Want to rewire but I don?t want a girlfriend.

I am trying to rewire but everyone talks about how you need to find a girl and open up to her about pied. That?s great and all and seems good for most but I don?t want a gf. Seems like just to test the water people tell you to get very emotionally involved and that leads to a gf. I just got out of a long relationship and I don?t want a gf. What do I do?

I'm struggling to even take this seriously as a question. Just don't look for a girlfriend... Nobody ever said you need to have a girlfriend or be looking for one in order to quit porn.

It?s a very serious question. Look up Rewiring with a girl. People will say not to use tinder or escorts or anything. They say you need to make a real connection with a girlfriend. I don?t want a girlfriend.

OK, so let's distinguish rewiring v. rebooting.  Rebooting is quitting being addicted to using porn to trigger a dopamine rush.  The point of the reboot is to overcome the addiction.  Overcoming the addiction is, in and of itself, a perfectly good reason to reboot. Later, if you choose to rewire, as in rewire to actual sex, it's your choice.  You would be perfectly fine just getting the addiction off your back, in fact much better.  So, reboot, and take it from there. 

Thanks for the response. I understand the difference between the two. I just wanted input on weather I should see a whore or use tinder or something.

No, you shouldn't do that. Porn teaches the degradation of women - which is why you feel comfortable about calling somebody a "whore". Using people for casual sex will not help you achieve anything either. Even using Tinder is a porn substitute: it's full of sexual innuendo, pictures and the implication of sex coming ie. Dopamine hits galore. Do a long reboot and let your brain recalibrate, then you can have a good long think about what you want in life, what your values are, what (if any) sort of relationships you want to have with women. Forget this idea about needing to have a girlfriend. If you are not even interested in having a girlfriend, it would be very selfish to involve another person in your recovery when you really can't give yourself properly to the relationship. Using women like that is exactly what porn teaches us: women are disposal, only there for our use and enjoyment. I'd say you should stay a long way from real women until you have rebooted for 6 months. It doesn't sound like you are in a great place for involvement with a woman.

I don?t think porn taught me that because I was like that before porn. I always kinda slept around. I don?t think using the word whore means anything. That?s literally the definition. Idk.

Suspect said:

I don?t think porn taught me that because I was like that before porn. I always kinda slept around. I don?t think using the word whore means anything. That?s literally the definition. Idk.

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Ok, but using that word when there are several others to choose from that sound less scathing and degrading does say something about your mindset around sex though. I'm just putting it out there that you might have some issues to work through around your feelings and attitudes towards women. It's something all addicts have to confront, myself included.

You can rewire by viewing women in a new way.  You don't need to have a girlfriend to do this.  You likely have women all around you, perhaps some that you find attractive.  Get to know them as people.  Listen to them tell you about their lives.  Women are incredible, wonderful creatures, and unfortunately men are often too busy trying to put our things into them or playing with themselves to fully realize this.  I think it is easiest to rewire if you don't have the dating/physical affection stresses going along with it.  You can connect with them emotionally without the physical stuff. 

doneatlast said:

You can rewire by viewing women in a new way.  You don't need to have a girlfriend to do this.  You likely have women all around you, perhaps some that you find attractive.  Get to know them as people.  Listen to them tell you about their lives.  Women are incredible, wonderful creatures, and unfortunately men are often too busy trying to put our things into them or playing with themselves to fully realize this.  I think it is easiest to rewire if you don't have the dating/physical affection stresses going along with it.  You can connect with them emotionally without the physical stuff.

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Nicely said.

You guys are right. I met dream girl and we are dating and I?m gonna do this the right way. Thanks for the input

Tbh I tried this. Said I just wanted to be "friends". The lady was really cool with it and said she'd help me rewire, but when it came to it I felt that to rewire to real sex, for me that meant letting myself really connect with a woman, and if the woman I was to have sex with I didn't feel that connected with then, it would've just been a physical thing and I didn't like the idea of that... Plus it would of been a relationship regardless and I decided I just wasn't that into the person as I wanted to be. A guy with Ed getting fussy.. what ever next.

