29 year old Quenching the Fire

matnitram

Member
Hello,

My name is Mart. I'm 29 years old and I a minister/ chaplain.  I started looking at sexual material when I was 13 years old. My mother found me looking at porn when I was 16, and was extremely distraught about it. I come from a Christian household so it's pretty taboo.  Last month I went 18 days without PMO. I was reading a lot of literature (Your Brain On Porn) and another Christian book after that book. It helped me recognize the dangers of porn. I've tried multiple/ many times kicking my habit. I've gone 3 months without it, had multiple accountability partners. I still have an accountability partner, but we talk once every 2 or so weeks.  I still live my parents, and I have my computer in my bedroom. I've tried breathing, meditation, mindfulness etc. I've done exercise before (I run long distance). I usually use porn once a week, or every 3-4 days.

I heard keeping a journal is good. And I am working on more intimacy with others, less isolating myself, and feeling lonely. I'm not sure the core issues, but they are often emotional. When I feel like life hasn't met up with my expectations. I realize a lot of it comes to my frustrations with relationships with the opposite sex. A lot of guilt and shame from failed opportunities, negative self-talk. Failing to meet my own self-expectations, of where I should be in life. I've fed myself the lie that it's okay to indulge in such pleasure as long as people don't know, and that I don't hurt others in real life. So far my habit hasn't escalated at all, and stops after ejaculation. But I realized the need to keep a journal online, to share more about my struggles and bring it out into light, in order to reform my brain and my unhealthy sexual habits. I want to have pure thoughts towards women. I'm not dating, and it's been three years since my last romantic relationship.

I'm a bit scared to come out like this, it's been a while since I've written in a journal on the internet. But I think it's the first step in my recovery. Anyways thanks for reading. Will try to keep this updated every day, at least that is my intention. Thank you for reading. And for those on the same struggle/ whether faith-based or not. It's real. And it's worth the fight to reclaim what we were meant to be, and that's freedom to create real and authentic relationships. 


Peace

 

matnitram

Member
Day 2- Back to work today. Pretty busy with everything, so no time to think. A few urges after work. Saw an attractive girl on the subway, stood by one another, but I didn't have the courage to say hi. Generally I am trying to watch my thoughts especially when I am fatigued.
 

matnitram

Member
Day 3- Doing a make up day. I had a very busy day at work. Pretty uneventful, but had a lot of cravings last night. Body has been missing something, and it comes out in dreams/ thoughts etc. But no acting out in general.
 

matnitram

Member
Day 4- (Make up)

I had an emotional morning, but somehow I'm calm now. Had a nocturnal emission early this morning, worried that I might have cravings, but nothing happened.  Spent some time keeping myself busy, treating myself to  food (burrito). Worked on a sermon today for tomorrow. Trying to open up to my family more. Watching some the world cup lately to distract me. Been doing amazingly well, God's been looking after me and my emotional health.
 

matnitram

Member
Day 5- I ended up messing up yesterday, looking at pictures of a girl in a bikini. I guess it's better than looking at porn. I went to be more aware of my emotions, especially when I am tired. I too busy of a day, with church, meeting, skyping with a friend, and dinner. Wasn't smart enough to go to sleep sooner, just isolated myself. Will do better.

Day 6- Wanted to get back in track today. Did some running in the morning, and went to work. Getting back to it, means keeping myself accountable and also journaling no matter how hard it may be.
 
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