16 Weeks - Still Heavy Withdrawal - Will it ever end?!

Hi guys,

First of all: Excuse me for mistakes, but I am not a native speaker.

Porn history: PMO since 13 years old. Now 27. Until 20 periodically. From 20 yearrs on , when stressful uni started, probably 3-5 times a day.

In the end of November I had some kind of a breakdown. With several symptoms crushing down on me:

- Nausea and dizziness
- Headaches
- I have a pressure on my teeth and chest
- Anxiety & Panic attacks
- Shortness of breath
- All muscles on my body hurt at times
- Tremor (hands, legs, basically the whole body is shaking)
- My anxiety increases when I move my body (run or walk fast)
- Worst insomnia possible. I wake up in the middle of the night after 3-4 hours of sleep FOR 4 FULL MONTHS already. After waking up it is not possible to fall asleep for me for the rest of the night.
- My nose is running since the beginning of the year
- Depression (Worst after waking up in the night)

I visited several doctors. My blood has been checked thoroughly. My head has been checked with MRI. My lungs and paranasal sinuses has been checked. My teeth have been checked. My stomach and gastrointestinal tract has been checked. NO DOCTOR HAS FOUND ANYTHING. The psychiatrist/neurologist diagnosed me with an anxiety/panic disorder.


I experienced similar muscle pain during my previous reboot attempts, which lasted 90 days most. I think all these symptoms are withdrawal symptoms from porn. Usually I watched porn before I went to sleep. I had wet dreams for 3 months now. I even had two wet dreams in one night.  But they seem to become less frequent now.

I feel like in hell. This is the worst time of my life. During the nights I often thought and at times still think about suicide. It is so bad that I can't do anything at the moment for my university degree.

I go for long walks every day. I eat healthy. My anxiety is so bad, I can't even work out or have any other physical stress. Walking is the most I can do at the moment.

My question to you guys is:

WILL THIS EVER END?! Or did I do permanent damage to my nervous system?! The shaking/tremor freaks me out. I feel like I have parkinsons..

THANKS!!!

Hi.  Very common.  I went through the same thing myself.  It will end.  Keep going.  I have been clean almost 4 years.  The hard 90 are training wheels, just to convince yourself you can change your life.  After that, your life changes.  Keep going.  Porn is not an option.  I have absolute confidence you will succeed. 

Peace.

Maybe I should add, that I don't feel like watching porn whatsoever. I rather feel like vomiting/disgusted when I think about it. Abstaining has been really easy for me. What freaks me out is the thought, that I will never return to a normal state...

Since I can't work out like I did before the breakdown, I lost a lot of muscle mass. This makes me feel even more depressed.

Before the breakdown I visited a dentist. A strange pain in my mouth has stayed since then. The dentist says everything looks fine. I read some people had withdrawals in their teeth/gums. Can anybody confirm this? I am really confused about the cause of my state. Is it porn withdrawal or can a dental filling cause such heavy symptoms? I had an allergy test done with the filling materials and the results were negative - no allergies towards the used materials in my teeth..

Yes.  Phantom pains are a common withdrawals symptom.  And, yes, I thought my teeth hurt too.  They did not.  Phantom pain.  Feeling disgusted, like vomiting, yes, normal.  Once you quit feeding a dopamine high, for a while, when you feed it, it is like drinking too much.  You are moving in the right direction.  Keep going.  Porn is not an option.  These feelings will, eventually, pass.  Then you will feel what it is to feel normal, as in, not addicted. 

Much love.

Will I AM.

Hey man!!

So a lot of good advice so far I see.  All I want to add to this, is make sure you have not found a "porn substitute" that is keeping you in limbo and not allowing you to recover... do you spend countless hours on online dating app, do you still masturbate?  do you look at girls on instagram? etc... maybe you just need more time, as 4 months is not that long of a time, but just wanted to add this as a just in case!! Take a look at your life and see if you've created a porn subsitutte.. otherwise keep up the good work!!  Things will get better.  Good luck

What is bad about looking at women on facebook and instagram? I agree that we should absolutely avoid sexually arousing pictures. What about beautiful women in appropriate costume?

Sorry you're hurting. If you're interested in reading others' withdrawal stories: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/what-does-withdrawal-from-porn-look-like

Try getting an accountability buddy or check out this guy's site: https://youtu.be/ZJp1E2vNMUc, or a support group IRL for porn addiction. You'll be fine. Just don't give up.