You don't need a gf to rewire but you do need a relationship. I am not in a position to have a long term gf or serious relationship but it doesn't stop me from having some sort of relationship with a woman I am rewiring with. Case in point, I just got out of a very short relationship with a woman. She didn't want anything serious and neither did I. We still hung out, cooked together, had good conversations, etc. Now that it's over we're still cool with each other. Basically in order to rewire you need to be able to view women as more than a means to sex or a sex object. It's possible to have casual relationships that go beyond just sex.

gtl923,

Great response! I like your thinking here. It's a very true statement.

ImOnMyWay

Great help guys! I have definitely started down that road. My gf is religious and there is no sex. I have used this time with her to build a connection as apposed to just trying to get in her pants. We kiss and cuddle and talk and just spend time with each other. I am worried about my fantasizing because she is a total 10/10  beautiful on inside and out. When we kiss I get really hard sometimes and have sexual dreams but idk I?m trying. Is fantasizing bad? Also I have never had a flatline.

In my experience fantasizing always leads to relapse. Instead of thinking "is it bad?" think "is it good?" What benefits come from fantasizing? Does engaging in fantasy help you move towards achieving your goals?

William said:

OK, so let's distinguish rewiring v. rebooting.  Rebooting is quitting being addicted to using porn to trigger a dopamine rush.  The point of the reboot is to overcome the addiction.  Overcoming the addiction is, in and of itself, a perfectly good reason to reboot. Later, if you choose to rewire, as in rewire to actual sex, it's your choice.  You would be perfectly fine just getting the addiction off your back, in fact much better.  So, reboot, and take it from there.

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did you find after the reboot that primal lust coming back again but towards a real girl boobs / butts etc ?

so far im experiencing heavy feelings to break my loneliness with a company of a woman and for some reason to make love...but still nothing as far as lust goes...

will lust come by itself or do I have to rewire for that..?

which IMO will be kind of hard considering what most girls want from a good looking guy not to brag about it

I just read Gabe's post how you know you are rebooted and had some very solid information which of course Ive not yet experienced.

Jz15 said:

William said:

OK, so let's distinguish rewiring v. rebooting.  Rebooting is quitting being addicted to using porn to trigger a dopamine rush.  The point of the reboot is to overcome the addiction.  Overcoming the addiction is, in and of itself, a perfectly good reason to reboot. Later, if you choose to rewire, as in rewire to actual sex, it's your choice.  You would be perfectly fine just getting the addiction off your back, in fact much better.  So, reboot, and take it from there.

Click to expand...

did you find after the reboot that primal lust coming back again but towards a real girl boobs / butts etc ?

so far im experiencing heavy feelings to break my loneliness with a company of a woman and for some reason to make love...but still nothing as far as lust goes...

will lust come by itself or do I have to rewire for that..?

which IMO will be kind of hard considering what most girls want from a good looking guy not to brag about it

I just read Gabe's post how you know you are rebooted and had some very solid information which of course Ive not yet experienced.

Click to expand...

I think that your natural human instinct towards real women should restore either way, as you can't erase evolution.

This said, when my libido is raging and I have sexual dreams/fantasy pops into my head, these days it's always involving real women or thoughts about sex with someone I've been with. So I think rewiring does help as it gives your brain memories based on real life. Memories of aspects of sex that P can't give you (smell/touch etc.).

But I think eventually even without rewiring specifically with someone this real instinct will restore, and rewiring doesn't necessarily have to be restricted to sex, or intimacy at all.

Just gaining confidence and interacting with women can be just as beneficial in my opinion. For example when my libido is high I feel more natural and charismstic in conversation, and inclined to talk to women. I think this is important too because it sparks that primal drive of evolution in your brain.

Obviously I don't know the real science behind that part, I'm only speaking from experience. I've been rebooting over 2 years and am really aware of when my libido is high and how it affects my interaction with people.
Don't let not being able to rewire bum u out.

So when is this flatline going to end ?? There is a girl who literally looks at me all the time and when she is around me she is super excited but Im not yet rebooted... thing is she knows my friends and vice versa so I really dont want this "disability" to fuck it all up.

Anyone with similar experience on this ??? Advice truly appreciated