Skylineblvd's Journal

Hey everyone this is my first post.

I'm 20 years old and I've been trying to overcome porn addiction for over a year and a half now. Longest streak has been 18 days and the results were powerful. A feeling of great maturity and periods of elation and sadness. Received nearly all the common NoFap benefits. Unfortunately I've been battling a chronic illness (immune impairment) for the past ten years which at the moment has me stuck at home for the most part, so I feel like I have two mountains to climb. Main symptom of buy illness is major fatigue and feeling like I have the flu all the time. I believe I developed my PMO addiction to help cope with these circumstances. Luckily though I am working with a great doctor and have made good progress and should be healthy again soon. Being stuck at home is the worst scenario for someone trying to kick a porn addiction but at the moment that's the way it is. I know the damage porn has caused me, lost relationships, a thousand opportunities missed. I'm still young and have huge ambitions for my future, I want to run a successful business or businesses and make all my dreams come true. To do that this addiction must be conquered and my health issues overcome.

Also, I'm a virgin and plan on utilizing NoFap to enjoy relationships and sexual experiences in my life. I'm a pretty good looking guy and on previous streaks had a lot of women give me the look. When I'm healthy enough to go back in the gym I'm going to get ripped and go out there and have some fun with the ladies.

Recently I've been really struggling with relapsing constantly so I plan on journaling here during those serious urges and difficult periods. The last year my health has taken a downturn (just starting to get better) which has made the benefits I received before on NoFap a lot less powerful. So the reduction of "superpowers" mixed with the fact that I've been ill at home has created a situation that makes it extremely difficult for me to stay strong.

Anyway I'm excited to post and read on here. Stay strong bros, we're all gonna make it.

-skylineblvd

First of all congrats for making it 18 days, our stories are remarkably similar, 20yo, virgin, used PMO to cope with something getting us down and wanting to start a successful business, guess it's not really breaking news but it's good to know there are others out there. I wish you all the best with your treatment and reboot.  8)

Entry 2: Some thoughts on todays relapse.

So I made it to 3 days and relapsed again. The depression and lethargy have sunk back in as this hangover takes its course. Porn anesthetizes our masculinity, our excitement for life, our willpower. In a way, I have begun to see recovery from this addiction or any for that matter as a form of suicide. You have to kill something that has been a major part of your being for so long. You are destroying to rebuild and rebirth is an incredibly painful process. The emotions felt on a streak can be painful and as sharp as a knife, even the good ones.

I will beat this addiction, not by white knuckling or grand proclamations of future success, but by taking it easy and letting the urges flow through me.
In a weird way I almost welcome them, it means I still have a chance to resist.

Catch you on the flip side.