You seem to know this, but research shows that all of these things help return your brain to healthy balance: exercise, meditation, time in nature, socializing, staying offline, and beneficial stressors like cold showers or intermittent fasting. Have you watched this vid? "Your Brain On Porn: How Internet porn affects the brain" https://youtu.be/7oFVOJf0TzY YourBrainOnPorn website is good too.

live_and_laugh said:

What is bad about looking at women on facebook and instagram? I agree that we should absolutely avoid sexually arousing pictures. What about beautiful women in appropriate costume?

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All unnatural sexual stimulation should be avoided during reboot. Thus I try to stay offline as much as possible and avoid websites which could contain anything arousing.

In the past I noticed that when I quit porn for a while I started watching music videos which contained almost naked women or surf facebook more. It's what Pr3c1se meant by "porn substitute".

Androg said:

Sorry you're hurting. If you're interested in reading others' withdrawal stories: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/what-does-withdrawal-from-porn-look-like

Try getting an accountability buddy or check out this guy's site: https://youtu.be/ZJp1E2vNMUc, or a support group IRL for porn addiction. You'll be fine. Just don't give up.

You seem to know this, but research shows that all of these things help return your brain to healthy balance: exercise, meditation, time in nature, socializing, staying offline, and beneficial stressors like cold showers or intermittent fasting. Have you watched this vid? "Your Brain On Porn: How Internet porn affects the brain" https://youtu.be/7oFVOJf0TzY YourBrainOnPorn website is good too.

Click to expand...

Yes, I've read a lot on YBOP.com. I try to incorporate the things you mentioned into my life right now. But I have severe fatigue, which prohibits me from working out. When I do physical stuff like running or lifting my anxiety comes back to a point where it's unbearable and I have to stop. That's why I lost some weight. Besides that I try to meet with friends, eating healthy and going for walks every day. I avoid any artificial sexual stimulation. But I still feel misearable after 4 months.

I would have never bothered to make a post on this forum. But my condition is so bad I am not even sure it is related to porn withdrawal. I feel aroused/anxious all the time. My heart rate rises very quickly when I do physical stuff. It feel like my nervous system can't calm down anymore. I will never watch porn again and abstaining is really not hard for me. What worries me most is, that this might have nothing to do with porn at all.

I even get boners when I see hot girls on the bus. And I guess sex would work now. Probably there is no PIED. But my anxiety and trembling/shaking is still there.

That sounds rough, man.
I think you might be seeing the symptoms of having the wrong mindset. Check this out : https://sites.google.com/site/hackbookeasypeasy/home
It's long and you dont have to take everything literally, but it might set of your mindset straight.
Whatever you do, don't give up!

Hey man,

With drawls can last for a long time to keep going you already made it so long without using. I am currently on my fifth week of not using a mile with drawls come and go and based on the research I've done they can last for a while but they do go away so stick with it my brother!

Taylor said:

That sounds rough, man.
I think you might be seeing the symptoms of having the wrong mindset. Check this out : https://sites.google.com/site/hackbookeasypeasy/home
It's long and you dont have to take everything literally, but it might set of your mindset straight.
Whatever you do, don't give up!

Click to expand...

I don't think there's anything wrong with my mindset. I've never been tempted to watch porn since the incident 4 months ago. The problem is my trembling/shaking body, anxiety and not beeing able to do sports or study properly.

Let me thank you all at this point for the replies. I wish you guys all the best in this journey. If you are not experiencing physical symptoms yet, you should stop PMO anyway. Otherwise you might later experience what I experience now. And you don't wish that upon your worst enemies...

Definitely sounds like you get it... so you're certainly on your way!

Patience.  It will come.  We have to remind ourselves that it took us 10-15 years usually to get our brains wired into this mess.. so to think the issue will get fixed quickly is crazy.  It does get better though!!!

A small update. I am on  WEEK 19. I MOed (just to my own sensation)  in the meantime once and visited a prostitute once. I did this just to see if anything would change. I have not watched porn for 19 weeks.
The orgasms did not change anything. I still have flu symptoms. My nose is clogged. Chest pressure. Whole body is weak and numb.

For the first time in 5 months today I managed to sleep about 7 hours. I go for long walks every day.

Now I know that the orgasms don't make me feel better. I have no urgers to watch porn or have sex at all at the moment.  The wet dreams seem to have stopped (knocking on wood). I have not dreamt about porn for strech now also.

