2A's Journal from Your Brain Rebalanced

2

2A-YBR

Member
Hi, everyone!

2A here from YBR. Those boards have been on the fritz lately, so I wanted to drop in here and keep things going. Also, a big HELLO to the Reboot Nation team! (Hi, Gabe!)

Some brief stats on me:

? I'm 282 days sober, as of today. (Can't wait to break 300 days!!!)
? I work in an Internet-related field, so yay for having to deal with the gizmo that fuels my addiction every day.
? I've taken the usual steps to deal with this beast -- blockers, meditation, Pomodoro -- but I also redoubled my efforts to improve my life, and it's funny: Since I gave up PMO, I've been able to break through some barriers, both personal and professional. Funny how that happens, isn't it?

Anyway, I'll write more later. Until then, SRL!!!
 
O

oncelostnowfound

Member
Thanks for sharing and for your work to educate others.  I'm excited to put this addiction as far behind me as you have.... and  then keep going. 
 
2

2A-YBR

Member
oncelostnowfound said:
Thanks for sharing and for your work to educate others.  I'm excited to put this addiction as far behind me as you have.... and  then keep going.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the kind words! And if I can get this far, freakin' anybody can. It's an addiction. It'll always be a part of us, lurking in our fat cells, ready to spring back to life. Hang in there and stay strong!!!

SRL!
 
silent_warrior

silent_warrior

Member
Hi 2A-YBR, I must say "WOW" - you are my hero. 282 days without a relapse is something. You must have gone through a lot and I am sure this porn addiction is some distant memory in the past for you by this point. Keep it up and keep posting here, your counter is a great motivation for me. I am 22 days in; first two weeks were really hard but now I am not feeling any urge and kind of adopting a new way of life without any porn. Thank you again for your words on this forum.
 
2

2A-YBR

Member
silent_warrior said:
Hi 2A-YBR, I must say "WOW" - you are my hero. 282 days without a relapse is something. You must have gone through a lot and I am sure this porn addiction is some distant memory in the past for you by this point. Keep it up and keep posting here, your counter is a great motivation for me. I am 22 days in; first two weeks were really hard but now I am not feeling any urge and kind of adopting a new way of life without any porn. Thank you again for your words on this forum.
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Silent, thank you for the kind words! But I can assure you that my PMO addiction isn't a distant memory. I feel like I've got a better handle on it by now, but it'll always, always be with me. I still have flashbacks (in my waking and dreaming life), and I still feel urges to act out.

So hang in there! It's a lifelong fight. Let's raise a toast when you hit 282 days! :)

SRL
 
silent_warrior

silent_warrior

Member
Hi 2A, thank you so much for the wish to toast. I am sure I'll be able to hit my target. So far so good. I have had my mood swings couple of times in last three weeks but over all I was able to stay away from porn. The hardest part is denying the logic coming from within you. I am pretty positive that I'll be able to put this addiction behind me pretty soon. I don't have urges at this point but the flatline is just scary and literally annoying me. Hopefully it would get better in coming couple of weeks. I also wish you good luck hitting your target. You are pretty much there.
 
2

2A-YBR

Member
silent_warrior said:
Hi 2A, thank you so much for the wish to toast. I am sure I'll be able to hit my target. So far so good. I have had my mood swings couple of times in last three weeks but over all I was able to stay away from porn. The hardest part is denying the logic coming from within you. I am pretty positive that I'll be able to put this addiction behind me pretty soon. I don't have urges at this point but the flatline is just scary and literally annoying me. Hopefully it would get better in coming couple of weeks. I also wish you good luck hitting your target. You are pretty much there.
Click to expand...

Ha ha! I totally hear you w/r/t that logic. Our minds are GREAT at persuading us to do stupid stuff. I know you know this, but meditation and other mindfulness practices will be a huge help in shutting those voices up. For me, it was really important to insert a pause between impulse and action. And again -- I'm still working on this every day.

Also, I'm sorry I didn't congratulate you on your 20+ days!!!! Let's raise a toast to you now!!! :)
 
123bob

123bob

Member
Awesome and nice... any pearls of wisdom... other than the ones you can already find online ?
 
silent_warrior

silent_warrior

Member
Thank you 2A-YBR for your wish. I think I am gonna need a toast when I hit my first 30 days without PMO. Everyday I love to see a day added to my counter and it provides me a lot of encouragement to stay strong and keep going. I am just adopting this new life style without PMO. I am pretty positive that I'll easily be hitting 365 days at this point because my cravings are gone for the most part. I get cravings here and there but for very few minutes and they go away. I believe I am started to liking this new lifestyle with full of energy, motivation, attention, and a very good night sleep which has improved a lot in the last two weeks. Word of encouragement on this forum are really helpful. I owe a big thank you to all the people here.
 
2

2A-YBR

Member
123bob said:
Awesome and nice... any pearls of wisdom... other than the ones you can already find online ?
Click to expand...

I can't really offer much more than Gabe's first video. He lays it all out much better than I can.

I'll say this, though: I hit rock-bottom. My dick just flat-out stopped working. It was terrifying. That made me WANT to change. It sounds weird, but hitting rock-bottom was a big help for me. It made it easier to change my mindset, like Gabe says.

And I can't stress enough how important it is to incorporate meditation into a more active and fulfilling life. Like someone said on these forums -- PMO is a *symptom* of a larger problem inside us, not the cause.

Just my two cents. :)

SRL!
 
2

2A-YBR

Member
silent_warrior said:
Thank you 2A-YBR for your wish. I think I am gonna need a toast when I hit my first 30 days without PMO. Everyday I love to see a day added to my counter and it provides me a lot of encouragement to stay strong and keep going. I am just adopting this new life style without PMO. I am pretty positive that I'll easily be hitting 365 days at this point because my cravings are gone for the most part. I get cravings here and there but for very few minutes and they go away. I believe I am started to liking this new lifestyle with full of energy, motivation, attention, and a very good night sleep which has improved a lot in the last two weeks. Word of encouragement on this forum are really helpful. I owe a big thank you to all the people here.
Click to expand...

Silent -- it'll only get better. Hang in there. For what it's worth, you might still be in for some gnarly withdrawal symptoms. Mine really kicked in after a few days and continued for at least a month. Meditation and ritual were KEY to me processing them in a productive way. You got this!!! :)

SRL!
 
A

arthur

Member
Hi 2A, thanks for sharing, and congratulations for making it this far. Could you elaborate a bit on what you mean by "ritual"?
 
2

2A-YBR

Member
arthur said:
Hi 2A, thanks for sharing, and congratulations for making it this far. Could you elaborate a bit on what you mean by "ritual"?
Click to expand...

Sure! For the first month of my reboot, I broke up my day into a lot of tiny segments. I followed the Pomodoro technique (25 minutes of work, five-minute break), and in each of those breaks, I walked across my apartment to three candles. I blew out the candle that was lit, and then I lit another one. I then looked at the match in my hand and tried to breathe heavy enough to disturb the flame but not so hard I blew it out. I also performed the candle ritual any time I felt triggered. (Obviously, that's not a formal ritual -- it's just one I made up because we had a couple of candles around the house. But it worked for me.)

I've since stopped performing the candle ritual, but I've kept up the Pomodoro, and I meditate twice a day.

Thanks for the kind words, and congrats on your PMO-free days!!! SRL!
 
2

2A-YBR

Member
Oy. The YBR forums have been suspended, it looks like. I guess they've been getting a lot more traffic than usual? Anyone else have this same problem?

(I guess I might've been banned, but I can't imagine why.)
 
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