Hard 90 complete, life is great (my story)

Well I did it. I completed my hard 90. I didn't want to post in the success story forum until I did. I want to write this in hopes it inspires some of you here to know it can be done. You can do it.

Before I start I want to give credit to this forum and Gabe and to a member here named William who messaged me right after I joined and gave me all I needed to win. I highly recommend Williams topic called "Gentlemen Now We Begin". Everyday I read through it and the advice he gave on there really hit home for me. Here is a direct link to it.
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0

I read it every day before work and man it is golden. Everything said by William in there is true.


Now my story: First off in full disclosure. I did this hard mode meaning no porn or porn substitutes, no masturbation and no sex(due  to me being single,no wife).I could be a monk right now LOL. I'm not going to write my history with porn but in short I've been addicted since I was 12, I'm 52 now. I started with mags, then VCR tapes to more recently high speed internet porn. I have had a lifetime of it all. I am also a chronic relapser, I have been at 90 and 120 days 3 other times only to relapse each time. This time is different, I will not relapse because of what I learned here and from William. I have insight, knowledge and clarity of my addiction which I never fully had before and it has made my addiction weak and powerless.

I have tried many methods to beat this since I became aware I was an addict 7 years ago. I have been in and out of SAA with zero success most recently and have tried cold turkey on my own many times. I have nothing against SAA it just didn't work for me and it never told me I could fully beat this, plus it always had me looking externally when all along my problem was in my head, I also never got a really good sponsor. Like I said I'm grateful for those who in SAA tried to help me, it just never worked.

When I joined here in mid February I already had a two week start and I was desperate, I was on the verge of another relapse when I stumbled on an article by the actor Terry Crews and his porn addiction. It shook me and just by surfing I ended up here and joined. Not long afterwards William messaged me and guided me to his topic and videos by Gary Wilson. Williams message was simple, he was the first person who ever told me you can beat this for good, all you have to do is the hard 90 and embrace the withdrawals and at or around 90 days they will fade away. When i read that I was energized and knew right then that I was going to do it and never go back. I was lucky my withdrawals started fading at around 70 days or so. I was like a sponge, everything he said in his topic was spot on. I read it everyday the whole time and he hammered it in my head....you never run out of reading either, its over 16 pages long I think. This is why I say read it and do what he says. It is so worth it. I promise.

One other thing happened to me that was a key to my success. I had to what we all have heard of as a " Moment of Clarity" or a moment of great insight. By reading and learning what I did here it just resonated in my brain and the switch was flipped on. That is why I am so sure that I'm done with porn.  I think this is key for me. Plus my will and desire were so strong too.

So in review this to me are great truths in beating this:
* This problem is from dopamine addiction not porn addiction, porn is the trigger used for the dopamine release in your brain. Dopamine is very powerful.
* First no negotiation, meaning porn has to go forever, not to be negotiated with or put up on a shelf, it has to be gone forever from your life. Delete all your porn
* No sexual thoughts or hyper sexualized thoughts. They will and still do pop in my head, I just don't embrace them and they go away, loose their power, simple as that. Reason is they trigger a dopamine release just like viewing porn does.
* Do the hard 90 days. Embrace your withdrawals don't run from them, this is a key thing to do, embrace them and view them as progress, not going to lie to you they are brutal but they go away within the 90 days.

How did my 90 days go?

It was more difficult than anything I ever did, I quit smoking twice, that was easier.

I had severe withdrawals: headaches, shortness of breath, brain fog, irritable and a nasty disposition, no concentration, nail biting, felt like I was dying, binge eating, depression, despair and many others. Sounds horrible and it was but man its only 90 days and well worth it. Embrace them don't run from them. Just knowing they would be gone and knowing that helped me get through it too. I never was told or knew that before.

Flat lining, no interest in sex or anything at all. Lasted about a week for me, that was cruise control time for me.

Some things I did during reboot. First I did not use any porn blockers, I know how to beat them so I just did without them. I did fine with no problems but I can see how others need them. I quit watching and media or websites that are not considered porn but have triggers in them. No R rated movies or TV shows. I found that reading books really helped, I read two large novels and two self help books during my hard 90 plus coming here and reading posts and posting really helped. I also kept busy and watched a lot of hockey games on TV plus Nat Geo and Discovery channels were good to watch. I kept busy a lot with chores too. I kind of let myself have a pass on overeating too. I was busy enough with the 90 days than to watch my eating at the same time, peanut M & m's were my friend.

