Author Topic: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough  (Read 1399 times)

Dfletch07

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Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« on: March 17, 2017, 06:38:28 PM »
First off, looking for an accountability partner.

Who am I...

Name : Dan
Age: 27
General Life: Successful good standing graduated collegiate athlete, full-time professional, single man, and do not have kids yet (thankfully). Triathlete, rock climber, acquiring my master's degree, and enjoying the social environment around Kansas City when I can, but typically stick to myself (correlation to PIED I hear...).

Porn life: I have been into porn and ritually used it since I was 12. Like most it started with basic magazines and aggressively escalated when I was in college cause of the "tube stream style." Around the age of 24 I had an episode with my past girlfriend that made me question "WTF is going on with me, this isn't right at my age." We had a normal sex life, but there were signs of pre-PIED that I was noticing, but unaware why it was happening. Some of those were a consistent functional-soft erection, loss of morning wood, delayed ejaculations (if not ever during intercourse), numbing touch sensation, and even a constant need for motion (she couldn't ride, take lead, or do anything without it going soft/limp). Of course I had a strong daily porn ritual before bed to get to sleep easier or utilized it when I was depressed or down.

Present day porn/sex life: Reason that pushed me here and to take charge of this once and for all. Recently have had numerous encounters that were successful, but they were one time goes. I noticed I was seeing the same signs as a past girlfriend though even on first time encounters with new individuals. I became habituated to having a partial hard-on during intercourse and that still didn't seem right with me, but I blew it off as whiskey-dick, stress, and eventually I orgasm. She was happy, I was happy, and we went of to our own ways (So why didn't she come back for more might ask... good questions, ha). My recent friend who we have had multiple encounters with all went great, but I would not PMO for a week and she would be over to help me with that release and I had no issues the first go. The second time go around was 50/50 if I would orgasm. I never understood what was going on, but the last two encounters have ended in an utter fail because I just couldn't even get excited or up the first time. Some I suspect to performance stress (raising the sexual experience bar each encounter). Other encounters I again recognized the same prior signs, but waiting a week without PMO did help tremendously to become erect.

So here I am... I have already in a way started my daily NoFAP and have stayed away from porn as much as possible. I struggle with running by sites with risque pictures and such, but it never triggers me to "let one go" when I desire.


Around last year I came across this site and questioned whether this was a true ED or a PIED, because I was having sex with partners, but it was never a solid stiff pole like I wanted it to be. The truth is, I can still get hard to porn anytime. Things definitely don't feel like they used to, because even porn itself became dull and it did escalate me to more daring genres, but nothing that made me question myself. I honestly stay away from porn now knowing its toxicity but relapsing is an extreme weakness. I may not like porn anymore, but there are those urges as days turn into weeks; the struggle to get over that flatline stage or just habitual urge.

Day counter: 6+
Estimate recovery time: Who knows, but guessing this could be a long ride after reading men similar to me.

Appreciate the support. Apologize if I came across bragging in anyway, but this is my story and I want someone who will support me to understand.

Much love to everyone in your own journeys and thanks for taking the time to read this and join me.

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2017, 06:55:59 PM »
Day 6+:

After a failed attempt with my FWB girl, we will call her Jane out of respect. I just try to be transparent enough of the situation. Won't lie i'm depressed, but this isn't the first time this has happened in my life and seem to be handling it quite well. No urges today, but everything down there just feels "stagnant and lifeless."

Typical day - work, grad school, worked out, I ran after, plan to meditate, and go out later with this gorgeous weather. I talked with Jane throughout the day and she has been taking this well. She has a medical history that helps her be empathetic to the situation, but she is still hurt because of my "short comings." Plus we have an open enough relationship that I know she is talking to other men right now fighting for her time and sexual interest.   

Personally, been relaxed and feeling confident about committing this time. Just too early to tell because I miss that orgasm sensation like everyone, that dopamine high. Never smoked or took a drug beside a drink of alcohol in my life. I do not envy individuals who try to kick an external habit of a consumable-drug.

