to have a think and decide first. And then in future, when I honestly feel healed from this (which I think could be 12 months to a few years time for me due to the many years of heavy usage) I will get back to dating and start looking for my person, a woman who is going to be a good match for me. Someone who doesn't copy pop culture and drain away money and manipulate her man. Some people get into a relationship just for the purpose of being in a relationship and the benefits but without a sincere and honest connection. Hopefully after rebooting properly, I wont be so mysogynistic and distrustful like I am now, and I really hope that I'm not going to put so much emphasis on my likes and dislikes anymore. This self-centered aspect of my personality should pass with time, with learning and with experience. Because that's not the real me. I wasn't always like this.   
 

Retro Gamer

Member
25 Days without porn or masturbation

25 days of complete sexual abstinence. My rebooting is going well and I am still in a very anti-porn mindframe. I am still highly motivated and eager to beat this. The urges are getting harder. And as it turns out, I'm not in a flatline, which I though I was experiencing last weekend. I wish I was in a flatline, because then the urges wouldn't be so strong. I know this is going to sound funny but my balls are getting really quite big. They're so damn swollen and I'm getting a mild dull pain and uncomfortable feeling in them, haha. I must remember that this is only temporary and the discomfort will pass. The excess semen will eventually get absorbed back into my body, which is actually a very positive, good thing because this will give me added strength and energy.

There are some days when my urges are so strong that I'm walking around with a boner or semi-boner for most of the day. That's quite a discomfort too. I decided to look for a girlfriend again with a dating app but this just caused more urges and it put sex and girls into the forefront of my thoughts which is actually something I don't want. I started chatting to some girl which I didn't even find attractive in any way. The only thing I liked about her was her tits and butt, and my brain was flooded with thoughts about sex. I was being a total asshole and I wanted to meet her for the sole purpose of sex and then I probably wouldn't have met up with her again. I had a think and realised how detrimental this could be for my reboot so I deleted my dating account and blocked that girl off on Whatsapp. I don't want to undo any of that healthy brain rewiring. That is a bad way to be, I don't want to be like that. I want a complete, hard-mode reboot. I want the addiction cleared away from my brain as much as possible and I want better frontal lobe functions.

On the diet and exercise side of things. It is going well and I'm still eating healthy and exercising intensely. I overdid it a bit at the gym a few days ago -bad exertion headache, bad brain fog, and muscle pains- so I have taken a few days off from the gym.

Yesterday I made a stupid mistake. I drank a lot of alcohol with a friend who is a girl. We are just good friends. I don't think she knows that I actually like her a little bit more. But she has a boyfriend and she says she loves him, so I respect that and usually never do anything against it (e.g: like flirting, etc.). Except yesterday, under the influence of way too much alcohol, I hugged her, grabbed her and kissed her. Oh dear, how embarrassing. I feel quite stupid now. She says it's no big deal and understands I was not in my right mind. Although now this could be bad for our friendship and she is a great friend. Oh well, maybe I shouldn't meet up with her anyway because I know it's not good for my reboot. Next week I'm starting job hunting. I want to find a job which can give me a lot of work so that I won't have time to get into trouble.

This whole reboot is a really tough struggle. Especially for a healthy young adult who is single and has no outlet for his pent up sexual energy. Sexual abstinence is one of the hardest challenges to do; but 'it is possible' and I know that when I get through this, my 'true self' can emerge and life will award me with various blessings. I will finally have freedom and peace of mind... I hope.
 

Retro Gamer

Member
30 Days without porn or masturbation

I've been somewhat careless about my health for the past couple of days, which is not good for the reboot. In the evenings I have been drinking alcohol rather frequently with friends who are not the best influence on me. While drunk, I have even smoked cigarettes, which is not like me because I hate smoking.

I realise that this is me using unhealthy methods to ease boredom and withdrawal symptoms; however this just brings on harder urges the day after and the hangovers seem 10X worse than an average hangover because reboot brainfog is still there. So due to my brain already being deficient in dopamine and serotonin because of the reboot, the next day I feel seriously ill all day.

And as we all know, feeling a bit unwell and staying in bed all day is the perfect time for the addiction to attack you with very strong urges to use porn or masturbate. Because this is what we have been self medicating with for years. A quick PMO would always ease the tension a little and help me feel a little bit better- temporarily. And that's exactly it: PMO is only a temporary fix which then makes the situation a lot worse after the feel good effects wears off. So I know full well not to give in to it's evil, sly temptations again.

I have made more vows: to avoid negative people who are a bad influence on me. I will need to cut them off if I want to succeed, otherwise they will just bring me down into their unhealthy lifestyle. I will avoid drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. It's a very stupid thing to do: replacing one addiction (PMO) and easing the withdrawals with other addictive substances. I know from past attempts how destructive this can be. I am going to start going for a run in the evenings instead.

I am still extremely determined to break free from P and M forever. I won't allow myself to go downhill in life again. I would say that I hit rock bottom due to porn addiction: that shit had complete control of my mind and I always obeyed. But now I am getting free, I can feel real progress and I don't want to lose it.
 

Jack Can

Active Member
Wow man! You are working on a lot of problems all at once, that would be very hard for me to focus on keeping only positive people around, eating healthy, and exercising more regularly. But I guess not using P+M will give you more energy? Anyways, good luck on your journey
 
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