J
Jimbodel
Guest
Hello all; Well as with you guys I am trying to stop watching porn. I have have PIED for several years now, normally I can get it up but would go limp half way through; luckily this has not happened lately but I do notice I will become erect when my wife and I start to fool around but after a bit I will start to go soft. Normally I can get it back again but there have been occasions when I just give up.
I noticed that porn was incredibly boring to me, things I use to get turned on by no longer worked, I couldn't even masturbate to porn anymore; and then one day I found stories and that got me going again. That escalated incredibly quickly to my writing my own stories for myself, the act of writing would get me excited as I carried out my fantasies on paper.
On the 19th of this month I began to record my daily fails or success, if fail what caused it. The thing I found was that each day (19-22) I have failed and the thing that all those days had in common was that I was bored as my wife was at work or not in the room with me. Just those few days of tracking made me realize the trigger event which is kind of making me happy; now I know that if my wife just goes into the other room (we have two computers) that I should move my laptop from the table, where she can't see me, to the counter where she can see everything I do. The second is when she is at work, that will be much harder to control. I play guitar so that is a possible out although yesterday when I failed I thought of playing guitar, did vocal practice instead, and then sat down on the laptop and worked on my sex story...FAIL. But the good side is that I never touched a porn site, I find them stupid and boring now, but the stories call to me and there is no way to block them (blocking software was a complete bust for me).
I searched online again out of guilt after I deleted the recent story I had been working on (11 pages); I found the site Art Of Manliness and in his articles he writes to stop thinking of porn as a powerful monster, and more as junk food for the brain. SHAZAAM! I am a healthy male who exercises all the time, the worst thing in my house is popping corn as I hate junk food and have no craving for it after I looked at the huge guts my friends have and said "NOT ME." (No offense to anyone!)
Anyway AOM said to come here and write a journal; as stated I had been doing that on my own since the 19th but if I make it more public maybe it will help. This is my second attempt at quitting, the first time I went about 6 weeks and then failed; but just before I failed I noticed that after sex I was still 75% erect, that was awesome and means there is real hope for me to recover fully from PIED.
So anyway, that is about it for today; I truly hope I succeed. I can't talk to my wife about this, that would be too hard and disappoint her too much, I don't want to hurt her. Thus I am hoping that by writing here everyday, even if just a short line or two, I will find fellow struggling people to help me, or perhaps just make myself stand back and look at myself. Oh yes, I am also trying binaural beats to see if that can help short circuit my noodle, it can't hurt.
I noticed that porn was incredibly boring to me, things I use to get turned on by no longer worked, I couldn't even masturbate to porn anymore; and then one day I found stories and that got me going again. That escalated incredibly quickly to my writing my own stories for myself, the act of writing would get me excited as I carried out my fantasies on paper.
On the 19th of this month I began to record my daily fails or success, if fail what caused it. The thing I found was that each day (19-22) I have failed and the thing that all those days had in common was that I was bored as my wife was at work or not in the room with me. Just those few days of tracking made me realize the trigger event which is kind of making me happy; now I know that if my wife just goes into the other room (we have two computers) that I should move my laptop from the table, where she can't see me, to the counter where she can see everything I do. The second is when she is at work, that will be much harder to control. I play guitar so that is a possible out although yesterday when I failed I thought of playing guitar, did vocal practice instead, and then sat down on the laptop and worked on my sex story...FAIL. But the good side is that I never touched a porn site, I find them stupid and boring now, but the stories call to me and there is no way to block them (blocking software was a complete bust for me).
I searched online again out of guilt after I deleted the recent story I had been working on (11 pages); I found the site Art Of Manliness and in his articles he writes to stop thinking of porn as a powerful monster, and more as junk food for the brain. SHAZAAM! I am a healthy male who exercises all the time, the worst thing in my house is popping corn as I hate junk food and have no craving for it after I looked at the huge guts my friends have and said "NOT ME." (No offense to anyone!)
Anyway AOM said to come here and write a journal; as stated I had been doing that on my own since the 19th but if I make it more public maybe it will help. This is my second attempt at quitting, the first time I went about 6 weeks and then failed; but just before I failed I noticed that after sex I was still 75% erect, that was awesome and means there is real hope for me to recover fully from PIED.
So anyway, that is about it for today; I truly hope I succeed. I can't talk to my wife about this, that would be too hard and disappoint her too much, I don't want to hurt her. Thus I am hoping that by writing here everyday, even if just a short line or two, I will find fellow struggling people to help me, or perhaps just make myself stand back and look at myself. Oh yes, I am also trying binaural beats to see if that can help short circuit my noodle, it can't hurt.