Changing my lifestyle & environment

Hi guys, time to start a journal, this is day 2.

At 28 I?ve been watching porn, on and off, for about 18 years. Only in the last say 5 years have I realised that in my case it was more about avoiding reality, than just stress relief or fun. And in the last two years I?ve been actively trying to quit it.
My reason to start this journal now, is I have a study break starting in a week that goes for about three months. And I want to get past this.

But my biggest motivation is to become the son I want to be for my parents. In avoiding porn or video games and facing life, I?ve come to realise I have a long way to go to mature. It?s like I?ve had my head in the sand ever since I left high school. I?ve missed opportunities and lost contact with friends. I haven?t held a steady job, but I am now committed to a few years of study with one year just finished. The situation feels salvageable, but the time for half-attempts is well and truly up.

I?ve recently adopted a mindset to change my lifestyle and environment. Which I used to completely change my room, not use my computer in it, get a lot more exercise, and try different activities especially outdoors.

What has held me back is social rejection, assignment stress, and loneliness being single. To tackle these issues, I am acting on my values and not unhelpful feelings (ACT principle), and am generally getting involved in more social and sports classes etc.

I should say I tried limited use a few years ago, and it never worked, the negative effects only escalated. I need it completely out of my system.

I?m intending to journal the ups and downs and get into a rhythm where I am more than happy to leave porn behind me.

Thanks for taking the time to read!

Quick update on day 6

This week is a stark contrast to most of this last year. Despite changing a lot of habits, I usually stayed in my room when I got home from study. Now, my laptop is only used in the lounge where everyone can see... And I am making a habit to not use my phone for internet browsing. In short, I'm choosing to move around a lot more and leave the technology for study and short bursts of forum stuff.

One thing that usually gets me in trouble is pointless browsing online, which usually leads to something resemebling sexual content. Only came across that once when looking for dance lessons, a few promotional pics got my attention, but i was mindful of that and decided to call it a day with the computer.

I've also kept up a lot more exercise and social contact than usual, I have to keep this going though - it's isolation and inactivity that got to me before.

Not much in the way of withdrawals yet except for a few headaches and dizziness. But I know they're coming, I just want to keep busy and in contact with the real world for when they do. I do remember asking myself "what else is going on for me?" before recent lapses, so it's about filling that void I think.

this is good approach and sign of a real determination to quit. just avoiding porn will never work, we must change parts of ourselves that got us into porn in the first place, not just treating the symptoms.

Cheers Nikola, I agree it seems to take a number of changes to help, previously I mainly thought about which day or week it was, and not the daily actions.

Going alright at the moment. Staying away from temptations and focusing on something else when random fantasy thoughts come up.

Study is finished for this year, now it's the start of three months free... Tomorrow morning I hit the streets introducing myself to businesses and handing out resumes...

My mind wants to go into holiday mode, just stay home on the internet. But I'm near broke, and I need to get a good start on this break. So I will do what I don't want to do, to get to where I do want to be. Simple stuff, but the urge to sit back and watch youtube (which I know leads to porn) it still there.

Last night I went into the city and just explored, walked around a few new developments, restaurants and stores. That stimulated my mind to the point where I'm now questioning a lot of the daily things I do, the repetitive nature of things. Driving a different way somewhere, dining outside, trying new skill or new area to visit - it feels like I crave new different things now.

Plan is to make more changes this week.

Day 11 now, going steady, just headaches and frustration over not having easy sexual outlet.

Haven't looked at any porn or substitutes. I was tempted once, but I consciously weighed up my options and how much it would set me back, decided to turn off the computer after that.


Progress today - I walked into a shopping centre and handed out my resume to one store, got social anxiety and almost turned around just pretending to be a shopper, but forced myself to go just do it.

As soon as I started talking the anxiety was gone, and it was easy (well not as terrible as I imagined). Tomorrow morning I'm going out to do the same thing, only I'll visit a good number of stores to increase my chances...

I want to start dating soon too. But online dating has never worked for me, so maybe walking the streets and introducing myself just to businesses will help get me out of my shell a bit, and then next step would be approaching women in the near future.

Okay quick update, good and bad news.

Bad news I used my phone to distract myself from a frustrating day. I went out to apply for jobs but social anxiety kicked in and I spent most of the day at home. Eventually I looked at random videos, then arousing stuff, then briefly porn. So I must call this day 0.

And the good news? I know I need to make more changes.


Just brainstorming... Start a new book, try outdoor exercise every day, take up another activity that is away from the computer and can take up time.


Any advice or comments welcome! I am staying positive, this afternoon off track was a small time portion out of the last week+, but my goal is still to fully replace porn with healthier outlets.

I'm really happy that you are using this things to avoid porn. I'm in the 1st day. Trying even I fail. I won't give it up. Good look!!!

Thanks brother. Have to keep changing things, can't look back.

I feel like i've lost momentum and lost interest in things, but I have hope this will return at some point.

Currently reading Gorilla Mindset, lots of interesting topics about masculinity, taking responsibility. Some of the stuff I have to take with a grain of salt, but I have to admit a lot of things resonate - like the idea we can be the biggest enemy, ourselves. We choose to put off responsibilities, to dull our senses with porn. We have to choose to change that.

Yesterday i did a lot of exercise, jobs around the house, was ready for an early night and tired enough, until the dickhead neighbours started a party that went until early hours. I was a wreck, unable to sleep yet unwilling to stay up and do something else. Eventually it stopped and I slept in to make up for it.

Needless to say i'm pissed off, but i realised it was a perfect storm to watch porn, and i didn't do it. Didn't want to further damage myself, didn't want to give up that fight.


I feel like i don't know myself right now. Would i give myself a job? go on a date with me? probably not. I need to sort my shit out.

