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Messages - mec.vivant

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Ages 20-29 / My spare times
« on: April 06, 2015, 08:16:13 PM »
So, i promised to post something cheerful.

Look what I did with my spare time:

Made with markers.

It is taken from Holstee Manifesto. Check it out!

Also, I listen to music such as Demon - Imagine dragon. The lyrics just hit me.

Have a good day to you all and Be Strong!!!

Ages 20-29 / Re: Peeking and Craving
« on: April 06, 2015, 11:39:19 AM »

You know, that was my concern when people talk about seed without orgasm. It doesn't make sense. Don't have sex, do karezza, or have satisfying sex, but don't go inbetween. It's like an alcoholic going to a wine tasting.
I suggest, if you still would like to have sex, to try to do it all the way and see if you have the same cravings to M after. Of you still have the cravings, maybe you should stop having sex altogether.

Well maxime, it's not because I don't want to have an O, I just couldn't keep it hard. Trust me, I would love to O if I could. Even he teased me in the end that I should watch porn again. :(

Sorry if my posts seemed depressive lately, I'll post something cheerful soon.

Ages 20-29 / Peeking and Craving
« on: April 06, 2015, 10:45:07 AM »
April 6th,

So, it's about 2 weeks nopmo. Since I had sex (no O), I've been craving more/to M. That made me peeked to porn sites several times in these past 3 days, but closed it right away. It has been hard to deal with morning wood as well! I felt like I really need to M in the mornings.I think it is linked to my past habit,  which is to PM before sleep and upon waking up.

I feel like adding noS as well to my counter.

Ages 20-29 / Sex while no PMO?
« on: April 01, 2015, 02:02:51 AM »
March 31/April 1st

So I just had sex. Surprisingly, I started really hard boner! When I was about to get in action, it got softer. We still had sex anyways.

In the end, I did not went to Edge/O because it got softer by time. Do I have to reset my P/M/O counter? I did not watch P nor did M.

I'm just confused now...

Ages 20-29 / How will this end?
« on: March 30, 2015, 09:25:39 AM »
March 30th.

So I haven't relapsed these past days but I've been busy at work. That's why I haven't got a chance to update this.

I was working two days ago and got a semi erection while at work!
And yesterday, I woke up in the morning and felt very depressed and hurt emotionally. It's hard to get my willy up now. Seems that it's just dead and shrinking With occasional zombie mode. I really want to be normal again.

When I read about flatline, boy it is scary. Moreover because of the undefined length. It took somebody up to a year!

I know it's hard but I'll keep on fighting!!!

Ages 20-29 / March 26th - is it a sign?
« on: March 26, 2015, 12:28:41 PM »
March 26th,

So, I'll put dates instead of number of days. I tend to forget when I started no PMO. Hahaha...

So thank's for the supportive comments. It means something since I live here alone with nobody I can trust to share it with.

I've been coming home late these past days and I don't really know what to write either.

But today, two morning woods woke me up twice! Strong ones moreover. It has been a long time since I last experienced that. I don't know if it means something or not, but I'm happy.  ;D

By the way, I'm Matt. Mec is French for guy. But call me mec if you want, it's like saying "dude". ;)

Have a good day y'all!

Well written entry post. Like.

What's your plan? No P and M, I guess? Anyway, may you do well. ;)

Thanks robust! My plan is no P or M! No desire so far....

you deserve reboot.

take rest from all sexual activities
it is good for you.

Yeap! Thanks! Well, things got awkward between me and him anyways... So, yeah... Hahaha...

welcome aboard.

Why, thank you! It's good to feel that I'm not alone.

it's a horrible thing when someone points out it's not hard enough or why is it not working etc.. thats when it hits home. Can you get an email sig? we can then see your progression.

I felt so sad and angry to myself when he said that. I tried and got hard but couldn't maintain it before. When he said that, my self esteem dramatically fell and I could not get my thing on. Now that I don't want to see porn, I haven't got any erection since i last saw P.

Btw, is my siggy ok now, Francis?

Sorry guys if I sounded to vulgar. But I hope it's ok to use some medical terms such as "erection" (and since we are here and a lot of us are facing this issue)

Tomorrow's going to be day 2 of my writing, but I'll be working a 12 hours shift. Hope to write an update though...