I am concerned for the days ahead as things begin to build up and the suspected leaving of Jane in my life. Won't lie, she is a girl I could see dating and that makes the emotions kick in harder for the developed situation we established.

Things will be alright, with or without a female support, this is for my life now. Not for hers, I am taking back my manhood!

yodaranch

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2017, 05:02:07 AM »
Hey Dan,

I wish you all the strength and willpower required for this journey! Never forget, your not alone with this.

Times'll get better!

Keep it up buddy  :)

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2017, 10:50:43 AM »
@Yodaranch - Thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes gotta consistently remind myself of that daily.

Day 7+ - Morning

Well woke up this morning pretty shitty and depressed, but going to pick myself up with the expectation that I have to do this on my own. Obviously the support and accountability is always a reinforcement. The art of letting go has always been difficult, but I woke up reminding myself to focus on myself versus the situation and relationship with my friend. To be honest, I can tell there is a different tone/vibe in our texting with the recognized elephant staring at us now.

A reminder, I talked to her about PIED a couple days ago, she gave me a supportive empathetic approach, but was hurt by it regardless (I expect her to be). Unsure of her intentions right now because insecurities are floating in my head (she talking to another man?, "She gone!...?", What next?).


Serious friends at my age seems to be a rarity, but I am honest with myself that I need to actually get out there more and be proactive in making friends too. Been reminding myself that good things aren't just handed to you and you gotta go out there and do it. A root issue that amplifies this depression when something like this happens.

Is it Day 90 yet... ha, longest POM fasting/reboot I did once was around 40 days. This was before I had read stuff on this site. The moment I started feeling a strong tingle down there I went bull rushing out to relieve it and be kicked back into my corner.

To be better than I was yesterday, here we go!

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2017, 04:16:36 PM »
Day 8+

Not much new to report as my determination is stronger than ever right now, honeymoon phase easiness. Like most I wonder when the dull numb sensation around my waist will decease.

Ideas that I am adding to my recovery regiment

1.) Meditation, positive reinforcement talk to myself down there (sounds stupid... worked wonders for my athletics; just saying).

2.) Shake w/ super supplements - Maca Powder, Beetroot, and other things that are not common in our American diet. Guys as a medical person... Give your body a chance with resources for anything and it will reward you for your investment

3.) Improved Exercise - Happy mindset => increase muscle use = improve in testosterone levels; primary male hormone necessary to recovering our libido and other sexual functions.

4.) Refocus of goals - Social life, work, friends, and reinvesting my time in others.

All sounds great, I get it... We will see how it goes. Relationship with Jane is still stagnant waters, but I honestly have turned my focus off of her intentions. She has joked with me on potentially helping me through it, but I am not holding my breath; this is my problem and journey. To be honest, I think she is already working on my replacement... just saying.

Stay strong everyone and any ladies who are reading this and open to empowering us men through a temporary issue (if we allow it to be)... you women are the rockstars in my book.

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2017, 11:17:17 AM »
Day 9+ - Morning

Still ticking on strong and found that internal motivator. I figure meditation won't heal the directly, but I am giving the body a chance by calming a busy life down. It does dull the urges late at night. I am gonna look at alternatives to have put in advance in protecting myself from failing.

Yesterday was the first urge of just missing the sensation of a hard-on in general, in some shape/form or manner. Has anyone ever felt that before? Yes there is the dopamine of the orgasm, but I also just love the feeling of the hard-on "Hey buddy! Glad to see you are feeling alive, Hulk it up down there (haha...)"

Theme of the week - Refocus that momentum and energy.

This journey is a marathon, not a sprint. Bunker in boys... we are gonna be here for a while. Time to toughen up and see if you are disciplined enough to control your body and not let it control you; become a man of men!!!

(my motivation to myself and to you all)

Big H

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2017, 04:27:57 PM »
"Yesterday was the first urge of just missing the sensation of a hard-on in general, in some shape/form or manner. Has anyone ever felt that before? Yes there is the dopamine of the orgasm, but I also just love the feeling of the hard-on "Hey buddy! Glad to see you are feeling alive, Hulk it up down there (haha...)"