Taking small steps now. I'm re-learning to say no to damaging habits.

I've been reading more, going outside a lot, only on computer to briefly apply for jobs and go over journal/docs.


Have been taking on different activites too - tried a Jamie Oliver meal from scratch yesterday, felt good to just try something out of my comfort zone, and create something!

Urges & distractions... I've been to a few festivals lately and seen lots of women. But, I'm being very conscious of how I process this now. Rather than avoid attractive women, I'm trying to control how I react to these situations.


I want to be the master of my own body. Just because fap feels good, and I want it, doesn't mean I should just give in and waste my energy. There's a lot to experience that's above that level.

Small steps now, one day at a time.

Interesting day, started off slow and low energy, then got more productive.

One lesson froma recent book 'the art of not giving a fuck' that's stuck with me - in order to get motivated, take action first. So today was like that, didn't feel like doing anything, started doing basic stuff despite my mood, then eventually got pumped!

Getting up at 6am now, this time seemed to work a few months ago, gave me more energy so long as i kept up early nights & productive days.

As a kid and teenager i used to express myself a lot through two ways, guitar and drawing. I was not bad at guitar, but a fairly average drawer, still, this were good outlets that I've since thought to be immature, or to not have enough time for. But yesterday i picked up the guitar and really connected again, and today i printed off some scenery pics and just sketched out whatever. Feels good...

Good last few days overall... Taken a page out of a book (or rather online blog) in 'art of manliness' - It's not enough to just stay active, variety in action is necessary for men.

With that said, I have tried to take on a few different tasks today. Namely, completing online course work towards getting a job, exercise, and spending quality time talking and just relaxing with family...

Last few nights I've had trouble sleeping, high sex drive I think. Last night in particular, the urge was strong to just fap and be able to sleep... But I resisted that, concentrated on just relaxing.

Eventually, while waiting to sleep, I did end up fantasising (something I try to avoid for now), but it was thoughts about a real girl, and just normal intimacy - nothing crazy at all. I could feel a different urge then, a more natural desire for a partner!

I'll level with you guys, I haven't had sex in over a year, so it has been hazy at best to get away from pixelated turn ons and back to women of the real variety. But right now, I feel very much inclined to the way we've been doing it since millenia. Update soon lads... cheers

Update - day 11 I believe

I've had a bit of a break from the computer, 4 days or so, and it's been a good change.

Looking ahead, I still have just under three months to go until study starts again. So avoiding excessive computer use, even going days without it, should help me reconnect with other areas in life.

I got a chance to exercise my frontal cortex in managing a triggering event:

There was a mild verbal dispute I was involved with, and usually this would be more than enough for me to hide away in my room and desensitise, but this time I kept calm and went with the flow without numbing my feelings. And in a few hours I felt mildly better, and the next day I was mostly over that particular event!

Still having trouble finding a job, but a lot of people are at the moment. I have some spending money, and have found a gym that runs many fitness classes each week - so this is where I will focus my time and energy for the next few months I reckon.

Man, I want to say you are on the right track to change, you have to keep going. I have more or less the same life as you but I haven't progressed at all.  Maybe you could help me with some tips, I don't know.

I'm having problems to reboot, is always difficult to quit it. I thing we should do a whats app group then we can tell about our reboting and help each other

Quitting could be very hard alone, that's why people turn to God, for example, cause it makes them feel they're not doing this alone. I am not that religious but it's hard to do it alone too. I think finding someone to do this with could help a lot, for everybody.

let me know if you create whattsapp group

changemylife said:

Man, I want to say you are on the right track to change, you have to keep going. I have more or less the same life as you but I haven't progressed at all.  Maybe you could help me with some tips, I don't know.

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Hey man, I feel like I am slowly re-learning things at the moment. One thing that has made progressive change over the last few years for me, is focusing on what my values are, and about experiencing all emotions.

For example, for a long time I have valued pleasure too much, and i have avoided emotions of loneliness or rejection at the same time.

Now i have to value achievments that take time, and endure the bad (and good) emotions with it. This ultimately leads to real fulfillment and happiness, such is the phychological theory i am reading.

Not sure if that helps? but that's basically what i am applying to my situation.

Raphaelijds said:

I'm having problems to reboot, is always difficult to quit it. I thing we should do a whats app group then we can tell about our reboting and help each other

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I will try to stay mainly offline for now, but a group chat can be a good idea. For now I am just seeing one counsellor every few weeks.

I haven't told friends or family, not sure if that's a good idea at all though?

Update:

I am now on day 2 clean, after a two day lapse back to old habits.

I started to get stressed at the two week marker. Various issues, neighbours, debt, only a handful of real people in my life I can count on (but I am very grateful for!).

I should have exercised, or slept, or done something outside or in another room. But I decided to opt for easy pleasure. First just youtube, then non-nude pics, then eventually porn.

The result? all the problems are still here, except one, which solved itself on it's own accord - and I feel strangely jaded because of that. But also relieved.

And I have had a good two days of headaches, brain fog and drowsiness. So, not worth it at all.


I believe I can do a lot more to live the life I want. I could apply for more jobs. Do more exercise. Talk to more people.

And I believe that the only way I can push past an addiction of numbing myself with false pleasure, is to take a lot more action towards the things I really value.

Turning off the PC now: Hope to update this with some real-world progress. Cheers

Reborn16 said:

...But my biggest motivation is to become the son I want to be for my parents.

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Hey man! This is a great motivation to have. To be not doing it just for yourself, but to take the people you love into account.

You seem to be motivated enough to quit this addiction. It's often about taking a deeper look at those emotional stumbling blocks that hinder us from doing the things we really want to do and cause us to escape into a fantasy world.

Good luck.