Happysad - day by day

Hello everyone,

So I relapsed again watching animated porn. Jesus it's like a whole new addiction. After glorious quitting of the regular porn (took me a year) I got hooked on this 3d animated stuff that feels so harmless it lures you in in the weirdest of ways.

So after quitting live action porn (I do not watch it anymore) I'm going to destroy this motherfucker of a habit. The problem is I relapse every couple of weeks and I'm afraid I turned into a regular relapser.

This is why I'm going to post here every day from now on. My goal is to build a 50 days streak and move from there.

DAY 0

Just relapsed after a week of freedom. I feel like someone hit me in the head with a hammer.
Triggers? Curiosity. I was lying awake in bed last night and started wondering is my cancelling of subscription on one animated porn site already through? So I checked. It wasn't yet, and I started browsing and then the next day I couldn't get this shit from my head and WHAM. PMO..

I'm gonna go to bed in a couple of hours. I feel frustrated with myself. So fucking pissed. And at the same time it's like "whatever".

I'm going to write everyday. This is my last resort.

good luck everyone.

Welcome friend!
I've seen this pattern myself...giving up one addiction, just to realize I picked up another.  Don't get discouraged.  I would encourage you to go hard mode on the filters on all of your devices. it's frankly, the only thing that keeps me from porn, is that during times of temptation, i CAN'T get to it.  If you beef up the filters, then hopefully it will diminish your intake, and aid you in the fight.

Day 1

thanks cknfella.
I believe in willpower so I won't install any filters but if I fail this time maybe I will

Had a good day in the office although I woke up with a slight headache. Feel like it's because PMO, or maybe just guilt ripping myself, nevertheless the rest of the day was ok.

In the morning I washed my toilet just to get something in order during this day. After this incredible achievement I set out to work. After work I went to our on-site gym lifted some weights and felt fine.

Got home from work, and went straight to doing some chores, put in some writing work I do for my friends, and then finally got to laying out the drum machine for my band (we recently had to kick our drummer out of the band, so we need drum tracks for practising).

Not a bad day at all. Oh by the way. Yesterday I played my guitar a bit just before sleep and had tears in my eyes. Ooh baby, its getting emotional this rollercoaster. Bring it on.

Day 2

Saturday Had no plans for the day (I'm single 33 year old, life in a small apartment) so it would be easy to just zone off into internet, youtube, whatever...

I got up, went to my favourite breakfast place and took a book with me. My friend wrote it and gave it to me, and I didn't;t have the time to get into so I felt bad for not telling him how I like it After today I'm 100 pages in...

Later I continued to work on drum tracks for the band, and finished my weekend assignment of preparing full drums for two of our songs. A good day.

Now I'm trying to write down ideas for adventure for a pen and paper RPG session that we are planning with my friends (first session in 15 years, so expectations are rather high).

I will go to bed in an hour. I had some cravings during the day, but I told myself "slow down... don't get excited... it's nothing... focus). And it went rather well, though even as I'm writing this a part of myself tells me to open a private tab and "just check out if there's something new". Fuck that. Moving forward.

Day 3

Sunday.

Continued my weekend plan of reading a friend's book (got over 300 pages in today). I also went to the gym with my friend's girlfriend, and had a great lunch afterwards.

Minor urges but I kept myself occupied. I barely looked at any internet stuff.

onwards

Day 4

Good day. Held my own. Finished my friend's book. Did not indulge in any senseless browsing.
Will go to sleep in an hour.

onwards. Hard mode.

Day 5

Solid day. No urges at all. At the office there?s a new girl I like... I need to muster some courage and ask her out. After work I spend time with my brother who visited and also went to see a premiere of a book by my friend. Everything feels ok. In control.

Onwards

Day 6

Interesting day. Some fun, easy going conversations at the office. I couldn't muster the courage to ask the girl out, it's funny how I'm building it up in my head. I hope the girl is worth all that build up Apart from that I had band rehearsal after work, we practiced to my drum beats that I laid out during the first weekend of this streak, so I guess my productivity is already bearing some palpable fruits

onwards. hard mode.

Keep up the good work happysad. In my experience and I have also relapsed periodically hard mode is the only mode that works.

Day 7

I'm feeling solid. I had some urges over the first couple days but they have subsided now. Had some midnight boners that surprised me. I found the guts to ask the girl from work out... mentally high-fived myself for the rest of the day In the evening I suddenly felt super tired and had a bit of a headache. Got home. Played my guitar. Cried a little bit. Interesting times.

Onwards. hard mode.

ps: hey akpal2! Yeah hard mode, cold turkey always worked best! How are you doing?

Hey happysad, I am doing ok. Trying to keep my mind off porn and sexting and it definitely isn't easy to do hard mode. Good to see your progress on day7. Keep this up. You are going to do this because you will take your life back. I am actually enjoying reading your updates. Keep them coming.

Day 8

Over one week Good day. We had a conversation about pamela anderson relationships during my band practice, and it led me to check somethings out on wikipedia... and boy do one article reference another. All those rockstars of the 90s banging all those pornstars. I didn't see any real pictures but just that "curiosity" it awoke in me is bad enough . stopped myself.

still haven't seen a naked body on a screen. hard mode. onwards

ps: thanks for encouragement akpal2 and good luck to you!

Thanks happysad. You shouldn't have mentioned Pamela Anderson here lol. Buy good on reading you for posting your progress. I agree with your suggestion about putting up a counter on my phone

Day 9

Lazy saturday. Started reading Less Than Zero, ate my breakfast in a cafe. Took a walk, read some more. Now I'm watching Altered Carbon on Netflix, and obviously like any modern show there's nudity and some stupid sex scenes, so I turn away, and skip through it. Tomorrow is filled with activities and socialising so it should go down easily

onwards. hard mode!

happysad, your posts are actually motivating me to do better. Thank you for posting

Day 10

Busy Sunday. Went to band practice... damn I need to write the lyrics and it's so fucking hard. Everything seems like it's just wannabe writing, like it's not really honest. Fuck that. Later I went to see my dad, ate a great dinner and watched a shitty movie. In the evening I met with my friends I haven't seen for a long time (we used to have a company together a couple of years back). They just left, I'm gonna watch another episode of Altered Carbon and go to bed.

onwards. hard mode.

ps: Feeling rather down the last couple of days. Oh well... that's what it needs to be.

The ups and downs will come with hard mode for sure which is what is scaring me as well. Thank to your motivating posts each day I have begun hard mode starting today

Day 11

Had a good day at work, even though I was feeling a little down. We are finalising the project, and I'm trying to occupy myself with  rowing in the right direction. Funny thing, my vlc player had a name of a NSFW film on it's playlist even though I deleted the file long ago, but it still made by brain go "oooh... maybe it's still somewhere on my drive". Brain is a fucker sometimes. I didn't act out on it in any way though. Went to the gym, exercised vigorously and got home to watch the end of Altered Carbon (I kind of liked how all the plot lines came together at the end, pulpy but solid). Will go to sleep in an hour

onward. hard mode.

ps:

akpal2 I encourage you to keep a daily diary like mine! good luck

Thanks happysad, will start keeping a diary from tonight. Will post in my thread

Day 12

Chill day at work. Started finalising some sequences in my project with a sketch artist I was given for the next two weeks. No urges, nothing. Visibly better humor. I was singing to myself a lot. Joked about etc. In the evening spent time with my brother playing fifa. Kicked his ass.

Reading Less Than Zero. What a fuckep up book.

onwards. hard mode.

Ps: akpal2
Great man. That's the way to go. See you at 100 days, man. Because why not.