Author Topic: Hoping turning to forum when craving will help..  (Read 105 times)

Shanman

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Hoping turning to forum when craving will help..
« on: June 24, 2017, 04:53:24 PM »
I've never used a forum before..started trying to get to 90 days about 4 months ago, but I ultimately want to quit porn & masturbation forever. The longest I've gone is 14 days. I'm currently on day 10 and after having some pretty sexual dreams recently have been getting the urge to look at porn. I decided this time to come here to reboot nation with the hopes that joining here will help me be more successful.

I'm 21 and must have started PMOing around the age of 11-12. I've only ever had a handful of relationships with girls and only a couple of actual sexual experiences. For a while in high school I was super addicted to porn ie. watching every day + multiple times/hours some days. For 3+ years now I've watched it maybe a couple times a week and in the last 4 months I've had a number of weeklong runs, but not much longer than that. Hopefully having tapered off like this my reboot will not take super long.

I've had constant fatigue + brain for about 5 years now. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and treated for depression but feel like PMO could have had a large impact on my health, as I haven't noticed many effects from treatment. I also had really bad acne at one point and feel like when I approach 2 weeks without PMO that, while not as bad now, it improves (currently my second time approaching that mark). I've built up a pretty good exercise routine at this point and try to get outside + read + learn guitar in my spare time. I don't have many friends so that makes it harder for me.

I don't want this to be too long but basically I hope this forum can help me out and I hope my presence can help other people too!

Shanman

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Re: Hoping turning to forum when craving will help..
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2017, 06:45:08 AM »
I actually did succumb to my urges yesterday..which I guess is a setback but overall I still feel like I am moving in a positive direction. One interesting thing to note is that I remember seeing on YBOP that people report a reduction in flu-like symptoms when stopping PMO. I have had a pretty constant presence of mucous/slight cough/needing to blow my nose for years which seems to go away after 10ish days of no PMO but came right back this morning after last night's "relapse."

Shanman

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Re: Hoping turning to forum when craving will help..
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2017, 09:39:03 PM »
I haven't posted in a while; didn't receive any responses before so didn't feel like this was really gonna help but hey here I am again. I'm currently on day 11, which marks my second longest streak to date. I currently can't sleep and feel quite restless. This has happened before, and I did go to the gym earlier and work my legs which it happened after last time, but there are plenty of other times where I do that and this doesn't happen.
I just looked at the potential softcore pornos on late night HBO, which I did go to for a while in the past couple months. I tell myself that I'm exposing myself to things like that in order to put myself in a situation that in the past would have led to me PMOing but that I can now exert self control and not watch/not have the actual desire to watch. This could be risky though as that behavior is what has led to me PMOing in the past.
I told my therapist about my porn use yesterday, which is the first time I've told anyone. That was quite liberating.
I do feel tired now so I guess I will try to sleep again but my legs still feel restless..this sucks. Not sure if it is reboot related or not but not being able to sleep when tired is just plain shitty (just stating facts..).
I will say that I felt pretty great today. Flu-like symptoms have reduced again and I felt more confident than usual. Just now things feel like they have gone downhill and I wonder if it's my brain wanting that dopamine.
Anyway, peace (if anyone reads this).
« Last Edit: July 12, 2017, 09:43:11 PM by Shanman »

Retro Gamer

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 56
  • Personal Text
    Out of sight, out of mind.
    • View Profile
Re: Hoping turning to forum when craving will help..
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2017, 05:22:20 AM »
Hey man, well done on your current streak. I hope that it will go successfully. We know how you feel, we're all in the same boat. Everything you mentioned in your introduction rings true with me as well and it's interesting to see how we are all akin. The bipolar and depression is probably not genetic and not supposed to be there naturally. I am certain that it is porn related and I have read a lot of sources of research which prove that behavioral addictions such as P and M can cause all kinds of mental health problems. I have gone through the exact same. But I am a few years older and those symptoms for me have subsided greatly to the point were they are nearly non-existent. Everything started improving in my life and in my head only after I began steering clear of this horrible habit. So you are doing the right thing.

My flu-like symptoms have all cleared up now. It's interesting that you mentioned it because I completely forgot about how much I used to suffer with all that. I had allergies, but now it seems like they are all gone. And as for the forum, I find it a big help and very motivating to keep in the reboot mindframe and it really helps when craving. And there are lots of interesting and helpful suggestions, tips and techniques from other forum users. The success stories can be very motivating and inspiring to read through as well. During this reboot I'm doing a lot of studying on the subject of psychology and addiction, and everything related. And it helps immensely. I'm so glad I came across YBOP and this site.

