Starting today, day 0 (ALMOST FULLY HEALED!)

Dico888

Active Member
Hey guys (and girls),

First of all, you have no idea how happy I am to find this website (and Yourbrainrebalanced). When I read some stories and listened to Gabe's video's, I even got emotional. Finally, finally some answers!
I found Gabe etc about 5 hours ago, have been watching all his video's and reading a lot of succes stories etc since then. Now I thought it was my time to make a journal. Also because it's good to shout it out for once, not keeping everything to myself.

Apparently, I have PI-ED for over 8 years or so I think. First time I can remember was when I was 20, (28 now), giving oral to my then-gf, being very hard, but when the deed comes, going flaccid in 15 seconds, maybe faster  :-[

I kinda avoided sex since then, did some one-night stances, but always made sure I was a bit intoxicated. I did this so if my Willy did refuse, which is kinda almost did, I could blame the alcohol.
Everytime after I shared a bed with a girl, the next day I would be googling 24/7 about the problem. It was horrible. I thought I had a full-on ED and even a few times I thought that maybe I wasn't interested in girls. These thoughts really wrecked my world. Because of this, depressions, anxiety.. you know the things.

Recently I have a new neighbor, a really nice and funny girl who is into me, and I am into her, but I always keep her at an arms-distance, and also afraid to tell her my problem. We kissed a few times, watched movies, but I always end up leaving or sending her away before the sex. To the point where I'm thinking she starts to like me less and less, which I don't blame her ofcourse.

We planned a nice evening tonight, but I was afraid to go to her house, because of my fear of staying flaccid, this time I had enough. I started googling again for ED's etc (I know the first 2 pages of Google out of the top of my head), and suddenly I saw something with Dangers of Porn, and it struck me. Then I found YourBrainRebalanced and RebootNation and every word Gabe said, I was like "YES!" "YES!", "those are my symptoms spot on!"

And now I'm typing this, starting my Rebooting today. Last time I masturbated was this evening, just before I googled the ED problems.

I think I'll be adding days to my journal every 2-3 days, unless I experienced something  that is important for me in the future, or for other people.

P.S. Gabe, I owe you the world :), and haven't even started yet.
 

Big H

Active Member
Make sure you also visit www.yourbrainonporn.com/ that'll really understand why porn is really bad for you and will make your rebooting easier.
 

Dico888

Active Member
Thanks for the reply and the tip, Big H. I will read the complete Reboot part. Already finished part 1! Really some useful tips indeed.

Day 1: Not really that much problem with not watching porn. I do feel I'm a bit aroused, caught myself a few times with my hand in my trousers, but when I noticed it (after 3-4 seconds) I immediately pulled my hand away.

I suddenly remembered I did Rebooting before, but I never heard of the term, or even that porn was the problem. I just did it because somewhere I knew that all that porn couldn't be that good.
When I did this, I got morning wood after 6-7 days, and eventually giving in to the desire to watch porn. Never had a wet dream that period, probably because I gave in after 7-8 days or so.

On a side-note: I used to drink heavily, so since yesterday (I thought drinking/smoking was causing my ED), I also stopped alcohol. Hope I'm not making it too hard for myself (mind the pun), if I do feel it's getting too hard, I always just get 1 beer. Also went from 20-25 sigarettes a day to 5-7. I rather smoke while stressed, than watch porn.

Last note. I do have problems with fantasizing. I'm sure, even after 1 day, or the fact I'm aware I'm rebooting, it's my brain wanting porn or masturbation, but not giving in. With all addictions, I notice I have a strong will, so I hope I can apply it here.

Good luck for the rest of you all!
 

Dico888

Active Member
Small update - Day 2:

Woke up at around 7:00 AM with morning wood (about 90% hard) (already?!), fell asleep and woke up around 8:00 AM without. Was a bit surprised it was this fast. However, I have been talking to a girl through Whatsapp who has been flirtatious. This gave me my random fantasies which I discarded quickly and should avoid I guess. Really had to put my mind on something else. Maybe this was the cause, as it was part of my thoughts (the evening before I woke up with MW)

Pretty hard to avoid such fantasies, maybe I should break contact? She has no idea of my PIED.
 

Dico888

Active Member
Day 3:

No urge to PMO, but still need to work on stopping with fantasizing :-\. Also mw (80%)

-will update later today-
 

Dico888

Active Member
Day 4:

Can vaguely remember having midnight wood.

Still no real urge to PMO and I doubt I'm already flatlining. Do you get midnight/morning wood while flatlining? First time I'm rebooting and I didn't read this anywhere.

It kinda concerns me that I have no urge to PMO, reading all other stories, other people have a very strong urge to PMO in the beginning of rebooting. Anyone has some answers?
Also got invited to a girlfriend of mine tonight, hints were given.. but hesitant to go. For two reasons. First; I don't want to O, as I think it can put me back in rebooting? Second, I REALLY don't wanna be flaccid with her! Maybe a bit of PA here, but I'm only in day 4.