Now the benefits of it all.
* I am free, I am no longer a slave to porn.
* My brain is sharp as a tack, my work and relationships have greatly improved.
* I'm not as anxious or fearful as I used to be, I like being around people more, I had social anxiety before, now its not their no more. (probably caused by this addiction)
* I used to have chronic headaches at home in the evenings, now they are all but gone, probably my brain screaming for its fix.
* I used to look at my life and my problems in an external way. Now I've learned they are internal and caused mostly by my thoughts, all I have to do is let my negative thoughts go on by and not engage in them and they have no power over me.My thinking is so much clearer now.
* I'm so happy now, nothing bothers me as much, if something goes wrong I deal with it better.
* I quit biting my nails, lifelong habit gone without really trying.
* I'm better at my job now, more focused.
* No more guilt at porn viewing.
There are so many more I'm missing, I'll add more later but life is so much better.

The future, I'm excited about finding who I really am without my addiction and moving forward with life.I want to thank all of you here and this site, best thing to ever happen to me.

In closing I want to say please never give up, keep trying, its so worth it. Do the hard 90 days, its the only way out.

Thank you all and I also want to thank God most of all, He didn't wave a magic wand and rid me of this, he gave my all I ever needed to do this on my own and do it my self. What benefit would there be if He just took it from me. What would I have learned.

God Bless you all.

Excellent post, Jon.  Thanks for the kind shout out.  What Jon says it true.  One of the most important things Jon says is that the withdrawals do end.  When I first began quitting, I did not know that.  I just told myself that if feeling like I was dying every day, was the price I had to pay to quit it, I would feel like dying every day, for the rest of my life.  Now, I know better.  The withdrawals pass.  The time for that varies from person to person.  90 is not a magic number, but the usefulness of that number is that if you can put the hard 90 in, by the time you reach it, you understand that using porn is a choice, not an imperative.  Thehard 90 is a tool, an exercise, you retraining your brain not to beg you for a dopamine hit, every day, all day.  Think of it that way, "today I am exercising my brain not to get a dopamine high."  Do that for 90 days and I promise you will see results.  You may not be completely out of the woods, you will know one thing which you doubt right now, that being you don't need porn, and you, and only you, chose to use it in the first place.  In the beginning, it feels like you "have to" use.  You really don't.  In the beginning, when quitting, the pain is overwhelming.  It is important to listen to what Jon says.  He says those withdrawals eventually fade away.  Not saying there won't be difficult moments, but, that feeling, like you are going to die unless you relapse, that goes away, in time.  Congrats, Jon.  Keep writing.  Others need to read your words. 

Peace.

Congrats Jon. Sounds like you are in a good place. I was wondering, did/do you have PIED? And if so, how is that shaking out? Do you feel like your erections are back or are you still working that out? This is my main issue so I'm curious about others' progress in that area.

William, have you considered writing a book? You seem to have really relatable insight. I think your story and advice could really add to the literature available. There isn't much! Obviously what you post on here has been invaluable to many. Just a thought.

Have a good weekend everyone. Stay powerful!

Thanks guys for your kind  words. Phase 2 to answer your question. I'm not sure if I have or had PIED.  I have been divorced for quite a few years and I have just been doing the PMO thing  so I'm not really sure if I had a problem there. I did not have any erection problems when I was using porn.  I do remember though when I was married I did have some problems  where during sexual relations with my wife I had to use fantasy in the process but it's been a few years so I'm not 100% sure. Phase2 another thing you said is that William should write a book. Funny thing is I told him the same exact thing. I think that William should write a book.  I think  he would do an excellent job at it.

One thing I wanted to add here.  When I came here I was actually thinking that I would never ever be able to beat this addiction because no matter how hard I tried I always relapsed. I just had it in mind that I would be able to control it. Go 30 days relapse  then  start over again. I could never fight off the temptations.  All I needed is what I learned at this website from Gabe, William, Gary Wilson and all of the posters on this site is all that I needed.

Jon,

Your example serves as inspiration and instruction to all here. Being married, I can't see myself doing a hard 90 type reboot. BUT, since I've started my own version of a reboot I've found that I'm increasingly being drawn closer to my wife and her needs and being much less selfish in the process. I'm hoping that this will fit within the framework of my own recovery without too many unhealthy triggers or chaser effects.