No. I tried to avoid the hard on as much as possible. It's a lot more tempting to PMO when you're hard. Avoid "missing" things about your addiction. You have to convince yourself there are no benefits from it.

ImOnMyWay

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #7 on: March 21, 2017, 10:30:52 AM »
Dfletch07,

Looks like a good start to a long journey. Keep up the good work. I can relate to you in regards to "Jane". The talking to other men thing has a weird way of playing with your mind. I need to get into the mindset that I am doing this for me and ONLY me! Once I am happy with who I am, I feel I will be even happier with someone else. It's just going to take some time.

Which leads me to the "marathon and not a race" mentality. I was focusing on the day to day and needed to start with the overall picture. Also, the hard-on-feeling...HAHA. I am with you on this one. It's a great feeling when you're just sitting there and without any thought or touch....BOOM.... There he is.

If you need any support going through this, send a message my way.

ImOnMyWay

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2017, 02:21:22 PM »
@ImOnMyWay - Appreciate the feedback man, I kinda figured I wasn't the only one. I be shocked if no one appreciated that sensation, inflates are ego elsewhere (ha!).

Day 10+

To elaborate on the (+) part for those confused or scratching your head. I cannot recall when I fully masturbated to porn itself to the specific date. To be honest, when Jane and I started hooking up I turned my sexual focus and release to her. ....Possibly I am farther on my journey of recovery as I have stopped my day to day PMO for a while after doing it so often.

I knew there was this PIED issue in the background and the easiest way to enhance our encounters was the self-discipline to make her my release from encounter to encounter. To why it came back in the end, some is the loss in novelty between us and needing a true PIED recovery. Breaks my heart to admit the novelty part, but I know deep down inside to an extent. This condition ruins possibilities that I ideally desire, but reality won't allow me at the moment; standing sex as an example... I look forward when this has recovered and I can go enjoy myself wherever I please beside a bedroom. Continuing on to what I think led to my failure the last two encounters, I would edge myself to porn like thoughts of us, images, and such between our encounters...so only sparked that long established neural connection I feel.

Positives: That fog and focus is thinning. My waist area is starting to feel less numb, relax, emotions are calming down slightly, and productivity is getting better. Health/Diet/Exercise all are on the up and up. I haven't taken a day off to exercise yet to my prior regiment of 4/7 days a week. I am also allowing myself to talk and socialize to others without sexual intentions. 

Negatives: Beginning to realize insecurities of Jane or myself is hindering forward progress; I consider myself of having an analytical mind that attempts to recognize all the angles in a situation. Last night was the first withdrawal urge, the real battle is about to begin.

Flat lining... a necessary dry spell that I have easily recognized to the process. I am not there yet and cannot say I look forward to it. Doesn't help when you are juggling a process with a woman in hopes to keep her interests and patience while working through this self-journey.

It is weird, everyday it seems like the fire within is getting stronger and stronger. An internal motivation that doesn't desire to quit. I am beginning to feel that beat of determination because I believe in the system of this reboot. I am bought-in that this can and will go somewhere. I am running this race and quitting is just no longer an option. It is time to qualify for something better in life and not be content with mediocrity.

Kick ass and chew bubble gum boys! (Movie reference)

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #9 on: March 22, 2017, 12:25:04 PM »
Day 11+

Theme and mood : Rubber meets the road.

Brought a close friend in on the situation and I appreciated the feedback he provided on the situation. It has been a quite an inquisitive day of self-reflection and dedication; cannot say it has helped my positive mindset . I am also self-distancing myself from Jane, which my insecure habit distastes. Some of you thinking, why???...it is actually a relationship test upon Jane. I have been throwing out tests and lately she has not been passing them. So it is time to see if she is into this or not while I refocus upon myself. A greedy manner, but she knows my interests and reassurance that I am combating through this for us as well as myself.

Shortest post for me today, but keeping the chin up and head above water for the day. Refocusing my focus on areas that need this improvement. They will help distract the negative habits of PMO and the drawbacks that come with it. I only move forward in life, not backwards. This crap ends here, I am not looking back.

