I'm seeing Sex in a different way - WHY???

Hello,

Even since my last PMO relapse in August 2017 after which, upon checking my erection the following day, I noticed that my penis had shrunk noticeably. (and also less blood flow)

This discovery SHOCKED me really bad - at that point my only thought process was that, as things stand right now, I may never get to have sex, ever. (Certainly not 'normal' sex) Again, this made me really panicy and my temptation to use Porn vanished once I discovered the effect of that relapse. (Yes, one relapse can make it worse).

At that point I was pretty much forced to use all of my mind's positive thinking and apply it during every moment possible - this is, of course a challenge, but with daily meditation, I think I'm doing okay.

However, as well as Porn, the discovery of my shrunk penis also put me off Sex! I have no idea why. But ever since that relapse, my positive feelings towards sex has turned into anxiety, turn-off and simply no positive biological feeling about it.

Why is that??? Can someone let me know if they have any idea...?

Thank you.

Dunno if this is related but I had no desire for sex either for a good while. Possibly simple flatline and not related to the shrinking. Might need to find a girl before you can develop sex drive again.

It wasn't even biological sex drive, only mental. (I lost my libido in 2011, 3 years before my erectile difficulties). 

But now, even my mental sex drive has reversed into a negative thing.

The thing that worries me and confuses me about this, is that my positive thoughts about sex turned into negative thoughts about sex in an instant as soon as i noticed the shrunk penis.

It's the fact that it was an instant 360 turn of feelings about sex indicates that this is not a flatline - I possibly have been psychologically damaged about sex.(Which is another problem that I could do without!!)

You lost your interest in real sex long ago, you just THOUGHT you had interest in sex because you were surrounded by porn.  Take the porn away, and you realize that everything eroded away, and very little is left.

Rebooting is real.  Don't give up.  You'll be fine.

Wow, that?s an interesting point  - I never saw it that way.

Is there ever a way back to what I was??

DepressedAndOut said:

Wow, that?s an interesting point  - I never saw it that way.

Is there ever a way back to what I was??

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Rewire...talk with real girls as much as possible. Even non-sexual interaction can help to slowly rebuild your libido/attraction.

Finw? said:

DepressedAndOut said:

Wow, that?s an interesting point  - I never saw it that way.

Is there ever a way back to what I was??

Click to expand...

Rewire...talk with real girls as much as possible. Even non-sexual interaction can help to slowly rebuild your libido/attraction.

Click to expand...

Is this something that you've experienced? The effects of the rewiring. (Even if talking, I mean.)

Is there any science that explains why the penis shrinks when rewiring?

When rewiring...? Are you sure....?

Is this something that you've experienced? The effects of the rewiring. (Even if talking, I mean.)

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Yeah, that's my experience. Can't go for sex if you've got ED so... the more time spent talking to girls the better. I could definitely feel the reconditioning happening slowly, something going on in the mind/brain.

Hello,

When I said I want to go back, I mean back to my previous normal sexual state before PIED.

I'm afraid I'm not quite sure and optimistic if I will ever be back to the same person that I was in terms of erections, let alone better!

I started my first ever hardmode during August 2017 - the following three month I experienced changes such as morning wood (only about 5-6 erection quality though) and some wet dreams.

Unfortunately in November I relapsed after which, going through hardmode again, I've barley experienced any noticeable results.

Unfortunately my November (and August relapse) made things  worse for me - as only one relapse can undone all of your work, and even make things worse. (ie, shrunk penis, lower blood flow, etc.)

I'm really frustrated and down.... it genuinely looks like the tunnel is dark with no sight of light.

Summer is coming soon, it's going to be frustrating looking at half-naked women and not even feeling anything. (It was frustrating looking at them and feeling something and not getting any action, yes, but this is a better type of frustration!)

Do you only want to return to "normal", as you say, "in terms of erections", or in terms of your whole manhood?

If the latter... no, you won't return to how you were, but you'll find a new normal.  There is no turning back the clock, but by being deliberate with our sexuality we can be something better than we were in our porn eras or pre-porn.

I'm not sure what you exactly mean by manhood, but I certainly want a 10 out of 10 erections again with hopefully at least a little bit of biological libido.

doneatlast said:

You lost your interest in real sex long ago, you just THOUGHT you had interest in sex because you were surrounded by porn.

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Okay, thinking about this some more, I'm not sure if this explanation cuts it, to be honest.