Hi y'all!  ;D

I'll start with:

"Who reads the manual Instruction?"

To be honest, I don't care because I suffered enough.

So, Gabe posted a "before you post" and I'm gonna follow it. So here's my journal.

Step #1: Choose an age sub-section and click on "New Topic"

So, I started since 11 and my dad watched porn as well. It was year 2000 sth so I started up with dial-up internet porn. Not magazines, online porn. Then, as you all know, internet speed goes faster and my habit becomes more frequent. Starting at 12, I masturbated everyday up to today. I'm a kid from 92, so I'm 23 years old.

Step #2: Give your journal a name

Yes! I need to recover. I've tried to do it alone, but it just wasn't happening. This time(not that I opened a forum here before), I'll try to be completely honest and open about me, but please no hate/judge  :(

I just want to feel accepted and supported. I imagine people who has drug addiction. Do they need to be judged that they are immoral because they used drug?

So, I've allowed you guys to e-mail me at and please don't spam! >:(

Step #3: Take your time to tell us your story

Some people tried to be brief, but I'll try to tell more about me because otherwise, how will I be helped if I don't open myself, right?

Let's start with a little bit more about me.
I'm just a guy born in March 1992, originally from Indonesia and currently living in Austin, Tx.
I was introduced to porn by my friends. Afterwards, I explored by myself and found gay porn and hentai/yaoi "pleasing".

I went through a phase where it was confusing to me because gay porn made me aroused. Back in my country, gay is a disgrace and shame. I always wondered that is my sexual attraction to guys because of porn? Because I can feel attracted to girls, but not sexually. Today, I don't like any "straight" porn, and a long time ago I tried straight porn just to know my body's reaction towards it (and yes, no reaction).

Four years ago, I tried to have sex with my (now ex-) boyfriend. I couldn't get my thing up! Then he said to me that it's fine if I need to watch porn to get me aroused. So, is he saying that it was not the first time he encountered this situation and knows the remedy was porn? Boy, how it effected my esteem when I couldn't get my thing up!

After that, I tried to find more about the thing that happened. And then I found out a TEDtalk about porn. It blew my mind and I tried reading more. The longest time I did wihout PMO was 2 weeks. And then I went back to everyday.

Now, I'm in a "complicated" relationship with a guy. We tried to have sex last month and again, I can't get it hard. Two nights ago, he said in a joking matter that maybe he needs a cucumber.

No offense, but I'm afraid that yours can't get hard

It hit me really hard!

So, I definitely need to do something about it!

Normally, I do porn when I wake up to really get me awake, and before sleep to relax me. Sometimes, I do it because I'm just bored. :-[

Step #4: Keep all the progress updates in your journal

So yes, I won't flood the main forum with threads about what day I'm on.

Step #5: Participate in other people's journals

And yes, I'll jump around

*Forum Rules*

  • No ad hominem attacks. (No attacks in general!)
  • Be positive and supportive.
  • Respect that others may have a different approach.
  • Everyone has the right to an opinion.
  • We are all here to help one another.
  • If you do NOT have anything positive to contribute please do NOT comment.
  • Constructive criticism is acceptable; personal attacks are not.
  • Treat members in good faith.
  • This is not the place to brag of sexual exploits.
  • This is not the place to arrange dates.
  • Whether or not you believe in a Higher Power is a personal matter. Do not attempt to impose your view of these things on others.
  • You don't have to "correct" the thinking of others. It's OK not to comment at all.
  • Do not suggest illegal or controversial actions.
  • No encouraging the use of prostitutes;D
  • If someone is struggling with sexual orientation doubts, he may have SOCD [sexual orientation obsessive-compulsive disorder]. Encourage him to quit porn, but don't try to analyze his orientation. He'll figure things out in time.
  • Be careful of triggers.
  • Don't name specific porn sites or actors.
  • If you must discuss a potential trigger put an alert into place so that others can avoid it.
  • When dealing with spouses of addicts be kind and not at all assertive. Remember, families, children, etc, are at stake.
  • Avoid name calling.

And let it begin! ;)

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