Alex's Journey

What's up everyone?

My name's Alex. I'm a 23 year-old Canadian guy who's going to quit porn. I've been trying (loosely) to drop this really shitty habit for years now, but really haven't put in the work necessary to overcome this issue.

From what I've gathered over the years, a journal is really going to help me keep track of my progress and stay positive through this life changing experience. The goal is to replace this insta-feel-good pill (fapping) with positive habits that'll make me an overall better human being.

My main motivation though, is to get rid of my ED and finally get my mojo back with the girls. I feel like I've lost so much confidence over the years due to not being able to perform in the bedroom due to my nasty fucking habit. I've had beautiful girls naked in bed ready to go, and all i've had to show was a flacid dick. Honestly, so fucking demoralizing and sad it's not hard to see how this has suppressed my motivation to take action.

The time is now or never to change. I know it's going to be hard and I have to take a lot of steps congruent with this mindset shift to move forward, but goddamn if I can finally have normally, healthy sex again I'll be the happiest man alive.

If anyone has advice or tips I'd love to hear it. What I can offer is a positive attitude and support on your journey as well!

Thanks to Gabe Deem for building this forum and opening my eyes to this shit. Let's get it going.

I should also mention I'm currently on Day 3.

How many year is it been? Take it easy and nice man.

Welcome fellow canadian, I welcome you to this journey and may you recover soon! We're all here to support each other brother

Another fellow Canadian here . My tips: get exercise (this will improve your erections even if you didn't have PIED and will improve your mood and ability to manage cravings and flashbacks). Post here whenever you feel like you're stressed out or need to talk or vent something. Take all the opportunities you can to get out and interact and flirt with women, you'll rewire your brain faster that way (just watch out for a craving to MO afterwards!) If you're having trouble banishing PMO thoughts or flashbacks, a lot of people have success with meditation. Stop and breathe and clear your mind of all your thoughts and just tell yourself that everything is fine and that even though those thoughts are attractive, you can't fantasize, and you don't want to fall back into a PMO lifestyle. I used to suppress them really strongly but I don't think that's the best approach, they seem to stay stronger for longer than if you just shut your brain down and let them pass.

Good luck and most of all -you can do this and it WILL work!

You referred to PMOing as a "bad habit" several times. Chronic, uncontrolled PMOing is not a habit, it's an addiction. Until you recognize that you will never recover.

Ashu001 said:

How many year is it been? Take it easy and nice man.

Click to expand...

It's been a few years now. I've had multiple streaks of 2+ weeks, but nothing really stuck. As soon as I regained sensitivity I'd go back on a tear, lol. Thank's for the advice!

Circle said:

Another fellow Canadian here . My tips: get exercise (this will improve your erections even if you didn't have PIED and will improve your mood and ability to manage cravings and flashbacks). Post here whenever you feel like you're stressed out or need to talk or vent something. Take all the opportunities you can to get out and interact and flirt with women, you'll rewire your brain faster that way (just watch out for a craving to MO afterwards!) If you're having trouble banishing PMO thoughts or flashbacks, a lot of people have success with meditation. Stop and breathe and clear your mind of all your thoughts and just tell yourself that everything is fine and that even though those thoughts are attractive, you can't fantasize, and you don't want to fall back into a PMO lifestyle. I used to suppress them really strongly but I don't think that's the best approach, they seem to stay stronger for longer than if you just shut your brain down and let them pass.

Good luck and most of all -you can do this and it WILL work!

Click to expand...

Awesome advice, thank you! I do workout almost daily already so I definitely agree with all of the benefits you mentioned. I think mindfulness is an important thing I have to work on. I think using a journal and communicating some of these suppressed thoughts is a good mechanism for letting go of some of the pain that I've been holding in.

hooked on monkey fonics said:

You referred to PMOing as a "bad habit" several times. Chronic, uncontrolled PMOing is not a habit, it's an addiction. Until you recognize that you will never recover.

Click to expand...

You're right. Can you expand a little bit more on it though? I'd like to hear how changing your mindset has helped you out.

Thanks,

Alex_Doesnt_Fap said:

hooked on monkey fonics said:

You referred to PMOing as a "bad habit" several times. Chronic, uncontrolled PMOing is not a habit, it's an addiction. Until you recognize that you will never recover.

Click to expand...

You're right. Can you expand a little bit more on it though? I'd like to hear how changing your mindset has helped you out.

Thanks,

Click to expand...

I believe what he means is:
If you tell yourself your PMO is just a "habit," you will not be able to make it through the tough parts of the reboot as you are still waiting for your chance to get back into your "habit" in a healthier way.

If you tell yourself you are an addict, then you can never touch what you were addicted to again - or you will never be free of it. So you will never seriously consider relapsing.

It sounds like you've already taken that step to me. Just be careful, there are lots of stories of people successfully rebooting and then getting sucked back into PMO afterwards. If there's sexual fantasies you regularily pmo'd to that you still want to try in real life after you're cured, you can engage in them, but you will feel the difference between that and normal sex. One is about excitement and adventure and dopamine spikes, the other is about connection and the primal urge to find a mate. Nothing wrong with the former, but it is definitely addictive, especially if you are a former porn addict. And the latter feels much healthier and "cleaner," once you are free of the addiction.

Also one caveat about my advice about controlling urges, if you are having particularily strong urges that aren't going away by relaxing and clearing your mind, go ahead and resist them more strongly. I tell myself "no, I don't want that anymore, that's just fantasy," and try to focus on sounds around me. My brain seems to get the message. I try to only do that as a last resort but it is MUCH better to use it than to allow yourself to fantasize. Didn't want you to end up doing that based on my advice!

Relapsed twice over the past 3 days.

Need to get back on the wagon. The other poster was right, I need to start evaluating myself as an addict and not accept this behaviour as normal.

Time to start putting in blockers and obstacles in the way when my mind is at it's weakest points.

Another fellow Canadian, day 2