What bothers me is I stilll have this shortness of breath at week 19. I am/was otherwise a quite fit guy before this whole shit started.


I have no interest in P, M or O at the moment. IS THIS THE INGLORIOUS FLATLINE?

IS IT NORMAL TO NOT BEEING ABLE TO BREATHE PROPERLY FOR SUCH A LONG TIME? Blood oxygen level has been measured at hospital and everything seems ok.

IS THIS SHIT EVEN REVERSIBLE?

I FEEL LIKE I AM DYING 24/7.

People recommend running and working out. I can't. The best thing I can do is still just walk.

You need daily exercise, and you need to eat healthy and sleep more.

Death Trap said:

You need daily exercise, and you need to eat healthy and sleep more.

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I am eating healthy. Still waking up in the middle of the night. Yesterday was a new record though. I slept for 7 hours.

Working out is not possible. As soon as I do some lifting my anxiety shoots through the roof. I go for walks 1-1.5 hours a day, every day. Even when I walk I get headaches and a pressure in the head.

Believe me I am doing everything to improve my state. Meeting with people, moving as much as a can. Going to sleep at the same time every day. Eating healthy. Less internet and TV.

Can withdrawals last for months? How long can this go on? A year or even longer?

Yes they can last for months. Yes they can last for over a year. How long will they last for you? Noone can say.

Sorry to say, but 16 weeks is nothing for some people.

I am on day 259 hardmode today and still deal with withdrawals on and off. They come in waves now for me and have seen an improvement in them over time but I don't expect to be fully normal until a year or so. I too suffered from fatigue and and lack of motivation and haven't gotten back into the intense exercise I used to do for years. Also had all kinds of head pressures/feelings with brainfog.

i've seen various accounts of people dealing with withdrawals for over a year so don't lose hope and go back to fapping/porn or you'll potentially never recover. You have to prepare yourself for the long haul but expect the severity of your symptoms to lessen over time.

See this account for a person who recovered and had withdrawals for a very long time:
http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/threads/success-almost-two-years-in-pied-is-undoubtedly-a-thing.27856/#post-459275

I have to say though that your symptoms sound a bit different from the withdrawal of a typical porn user so I'd suggest continue investigating your problems with doctors/looking at other ways in trying to make yourself better alongside doing nofap. I'd hate to be telling you to wait it out because its all porn withdrawals for you to realise 1 year down the line your problems are unrelated...I'm just putting it out there that these withdrawals can last a longg time.

Best of luck.

If the dopamine rush we get from porn feels like a 10 Plus, when we quit, it does not just back to 0, or normal, it goes to 10 Negative.  That feeling like you are dying, I felt that for a long time, most do.  In order to get through it I had to have this thought:  "This feels like dying, but if I have to feel like dying, every moment, of every day, for the rest of my life, in order to kill the addiction, I will feel it, every day, forever."

You won't feel that forever, but you need, mentally, to be prepared to.  One day you will wake up, and you will be on your second cup of coffee, before you realize you don't feel bad, but, actually, pretty good.  As for how long...it differs from person to person, but many recommend the hard 90, and I do not know anyone who did the hard 90 that was not positively affected, meaning the withdrawals are greatly reduced or mostly silent. 

Keep going.  Porn is not an option. 

Thanks for the replies guys. It really means a lot to me.

You are right areborn27. In the meantime I visited an endocrinologist. He said he will check for all possible blood parameters. I even did an extra test to check adrenal glands. The results should arrive within the next two weeks. My general practitioner/family doctor advised me to take an SSRI for depression. But I don't. This stuff fucks with your dopamine/serotonine in the brain. I am afraid that this will fuck me more up even more. Furthermore SSRI can cause severe erectile disfunction forever (PSSD!). I didn't tell the doctors about possible overmasturbation/PMO addiction.

What do you guys think about antidepressants? I continue to refuse them. Though my mother tries to make me take them. I've never experienced depression before.

William said:

many recommend the hard 90, and I do not know anyone who did the hard 90 that was not positively affected, meaning the withdrawals are greatly reduced or mostly silent. 

Keep going.  Porn is not an option. 

Click to expand...