Keep at it Shanman.
All the best
« Last Edit: July 13, 2017, 05:41:23 AM by Retro Gamer »

Shanman

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Re: Hoping turning to forum when craving will help..
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2017, 07:27:40 PM »
Hey man, well done on your current streak. I hope that it will go successfully. We know how you feel, we're all in the same boat. Everything you mentioned in your introduction rings true with me as well and it's interesting to see how we are all akin. The bipolar and depression is probably not genetic and not supposed to be there naturally. I am certain that it is porn related and I have read a lot of sources of research which prove that behavioral addictions such as P and M can cause all kinds of mental health problems. I have gone through the exact same. But I am a few years older and those symptoms for me have subsided greatly to the point were they are nearly non-existent. Everything started improving in my life and in my head only after I began steering clear of this horrible habit. So you are doing the right thing.

My flu-like symptoms have all cleared up now. It's interesting that you mentioned it because I completely forgot about how much I used to suffer with all that. I had allergies, but now it seems like they are all gone. And as for the forum, I find it a big help and very motivating to keep in the reboot mindframe and it really helps when craving. And there are lots of interesting and helpful suggestions, tips and techniques from other forum users. The success stories can be very motivating and inspiring to read through as well. During this reboot I'm doing a lot of studying on the subject of psychology and addiction, and everything related. And it helps immensely. I'm so glad I came across YBOP and this site.

Keep at it Shanman.
All the best
Thanks Retro Gamer!

Yeah you're right, I have benefited greatly from an educational standpoint from YBOP and sites like Reboot Nation. I just never joined the forum(s) before so I feel like I've already ~read my share~ so to speak (not to say that it isn't still helpful to read others' posts).

It is interesting because I have read a lot of accounts of people with Bipolar and while I have had several discernible manic episodes I don't really feel bipolar. It's quite incredible to me that even mania could be caused by a behavior such as this. It becomes more and more clear to me that this is likely the biggest cause of all (/most/many) of my problems over the past 5 years or so, or at least the biggest contributor.

Do you have any suggestions of research to read that you mentioned? I withdrew to take a break from school in March but I was/am working towards a degree in psychology and do have a lot of interest in addiction in general. I took a behavioral neuroscience class at one point that went pretty in depth but (ironically I guess) I haven't retained much knowledge that I can readily recall during my time at university, I'm sure largely because of the symptoms that come with PMO.

I'm currently reading Man, Interrupted by Philip Zimbardo (& Nikita Coulombe) which I highly recommend (and if you haven't seen it, The Demise of Guys TED talk and accompanying e-book). I also read a book on Buddhism recently, a lot of the concepts of which I find are greatly relevant and insightful in looking to understand and overcome addiction. 

Anyway, thanks for your comments and I was gonna ask how long you've been rebooting and such but I guess I can just look at your profile :)

Peace

PS: to keep the journal going I am currently on day 12 and felt tired most of today but most importantly didn't relapse last night and was able to sleep after posting on here

PPS: I now read through your journal and see that we are around the same number of days as one another. Also you didn't sleep last night..I hope today went OK! Stay strong!
« Last Edit: July 13, 2017, 08:04:10 PM by Shanman »

Retro Gamer

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 56
  • Personal Text
    Out of sight, out of mind.
    • View Profile
Re: Hoping turning to forum when craving will help..
« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2017, 09:05:55 PM »

It is interesting because I have read a lot of accounts of people with Bipolar and while I have had several discernible manic episodes I don't really feel bipolar.


That's right, it's because you're probably not. And it's important to remember that doctors are not always right, especially when it comes to psychological matters. A lot of the time doctors will actually diagnose you and prescribe medications to you without really getting enough information. And most of the time the patient will mention what he suspects is the cause and then the doc will basically just agree. There's a copious amount of mental disorders out there, honestly it's ridiculous just how many there are, and it is possible to label every single person with one or another of them. Hence why doctors so quickly and easily label people with something. What the real problem in our case is (us porn addicts), is that we have an overactive and fried reward circuit which causes all kinds of emotional swings and disturbances. And because our frontal lobes - which deal with self-control - have been weakened, we start getting bipolar and depression, we find it hard to stay composed.