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #10 on: March 23, 2017, 12:17:40 PM »
Day 12+

Trucking along... no new thoughts today; just determination. I am enjoying my increase in focus and energy, but won't lie that I am already daydreaming of the end of this journey. I have stopped myself of that or I will ignore the speed bumps or pitfalls along the way because I am not paying attention to the here and now. DO NOT FOCUS ON THE END POINT! Look forward to it, but DO NOT FOCUS THERE.

-D

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2017, 12:52:03 PM »
Day 13+

Mood = Finding Nemo - "Just keep swimming"

Nothing new to report, but the weekend is coming up here soon. My body is definitely feeling the dopamine withdrawal that it has been privileged to the last 15 years. Thankfully, working out has helped a lot. The marathon of this race is starting to begin, warm-ups are done.

Good news, the desire for sex, focus on life, and pro-activeness in productivity and actions are going up...up... and up!

-D

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2017, 11:30:25 AM »
Day 13 & 14+

Missed my journal log yesterday, but still nothing major to report as of yet. In a partial flat line portion which I am being patient to get through. It is hard to describe why I have this tolerance for patience on this moment. I think part of it is the acceptance of what once was and accepting that this will become better for tomorrow. The other fact is the small benefits that I am seeing on a day to day basis. My energy is much more vibrant, productive, workout recovering is quicker, and irrational emotions are less frequent.

Been taking a lot of time to self-focus and work on areas that need the attention. Still young in this fight and I have a stronger respect for those that needed that long term recovery before being normal again. Going for a year plus like this would be difficult none the less.

Focus on what you can control and that is living your life. Purge the poison out of your body.

ImOnMyWay

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2017, 06:35:23 PM »
The self-focus on areas needing attention couldn't be more true. This is important during the process and we sometimes tend to forget to do it. As you keep going through the process don't let that self-focus go to the back pocket and find ways to challenge yourself to make that focus better. Keep up the good work.

ImOnMyWay

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #14 on: March 27, 2017, 12:50:05 PM »
Day 15+

...idiotically "had to" tease the sword last night, ha. Which led to me plunging myself in the cold shower before bed (Brr...). A little frustrated with myself, but didn't watch porn at least. So it was kinda motivating that things were functioning without external stimuli, but just No...

Theme for the week...I will read above and remind myself. Patience is always a horrible strong suit for me, as with many in this day and age.


Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #15 on: March 28, 2017, 10:10:57 AM »
Day 16+

There is a slight comfort in seeing the growth in my day counter if I am being honest with myself. Like most along this journey we wonder when that magical day(s) will be when signs of life return. It is weird that I can gain an erection fairly well, but it still requires a higher impulse of desire or external source to stimulate that action. I recall back in the day as a teenager what it was like to simply just touch myself down there for an itch and I would be pitching a tent nearly... thing used to be so hypersensitive it was unreal.

Stay the course... things are returning and will take time; for however long it takes.

Depressive mood of late, mainly cause Jane is playing "Hot & Cold" game on me. Been trying to let the one go and move on. If a woman cannot understand this issue and not see that it will get better, than it is time to pack shop and get outta Dodge.

Discipline and tribulations like this can make me question or reflect on many aspects of my life. It has made me aware of areas that are neglected and need just as much attention. I'll start there...

It is a marathon, not a sprint... one foot in front of the other and keep your down just enough if need.

-D

ImOnMyWay

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #16 on: March 28, 2017, 04:21:06 PM »
That is what we are all working for!! To not have to put so much thought into getting an erection or maintaining one and then loosing one because of too much thought put into it. Haha. Something that I have practiced, and I don't know if this is right or not, but If I get it up I focus on it for a second then refocus to think about something totally irrelevant. Then focus on it again and then not. I feel like this allows your mind to stop focusing on the erection solely and more on the experience (sex).

I can relate to you with the depressive mood swings in terms of the lady friend! If someone doesn't care about something you are going through personally, emotionally or physically, they are not worth your time. I can understand your pain and frustration.. truly!