Any tips?
 

Floink

Active Member
Hi Dico!

Welcome to the forum! I can totally relate to you. Discovering nofap and reading all those explanations feels like a thousand puzzle pieces falling into place and showing the whole picture for the first time.

Well, aren't you a lucky one! So many girls into you :) That's a big motivation for you to keep the hands away from your wicked noodle :)

The wang can stiffen as a concequence of the full bladder pressing onto some nerves leading to the wang. It is normal to have some wood during the night. I assume you are trying to reboot: Morning wood will become more frequent. One morning it will be there. Do not become anxious about the hardness (Oh no. it's only 40, 45, 60 percent...!). Your wang will be hard as soon as it is ready to be.

Concerning the flatline: Many articles and posts deal with that mysterious flatline phenomenon. And almost everybody is whining and complaining about it. I found it the most relaxing part of my reboot (Started in October, was able to have great sex by the end of December). During flatline, you will have no or almost no sex drive. Also, your penis will be there only physically. It will be that dangling piece of meat between your legs and occasionally you will use it for peeing. That's it. It seems to be some kind of a catastrophe to many guys that their crazed drive to jerk off decreases, so they start to "check" if there is some life left in it. Some of them check by jerking off, which is a bad idea. They should have left it hanging there and not think about it.

Remember, it is mostly your brain that needs to reboot. It is not your noodle that has the problem. The big source of all your problems hangs between your ears, not your legs. The flatline is a time where your brain is covered in barrier tape with a sign hanging on it saying "UNDER CONSTRUCTION - DO NOT ENTER". Concerning libido, wood, sex drive etc. it is out of order for reconstuctional purposes. Just leave it at that. You might be walking around living the innocent life of someone with no sex drive and one day a yoga pant or in my case a very neat colleague of mine happens and you are back in the game :) Here are some experiences I made:

- Do not be afraid of the flatline. It is normal. Accept and embrace the flatline.
- Enjoy your superpowers, you stallion :)
- Your brain will become a heavy negotiator. It will try to bullshit you in every single possible way it can imagine to lure you into PMOing. There is NO reason to do it. Never ever. For nobody. You are not the special flower in the meadow that needs to release the pressure, check the function, needs a clear head, "restart the libido", jerk to last longer later on or something like that. Tell your brain.
- Install blocking software on ypur phone, tablet, pc, whatever. Identify your triggers and avoid them. Do not hang around for long where you have been jerking (for me, it's the bed. I now get up early).
- Do not jerk off.
- In the end, everything will be good. If it is not good yet, it is not the end.

All the best :)

Floink
 

Big H

Active Member
I had no urge the first three weeks of my reboot but then after that urges would be quite random.
 

Dico888

Active Member
Damn Flionk. That really motivated me!

Anyways, yea, being new to this can pop up some questions, so I'm very glad you took the effort to reply to my thread!

Thanks for the info about the flatline, I guess I can prepare myself for it. As like you, I think I also will find it a bit relaxing when flatlining, no urge etc, but then again, it might scare the shit out if me first. Never had something like that. We'll see about that in 2/3 weeks.

Yea, sometimes I forget it's the brain. Like punching your monitor when your pc doesn't work right? Need to remember that.

Anyways, I really enjoyed reading your reply, you'll be amazed how much motivation and rest it gave me. I guess like you said, the brain likes to play tricks on you to get what it wants.

Into day 5 now, lets see how it goes! Also Big H thanks for replying, good to hear I'm not different in the beginning of rebooting. Guess we'll see what happens after the 3 weeks!  :-X
 

Dico888

Active Member
Day 5:

Woke up hungover. No morning wood. Because of this hangover I have a very strong urge to PMO suddenly, also because I'm not doing anything useful at the moment. I have read that hangovers can increase the craving for PMO, so just have to sit this one out.  Luckily my neighbor (male luckily  ;D) is gaming here so there isn't even an option to PMO, but still have to control my fantasies about P.

Definitely not flatlining as I thought a few hours ago, although my wang is record small. Still satisfied with coming to day 5, ready for the tests my brain gives me  ;)

-edit- : A bit stupid and should unlearn this fast, but was consciously playing a bit while using Whatsapp while chatting with a girl. The conversation went a bit sexual tinted (if that is the correct phrase). No boner though, only got about 40%. Then again, had a party yesterday and had a tiny bit of speed and that shit gives you the tiniest dick ever the next day.

People are known to find the best excuses for themselves to do/not do something. I was thinking "It's your 5th day, you can do this, you deserve this."-kind of shit. Should REALLY stop finding excuses. 100% or 0%, no in between.

No intention to M/O though.
 

Max3

Member
Continue this way man, I support you. Hanging out with friends can help reducing stress that for me is a trigger for p.
 

Dico888

Active Member
Day 6:

Feeling a bit demotivated. Thoughts like "this probably won't work for you" and such keep getting in my brain. But I've read somewhere that it's your brain fucking with you, luring you into PMO. Guess that this is the case here.