Shanman, an interesting research paper I remember reading somewhere (I can't remember the exact source and location, athough it's probably on YBOP) showed how people who were exposed to pornography from a young age had a higher rate of ADHD, bipolar and depression than people who did not start using porn from a young age.

Do you have any suggestions of research to read that you mentioned?
 
Not particularly. There's plenty to learn all over the internet and it's all educational and interesting. One book I highly suggest though is called 'The Chimp Paradox'. This book is great. It explains so much and it's in an easy to read and understand style.

Yes I've seen that TED talk you mentioned, it's very good. Most TED talks are very good. And in regards to the Buddhism, I agree, it's an interesting philosophy and you can learn a lot from it (that and 'Daoism' too).
« Last Edit: July 13, 2017, 09:54:57 PM by Retro Gamer »

Shanman

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Re: Hoping turning to forum when craving will help..
« Reply #6 on: July 14, 2017, 01:51:15 PM »

That's right, it's because you're probably not. And it's important to remember that doctors are not always right, especially when it comes to psychological matters. A lot of the time doctors will actually diagnose you and prescribe medications to you without really getting enough information. And most of the time the patient will mention what he suspects is the cause and then the doc will basically just agree. There's a copious amount of mental disorders out there, honestly it's ridiculous just how many there are, and it is possible to label every single person with one or another of them. Hence why doctors so quickly and easily label people with something. What the real problem in our case is (us porn addicts), is that we have an overactive and fried reward circuit which causes all kinds of emotional swings and disturbances. And because our frontal lobes - which deal with self-control - have been weakened, we start getting bipolar and depression, we find it hard to stay composed.

Shanman, an interesting research paper I remember reading somewhere (I can't remember the exact source and location, athough it's probably on YBOP) showed how people who were exposed to pornography from a young age had a higher rate of ADHD, bipolar and depression than people who did not start using porn from a young age.


This is all very true and I tend to believe it's best to remain skeptical of doctors. It will be interesting to me to see how things go for me as I reboot in regards to this because I feel like more than anything my emotions have been numbed, and when I have felt emotions that has been "mania" to me. I wonder if the symptoms arising from PMO were masking legit bipolar, or perhaps like you suggest it is a direct result of it.


Not particularly. There's plenty to learn all over the internet and it's all educational and interesting. One book I highly suggest though is called 'The Chimp Paradox'. This book is great. It explains so much and it's in an easy to read and understand style.

Yes I've seen that TED talk you mentioned, it's very good. Most TED talks are very good. And in regards to the Buddhism, I agree, it's an interesting philosophy and you can learn a lot from it (that and 'Daoism' too).


Thank you sir, I will check that book out. I have looked into Taoism (? spelled tao pronounced dao?) too!

Shanman

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Day 15=new streak, uncharted waters
« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2017, 11:33:03 AM »
I guess it's time I update my journal. I don't really have much to say except I'm now on day 15, which I'm pretty sure is the longest I've gone without PMO since starting around age 12. I do feel like I'm gaining a more peaceful frame of mind, with less anxiety and more confidence. I've also noticed a decline in my bodily acne, as well as a clearer throat and perhaps deeper voice. It will be interesting to see how things go from here. I wonder if it's possible that many of the symptoms I've felt over the past number of years have been the result of weaning off porn, as this decision to break completely has been quite a long time coming. I haven't read any stories about that though. I guess it would be hard to tell. I feel like things are getting better pretty linearly without adverse symptoms, which from other people's accounts doesn't sound right. I may be speaking too soon on that..for now I feel good though. And that's what matters :D

Shanman

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
16
« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2017, 06:45:24 AM »
Waking up this morning, I felt like my nose/throat/mucous that seems to have been declining since starting rebooting is nearly gone (this has had a constant presence for years). The acne on my body also seems better again and the dark lines under my eyes seem to be disappearing. I don't know how much of this is me looking for change and/or feeling placebo effects, but I'm quite sure these are real things. It can be kind of hard to believe at times that physical things such as these are impacted, but it does make sense based on how the brain practically controls every aspect of the body. Today I am more aware of how 16 days is really so little in comparison to where I want to get (ie. forever..) so now that I am on my longest streak I think I will become less focused on the day number but still will keep track of it.