Author Topic: Coming Back to Reality  (Read 454 times)

RealityCheck

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #25 on: September 13, 2017, 08:26:15 AM »
Thank you for your support Toph!

Day 17.

Day 16 was horrible, mostly for other reasons.  I had a panic attack, I think related to my work situation.  It is very rare for me to have those, though when I do, I almost always turn to PMO as a means of relieving stress.  I've gotten to a place of acceptance that the next 83 days will be difficult.  Ok fine.  It's a finite period of time, it's not THAT long, and it should have lasting effects. 

Sure, I wish I took on this challenge at an unstable time, but hey, it's never too late (or early) to do the right thing.  I'm hoping to stay more engaged at the office today so I don't resort to fantasizing when I feel like shit.

Side note - I have a date tonight.  I do think I will try to have sex with this girl (at some point, might not go for it on Date #1), as that is healthy wiring, and a much needed stress release.

Jack Can

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #26 on: September 13, 2017, 10:50:22 AM »
Cool! Good luck on your date, what are you doing?

RealityCheck

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #27 on: September 13, 2017, 01:27:07 PM »
Thanks Jack!  Karaoke bar - she's into it, I'm into it, should be a good time.

RealityCheck

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #28 on: September 14, 2017, 07:19:12 AM »
Day 18.

Definitely had urges yesterday, but I've gotten to the point where I recognize the difficulty in getting through each day, and I accept it.  Now, some urges are stronger than others, but I fully recognize that I can definitely handle each one individually.  It can clearly be intimidating to think that I have to resist each and every one to be successful.  I approach that challenge the same way I approach crossing the street - if I do it wrong one time, I get hit by a car and get killed (or close to it).  But instead of panicking and focusing on that aspect of it, I simply take each crosswalk as it comes, make sound decisions, and move forward.

Also, I noticed a slight change this morning.  Maybe it's an anomaly, but usually I wake up with an erection and craving sex/masturbation.  This morning I did not.  Just making note of that.

Good luck to all you guys, let's keep at this.  Let's get this one day further.

toph

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #29 on: September 14, 2017, 11:58:56 AM »
Congrats on day 18. I like very much the way you simplify but systematize facing urges. It makes allot of sense. I think that's where I get caught up very much, just being overwhelmed by them. As I read through what you said, it's like if you have autism and you go to an NYC crosswalk, you can panic just because of the sheer overload of the moment, or you can concentrate and take it one cross at a time. I will give this more thought. What is a thought process you go through when you encounter a strong urge? I ask just to establish a plan when the moment comes.








RealityCheck

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #30 on: September 14, 2017, 03:18:56 PM »
Very good question, toph.

I'm sure there a lot of strategies on here, my advice would be to keep yourself ENGAGED.  Do jumping jacks, pull up your email, maybe ask yourself a sports-related trivia question (name as many Super Bowl champs as you can going backwards, or something like this), or best of all, stay focused on your work.  I'm a believer that our professional, physical, and emotional health are all tied together.  They rely upon one another.  Without knowing what it is you do professionally, I find when you have a set list of tasks you want to get done in a day, that should be your primary focus.  If you start having urges, go back to the task.

If you're off work, I recommend having a specific activity as your backup.  If you are with other people, that should do the trick.  If not, anything from video games, cooking, or exercising can get the job done.  I would caution you against simply watching something or reading something as your backup.  These are activities that don't require you to put your full attention towards it.  It's easy to put your mind on the wrong thing with this leisurely activities.

Finally, and I wrote this to someone else, micro-stepping can help.  By that, I mean break down what we're trying to avoid into a simple action that has little emotional weight: don't touch your belt.  Hard to get to your johnson without going through the belt. 

Good luck, I'm eager to hear how you progress, and thank you for the support!

Marcopolo

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #31 on: September 14, 2017, 04:30:16 PM »
You are doing great and way ahead of me in days, I am at day 3. Maybe it will be easier just thinking of making it through today versus worrying about 90 or 100 days. You have probably heard it before but making it through 1 day is heck of a lot easier than worrying about making it through 100! Either way, I wish you the best!

RealityCheck

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #32 on: September 15, 2017, 03:17:21 PM »
Day 19.

Marcopolo, thank you for the kind words!  And don't worry, I am taking it one day at a time.

So I've noticed most people aren't posting every single day.  I don't mean to be an over-sharer, I'm simply an expressive person, and for obvious reasons I am not sharing my inner thoughts and feelings of this challenge with most people in my life.  Also, I see updating my journal by adding to the count as a reward to getting through the day, and it's a great motivator to help me fight urges.

Anyway, Day 18 was one of the best days that I've had.  I attribute it to a couple things.  First of all, I've begun meditating, and it's helping me not pass judgement on my thoughts and feelings.  Instead of panicking when I start visualizing my favorite video or making up a fantasy, I simply take a step back, recognize the feelings are happening, accept it, and calmly shift my focus to something else.  Before, my reaction was "Oh no!  I'm fantasizing!  I hope I don't relapse!  Oh god, I don't know if I can hold out for X more days!"  Now, it's "Hmmm.  Interesting.  I'm fantasizing.  That is bound to happen.  What's something I can focus on instead?  Oh yes, I wanted to send that email . . ."  Much less dramatic, and much more effective.

Secondly, I read an article about how simply having sexual thoughts and getting an erection releases lot of dopamine into the brain.  Before, I wouldn't orgasm, but I would fantasize and get an erection when I was a little bored.  It's a little harder to fight urges if you're aroused and hard.  After reading that article, I'm doing my best to prevent erections all together, which means there are fewer instances when I am extremely aroused. 

It's already 3:15, so well on my way to getting to Day 20!

