Author Topic: My journey  (Read 598 times)

Vegeta1710

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My journey
« on: February 10, 2017, 06:05:12 PM »
Hi guys I decided to post on here for accountability. This is my story. When I was 15 j started watching porn. Masturbated to it everyday sometimes 2-3 times. When I was 18 I got my first real girlfriend. It was long distance and when I went to see her I suddenly found I had Ed. Never had this happened to me before and I was always rock hard without it. Because of this experience I developed anxiety. When I went back home I quit cold turkey. Watched that 70s show everynight and didn't look at porn not touch my penis. When I saw her the next time about 3 months later there was a degree of Ed but after a successful attempt I was a machine. I was living with her for 6 months and performed everytime. After about the 5th month addiction reared its head and I began watching porn again but I was so confident I could perform regardless. We eventually split and I fell right back into the habit jerking it once to two times a day to porn. I always kept it in my head that porn was bad and so before entering into my new relationship I started to cut back to 3 times a week. Now I'm with my girlfriend and on some days I'm hard others soft. My girlfriend only gives hand jobs as she doesn't believe in sex until marriage. When we first started I would time it. Masturbate 3 days before I'd see her and then I would be ok. Once we couldn't see each other for 2 weeks and I refrained from porn and masturbation. I saw her and 3 days straight I was confident and hard as a rock. Then I binged to porn and now I'm screwed again. Currently I've been one week without porn. I can still get hard through foreplay bit my anxiety creeps up of I feel she's about to try to make me ejaculate. I have been without porn for a week and know I can do this. Quitting cold turkey. I hope to be able to get to the point where my sensitivity returns in full and beats the anxiety as I believe they go hand in hand. Will post updates and hopefully similar cases to mine can reach out.

Samuel King

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Re: My journey
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2017, 06:26:40 PM »
Damn you're lucky you would recover so often. Glad you are back at it. Good luck and keep us updated.

Vegeta1710

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Re: My journey
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2017, 07:16:39 PM »
It's not that I would recover so often. It's that I recovered really well once. Then by then my brain was trained to get aroused by an actual female in front of me. My anxiety was gone because of so many successful attempts. The problem is I fell back into it. The danger lies in when you have a successful reboot it's easy to think your cured and relapse. Don't do it! Get off and stay off! Now I'm doing it all over again because I was overconfident. My hope is that I don't flatline for too long seeing as how I've been using porn sporadically instead of constantly like before.

Vegeta1710

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Re: My journey
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2017, 04:31:38 PM »
Yo guys posting for accountability purposes. Last night was pretty close to giving in. Typed in web adress then closed before it loaded. 8 day streak so far. This weekend will be toughest because I have long nights by myself so wish me luck guys. Discipline

Vegeta1710

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Re: My journey
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2017, 01:14:44 AM »
Update saw my girlfriend today. Public place gave her a kiss and started to get semi hard. It's not too difficult when I'm relaxed its more difficult when I know her purpose is to make me cum. That's because of the anxiety. Haven't looked at porn so that's I guess about 9 days. Making it through the weekend without watching. Chin up brothers stop porn. Let your brain acclimate and eventually everything will run smooth. Ima see her tomorrow and we may play around il let y'all know how it goes.

Vegeta1710

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Re: My journey
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2017, 11:55:06 AM »
Update saw my girl yesterday. Was feeling anxious all day but I went for it. Got hard stayed hard and came from a handjob. Avoided the chaser feelings and didn't look at porn the rest of the day or last night. Not saying I'm cured but def a step in the positive direction. Will continue to not view porn and train my body to become aroused due to the touch of another chin up guys stay strong

Vegeta1710

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Re: My journey
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2017, 07:49:43 PM »
Question to anyone out there

So I've mainly stuck away from porn, last week my girlfriend gave me a handjob Monday through Friday and I was fine. In my confidence I effed to porn for thirty minutes or so and on Monday we fooled around and I noticed I wasn't getting as hard. I decided to wait and tried again successfully on Thursday. I climaxed twice in a row. I then tried again today and while hard during foreplay when she grabbed it anxiety hit and I was unable to achieve an erection. I'm calm as I know il be ok soon but is this normal during a reboot? I realize progress isn't linear but could it have something to do with climaxing twice yesterday? Or could it be due to the edging? Anyways I appreciate all responses greatly good luck brothers

Death Trap

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Re: My journey
« Reply #7 on: March 18, 2017, 12:12:09 PM »
What does "eff to porn" mean?

Vegeta1710

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Re: My journey
« Reply #8 on: March 18, 2017, 11:08:30 PM »
Meant to put edge

Death Trap

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Re: My journey
« Reply #9 on: March 19, 2017, 08:55:35 AM »
Oh, ok. I should've figured that out. Yeah...you shouldn't have done that. I advise you to not ever do that again, nor masturbate. And then just continue trying to have sex with this girl, and trying not to worry yourself about your erections. This is easier said than done, of course, but I see no other option.

Vegeta1710

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Re: My journey
« Reply #10 on: March 19, 2017, 05:16:49 PM »
Yeah I realize I shouldn't have. Have to cast away porn for good. My prob is that I get false confidence. apart from that my body is weird. What I mean is that on certain days il get hard without even feeling too aroused. On others it just won't go up. I'm doing fairly well as Iv only been unable to get it up once in the past 2 weeks. Just a bit frustrating. Regardless my viewing of porn has gone way down. Aside from the 30 minutes of edging I've been por free for about 3 weeks. I just want to get to the point again where I can enjoy myself and know I'm going to get hard without everyday being a guessing sequence

Vegeta1710

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Re: My journey
« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2017, 05:21:51 PM »
Update saw my gf today. Felt a bit of anxiety and didn't feel horny at all. Some days I can just look at a girl or be close and il start to get hard. Today was not one of those days. My girlfriend started to tease me and it got semi erect a couple of times so I decided to just go for it. Went pretty well achieved an erection and orgasmed so that's a positive. I'm encouraged that I was able to do so without feeling all that horny. Now to keep up the streak and keep away from porn.

Vegeta1710

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Re: My journey
« Reply #12 on: March 22, 2017, 07:15:22 PM »
Did ok again today. Didn't feel too aroused but got it up and was able to climax. Man I'm happy that I'm getting erections but I'm ready to feel that horny, libido and just want to go at it. Anyways I hope as long as I stay away from porn itl come back. Had a. Little bit of a temptation but came on here to post instead. Good luck guys

Samuel King

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Re: My journey
« Reply #13 on: March 25, 2017, 12:01:54 PM »
Wow keep at it good job. I personally think worrying too much about all the intricate details makes it worse. Relax. I dont personallu think porn is directly affecting you as much not rather the thought pf you screwing up watching is. Know what I mean? Its an anxiety trigger for you now, just stay away from it. Its not benefitting you in anyway. Good job though man