Keep on climbing for the view will be awesome!

ImOnMyWay

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #17 on: March 30, 2017, 12:56:50 PM »
Day 18+

Theme: "Sink or Swim? or This is my fight"

Well meeting up with Jane tonight and definitely have the known intentions on my mind; weighing the potential good, bad, and ugly of it all. At least can say that everything is feeling fantastic though in many ways. Life has been energetic and immensely productive. I just question why I do not have a content for those factors alone, but maybe it is because I won't settle for just that. Some could call it greed, but I want the full recovery from this marathon of a journey and look forward to those symptoms being a daily regiment from recovery.

My meditation, nutrition, exercise, and everything else have been solid. I still linger back on emotions, but start to realize/reflect how much PMO effected things. I think clearer and just squash idiotic thoughts quickly, a sense of confidence redeveloping and furthering what I already had. Man... what would it had been like back in high school if I had put my self in its place then...

2-3 week goal is accomplished

On to the next 2-3 weeks and the focus still is inwardly on controlling negative habits, but also pouring into others without sexual intentions.

I am sensing a presence of freedom as I let this go to be honest. Like the chains and shackles of it all are loose, maybe gone. Who is to say that the residual scars in this recovery are what take the longest to heal and repair the mind.

Open thoughts in a unique self-journey. It is easier for a man like myself to say this, but I am learning as I go to take sex of its pedastool. I want sex to be another part of my life, because it shouldn't feel overwhelming... it is welcoming in its purest form. It is like exercising, learning, and any other normal part of life. Will I see it plainly like a house among houses or a daunting skyscraper that towers over everything in the city? Obviously it will be a pleasant and "Sexy as fuck" house among them, but yea...

Pleasant journey gentleman as we adventure to reclaim our Excaliburs (lol...)

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #18 on: March 31, 2017, 11:25:08 PM »
Day 19+ - With a twist now from this time on out for my counter.

Good news, I have stayed clean to the PMO ritual in my endeavor and plan to stay true to that because I can feel it working. Working by giving me more energy, focus, determination, and tenacity toward other areas I desire in general life. Even though the curiosity to see another gorgeous woman in that manner is there, I prefer the real thing whole hearted now.

Jane and I had a wonderful night together, but I will be honest it was not 100% like we as men all want to be at in our journey back into intercourse with our partner. To be honest, to say I was at 70% best during our interaction is giving myself too much credit. We had a pleasant evening and I was worried beyond belief; the fear of failure through self-prophesy was quite high that whole evening building up to the moment. It provided confidence to relax and trust the program... I don't expect this 15 year ritual of training to change in a matter of few weeks. If we tried to have sex today again I am pretty sure it wouldn't work like it did last night. A certain acceptance that maybe the build up of three weeks plus since my last orgasm only promoted my body to NEED to react naturally. Not sure if that makes sense, but have you ever waited at least a week and seen how much a difference in your load amount is...just saying (TMI there).

I still remain true to this journey and hope to utilize moments like that as "retraining boost" for myself along the way. This is not a call upon myself to be satisfied with that night but use it as motivation for more.

For those struggling with dedication relapse. Write down why you are dedicating to this and short term goals you can aim for then hang it on a wall. Throw a motivational quote that resonates in your heart and keep it on a wall or somewhere near you to look at when those moments come. Do not say tonight I will let myself slip and enjoy the moments because I feel shitty. I knew about this process when I was 23 and I wasted four years of pitiful sex. If you know it is an issue, start NOW! If you have read this far in my journal, I would hope that only proves to yourself you have the dedication to research and let success stories motivate yourself.

Pleasant night and dedication men.

« Last Edit: March 31, 2017, 11:29:46 PM by Dfletch07 »

IAddict

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #19 on: April 02, 2017, 12:12:24 PM »
Hi Dan,

I I've been trying to reboot for a few months now but I'm on a decent streak right now and I have been maintaining this streak too. Anyway I just wanted to let you know that I've been reading your updates since your first post. You are an inspiration with your attitude towards this and I am trailing you by 1 week and plan to keep trailing you. I'm glad to hear things went okay with Jane and just letting you know to keep up the good work! Thanks for the advice in your posts and sharing the good and bad going on with this journal. I've been reading mainly cus I can relate or could relate but keep going and I know things will turn out for you man! Best of luck!