Marcopolo

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #33 on: September 15, 2017, 05:29:18 PM »
Very happy to hear you made it through! I find that writing something everyday helps too. Keep up the good work, wish you the best!

RealityCheck

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #34 on: September 16, 2017, 11:34:06 PM »
Day 20.

Luckily, I am about to go to bed, so I am essentially at Day 21.  Anyway . . .

I have found the "urges" have either gotten smaller, or I am much better at handling them.  And when I say "urges," I don't mean I am tempted to open my computer and fire up some porn.  I mean I am tempted to fantasize about women which will inevitably lead to an erection.  Maybe I'm flatlining, but I am much less driven to have these fantasies.  Accepting that I won't do it and shouldn't do it certainly plays a role, as about 4 or 5 days ago, I was thinking maybe this was a mistake.

I know I previously turned to PMO whenever I felt stressed, or I felt a woman didn't give me the attention I wanted.  It was my way of saying "I don't care if you aren't interested in me, I can get off to a hotter woman doing hotter things than you could ever do."  This is forcing me to deal with normal disappointment and direct disappointment in women in a constructive way. I've learned my ego can handle it, even if it means I can't get off.  I didn't get explicitly rejected, but there was an attractive female on a boat tonight that I went to, and in my brief interactions with her she didn't show any interest in me.  Before, I would hae found a hotter version of her on the internet and gotten off to it.  Tonight, I'm simply dealing with it, and I know I'll be fine.

I hit 3 weeks tomorrow. I'm proud of myself, and am 100% confident I will complete the reset without a relapse.

RealityCheck

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #35 on: September 17, 2017, 07:49:35 AM »
Day 21.

This post is very close to my last, because my last was at the end of my last day, and this is at the beginning of this one.  The only remark I have here is that I had a dream last night that was very sexual in nature, but it was about having sex with a real woman, as opposed to being a dream about watching porn, which is what I have experienced in the past.  I don't want to attach too much weight to it, but it is definitely progress.

I hit milestone 4 when I get through today!

RealityCheck

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #36 on: September 18, 2017, 10:34:27 AM »
Day 22.

BAM.  Milestone 4.  My next one is 10 days away, but I really like the spacing.  The earliest days of staying clean are really hard, so it's difficult even to get to 3 days, and the first milestone. It makes sense to stretch out the milestones as the days get easier, as it somewhat normalizes the difficulty in getting from one milstone to another.  From a milestone standpoint, I am basically halfway to rebooting!  My remaining ones are 1 month, 1 and a half months, 2 months, and 3 months.

I've said this before as well: the longer I'm clean, the more pressure I have to not relapse.  It's really not worth it to feel a few minutes of pleasure so I'd have to wait a whole 3 weeks to get back to where I am now. 

I could use some advice on something - I went on a date with an attractive girl last week, it went well, we've been texting a lot and I'll be seeing her again this weekend.  Can I have sex with her?  I've seen mixed responses on the forums, and I'd like to hear both sides of the arguments.  The reason I am leaning "yes," is:

1. Though I'm decent at meeting women, finding attractive ones and getting into a situation where I can have sex with them isn't THAT common
2. I'm fairly sure I will be able to orgasm with her, since it's been 22 days now, and will be closer to 30 days when we go out.  And the whole point of this reboot is for me to associate orgasm (and dopamine release) with a real woman, so it's strengthening a neural network that I want strengthened.
3. I will still refrain from PMO, and fantasizing.  So I'd still be breaking down those unhealthy neural networks.
4. Um, I want to have sex with her.

Please share your thoughts!

Jack Can

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #37 on: September 18, 2017, 03:47:10 PM »
Hell yeah man! Your post made me pretty happy to read  :). I wish I was good at meeting attractive women haha, I keep getting girls that are bigger. At least if you can't get it up, you know that you still have PIED instead of if it were a fat girl you may just say "she just wasn't turning me on".

But yeah I think you should go for it. I read a post on nofap that said that after 30 days of rebooting you should try to rewire yourself as well. And you'll pretty much be at 30 days so why not?

Also, if you do have sex with her, be extra weary of relapsing for the next couple of days because the urges will be extra intense!

RealityCheck

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #38 on: September 19, 2017, 06:29:47 AM »
Thanks Jack, I will definitely try to have to sex with her, and have confidence I can fight the relapse.

Anyway . . .

Day 23.

My fantasies have been incredibly strong yesterday and even thus far this morning.  My brain concocted specific stories with specific models and paired them with specific images and videos I've seen online, it's a ridiculous turn on, I haven't O'd in 22 days, so it's a big urge to fight.  But I will fight them off, it's just some are more difficult than others.

But these urges only happen when I'm not engaged.  The first happened at work yesterday, and right now there's almost nothing for me to do.  When I went out last night and was engaged with other people and in activities, there were no urges whatsoever.  Ditto for this morning.  I'm just lying there, not just ready to get out of bed, but not falling asleep yet.  I'm horny in the mornings, as most men are, to begin with, so my brain throws these stories in my face.  Staying more engaged in productive activities will make these easier.

RealityCheck

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Re: Coming Back to Reality
« Reply #39 on: September 20, 2017, 07:26:14 AM »
Day 24.

This was almost day 0.  After I woke up, I was on my stomach, had pressure on my penis and was fantasizing out of habit.  I almost O'd, but caught myself.  What's difficult for me is not avoiding pulling it out and masturbating, it's that I'm capable of getting myself off without using my hands, so I have to be extra careful about what I'm thinking about. 

I really miss being able to fantasize.  But this is for a limited period of time, and I constantly remind myself why I am doing this, which keeps me going.  One day at a time.