Author Topic: A new chapter?  (Read 1666 times)

32

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 91
    • View Profile
Re: A new chapter?
« Reply #50 on: September 13, 2017, 08:58:24 AM »
thanks Toph.

I'm at work (empty office) and I was reading an excellent article on self-esteem (link below; worth a read), which made reference to escaping from reality. In addition I have been thinking about going back to therapy. Suddenly, I typed something in the search engine and opened four tabs in incognito of hot women. Not porn. No nudity (one was close). I felt the start of an erection and my heart beating fast. This lasted a maximum of 45-60 seconds. But it was too long. One second is too long. I do not have room in my life for this anymore. Another few seconds, or practically speaking another couple of tabs and I could have been reviewing porn. Even if it's softcore/porn subs, etc - NO. NO MORE. I WILL NOT DO THIS TO MYSELF, MY WIFE, OUR FUTURE.

Instead, I literally said to myself that I must not do this. I set a timer for 3 minutes and meditated/breathed. I then starting to listen to a video about family and relationships. And I have come here. The moment has passed. It has been and gone.

This is progress because I have let it pass, rather than trying to 'fight it'.



http://www.nathanielbranden.com/what-self-esteem-is-and-is-not

32

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 91
    • View Profile
Re: A new chapter?
« Reply #51 on: September 18, 2017, 03:45:10 PM »
Today marks 30 days. I'm at a hotel on my own and temptation crossed my mind but then I dismissed the idea. However I do need to consciously reject the thought of looking at porn (there is a difference). Also, the fact is that I am still thinking about porn (aka lust / sexual desire etc). So that will of course take a long time, at least 90 days but probably a lot longer. So I must avoid complacency in the coming weeks. Progress but still early days.

32

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 91
    • View Profile
Re: A new chapter?
« Reply #52 on: September 19, 2017, 04:29:11 AM »
Finding it hard this morning, sex drive is high (maybe cos I had sex with my wife yesterday), also bc I had a day at the beach so obvious temptation.

32

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 91
    • View Profile
Re: A new chapter?
« Reply #53 on: September 20, 2017, 09:23:45 AM »
Aargh, it's been so difficult today. I'm at the office alone and temptation has been knocking at my door (not literally!). For the first time in a month I have been 'giving in' by browsing, although I have NOT seen any porn or sub-porn per se. Just nonsense. Maybe a couple of model type pictures but nothing inappropriate per se. It's just one of those days when I feel a little insecure about life events so p*** is trying to creep its way back into steeling my life. What a lie! I am trying to focus on rejecting this temptation and be honest and truthful to myself.

Good luck with your own journey.