doctor.infinite
Member
Hey everyone
I'm a 24 year old and I've recently had an experience where I wasn't able to have an erection with a girl I was with. I was definitely attracted to her and wanted to show it, but I couldn't and it was defeating. So i researched about porn addiction and NOFAP about a month ago. I tried PMO for about a week and I was strong, but I realized that i was often using it to run away from difficult situations cause of my past. I was domestically abused by my stepdad for years, and the only way for me to escape was to watch porn and feel good in the moment. I know it's psychologically damaged me for years (currently a medical student so I understand the science behind it all), but it's been difficult for me to stop. I started exercising again and am taking cold showers now so that's a positive. However, I've messed up about 3/4 times now.
Yesterday, I messed up again because I was talking to this girl and it was going really well but suddenly she stopped texting m (even though our date went pretty well lol, she even wanted to go somewhere for lunch today). So I was angry for a few hours and it manifested in me watching porn again. This is hella difficult.
I've watched videos from multiple people on NOFAP and even started reading the book by Noah Church. Hopefully that's going to be a way for me to get the self help I need.
I'm trying to be as proactive as I can. First, I've developed a plan where if I feel like I'm going to relapse for any reason, I'm just going to walk out of my room and out onto my balcony (kinda difficult to masturbate from the balcony of a high rise in a big city, a lot of people would notice lol). Second, I'm going to continue to focus on my exercise and will take cold showers after each one. It has been very difficult for me to have self confidence and I'm not overweight but I've always had issues with my image. I guess it's the stress of trying to develop a 6 pack since that's the only way to get girls who actually are interested in you initially. I mean I get the whole liking your personality thing, but I think the initial attraction has to be physical in some sense. Idk, I feel like as someone who's 5'8" and not really super muscular, kinda lost with women with the looks category lol.
So besides my personal issues, which clearly have played a role with my obstacles, I've also sought psychological help since I know being in medical school has caused me to get anxiety and depressive symptoms. This is one of the hardest roads I have ever faced in my life, so being able to quit something like this when you're constantly alone and overworked adds another layer of difficulty to the process of quitting. This becomes even harder since I lost one of my closest friends to suicide a few months ago (he was also a medical student with depression).
I feel like I'm lost. Do I understand what I need to do to quit? Absolutely. Do I understand the effects and pathophysiology of this disorder? No doubt. Have I even heard testimonials from other people who have quit and seen the other side? Yea.
Then why the FUCK has it been so hard for me to let it go? What is this void I have which I have to fill with masturbation? Why is it such a difficult road to endure? How much goddamn dopamine does my Ventral tegmental area generating to send to the nucleus accumbens and is it possible to alter the mesolimbic pathway so I can get dopamine from another activity?
I'm sorry, but this is ruining my life. The lows are really low, and the highs aren't felt at all. I literally live in an amazing place in an amazing city going to a pretty good medical school and am considering becoming a surgeon. And I'm just constantly worried about achieving the quickest orgasms from images that aren't even real. I don't get it.
If you've read this far, I appreciate it. If you could offer some advice if you relate, that would be super helpful. I'm just trying to work my way to a place where I can create the willpower to stop this forever. I need help.
I'm a 24 year old and I've recently had an experience where I wasn't able to have an erection with a girl I was with. I was definitely attracted to her and wanted to show it, but I couldn't and it was defeating. So i researched about porn addiction and NOFAP about a month ago. I tried PMO for about a week and I was strong, but I realized that i was often using it to run away from difficult situations cause of my past. I was domestically abused by my stepdad for years, and the only way for me to escape was to watch porn and feel good in the moment. I know it's psychologically damaged me for years (currently a medical student so I understand the science behind it all), but it's been difficult for me to stop. I started exercising again and am taking cold showers now so that's a positive. However, I've messed up about 3/4 times now.
Yesterday, I messed up again because I was talking to this girl and it was going really well but suddenly she stopped texting m (even though our date went pretty well lol, she even wanted to go somewhere for lunch today). So I was angry for a few hours and it manifested in me watching porn again. This is hella difficult.
I've watched videos from multiple people on NOFAP and even started reading the book by Noah Church. Hopefully that's going to be a way for me to get the self help I need.
I'm trying to be as proactive as I can. First, I've developed a plan where if I feel like I'm going to relapse for any reason, I'm just going to walk out of my room and out onto my balcony (kinda difficult to masturbate from the balcony of a high rise in a big city, a lot of people would notice lol). Second, I'm going to continue to focus on my exercise and will take cold showers after each one. It has been very difficult for me to have self confidence and I'm not overweight but I've always had issues with my image. I guess it's the stress of trying to develop a 6 pack since that's the only way to get girls who actually are interested in you initially. I mean I get the whole liking your personality thing, but I think the initial attraction has to be physical in some sense. Idk, I feel like as someone who's 5'8" and not really super muscular, kinda lost with women with the looks category lol.
So besides my personal issues, which clearly have played a role with my obstacles, I've also sought psychological help since I know being in medical school has caused me to get anxiety and depressive symptoms. This is one of the hardest roads I have ever faced in my life, so being able to quit something like this when you're constantly alone and overworked adds another layer of difficulty to the process of quitting. This becomes even harder since I lost one of my closest friends to suicide a few months ago (he was also a medical student with depression).
I feel like I'm lost. Do I understand what I need to do to quit? Absolutely. Do I understand the effects and pathophysiology of this disorder? No doubt. Have I even heard testimonials from other people who have quit and seen the other side? Yea.
Then why the FUCK has it been so hard for me to let it go? What is this void I have which I have to fill with masturbation? Why is it such a difficult road to endure? How much goddamn dopamine does my Ventral tegmental area generating to send to the nucleus accumbens and is it possible to alter the mesolimbic pathway so I can get dopamine from another activity?
I'm sorry, but this is ruining my life. The lows are really low, and the highs aren't felt at all. I literally live in an amazing place in an amazing city going to a pretty good medical school and am considering becoming a surgeon. And I'm just constantly worried about achieving the quickest orgasms from images that aren't even real. I don't get it.
If you've read this far, I appreciate it. If you could offer some advice if you relate, that would be super helpful. I'm just trying to work my way to a place where I can create the willpower to stop this forever. I need help.