Well, I am beyond the hard 90. I am somewhere at day 133 (+/-1)... Somewhere around day 100 I MOed once and visited a hooker once. That's all. But it didn't change anything. I am able to get it up, though it takes some effort. The orgasms felt dull. Everything feels dull. My whole body is numb. I feel like a zombie. No feelings in my head. I can't concentrate on anything. I picked up playing piano again, which works surprisingly well. Otherwise it's like my brain died. I forgot a lot of stuff. It's hard to remember new things. I had bursts of emotions: anger, sadness, feeling like I have to move around / restlessness , suicidal thoughts. At same time extreme fatigue and weak muscles. The feelings have improved by 5-10% I would say.

Here's what I am still dealing with. Just for the record:

- insomnia: waking up in the middle of the night.
- joint and muscle pain
- numb body including penis
- bursts of emotion (this has improved somewhat)
- fatigue and weak muscles
- pressure in teeth (WHAT THE FUCK DO TEETH HAVE TO DO WITH EJACULATING?)
- dry mouth (I drink a lot. Nothing helps)
- a feeling like my skin is hot

A lot of these symptoms sound like fibromyalgia. I really don't know.

I would suggest to you that look over to your mercury levels in your body. Maybe this is something very off topic and out off the scope of the things that normally are recommended in a reboot, but a mercury level test can't never hurt.

If you do such test and the results says that you have high levels of toxicity from heavy metals in the brain and liver, that also could be the reason for the insomnia and muscle pains, etc etc.

This information it's very, very cutting edge. Almost nobody it's talking about how this toxic world is affecting our generation.

If you are interested in this topic I recommend you to read this blog:  thesupermandiet.com

Read the paragraph intro and after that head over the detox article. You will understand everything when you read that. Alex Bloom, the creator of the site, says that he had pornography and masturbation addiction, and after he detoxified his body the addictions disappeared. That is because the mercury and heavy metals accumulate in the brain; and affects the dopamine system. It's very interesting. I encourage you to check it out.

Lots of love.

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- Resistance and withdrawals -


Resistance is a result of thinking to avoid a doing, or resist something we used to do before as a habit, or due to triggers. It is like moving out of the Comfort Zone of our brain.

Withdrawals, are symptoms appear when we resist doing that thing.

- Symptoms

are about anxiety, worries, depression, and losing hope.


Withdrawals, and Resistance are in conjunction together, and remaining them for a long time will drain our energy severely.



The idea here is to understand how it goes:

1- we don't want to resist, as the more you resist the more it becomes harder, the more the withdrawals.

2- Resistance maybe means, that your believes are still not placed well. Why?

Because Resistance means that you still believe that a very lovely stuff that are missing and you still need them. So giving up needs a higher energy to move on.

Believe in this instead

" I am not Quitting, i am not sacrifying a thing, i just released the need of "X", that i thought it is good but i found it reflect damages and bad Consequences"

"I have to take the reward in the good channel when it comes with responsability"

"People are not a mouse clicks"

So build your own inventory of Believes and thoughts that make taking the right direction is your favorite as it reflects many good blesses on all your life sides

(Health, money, clear mind, Concentration, Hope, More self confidence, willing to help people, inner peace)

3- Resistance means you are not enjoying the new blesses and positive consequences after releasing this habit.

4- Learn "How to deal with Spike Emotion" ?

A- Our success in this case is to manage actions not emotions, we can't change emotions
B- One Emotion per time
C- If you felt it, and didn't escape and hear all the messages come from it. it became less effect and intensity.
D- Stay without a move nor action/habit "Don't add any more triggers or reminders"
E- Monitor the changes

Emotion NOW is released, and you have a skill to take control over sudden/spike changes.


5- we have alternatives:

A- Replace this action/habit. Search on Google how to build a habit, and find a good habit.
B- Find a way to give you a normal reward, without negative consequences.


6- Maybe you are missing the Negative Consequences of this activity:


1- self poor image
2- very sad
3- regret
4- feeling shame
5- losing self confidence
6- dysfunction
7- losing hope
8- losing faith
10- inability to do good things
11- reprogramming
12- hurting your self
13- hurting others
14- not happy
15- losing self love
16- desensitization
17- losing real love
18- pain
19- stress
20- losing time
21- losing ability to be patient
22- Disappointing your self
23- Bad Dreams
24- Losing Vision
25- Erectile Dysfunction
26- Evaluating people based on how much pleasure can offer
27- Treating people as sexual objects
28- Loneliness
29- Losing Willingness
30- Concentration Decreasing
31- Building a virtual world of Fantasy
32- People becomes a few clicks
33- Missing real relationship love
34- Seeing women as subordinate


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