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #20 on: April 02, 2017, 10:10:13 PM »
@IAddict - Glad I could be of some assistance to your journey man. Feel free to reach out if there is anything troubling you that I can help with. Not an expert, but may have an outside perspective to assist.

Day 21+ - Forward progress

Well things went well with Jane on Friday and that has been a strong encouragement as I progress into the weekend. Still no signs of reboot reconditioning as of yet though. Yes, I am no longer in a fog, lethargic, constant fatigue, and/or lazy. I have, like most, increased my fitness exercising, nutrition, social components, and time management as I have this refined focus.

I still look forward to seeing those natural male reactions though throughout my day. Seeing stuff like a prevalent lasting morning wood, unexpected erections, arousal to unexpected provocations, or that true sexual libido passion vs a dopamine withdrawal. I try not to pay attention to those, because they can be stumbling blocks along the way; difficult to explain that in my eyes...just a self-understanding by trial & error.

This weekend should be entertaining though and again places some weight on my shoulders. Jane took to our encounter well and was pleased (obviously after our last two encounters). We have been planning this for a month+, but she has a half marathon outta town and she asked me to go with her for the weekend. It would be a longer encounter together of us two and will involve things like alcohol and ideal multiple desired encounters. Not like I need an extra assistant to PIED through drinking for "whiskey dick"

Alright, time for a little focus on the actual PIED topic and my thoughts of late.
1.) Am I rushing back into the scene too soon... real sex is talked of being a "spark to the flame" and assisting the jump start necessary.
2.) Am I overlooking something and not giving it the respect and patience it deserves?
3.) Even now, after that encounter, I feel that long recovery time necessary between sessions; weird to admit that (sounds old).
4.) I have noticed that I am not constantly focused on sex throughout the day. It is a pleasant feeling and helps recreate that novelty effect in my mind I would say.

Insanity - defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Guess it is time to quit being insane with this approach hoping it will fix itself and keep "spicing" the routine up and adjust correctly.

Take care gentleman,
-D

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #21 on: April 03, 2017, 11:48:40 PM »
Day 22+ - Running my pace

No new philosophic thoughts today, but I am running my race as usual. I feel fortunate to have the encouragement from real sex which I encountered on Thursday. A beat to my heartbeat and drum to look ahead and just keep my head down and press my fight forward. I wasn't thrilled to see where I was at, but I also recognized that SOMETHING was positively happening in many areas. It is the first time in a while where I haven't sought to seek out porn out of addicted lust and desire. Sure I appreciate the look of a woman or admire the beauty in things outside my perverted mindset after training it for so long.

Open thinking on present thoughts. I am unsure of my rational on Jane yet. Some random moments I feel like I am in a kayak just riding the current and seeing where she takes me. There are times where self-doubt seeks in... a gut feeling like she is setting me up for failure before dumping me off. The sensation that I am being played until a suitable backup plan comes along.

I have only talked to Jane and one other lady about PIED since saying enough is enough. Am I the only one that believes that women don't understand it? Like they themselves as women think an erect penis just magically appears out of thin air or what we say is absolute ludicrous and preposterous? I find it frustrating because saying this is just a habit is a load of bulls$%&... Yes it is a habit, thank you for recognizing that obvious concept (I will just stop now and all will instantly stop failing!!!)...Now lets look past that and recognize the root of the issue and figure out how it can literally be removed.

The answer to that can be summed up in two words, like most things in life that take time and diligence...integrity and dedication. No use bullshitting to us on here if you need assistance. We are your biggest cheerleaders, mentors, brothers in arms, and listeners.
 
So if in your journey of suffering you find freedom from this curse, as it may be. I wish you a pleasurable suffering and persistence to find the light at the end of that tunnel and do everything you can to remember why you started this in the first place. Only you can answer that question.