This is because before PIED, and before my relapse that made me change my feelings towards sex instantly, I always would feel jealous and the hot feeling rushing up to me whenever I hear about someone in my social circle talking about their sex life, or when I read in the papers about people 'living the life'. (which means sex is the number one activity, to me!)

I no longer feel this jealousy and don't experience the rush of hormones through my body whenever I hear about such events as above.

In fact, worryingly so, I seem to couldn't careless about it! And I certainly don't want to stay that way forever. I  wonder if that relapse caused some psychological damage about sex?

DepressedAndOut said:

doneatlast said:

You lost your interest in real sex long ago, you just THOUGHT you had interest in sex because you were surrounded by porn.

Click to expand...

Okay, thinking about this some more, I'm not sure if this explanation cuts it, to be honest.

This is because before PIED, and before my relapse that made me change my feelings towards sex instantly, I always would feel jealous and the hot feeling rushing up to me whenever I hear about someone in my social circle talking about their sex life, or when I read in the papers about people 'living the life'. (which means sex is the number one activity, to me!)

I no longer feel this jealousy and don't experience the rush of hormones through my body whenever I hear about such events as above.

In fact, worryingly so, I seem to couldn't careless about it! And I certainly don't want to stay that way forever. I  wonder if that relapse caused some psychological damage about sex?

Click to expand...

Well, you have to ask yourself... is imagining the sex life of someone in your social circle closer to A) porn, or B) real sex? 

It is reliant on your imagination, which is fed mostly by porn.  Fantasy stories about sex/erotic lit are porn, as well.  They just use words instead of pictures.  Papers, gossip magazines or whatever bragging about sex... I'd put that in the same category.  Stuff like that usually has more appeal to women than men, but it is certainly there for men as well.  I'm hearing lots of stories about ways you'd give yourself a charge with porn-like things, but nothing about real sex.

These are all signs you're healing.  Don't think there is something wrong just because you don't recognize your new self; it is a good sign.  Look forward to the new you that will come in the future that will be superior to any prior version of you.  Prepare to be surprised and to change some opinions about sex along the way.  Taking away fake sex will only make you closer to real sex, and the truths about sexuality.  Spoiler: the truths about sexuality are hard to come by these days, since we are in a porn saturated culture.  The people who fail the worst on these boards are the ones who still have an emotional attachment to porn and want to keep a porn lifestyle in every way except the most superficial problems.  It is like an alcoholic still wanting to hang out in bars and get blasted... but without the liver disease. 

doneatlast said:

If the latter... no, you won't return to how you were, but you'll find a new normal.  There is no turning back the clock, but by being deliberate with our sexuality we can be something better than we were in our porn eras or pre-porn.

Click to expand...

^^^Yes. I'm actually glad I got addicted to porn and it obliterated my sex response, because it basically gave me the opportunity to redevelop it however I pleased. I was really carefully trying to recondition my sexual response to be very monogamous all through my recovery. Basically, I used all the stuff I learned on YBOP to condition myself over the course of the next few months. I figured if you can be conditioned to only be able to get sexually aroused by a screen, you can condition your sexuality to anything with enough time. And it worked. I only feel sex drive towards my girl. Other girls are still good-looking but I have no desire to have sex with them. The thought is not even tempting. Which is completely opposite of what I was many years ago, when I would've done any non-hideous girl at the drop of a dime. The sex drive is very malleable.

Finw? said:

doneatlast said:

If the latter... no, you won't return to how you were, but you'll find a new normal.  There is no turning back the clock, but by being deliberate with our sexuality we can be something better than we were in our porn eras or pre-porn.

Click to expand...

^^^Yes. I'm actually glad I got addicted to porn and it obliterated my sex response, because it basically gave me the opportunity to redevelop it however I pleased. I was really carefully trying to recondition my sexual response to be very monogamous all through my recovery. Basically, I used all the stuff I learned on YBOP to condition myself over the course of the next few months. I figured if you can be conditioned to only be able to get sexually aroused by a screen, you can condition your sexuality to anything with enough time. And it worked. I only feel sex drive towards my girl. Other girls are still good-looking but I have no desire to have sex with them. The thought is not even tempting. Which is completely opposite of what I was many years ago, when I would've done any non-hideous girl at the drop of a dime. The sex drive is very malleable.

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That's a beautiful post.  Conventional wisdom tells us we have no control over our sex drive, and that is why we need "releases", but it just isn't true.