Sick with autofilia

Ak.924

New Member
English is not my native language, I apologies for any errors.

Hello, My name is Gregory. I'm 26. I've been fapping all my life. First fantasized, then fantasize were supported by magazines, than latter was replaced with porn.

Virgin
Never had sex or a long relationship with a girl. Tryed to have a relationship, asked a few girls out, but couldn't support a conversation, or lost interst in them. Not an extra virgin, though. Did petting with couple of girls from a bar. Then that circle, which I'll talk about in the future.

Christian
At 19 became a christian. To embarrass christianity. Because of christianity started fighting masturbation and watching porn. And on the fifth year realized I was trying to quit on my sheer will. Started researching. Turns out quiting porn and becoming a chistian require one thing ? changing life style. About the same time I found out about YBOP.

Can't change my life style
I was doing one thing at a time
I was praying, but didn't workout, and was staying up late. I was working out but didn't pray and wasn't getting enough sleep. I was getting enough sleep, but didn't... You get the idea, I was doing one thing at a time. I think that's my I couldn't quit. I should've implement all of them into my life.

Quit going to church
Also, I quit going to church, quit attending confession, eucharist. Because I didn't want to go there and for the sixth year tell the same sin to the priest.

Moved back to my parents
Because of my lack of abuility to resist P, my brain functioning in general and memory dicreased. I did a few stupid mistakes and I was fired. Had to move back to my parents apartment. That?s
embarrassing.
Also, dropped Uni. Didn't want to study.

I don't feel happines
Once on a streak I felt happines and joy from doing small things: talking to people, laughting, reading poetry, working out and praying. I don't live my life to its fullest. I waste it.

When do I get temptations?
1. In the evening, before sleep.
2. When I don?t do anything. This might even mean when I sat to work in front of a computer and got tired, or bored.
3. In the morning. You see, when I wake up, I don't immediately get up. I lay there in my bed. Not having to do anything, enjoing the comfort. This usually happens when I fapped the night before/was very tired/went into bed very late. But of course, it because I don't have a morning routine. (Once one priest told me, that with out a day schedule it is impossible to live an abstinence life).
4. Sometimes I feel this urge of doing something exciting. Not necessarily watch p or m. But this thirst of excitment. I get this urges in the late midday or evening.
5. And when I stay at home , as I usually selfdecept myself, to work, but eventually I fap, probably of reason 2. That's why I take my laptop and go to work at a cafe.

My usuall day looks like this
10:00 wake up
11:00 finished fapping combo
11:01 think "This is the last time I fapped"
11:30 eat
12:00 wash
01:00 got to a cafe and started working
10:00 back at home
11:00 try to sleep
11:30 can't sleep, started fapping combo
02:00 finnished. Went to sleep
And all again.

Did fap today.

Day 0
 

Ak.924

New Member
Relapsed today

I'm tired of this addiction
It makes me stupid. I now I am smarter. I can't look into girls eyes. I behave like an idiot with them. I loose all my confidence. I can't stand form my self. I can't make jokes and have fun with friends.

I use porn to imitate intimasy with a girl
Another thing is that, every time I start dating, I start perceiving porn as something numb, empty and mechanic. Building relations with one girl showes the true face of porn and pornaddiction. Conclution: start dating.

Start dating
I can't date girls that are not very beautiful. I'm not that interested in them. And I don't know what to do with that. I already dumbed several girls that were actually asked to date them. Did anyone encountered this kind of problem?
 

Red45

Member
Something that helped me is going online and reading about PIED and porns effect on your brain whenever you have the urge to fap. Also ask yourself, do you want to watch girls having sex? Or do you want to be the one having sex with them? That motto usually helps me

Best of luck!
 
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