Taha Journal

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mtaha2015

Guest
I am 25 years old porn addict.
I am watching porn since I was 13.
I have struggled a lot in my life because of porn addiction.
this addiction has just gave me , pains in my life.
I lost grades in school , still I am studying , I am late.
I am late also, because I came to USA as a immigrant in my early 20s, so I had to start again all the process.
I am doing a county job, but I could have been much better at this time.
porn has given me the mental disorders of depressions and anxiety.
I wish success for all rebooters, and I wish the same for myself too.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
Today, I was sitting in the staff room at my job , woman came in , instead of watching her face I didn't saw her.
I am trying my level best to stop triggers and fantasy.
fantasy also showed up, I analyzed my gauge , whats wrong with me?
Instantly fantasy was gone.
I didn't saw tv or listened to radio while driving , because triggers were coming up.
Rest is fine.
I am enjoying my freedom guys.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
Although , overall I am doing great this time.
But today in morning , lot of fantasies were coming up in my mind.
I think this is happening , because all that stuff I did to myself in the past, I have messed up my mind.
Now my mind is feeling different , that's why trying to take me back into porn and fantasy.

Fortunately , I was able to dismiss the fantasy.
Triggers were showing up , it was easy , I just avoided the triggers , Once I recognized them as a trigger.

This is mental focus and concentration.
I am glad so far of my progress.
I am strong and moving forward.
I am avoiding dangerous songs on radio considered as triggers , avoiding youtube and tv as well.

I have to be extra cautious about the triggers.
 

adrian

Active Member
Yeah man, know your triggers and do your best to avoid them if confronting them is too much for now! About the fantasies, we all have'em (flatline takes care of that though), just don't give in to them and let them pass.

Let your mind rest young man! Have faith in yourself and focus on your goals! We're all on our way to greatness!
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
I have to take rest today , because my unbalance is showing up.
triggers and fantasy can be viewed by my gauge.
unbalance is creating fantasy and triggers
I must rest my self now.

Doing good so far.
working hard.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
I saw my counter , and its great to see the progress , I am almost 2 percent done !
I took rest also.
Feeling better.
But I also felt tempted , I am good and strong.
 
M

mtaha2015

Guest
almost there , 3 days completed.
feeling wonderful.
I need to continue to healthy progress,
my focus and concentration has came back.
I am strong
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
Almost 4 days completed.
Good progress.
Although , I am doing good and I am strong today ,
but as you know , lot of distractions , triggers show up in life.
today , some triggers showed up , and I went into fantasy , but instantly I blocked my fantasy and came back into reality.

so far I am really happy with my progress.
Pains of rebooting have to started to show up ,
anger , depression , useless thoughts about past , constipation , burning eyes , sleepy etc etc
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
5 DAYS COMPLETED !

FEELING Great about this first accomplishment.
but feeling low as well.
Not feeling good about myself and my life.
Negative thoughts are coming in.

I know , that's because of my reboot process.
I need to regain my focus and utilize the time and keep my brain busy.
 
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presson

Guest
Hey man good work so far, keep it up! I can totally get struggling with fantasies, it can be so difficult sometimes. Glad to hear your dealing with them well though. It also looks like you're doing a good job recognizing your triggers and know when you need to take a rest. These are all great reminders for me! Good luck man.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
Presson , thank you.
I am doing well so far.
there are too many pressures out there in life , and too many negativity too.
We have to deal with all that stuff too.
anger , depression and low came hard in the morning , I took the rest and went to bed. I didn't went to job , it was a great depression.
but It went after sleep.
so things will keep coming.
I know reboot isn't easy.
but I am ready for this pain to handle.

I have successfully avoided triggers and blocked fantasy so far in my rebooting.

I have to control my anger in rebooting , and I have to go outside too intentionally , staying in home for long can create negativity around me.

 
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mtaha2015

Guest
pierre1234 said:
Hitting the gym and cold showers, they are the things that worked for me

Unforturnately , I don't have time to go to gym right now in my life , but yes I will try cold showers.

I will do what ever I can , to get rid of this addiction.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
Today was very better than yesterday.
depression has gone, and I am good today, mental focus and concentration is there and strong.

I have noticed , that I spend too much time in thinking about my past , my life and about my self, instead of thinking , now is the time to take action , and just focus on the action.

thinking leads to anger and fantasy. I must avoid thinking.
I must keep my brain engaged.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
I am feeling a very small amount of cravings and temptations in my body.
I know these horrible feelings , they bring fear with them ,
but this time I will not be feared from them , I will stick to my plan and let them go.
these cravings aren't for sexual release , they are just for porn.

I am not going into porn any ways.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
A weird kind of feeling showing up
kind of fear and confusion.
I am trying to run from these feeling , instead I just accept them as a part of rebooting and let them go themselves.

Taking cold showers might help me , I am going right now to take cold showers and then I might go back to studies.

these lesser cravings are signal , my concentration and focus , isn't that strong right now.
taking out my gauge , finding whats wrong.

may be too much home work and no fun.
I should enjoy cold showers and then go back to home work.

I have to do home work.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
I have completed 1 week successfully.
I had 1st wet dream of this reboot yesterday night.
wet dreams usually bring lust , fantasy and triggers next day.
but today was a average good day.
I did well today.
No complains right now , with the reboot.
ready for any thing.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
when I leave PMO , great things start to happen with me.
I get my energy back.
I can concentrate on my job, school more than I use to.
I am more confident
I am more stable
I can work more hard
I can handle stress and difficult situations with more comfort.
Brain fog vanishes
commitment to accomplish bigger goals of life becomes strong
I can think more reasonably
I can score good grades at test or exams
I can study more
I can focus and concentrate more on my goals.
 
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mtaha2015

Guest
I was watching documentary on porn,
but there were so many triggers in that documentary , I turned it off.
but I felt those same chemicals in my brain , when I saw that naked women in that documentary.
this is terrible.
These triggers might bring the chaser effect.
But I am ready to handle this crap.
I am strong right now.

These triggers , brought fantasy too, but it was negligible , I instantly blocked it.

I love the way , I am in control of my brain.
My focus and concentration is working.
my commitment to leave pornography for ever is working too.

I should stay honest to myself , avoid triggers , fantasies and lies.
And I should keep working hard on my reboot.

This is the only way ,I can succeed.

 

adrian

Active Member
I like your commitment to your cause! Congratulations man!

I'm sure you're gonna do great if you keep it up like this. Stay strong and confident man! Much love
 
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