Just feeling down a bit, hope this is because of the no-PMO. Just this girl on my mind who is also into me, but ofcourse I always chicken out because I'm afraid I can't perform. Nothing like me.

I know for sure that this will work for me, but damn those thoughts coming in your mind can really crush your motivation in a split-second. Hope I feel a bit more happier and motivated tomorrow  :-\

Not gonna PMO today for sure, don't even feel like it.
 

Floink

Active Member
Hi Dico! Don't worry, man. You are feeling down, because you did not flood your brain with dopamine. This can lead to incredible mood swings. Soon your brain will search for other sources of dopamine. That's when you will feel better! In the first days, it is completely normal for your mood to be all over the place. Imagine it's your brain screaming for cookies at the checkout line in the grocery store. If you buy it some, it will be screaming the next time, too. Tell your brain to bake its own cookies, if it wants some :) Soon it will learn to deal with the normal amounts of dopamine it gets. And boy, this will feel good :)

Floink
 

Dico888

Active Member
Day 7! 6 more hours and it has been exactly one week of no-PMO.

Had MW when I woke up around 7AM (about 85%), but fell asleep again and woke up 2 hours later without.
Not feeling down anymore thank god and also feeling motivated again. Guess it was just one of those days of which I'm sure there are more to come, but have to keep my head clear when those moments arrive.

I do have been feeling a tiny bit aroused all morning, don't really know how to say it exactly, not that I'm walking with a boner or anything, just tinglings or w/e and my member is around 30%.

Lets go to 2 weeks!  :)
 

Dico888

Active Member
Day 8:

Woke up with midnight wood, I guess my sleeping schedule is all fucked (it was after 6,5 hours of sleep). It was 100% for sure though, gave it a few strokes with my stupid head, but then stopped.

Also started working out harder, started eating healthier, didn't drink beer yesterday (which is pretty hard for me, I have been drinking for years). I need to overthrow my complete life.
Need to find some activity for the evening, as I'm at home a lot those moments. I feel I'm more depressed in the evenings and easier triggered.

First few days were easy indeed, it's getting tougher now  :-[
 

Big H

Active Member
Sleep is important. The more tired we are the weaker our willpower to resist PMO is. My sleep patterns were bad because my body was adjusted to stay up to 3:00am every morning. Just push through and find some tactics to falling asleep.
 

Big H

Active Member
As for depression. Your mind will try and trick into doing porn to get rid of it. When in fact porn will just make your depression worse. When you have an urge for porn just imagine a three legged stool. When the urge comes one of those legs go missing and the stool starts shaking. Your mind immediately wants to replace that third leg with porn. However if you give it time the mind will use something else to replace the leg.
 

Max3

Member
For those evenings staying with friends may help I guess.
If you can't and you're at home you can watch a movie to distract yourself and dive in a different reality.
 

Dico888

Active Member
Day 10:

Some morning wood about 85%. I just keep and keep fantasizing, can't seem to stop it. I can even remember my dream being sexual.
Spent day 9 the complete day with a girl I like who doesn't know my problem, hence the fantasizing that day also. She's also definitely into me. Feels like I'm running out of time for some reason. May sounds very depressing, but fuck me I'm down. And I rather write it down so I can look at back at it later, feels important to write down my feelings. And maybe let other people that are rebooting know that it's purely because of rebooting.

I know, I know, it's the no-PMO and the no-dopamine giving me this feeling. But the symptoms are very real.

Still no urge to watch P, not even to MO. Maybe I'm flatlining in day 10. I kinda hope so. If so, I really underestimated it  ;)

Beside all of this, still going strong. Want to hit the 50-day mark! Then the 90-day mark.
Also thanks for all the replies and motivation, hope I can give some people the same motivation once I'm done rebooting, which I surely will :)

-good edit?-

Just had a shower (had a few fridayafternoon drinks at work). I have read that many people try to test their member in periods like this, as so did I.
Did it purely by touch, no thoughts whatsoever and I think it's the first time I ever had this (or atleast tried), it got around 90%! Purely by touch. Did not think of P, did not really M and definitely did not O. Stayed like this for 3minutes, went back to 70%, then a very slight soft, simple (not the hardcore shit I usually thought about) thought, it went back to 85%.

Now there are 2 things why this is pretty new for me. First off, may sound weird, but I was standing. Normally I could only get hard by sitting (guess this is what 10 years of sitting fapping does to a person.)
Second, in the shower I have a harder time getting erect, I have always had that. Maybe because of the sound of the shower interfering with my thoughts, I don't know. Goddamn this sounds gay but I dont care. This is like a milestone to me!

I don't assume I have relapsed? I did it purely by touch, didn't really M, didn't O and didn't use any p or p-subs/thoughts.

Also, I shouldn't do this too much right? As it can mess with my rebooting? Any advice is welcome, never expected this!
 
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