2 years later

AppleJack

Active Member
Well it's two years since d-day, it's put me in a surprisingly melancholy mood as I have been doing so well.

Update on him, I caught him ogling a woman just before Xmas, he lied about it and as per my boundaries I requested he leave and then he moved back a couple of days before Xmas. As far as I know nothing else has happened since. He haphazardly does recovery.

Update on relationship, I've come to an acceptance that things won't ever be fantastically great because what I need for that hasn't happened and I don't see that changing. I've chosen to make peace with, i can't forgive though because those things that i requested repeatedly to heal things haven't been done, so acceptance is where I'm at (as per a book on forgiveness that I've read and used as a guide).

Update on me. I've gone back to work part time after being at home with the kids full time for the last 6 years. It's great, I really enjoy what I do and it's good to feel useful and appreciated and to feel like I achieve something. I love being a mum too but it does get like groundhog day at times. I like having my own income too, gives me more peace of mind about the future knowing that I can support the kids and myself. I no longer feel financially trapped and the relief of that has been amazing to my overall state of being. I'm enjoying life, I did what Paula Hall suggests and built up the other pillars of my life. Whatever happens in the future I'll cope and I can build what I want out of it. My focus has shifted off the relationship and all the drama of addiction and onto me and what I want for myself and the kids and building that.
 

Kimba

Active Member
Hi Applejack, it will be two years for me to in september... I get that men look I get that, but Im like you, why don't they do it when we aren't around or something, its that simple isn't it. Show some respect and appreciate the woman that you are with.  You are right, just immerse yourself in your recovery and staying busy is a great help, great that you are finding some peace in all this BS.

Take care x
 

aquarius25

Respected Member
I am glad to hear that things are better than they were. There is always room for improvement and it sounds like you have managed some peace during the process. I am so happy to hear that! Hang in there my friend. You never know where you will be two years from now. Life is crazy! In the meantime continue to pour into self care and really building yourself up! I also glad you are loving your job! As another mom of home school kids I totally understand needing to get out and the empowering feeling it must be to be earning for yourself! Amazing job lady!
 

Emerald Blue

Well-Known Member
Applejack, a big well done to you on getting your new job. Most importantly, you?re rebuilding your life and taking care of yourself and that?s soooo hard to do. I know because I?m still working on my own healing by and I?m nearly three years past d day.

It can be hard trying to re establish a healthy relationship after porn addiction. I worked out early on that a recovering porn addict cannot become someone who was never a porn addict, but of course you don?t know about all these grey areas and micro-transgressions until they manifest. Like the ogling thing. I agree with Kimba, it is completely disrespectful when he?s in your presence and I have been met with angery denials about it in the past. I?m trying to work out a coping strategy that works better for me. I accept that life with a porn addict is not the same as life with someone who was never addicted. In the end we have to find ways that work for us and keep us safe emotionally, and I think some degree of separation is essential, in the sense of becoming a whole person in your own right.

You?re doing so well, Applejack!
 
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