I'm truly happy for your progress in finding what works for you. There is so much misery and struggle on these forums and we don't have enough examples of people finding their "happy place". I will continue to be inspired by your progress and whatever you have the time and inclination to share going forward. Wishing you continued success and contentment in all things.
Boo

Thank you Boo, Yes I will continue to come here and report, from now on this post will be my journal, I also will continue to come here to keep things in perspective for myself, I'm really excited for the road ahead to see what a porn free life has to offer.....good luck in your recovery and congratulations on hitting 30 days..

I would like to add something that is really helping me in my recovery.  I learned this while I was doing my 90 days. Even though I finished the hard 90 days I still have all those thoughts and porn images in my head. They come out whenever they want  and what I learned was not to engage in those thoughts. They come from my lower brain, my animal brain and what I learned is before I would engage in those thoughts and let them take over and give into them allways.  Now what I do is I see those thoughts and those images come into my brain and I don't pay any attention to them I look at them as just thoughts that enter my head. I just ignore them and they fade away and loose their power. After I learned this and use it always. it just seems so easy to fight off temptations.  By doing this they are happening less frequently now but they still do happen. I have 40 years of images in my brain that will probably be there for the rest of my life.  By using this method these thoughts don't hammer away at me all the time. They just simply go away and have no power. I've learned this by reading books  on the three principles.  Without going into a lot of detail the three principles are how our brains work. How thoughts come into our head and we have the choice to engage in which thoughts we want to and which ones we don't. I just thought I'd pass this along because it's helped me greatly.  I highly suggest googling "The Three Principles" and learning how your brain and thoughts work.

Thanks for your last post Jon. The strategy you employ in not letting those intrusive thoughts take hold is very much what I've been doing. I'm  interested in your reference to "The Three Principles" and will research for my own edification. There may be a nugget or two for me 

Yes boo. You can't go wrong by researching the three principles. Once you start reading about it and putting it into effect  your life will change. It's so simple you don't even have to try to do it. Just by having knowledge about it  is all you need. I have to give a shout out to a member named Patrick on this site who got me reading about it. I read about it late in my 90  Day reboot. it could not have come along at a greater time for me.       
A really good book explaining the three principles that I just recently read was called " somebody should have told us,  simple truths for living a better life "  by Jack Pransky. This was an excellent book that I could not put down. Life-changing stuff

Thanks Jon. Good stuff.

Well done Jon64. You can see how close I am to the hard 90 too and dammit I'm still fighting. No P, no M, but O only through S with my wife.

To Phase2's question about whether erections have returned...I'm in the same place. I'm getting the irregular night/morning wood, but absolutely nothing like daytime arousal. You know, that unusual boner for no reason. I'm sure it's going to happen at some point, but for me, that would be the real sign of personal success.

Has that type of normal service resumed for you?

All the same...well done! I haven't cared about P since day 1, and that really means something.

Thank you hopeful1,  yes I have been watching your progress ,  keep up the good work you're so close.  I can relate to what you said about not caring about porn since day one. That's how it was for me too. As soon as I started I just knew that I had it beat. As far  as PIED goes,  I can't say if I had that problem our not.  I'm single and divorced for many years and I have been doing the PMO  thing for so long that I don't know if that was a problem for me. I do know that I am waking up with regular erections.  Keep up the good work and I'm rooting for you.

I just wanted to make a post today on how my progress is going and my journey into a porn free life. Somethings I've observed is after doing the hard 90  The biggest changes I've noticed are that I'm not as anxious as I used to be. I can talk to and look people in the eye better. I just feel more self-confidence now too. I still  have thoughts of porn come into my head that will probably be there for the rest of my life because of how long my addiction has gone on. I just noticed that it is much easier to dismiss these thoughts. I have learned to look at them  for what they are. Thoughts from my lower mind.  These thoughts can be easily dismissed by my higher mind/ conscious mind. When they enter my head and I am aware of them I just simply do not engage them and they lose their power and disappear. Before I would engage them when I was an  addict, then they would take over until I acted out on them. When that happened they were very powerful to the point where I thought that I would never be able to beat them.  Now knowing what I know and learned here and other places these thoughts are powerless  over me because I choose not to give them power. Our lower minds originate these thoughts and scream for us to act out on them. Our higher mines make the choice not to give these thoughts any power.  It's as simple as that. Soon as you're aware that you can do this it's almost too easy. If you remain a slave to your lower mind and let it have its way then your addiction will continue. This was one of the biggest things I learned during my 90 days because it has helped me greatly. I am done with porn forever and I am no longer a slave to porn and life is so much better without it. Please take heed to what I just said because it will help you greatly. Good luck on your journeys my brothers and never give up because it is so worth quitting this terrible addiction. God bless all you

PS I would like to make an add on to this post. I didn't mean to make it sound real easy as far as beating the temptations.  You still have to go through the hard 90 days and all of the hard withdrawals that you have to go through. What I wrote about up above is what I'm using now to help me overcome any bad thoughts of come in my head after my hard 90 reboot.