-DF

ImOnMyWay

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #22 on: April 04, 2017, 08:17:46 AM »
You bring to light a lot of things people think and most times don't say. Happy to see you are looking at things in a positive light as this is what gets us through the journey.

As for Jane, I feel that some woman don't understand what this journey is really all about. I often think of this too with "Sarah". I feel like we are in a rock and a hard place when it comes to talking about this to them. Sarah used to say that this was my fault.....Okay yes, but "NO"! We were never educated to understand that this was a problem or was going to be a problem. She admitted herself she watched P. It just didn't have the same affect on her as us. Honesty and communication are key in this situation yes, but it also takes a bit of support and understanding from the opposite sex. It really does! Educating them in the process is hugely important because everyone thinks differently. Some people can watch P and have no real affect on their physical well being. Where on the inside those people are really struggling mentally. Some have watched P and are suffering the physical side. Mentally they know what they want, but can't use their men to show it. This comes to that sex on a pedestal thing you've mentioned before. Sex has become this end all be all in life where no one focuses on the true meaning of a relationship. (LOVE) True passion for one another which then leads to passionate sex. That is what I long for.

I will say this though, there are woman out there that understand our issue completely. My close friend is a girl and I asked her to come talk with me one night because I was really down. She had asked what was up and I explained everything to her. She looked at me and cried. CRIED. Hugged me and said she will be there for me whenever I needed her. She understood. She listened. She helped me and is still helping. So with that being said, there are good people out there. It's who we choose to open our feeling up to!!

Keep your head high for you are on the right path. Your positive thinking and attitude towards fixing this is admirable. You will succeed and there is a woman out there that is going to appreciate what you are going through.

Best of luck and keep trucking,

ImOnMyWay

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #23 on: April 05, 2017, 12:59:43 PM »
Day 24+

Well I guess I am 4 days away from celebrating of kicking a bad habit, wooo (that is a joke...)

Was talking to a buddy today and we correlated our own struggles in our walks of life to the relevance of porn. I really wonder at times how much it effected certain circumstances and decisions, but after a while I shrug it off and remind myself it is the past.

Things are going well and my work ethic in many aspects of life are going up. I am definitely not on edge as much, but am sensing that possible valley effect of my flat-line. Most men talk about it like a depressed maniac time and moment in their journey, but to be honest I am actually driven, focused, socializing, productive, and so much more. Don't get me wrong, it does bum me out that I am not getting as much life as I like down there. I yearn for those natural signs, but try not to hang my hat on them everyday.

Here is to another day and the adventures of Dan. I have a weekend get away with Jane that I am looking forward to and don't know what to expect. That is an exciting part to realize because I have stopped setting expectations. I think many can relate.

Well just standing by one day at a time for now.
-DF

Dfletch07

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Re: Dan F. - Comitting to the journey - Enough is enough
« Reply #24 on: April 07, 2017, 04:47:11 PM »
Day 26+

Weekend trip with Jane has me excited yet worried. Everyday I feel her test our situation... my gut feeling or insecurities potentially. I get this ominous feeling that my replacement is being pursued right now. Its the details in the small things that add up and make things obvious.

Focus back on my PIED, things are feeling better and I am definitely focused, energized, and attentive to other things. I have been focusing on the positive things in my life to say the least. It is more a reflection on life than the matter. Having that "Eor (Winnie the Pooh)" mentality just promotes PMO and honestly makes life suck...Sorry Eor, but you gotta go! Control what you can control and that is you. Reality check for myself, people do shadey shit in life (you have before D) and dumb actions (so have you D!).

This is not an adventure for her, it is for you, your future, and your happiness. Toughen up gentleman, we are on a journey for a pursuit of happiness (ha!). Yes the end goal is to satisfy a woman, not "the" woman; something worth recognizing.

Best of luck and words of wisdom... Do not test it with your hand, test it with her hands :).

Bottom line is this, if it isn't gonna work...drop it, leave it, and carry on. I look forward to my weekend with Jane and if she wants to drop the successful benefits