So I reset after 52 days. Basically I ended up looking at pictures of hookers on a website last night when I was drunk before I went out. Arguably another misdemeanour too. Its a little disappointing to have got that far and to have to hit reset. But I think I'm well on course to hit the 90 day mark before the year ends. I think this was perpetuated by some unexpected circumstances this weekend. I guess what I'm learning is that on a day to day level you need to change your habits, but then when you're not in your normal routine, you need to be EXTRA VIGILANT. Because that is WHEN YOU WILL FAIL.
I feel like this 52 day streak has taught me so much about my habits. I feel like in day to day life I have changed my habits from what they are and things are undeniably better in terms of my mood, no social anxiety and having great sex. I also haven't put myself in any stupid or dangerous situations. Its funny, when I was out and drunk porn/hookers weren't on my mind at all. If in my day to day life I had been looking at bullshit, when I would be out and drunk I'd have to come up with strategies to stop myself doing something moronic. But the 52 day streak seems to have altered my mindset.
Its funny, when I did look at that website, it did literally nothing for me. Like zero arousal whatsoever. Its interesting that I remember feeling that way the first time I looked at porn after putting together a half year stretch with almost zero porn. Its like your brain knows its not supposed to get turned on by pixels on a laptop. But then I eventually fell into old habits and 2016 was kind of a disaster for me. This year has been much better so far and many of those habits have been fixed.
Lesson learned about my addiction:
I CAN change my day to day habits easily enough to remove porn completely from them. That's actually not that difficult and after a couple of weeks it just doesn't even seem like porn is an option anymore. This is very encouraging!!!
HOWEVER: I need to be extra vigilant in times when I am out of my normal routine. Because different circumstances can lead to falling back into old behavioural pattens that may have existed in similar circumstances in the past. This is a much more difficult problem, but at least I am now cognisant of it. I just need to watch out for it and be aware what is happening, then course correct.