I'd like to also add that when I was in a 12 step program I was always told that when I have urges and I act out that external things were affecting me which would lead me to act out. It was like something was attached to me acting out something was causing me to act out. What I've learned now is that these thoughts and lustful images and urges are just nothing. They are just garbage thoughts from my lower mind to be ignored and not to be engaged. I just let them drift out of my head  and they lose their power . Like what has been said before this addiction is not below the belt but it's in the head. The best thing that I learned was a direct approach to beating it.  Personally I think it is a waste of time to look for external causes of our addictions. My addiction was simply my brain wanting a dopamine fix  and the way for it to do it was for me to look at porn for hours on end. This addiction starts and ends in your head. You have to do the hard 90. You have to suffer for these 90 days for whatever it takes. After that it's just a matter of beating what's going on in your head. We all have bad things happen in our lives that make us feel different things. What I have learned is that  negative things that happened to us happen to everybody. I'm not saying that those negative experiences did not cause our addictions because me personally they did  start me off into my addiction as an escape. After that I strongly feel that it was my brain wanting a dopamine fix and using high-speed Internet  pornography as the trigger for it. So yes the negative things in my life got the ball rolling but after that it's just simply in the brain.  By beating the addiction what has happened is I'm learning to deal with my day to day  problems in a more healthier way. It's way easier to deal with things without my head being clouded with dopamine and the addiction. I hope this helps some of you  to understand. I just want to add that I know a lot of people here are in a 12 step program and I'm not saying it don't work for others it just didn't work for me and I'm not knocking it in anyway. I think whatever works for you is the best approach. 

I hope these last two posts that I just did help some of you out. Good luck

I just wanted to make a report about some changes I'm noticing in myself.  Being sober hasn't made me into a super person or anything nor do I have women knocking on my door but I do notice some really great positive changes. I'm starting to be more humorous  about things in life. I don't have things bothering me as much as they used to and I don't take  things personally as much anymore. I'm really getting into my job more and more too. I am so focused that I don't make nearly as many mistakes as I used to. When I'm dealing with people I'm more  confident in myself.  I used to be real nervous and I could not look people in the eye and have a decent conversation but now it just comes second nature and it's more fun to talk to people. There are so many positive changes that I'm noticing about myself  that I could go on here for quite a while. As far as my addiction goes I don't have any real major hurdles coming out me anymore.  I still get those old thoughts of porn images in my head every so often but they just disappear and have no power over me. I don't even think about it on a daily basis anymore whereas before it was every day that I thought about it. So life is getting better and I'm happier and it is so worth it to quit this habit. Just keep trying everybody it's so worth it.

What is the reason we do PMO?  The answer is to get rid of the urge to do PMO.  It's as simple as that. It's not because of the problems we had today. It's not because of how we were raised or what happened to us in life.  It's quite simply the reason we fall and do PMO  is to rid ourselves of the urge to do  PMO.  It's not your external problems, it's the problem of your brain wanting dopamine and thus creating the urge to do  PMO.

Thank you for sharing your story and insights Jon. They are very inspirational. The biggest struggle for me has been my own thoughts and fantasies which have felt uncontrollable and have prevented me from truly recovering even after a 4 month PMO free stint. I have been searching for some good advice on how to overcome this hurdle and you are the first person to offer such advice. So again I thank you and I will be researching and implementing the three principles. Stay strong and enjoy your new and improved life!

Thats great gt.  A great book recommended to me on here is " The little book of big change" by Amy Johnson.  It's a great read on seeing how your thoughts can be overcome and it's a very good book on the three principles. It's really helped me and it was recommended to me by a member of this site right around my 90 day mark.  It was a great read for me at that time because it just gave me a tool to help curb those thoughts and images that come into my head.  Good luck

Thanks for posting Jon. You're story looks similar to mine except I was never married but the whole 40 years thing is the same. I like what said about looking forward to finding out who you are w/o PMO. I'm looking forward to this as well and you're successes are an inspiration.....thanks.